Monday, February 18, 2019
Try The Crow!
We really do hope that Hillary Clinton is enjoying a nice mouthful of crow this Presidents Day. A meal which she'll be sharing with a lot of Democrats whose insane natterings are catching up with them in recent news cycles.
High in those ranks, and we do mean "rank," would be alleged actor Jussie Smollett whose allegations of being the victim - rather than the instigator - of a hate crime have completely unravelled...
As a general rule of thumb which is almost always true, if a "hate crime" has no witnesses other than the "victim," and involves a MAGA hat, a noose, or a swastika, the story is a lie. That may sound harsh, but in case after case after case it's true. Victimhood is the Olympic Gold Medal of Progressivism, and in today's media climate it's a very low bar to clear.
But is there any real harm committed when so-called "hate crimes" are completely faked? Absolutely. Because it makes any real victims in the future less likely to be believed, increases hate and division in our country, and steals resources from police and intelligence agencies.
Remember when Bill Clinton was president and there was a rash of black church burnings committed by godawful racists?! It got national attention (albeit a lot less attention was given to the subsequent revelation that the churches were being burned by blacks). But so serious was this supposed outbreak of racism that president Clinton reassigned the agencies who were supposed to be keeping an eye on Osama bin Laden to solving the church burnings. Yeah, that worked out well.
Smollet, who apparently hired his "attackers" from the cast of his own TV show, needs to go to jail for a long time over this stunt. And every Trump voter should receive groveling apologies from the numerous "news" outlets, politicians, and celebrities who gleefully spread this appalling lie...though that will never happen.
And speaking of things that will never happen, let us turn our sights on Joe Biden as he ramps up his efforts to become our next president...
Recreating Obama's infamous "Apology Tour," Joe Biden traveled to Munich to disparage our nation as an "embarrassment" for our treatment of (ahem) "refugees." Apparently Old Joe hasn't really been paying attention to what's been happening to Germany now that they're drowning in hostile refugees.
It turns out that it's just never a good idea to look to Germany for moral guidance when it comes to setting government policies for dealing with large masses of people.
Rather, we prefer President Trump's distinctive style...
Trump's declaration of a national emergency to build the wall strikes us as no more nutty (and not much less) than all of the nonsense currently being committed by the Left. So despite the fact that he could have gotten better deals (which were on the table) in the recent past, we're more or less cool with him getting the job done, or at least started, the "Trump way."
In a world where everything is pretty much crazy all the time, the wall comes pretty darn close to making sense. Which is, as they say, good enough for government work.
Posted by Stilton Jarlsberg at 7:12 AM
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I'm all for Hillary getting free meals...in a Federal Penitentiary.
Between items like Pelosi wishing reporters a "Happy Thanksgiving" on Valentine's Day, and AOC's detatched reality, it is no wonder that SNL has plummeted in ratings. Their material cannot match the Democrat Comedy Show.
Hope you're feeling better! I've missed the thrice weekly satire.
Gotta give Jussie Smollett credit, he does a great Tawana Brawley impression.
@Readers- Sorry for the delayed posting today! I actually posted the whole darn thing to my old Hope n' Change Cartoons website by mistake. Maybe I'd better start measuring those doses of codeine cough syrup... (grin)
@Geoff King- I'm actually finding it a struggle lately to turn the "news" into satire. It's all ridiculous and over the top!
@John Canfield- I'm doing much better, thanks!
@jpb252- Ooh, that's going to leave a mark!
Surprised Lefty had no comment on AOC and the Amazon deal gone south, perhaps literally.
Said this before, I see a one term and done Member of the House.
You win the internet today...
Maybe Bill and Hill can get some pointers from the Cos' on how to make prison more enjoyable!
Glad to see you're back Stilt. Codeine can really make one do goofy things. That's why I stick to good old moonshine. Got some old 'shine right here. Real old. Last Tuesday in fact.
And for AOfC, she's a one (Wo)man wrecking crew. I wouldn't be surprised if some New Yarkers (sic) rode her out of town on a rail.
Perhaps it's time to start enforcing laws that are on the books and have been for a long time.
The Clintons, Biden and anyone faking a hate crime because "if it isn't true it ought to be because it really just shows how things are". I hate these people.
But not Lucy. She's kinda cute in a goofy sort of way.
The others? Gag me with a spoon.
@Stilton: Welcome back! I was wondering where today's strips went.
