Friday, December 28, 2018
"It is a truth universally acknowledged," as Jane Austen once said, "that no one gets a damn thing done between Christmas and New Year's." That happens to be our opinion too, and you're seeing the results of it right now. Oh, we TRIED to come up with a fun topical cartoon and witty commentary, but at the moment the interior of our holiday-wracked skull is rather like a conch shell- filled only with the distant sound of breaking waves and a whiff of rotting fish.
Among the stories that couldn't quite get our pulse racing, the mainstream media raked President Trump over the coals for not giving our troops a holiday visit, after which it was revealed that he and the First Lady were visiting troops in a war zone, after which the media congratulated themselves for "shaming" him into it. It was subsequently revealed that the trip had been in the planning stage long before, at which point the mainstream media offered sincere apologies. Just kidding! They simply changed their stories to claim that they'd been complaining about Trump not visiting the troops for months and months, so their claims of shaming him into decency are still applicable. Which is why we think CNN and MSNBC should join forces in a new network called STFU.
The stock market might have made for an interesting post if we, or anyone else, could figure out what the hell it's actually doing. On Christmas Eve, the market took another huge nosedive. The day after Christmas, the market came roaring back with its biggest one day gain ever. The day after that (which is when we're writing this) the market was way down again - assuring that this will officially be the worst December for Wall Street since the Great Depression. Albeit with fewer intestines on the sidewalks. (Note: subsequent to our writing this paragraph, the market crept upward again, more or less making Thursday a "break even" day.)
Meanwhile, the (ahem) "government shutdown" continues with virtually no one actually noticing or caring much. It turns out that the "non-essential" employees of the government are pretty much exactly that, and the non-essential things that they don't do very well at the best of times aren't much missed by the general public.
Democrats, preparing to take over the House of Representatives in January, have announced an ambitious slate of new spending bills (Medicare For All!) and other initiatives (Guns For None!), none of which amounts to actual news, and none of which requires commentary from us beyond opining that the Dems should spend some quality time with a rolling donut.
And so we find ourselves reluctantly surrendering to the ennui of this Twilight Zone-ish "week between." But be of good cheer: Monday will bring our epic annual "year in review" edition of Stilton's Place, followed by another 12 months of fresh idiocy!
Posted by Stilton Jarlsberg at 12:01 AM