Monday, April 16, 2018
Take Me Out to the Bowel Game
We're kicking off with a Johnny Optimism cartoon in order to fulfill our journalistic obligation to not just bring you information, but also bring you too much information.
Specifically, in this case, that we're currently experiencing a flare-up of either irritable bowel syndrome, diverticulitis, or a Russian nerve agent which was secretly added to our bathroom tissue.
It's not a big deal, except for our Tourette's-style outbursts when we engage in strenuous activities like moving slightly or breathing - at which point a knife-like pain jabs us in the abdomen.
It's silly, embarrassing, and probably not fatal...but frankly we're just a little too sore to do much creative work today. Not to mention that we're self-medicating with a microwaveable heating pad which we alternate with cold therapy. Hey, Clan MacGregor on ice is cold!
So in lieu of talking about missiles hitting Syria, or Comey being a complete weasel, we will instead use today's space to describe how you can give the finger to Mark Zuckerberg's data-mining operation (sometimes called "Facebook")!
Below you'll find a relatively simple set of instructions (which we found, ironically, on Facebook) which won't exactly make you anonymous, but WILL nicely foul up the carefully constructed version of "you" which Zuck is selling to advertisers. The process takes 5-10 minutes and is repetitive but not hard. And if you're a regular Facebook user, you should probably take a minute each week to repeat the process (it will be quicker after you've laid this groundwork).
You see, we don't have to actually leave Facebook to send a message to them - we just need to cut into their advertising revenues to show our displeasure as conservatives with being treated as second class citizens (at best) or hate-mongers (at worst) on this least social of social media.
And so, after re-microwaving our heating pad and refilling our scotch glass, we now return to our tooth-gritting pain, which is already in progress.
Posted by Stilton Jarlsberg at 12:01 AM