@Boligat: Lucy means well, but isn't terribly bright. This differentiates her from most liberals, who aren't terribly bright but who ARE malevolent. ;-)
I'm glad to see you're still with us Mr. Jarlsberg! I logged in earlier than is my wont this morning and was concerned when your page hadn't been updated. I briefly feared the worst, but I'm glad to see that my fears were groundless.
May God bless you with health going forward.
@Geoff King - TANSTAAFL, Geoff, TANSTAAFL. (There Ain't No Such Thing As A Free Lunch.) She may not have to pull out cash for meals in the pen, but the taxpayers will get the bill. BTW, in my younger days it seemed like everyone knew that acronym. Today, not so much -- which may go a long way to explain the mentality of AOC and her ilk.
@jpb252 - at least Smollett didn't need to slap some Kiwi on his face to pull off the impersonation....
As soon as I heard the Jussie story I knew it was faked. There is absolutely no way someone would have done that. Chicago is bluer than the sky and you take your life in your hands yelling "this is Maga country" knowing that it isnt Maga Country. Then it was extremely cold that week. Not normal Chicago area cold. This was not seen in 40 years cold. -20 with a wind chill/real feel of -35 to -50. Frost bite in 10 minutes cold. I dont care how racist someone is, there is no way they are finding/making a noose, getting a bottle of bleach and walking the streets to find, harass, and assault a gay black man. People were only going out if they had to work or to run in and out, staying out for a few minutes. How much police manpower was taken up investigating this fabricated story? However many minutes it is, is the amount of days he should serve in C(r)ook County Jail. No "good behavior" time off.
If any female actor supports Biden, anything they say about "Metoo" is null & void. He thinks America is an embarrassment now? Just wait. The more he opens his mouth, the more an embarrassment we are. I really dont care what other countries think of us. I think they need to fear us more. We have been the world's b***h for way too long. Time to step up & be the strong country we were.
I see a great coming together of the story of twins separated at birth. That's right, Lefty Lucy and She Guevara. Born into poverty, but eventually triumphing as leaders of the downtrodden. Different upbringing but eventually showing their true selves as Super SJWs. Lovable but thick, Lucy and the thick and Evil She. It almost writes itself.
So glad you're feeling better. I don't know how you can keep finding humor in the insanity of the left which gets worse daily. Kudos.
Happy Hillary is not your President Day!
Jussie Smollett: Once again, we have another prime example of what a great country America really is. You'd think that if America was half the racist hellhole the left says it is and that all Trump supporters are closet Nazis, that it would have been pretty easy to pull this off if it didn't happen on its own. (as gleefully assumed by pretty much the entire Progressive establishment) But no. Not knowing any actual Nazis, or even pliant MAGA-hat wearing Trump fans, he had to outsource his assault and battery to a couple of fellow actors from Nigeria.
You'd think the left would be celebrating this revelation as proof of their argument for the need for open borders and more immigration. After all, this was clearly another job that Americans were not willing to do.
As for Smollett serving any jail time for this, good luck. In fact, I have little doubt his career will eventually rebound. There is nothing a Progressive can do to permanently destroy their career as long as they are faithful to the Progressive agenda. He tried to serve the agenda well, and gets an "A" for effort. And just as with the idea that this is a legitimate event because it could have happened, it's his effort that really counts.
Joe Biden: The real embarrassment is that Joe is considered the "adult supervision" of the Democratic Party.
Speaking of Germany and "refugees": Here's a rundown of just one month of multiculturalism in Germany. (I stopped reading at about January 15th. You really don't need to read that far to get the point)
Decades ago, I argued that the day may again come when people will gladly support a fascist dictatorship as the only remedy to the kind of reckless policies and lawlessness promulgated by the left. Could that happen again in Germany as the litany of consequences as listed in the link above only get worse? Or will Germany be overrun long before that has a chance to happen? Stay tuned.
Trump's Declaration: Just as I was no fan of executive branch overreach during the Obama era, I'm not a big fan of Trump doing the same. Yeah, I know that previous Democrats have issued dozens more "emergency declarations" than Trump has. And I know the bill sent to Trump was a s*** sandwich. (Another reason the President should have the line item veto) But I really did hope and expect that the master of the "art of the deal" could do better.
