Wednesday, April 11, 2018

The Fast and the Furriest

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Look! A squirrel!
Once again, we're sharing nearly random punchlines rather than delving deeply into the news. But here are a few bullet points (oops, we should have issued a trigger warning!) about some things which are driving us to drink today:

• Why in blazes has Donald Trump's personal lawyer been raided when Hillary was able to keep a thumbdrive with secret emails - emails rightfully belonging to the State Department - in her attorney's safe?!

• We'd like to see Trump's legal team file a sexual harassment suit against Stormy Daniels. Traditionally in these situations, even consensual sex can be categorized as harassment if there is an "imbalance of power" between the parties. While everyone assumes that it was Trump who had the power, we'd like to suggest that in certain circumstances it is women (especially ones who are attractive, are famous for being gymnastically good at sex, and who have huge tracts of land) who actually wield the power. If Trump was seduced, isn't he the victim here?

• Iran has announced that they can be back up to full speed making nukes in just 4 days, because they never actually dismantled the capability after negotiating their big agreement (ha!) with Obama. And, oh yeah, received billions of dollars in mad money as a reward. Theoretically, this peace agreement was Obama's biggest accomplishment in isn't it odd that we're not hearing more about it being a total sham which ups the odds of a nuclear conflagration?

Maybe it wasn't such a great idea to let Iran do their own inspections and verification, huh?

• Speaking of Barry's life-threatening foreign policy screw-ups, it now seems likely that Syria committed yet another chemical weapons attack using prohibited materials which "Red Line" Obama assured the world Syria didn't have anymore, because Barry's buddy Vladimir Putin removed them all (wink-wink). The situation in Syria is wildly complicated, but one thing is entirely clear: hastily awarded affirmative action Nobel Peace Prizes don't actually contribute to world peace.



j said...

Other punchlines:
1 "the potato goes in the FRONT!"
2 That wasn't chicken. And I'm NOT your real Daddy!
3."While the butler makes love to the mashed potatoes!"
and my favorite movie line / punchline - from 24 -
"I'm going to need a hacksaw."

M. Mitchell Marmel said...

Slappy Squirrel, The Early Years

REM1875 said...

With john mcrinos help I think we have now at one time or another been allied with 27 of the 28 warring parties in Syria, sometimes for weeks on end.
I wish they sold a program like when when you entered a sporting event or opera so ya could keep up with the show, figuring out who was the good guys this week and who were the bad ones...... but then the program would come in six volumes and big as the DFW combined white pages tiny print.....

REM1875 said...

The Cardinals and other birds knew things had become serious at the feeder when the squirrels held a war council.

DennisA said...

Chemical attack too convenient. Why would Assad do this when he knows the likely consequences and he has almost beaten the opposition. Trump was saying, time to come out of Syria, didn't go down well in many places, this is a good reason to keep the US there. The opposition has form on this,

Nothing is what it seems in this mad world.

Fred Ciampi said...

I keep wishing and hoping for a Trump style 'Night of the Long Knives' against the FBI and the dozens of other subversives who are trying to bring our country down.

And did you see Mark Zukerbunny on the television? I couldn't stand to watch it but I did read the condensed version. We need a replacement for facebook.

Every day we head closer to a full out civil war. Sad. Pray.

Dave frpm New London WI. said...

Twenty years ago I mentioned something about Civil War II in a conversation. People thought I was joking. If you haven't seen it, watch on YouTube "Mark Robinson and the Greensboro City Council." From 04-03.

TrickyRicky said...

Anyone who thinks that the Obama-Jarrett capitulation to Iran has made the world a safer place should have their head a proctologist.

I also am very leery about the sudden consensus in the Potomac swamp, from both sides of the aisle, that it is time to depose Assad after all these years of strife. What is the end game? Who manages the ensuing power vacuum? Does anyone remember the "Arab Spring" and the EU/Hillary fiasco on Lybia?

Hell, I can't even have special coffee today, gotta go to work to finance this mess.


Colby Muenster said...

It always brings a smile to my face when I see the words "Obama" and "squirrel" used in the same posting. There's a big difference, though. Male squirrels usually have nuts and the female ones usually don't.