I knew Jussie was lying when he said he was walking to Subway for a sandwich at 2 AM in the middle of the polar vortex. The rest of it was just as ridiculous. And now all the jump to conclusion "journalists" who bought it hook, line and sinker because Get Trump! are now trying to soft-peddle and walk it back. This dude needs to go to jail if there is to be any end to this nonsense.
Good luck with the cough. I'm into my seventh week with mine. Granted it has gone from me wanting to die to mere annoyance, but I will be glad when it's in my rearview window.
I forgot to include this salient point as I was distracted by having to shovel another inch of crystallized global warming off my driveway before my expensive (because my town hasn't yet been overrun with illegal aliens) housekeeper arrived.
Trump's Declaration: I didn't want it to escape notice Nancy Pelosi's reaction last week to Trump's "emergency declaration":
Pelosi: Democratic President Will Now Be Able To Declare National Emergency On Guns
If you watch the video, you'll notice that when she makes her point about declaring a "national emergency" on "gun violence", her demeanor immediately shifts and it's almost as though she's having a mini orgasm. Also note this tweet by Rep. Emanuel Cleaver:
Gun violence is a national emergency
Climate Change is a national emergency
Income inequality is a national emergency
Access to healthcare is a national emergency
Building a wall on the southern border is not.
I have two points, one bad, but the other good. The bad one is that Trump's emergency declaration is bad precedent in that it justifies such policy-based declarations in the future.
But there is a good point here too: Just as with last week's "Green New Deal", Trump has tricked the Democrats into showing their real agenda going into 2020 and beyond, which is basically electoral winners like gun confiscation, fascism in the name of "climate change", socialism and wealth redistribution, and Mediocre-aid for all.
That's a winning agenda for the middle class. I hope the GOP is taking good notes.
On Smollett, that didn't pass the smell test from the git-go. Three years of incarceration seems about right, but after all that is Chicago. On the failed President wannabe, she would definitely lobby for her own national day but I submit even if she had been elected, I would vote every time for Mary Jo as a national holiday.
No wonder the Nazi Party is having a resurgence in Germany. Merkel has tore that country to smithereens. If I had a dog as dumb as good ole Groping Joe, it would be put up for adoption by Peta, as it would be too dumb for the city pound.
And, last night, I checked in and knew what had happened, had a laugh and blamed it on the drugs kicking in. That happened about six months or so ago. Hurry and get better Stilt.
@John the Econ- you presented the Pelosi video in such a way that I had to watch, train wreck and all that. It's always excruciating to see her speak and I avoid it like the plague. Oh well, a couple of minutes I'll never get back, but a good reinforcement of my disdain for her.
OK...Imagine Uncle Joe runs. AOC and Lefty Lucy campaign for him (absolutely watch for them to be offered guest speaker spots at Trump rallies!) and Uncle Joe is unshackled unliked the Obama years!
Remember the great times with Joe?
"When the stock market crashed, Franklin D. Roosevelt got on the television and didn't just talk about the, you know, the princes of greed. He said, 'Look, here's what happened.'"
—apparently unaware that FDR wasn't president when the stock market crashed in 1929 and that only experimental TV sets were in use at that time, interview with Katie Couric, Sept. 22, 2008
"His mom lived in Long Island for 10 years or so. God rest her soul. And—although, she's—wait—your mom's still—your mom's still alive. Your dad passed. God bless her soul."
—on the mother of Irish Prime Minister Brian Cowen, who is very much alive, Washington, D.C., March 17, 2010
"Look, John's last-minute economic plan does nothing to tackle the number-one job facing the middle class, and it happens to be, as Barack says, a three-letter word: jobs.
—Athens, Ohio, Oct. 15, 2008
Hillary Clinton is as qualified or more qualified than I am to be vice president of the United States of America. Quite frankly, it might have been a better pick than me."
—speaking at a town hall meeting in Nashua, New Hampshire, Sept. 10, 2008
"My mother believed and my father believed that if I wanted to be president of the United States, I could be, I could be vice president!"
—campaigning in Youngstown, Ohio, May 16, 2012
“Isn’t it a b*tch? This vice president thing?”
—empathizing with a student at Harvard University who identified himself as the student body's vice president, drawing laughs from the audience. Biden added: “That was a joke, that was a joke. Best decision I ever made. I’m joking. That was a joke.” Oct. 2, 2014
"A successful dump!"
—explaining his whereabouts (dropping deadwood at the dump) to the reporters outside his home, Wilmington, Delaware, Aug. 20, 2008
"This is a big f**king deal!"