Concerning the Michael Cohen raid. Trump is pretty much screwed here. Sessions can't fire the guy who ordered the illegal raid (Rosenstein) because he recused himself from the matter. Trump can't fire Sessions because the Senate has been taken hostage by the progressives, so a new AG will not be confirmed unless its a Loretta Lynch or Eric Holder. Folks, this is a yuuuge step towards some of the shit that went on during the rise of Hitler. The 1st Amendment now only applies to Liberals, the 2nd Amendment is being ignored by many states, and when challenged, they try and hide behind the 10th Amendment. And now the 4th Amendment is apparently no longer relevant as well.

But it makes me smile when I think of Mark Suckerturd, getting grilled and sautéed by Senators from both parties. He's such a weasel. He claimed he knew nothing about Diamond and Silk being booted off FB for being a "danger to society." Really? Claims FB is apolitical. Really? Claims conservatives are not being targeted. Really? Reality sucks, doesn't it, Mark?


Yup, Barry "Mr. Nobel Peace Prize" Obama really showed THEM, didn't he. But you watch. Trump will get blamed for the resurgence of Iran's nuke program. The press will be quick to point out how well Barry kept them under his thumb and how Trump blew it.

Y'all have a nice day!

Colby Muenster said...

Oh! Speaking of Iran and Syria. Considering the close proximity of these two spots of geographical blight, a pack of B-2's could make a broad sweep and get a BOGO there (Bomb One Get One free).

John the Econ said...

"No, I don't think pelting you with pecans is nuts."

Trump's Lawyer: Could you imagine the furor had Web Hubbell's home been raided? This is just more proof that nobody is safe from Progressive overreach of civil liberties, and how blatantly different the standards are between those favored by the Progressive establishment and "the deplorables". Remember, these guys want you to give up your guns.

This has only increased calls for Trump to fire Mueller. I can't imagine why. The whole "Russia! Russia! Russia!" narrative has finally totally collapsed, and all Mueller now has is "Stormy! Stormy! Stormy!" and a supposed "campaign finance" violation. Horrors! It becomes sillier every day, and even die-hard Progressives are now rolling their eyes. It's brilliant.

Sue Stormy!: Interesting theory. Perhaps when the Mueller show runs out of steam, the Trump team will do this to give the media something to salivate over while Trump moves on with his agenda. Then the Democrats can finally settle on a platform for 2020 that is more popular than raising people's taxes back to where they were.

Iran: Surprise, surprise, surprise, not. Other than Neville Chamberlain, can anyone think of a legacy that has unraveled faster than Obama's?

Syria: More chemical weapons that were not supposed to exist. Once again, another mess queued up by Progressives that a Republican will be hated for having to clean up.

The Zuck: Watched much of it yesterday as background noise in the office and have it on now. I'm no a fan of the Zuck, but I really did have to respect how well the child CEO did in the room of vultures. He was well prepped. What gets me is when Senators responsible for the most bloated, inefficient, and corrupt corporation on the planet pontificate as to how they'd run someone else's business. Quite frankly, I couldn't take that kind of crap from that kind of people.

Facebook and "Privacy": The following is my take as a professional:

If you aren't paying for the product, you are not the "customer". You are in fact "the product".

People didn't invest billions of dollars into Facebook just so you could rant and watch kitten videos for free. Their business model is to collect data and sell it, and to sell access to you. Actually, their business model is almost exactly the same as the credit reporting industry, except that Facebook is more clever in that users contribute the data for free whereas the credit reporting agencies have to go out and collect it.

IMHO, the bigger problem is with the credit reporting industry because that it's not possible to participate in the modern economy without them collecting and selling information on you. At least with Facebook, you have an option: Don't like what they're doing? Don't use it.

sergio said...

Squirrel impression of soon-to-be-defunct Chief Wahoo of Cleveland Or is it leapy lee and "little arrows"

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@j- It's funny how many conversations can be made more interesting with the phrase "I'm going to need a hacksaw."

@M. Mitchell Marmel- He was the greatest children's show host ever.

@REM1875- I wish things were simple enough to tell the good guys from the bad guys anymore, but it's all gone into a moral Cuisinart. Mind you, it's not hard to condemn the use of biological weapons by anyone...but the trick then becomes correctly identifying who's really behind the attack. In this case, I'm not 100% sure.