—caught on an open mic congratulating President Barack Obama during the health care signing ceremony, Washington, D.C., March 23, 2010
"I guess what I'm trying to say without boring you too long at breakfast—and you all look dull as hell, I might add.
The dullest audience I have ever spoken to. Just sitting there, staring at me. Pretend you like me!"
—teasing a crowd of Turkish-American and Azerbaijani-American Obama donors, April 27, 2012
"You cannot go to a 7-11 or a Dunkin' Donuts unless you have a slight Indian accent....I'm not joking."
—in a private remark to an Indian-American man caught on C-SPAN, June 2006
"Stand up, Chuck, let 'em see ya."
—to Missouri state Sen. Chuck Graham, who is in a wheelchair, Columbia, Missouri, Sept. 12, 2008
"Folks, I can tell you I've known eight presidents, three of them intimately."
—Aug. 22, 2012
“Look at what they [Republicans] value, and look at their budget. And look what they're proposing. [Mitt Romney] said in the first 100 days, he's going to let the big banks write their own rules—unchain Wall Street.
They're going to put y'all back in chains."
—speaking to a largely African-American audience in Danville, Virginia, Aug. 14, 2012
@John the Econ: I for one see the coming struggle over the wall as a win-win. If Trump prevails in the courts, we get the Wall. If he doesn't, while we won't get a Wall, the Presidential cat will be belled and we'll not see an 'I have a pen and a phone' excesses such as witnessed from the worst electoral mistake since the peanut farmer from Plans, Ga.
"As a general rule of thumb which is almost always true, if a "hate crime" has no witnesses other than the "victim," and involves a MAGA hat, a noose, or a swastika, the story is a lie." And hijabs as well. It seems fake attackers really have a thing for them.
No doubt this list will soon include a reference to "Turkey on a roll (and his Subway tuna sub)."
"Smollet, ... needs to go to jail for a long time over this stunt."
There's a hat for that.
"And every Trump voter should receive groveling apologies from the numerous "news" outlets, politicians, and celebrities who gleefully spread this appalling lie...though that will never happen."
Yeah, there's a video of FarterKiss being asked if he cared to comment on the "new trajectory" the investigation is taking. He said, "Information is still coming out on this. I'm gonna withhold till all the information is out there."
Oh yeah, NOW Mr. "Modern day lynching" wants to hold out for more info before commenting. How CONmutha%$!@#@VENIENT!"
And remember boys and girls...you can't spell LIbEral without...
Gotta be suspicious of claimed hate crimes, especially when they check off too many of the
-ist or -phobe boxes.
He's far from the only one to pull this crap.
Mike Adams @ naturalnews.com has a list of them.
Worth checking out.
@Fish Out of Water- If my stamina was back at 100%, I'd have definitely gone after AOC. Especially her astounding gaffe that she thought giving Amazon a $3 billion tax REDUCTION was the same as physically giving them $3 billion...and that when Amazon quit the deal, it meant that she'd found $3 billion for her constituents to enjoy spending on other things. If that's what she learned by majoring in economics, it's no wonder she had to work as a bartender.
@Section147- The IHOP gag has been gratifyingly popular!
@Jim Irre- For starters, once they get to prison they shouldn't drink anything handed to them by Bill Cosby.
@Fred Ciampi- I genuinely don't know if AOC will be a one termer or have staying power. Clearly she's an idiot, but that's hardly a disqualification anymore.
@Boligat- I'm hearing a LOT of Lefties now trying to spin the Smollett case as Right-Wingers trying to claim this means there ISN'T homophobia and racism. And I say screw those people. If Smollett's scheme had played out as intended, we could have seen violence in the streets. The law needs to come down on him hard.
And I like Lucy, too. I don't think she's bad...she's just young and ignorant.
@M. Mitchell Marmel- Agreed about Lucy.
@Igor the Obscure- Sorry to have worried anyone. Just a nice, simple screw-up on my part! (grin)
@Maoz- You'd think that today's youth could learn what TANSTAAFL stands for if they can keep track of what LGBTQ (and the continuous addition of more letters) means.
@AmyH- Great comments and I agree with every word!
@Sortahwitte- Considering the way things are going, I really need to think about featuring Lefty Lucy more often.