@REM1875- It's the tiny stripes of war paint that spell trouble.

@DennisA- The story you cite seems all too plausible. And now we've got Trump sending out tweets about sending missiles and mocking Putin. I don't like where any of this is going.

@Fred Ciampi- While I'm not crazy about the precedent, I think we could use such a systemic purge about now. Regarding Zuckerberg, he presented himself well (as he was surely coached to do) but his answers weren't comforting. Artificial Intelligence will never have the ability to determine "hate speech" without "hate" first being defined by a human. Currently, the humans at Facebook seem to define "hate" as Conservatism, opposition to abortion, or having a closed mind about the wonders of socialism. This can't end well.

@Dave from New London WI- That clip of "Mark Robinson and the Greensboro City Council" is absolutely awesome. He beautifully articulates the case for defending the 2nd Amendment. I hope the city council takes his words seriously.

@TrickyRicky- To be fair, Obama-Jarrett got exactly the outcome they were actually hoping for. The rat bastards. And like you, I hear echoes of Hillary's cackling "we came, we saw, we killed him" reference to Gadhafi...after which everything in the region went straight to Hell.

@Colby Muenster- The raid on Trump's lawyer is ugly on the face of it. If the illegally obtained materials contribute to a possible impeachment, then what you've actually got is a slow motion coups. And yes, Trump will be getting all the blame for cleaning up Barry's messes.

@Colby Muenster- Operation Nuclear Simplification. I like it.

@John the Econ- Despite the rhetoric, I never hear the Right calling for anyone's rights to be suppressed, quite unlike those on the Left. And I agree that the Stormy Daniels story gets dumber and dumber. Her lawyer recently made a "major announcement" about identifying the alleged agent of Trump who threatened her. The reality: Stormy sitting with a freelance police artist to describe pretty much whoever she wants.

Which reminds me; yesterday on Drudge there was a headline saying "Stormy Daniels cooperating with authorities." My first thought was "isn't she famous for 'cooperating' with anything that has a pulse?"

Re: Iran and Syria, all I can do is curse Barack Obama for the millionth time. AND everyone who enabled him.

Re: The Zuck, you make a great point that the government fouls things up even worse than Facebook does. Do we really want oversight of "free" speech with Nancy Pelosi setting the rules? I think not.

@sergio- Geez, it's been ages since I've heard that Leapy Lee song. I'm off to Youtube!

DougM said...

Best punchline, ever:
…Yeah, an' it's deep, too.

John the Econ said...

"Stormy Daniels Cooperating with Authorities"

Sounds like a good title for her next porn flick.

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@DougM- That IS one of the best punchlines ever, and I use it at inappropriate times simply to amuse myself.

@John the Econ- Also likely (with a scantily clad Stormy in the witness box): "The Hole Truth."

JustaJeepGuy said...

Punchlines and Stormy Daniels: "Help me find my car keys and we'll drive outta here!"

Pete (Detroit) said...

Yes, we adopted Elizabeth when she was a child, but she's too nutty for us now - YOU deal w/ her...

In Re Stilt, Storm post - I KNEW there was a tornado out there, and a BIG one - radio was all about it... It was more / less following the freeway in an easterly direction, about 30 mph.. I was precisely following the freeway to the west, as fast as I could. The SOUTH exit I needed was 10 mi from me, 20 mi from the tornado. Leading to the seemingly insane (tho arguably reasonable) action of charging as hard as I could into a raging storm...
Yeah... yay that...

Rem - Get yer programs, can't tell a Knight from a Dey w/o your programs...
Arise, Sir Loin of beef...

And yes, it would not surprise me if Iran gassed the Syrians to stir stuff up...

Colby, in re Syrian BOGO...
Medved has some asshat on today who was singing the praises of F-35 in theater...
>spit< Best thing that could happen is they all get shot down (Pilots recovered safely, of course) and it becomes blatantly obvious that a platform that does many things, but NOTHING WELL is just plane stupid...

J the E...
Nothing further, yer honor! (as usual)

Sergio, someone recently came up w/ a new logo for the Indians, a 'eastern' looking fellow w/ a headset. "MyNameIsBob"...

DougM - Rocks on the bottom are kinda sharp..