@Judi King- There really isn't a lot of humor to be mined from a lot of current news stories. That's why I was so happy with the silly IHOP cartoon...I think we all need a simple laugh from time to time.
@Stilton: I'm waiting for LGBTQ/MFT, myself.
But then, I'm also waiting for Pope John Paul George Ringo. :D
@AmyH said, "We have been the world's b***h for way too long." There's a new book out regarding America being the world's b***h. It's called "The Jungle Grows Back", by Robert Kagan. He says that the last 70+ years of peace in most of the world is historically unprecedented, and it's all because Uncle Sam took on the role of the World's Policeman. It's a really good read and not too long.
@Shelly, I used to get those long-lasting coughs pretty much every year. Get a prescription for Levaquin and it'll work fantastically great--once. Then ya gotta try something else. An albuterol inhaler is the thing that saves me nowadays when I get "THE COUGH".
@John the Econ- Another question about Smollett; why didn't he hire white guys to portray white guys? Surely there's no lack of white anti-Trump actors knocking around. Maybe he just chooses not to fraternize with them.
And regarding Trump's declaration of a national emergency, it makes me wince - but do the Dems really even need precedent to try such a power-grabbing stunt when they're back in the White House? I doubt it. And great observation that Pelosi absolutely revealed what her party wants to do when it can grab enough power.
@Shelly- I try to wait for facts to come in before making up my mind, but Smollett's story stunk badly from the very first. And I have to chuckle that in his supreme egomania, he never realized that Trump-loving, bleach-throwing, Polar Vortex lynchers would be pretty damn unlikely to recognize him from watching "Empire."
And I'm still coughing a bit as I write this, but it will pass. Hopefully before I run out of narcotics.
@James Daily- I'm willing to bet good money that Smollett will never see jail time, but I'd love to be proved wrong.
@TrickyRicky- I'm pretty sure that when the phrase "familiarity breeds contempt" was coined, the author specifically had Pelosi in mind.
@Gee M- Thanks for the hilarious, rubble-strewn walk down memory lane with Joe Biden. He would be a disaster as a candidate, but I can't conceive of an old white man getting the nod from the Democrats this time around...or perhaps ever again.
@Fish Out of Water- I like your glass half full attitude!
@Jason Anyone- No one walks out in sub-zero weather for a tuna fish sandwich. The rest of Smollett's story almost didn't matter.
@Dan- Exactly! If it sounds like a "dream come true" for the Leftists, it almost certainly is a hoax. Then again, every now and then you get a pipe-bombing lunatic with Trump decals all over his van. The point is not to leap to conclusions, and not to blame groups for the actions of individuals.
@Anonymous- Right you are! There's a LOT of vicious hoaxing going on. Here’s a nice list of some stories the mainstream media would like us to forget.
"...why didn't he hire white guys to portray white guys? Surely there's no lack of white anti-Trump actors knocking around."
Good question. Would have made the whole act slightly more believable. As a white guy, should I be offended by this?
But you're likely thinking what I am; He probably finds the white Progressives he knows in Hollywood nearly as annoying and racist as he thinks his mythical white MAGA-hat wearers are.
Hillary: So what's on the menu?
Waiter: For you madam, humble pie, followed by a heaping stack of crow with sour grapes and hard cheese to follow and all washed down with plenty of bitter! Bon appetit!
The Onion, a news satire site is struggling, for several reasons, not the least of which is the real news already reads like satire.
@Stilton- In your reply to Dan you referenced "every now and then you get a pipe-bombing lunatic with Trump decals all over his van." I would submit that we have not heard a peep about him in the media in months. I think that if Cesar Sayoc were actually a MAGA mad man bomber they would be running with that story above the fold on page one every day.
Just saying. It makes me wonder, the same way the Las Vegas mass murder was handled and has disappeared down the memory hole.....
Lefty Lucy is thinking... is that a waft of smoke coming out of her cute little skull?
I will have to totally agree with you 110%
The whole story disappeared so fast that I forgot about it.
If Cesar Sayoc had been a true MAGA Trump supporter we'd still be hearing about it.
...and than there's this one:
"Just saying. It makes me wonder, the same way the Las Vegas mass murder was handled and has disappeared down the memory hole....."
If you can't blame a conservative than it's not a story worth talking about, eh?
I am a long time reader and fan.
Your stuff is always spot on like a laser. You say in a few "cartoon" panels what some can never say. Thanks for what you do.
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