Wednesday, April 3, 2019

Beating About the Bush

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As much as we hate to do so, we're actually coming to "Groping Joe" Biden's defense today. Not because he isn't "handsy" and apt to inappropriately touch women, children, and even men, but because we haven't heard any accusations yet that really say he's anything worse than being annoyingly physical in his interpersonal dealings.

After all, some people are huggers, others aren't. Some kiss spontaneously, and some don't. Some press a woman's nipple and say "ding dong!" because it's fun to make doorbell jokes, while others deny being able to tell the genders apart. Who are we to judge?

Granted, we enjoy watching the Left eat their own, but we think there are far, far better reasons for tossing Uncle Joe out of the Presidential race than his shnorfling the back of women's necks. For instance, he's been in Washington DC since the Pleistocene era and yet has never been right about a single issue or foreign policy decision.

This is a man who recently attacked white people for being white. A man who tells black Americans that Wall Street wants to "put you back in chains." A man who believes the proper exercise of 2nd Amendment rights consists of running out onto your balcony at night and firing a shotgun in the air if you were startled awake by a dog's fart.

So it's not Joe Biden's grasping of campaign supporters that bothers us so much as his inability to grasp reality.

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As bad as this was, it could have been worse if they were in a bowling alley.

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Terror, quite possibly tequila-related, swept our nation recently when it was announced that if President Trump seals our southern border to stem the rising flood of illegal invaders, we could run out of avocados within three weeks.

Oh sure, there are plenty of other delicious things to dunk chips in, but do we really want to increase our dependence on France just to maintain a critical flow of French Onion dip? Do we really want fey millennials wearing pouty faces because they can't get avocado toast? Do we really want to wait a few weeks to enjoy American-grown avocados that were still picked by Mexicans?

Well, yes - we do!

And if the Dems don't like it, we suggest that they dip their Doritos in another pasty substance which comes from South of the Border. So to speak.


REM1875 said...

joe bitme is not the main issue here, it his psychopath supporters who shredded Judge Kavanaugh and not only give joe a pass but rush to defend em are the problem......
"Butt that's different" really does not cut it and never has.....

If the media cannot praise the (D) action they often just ignore it, so that is why it is important to keep it in the public's eye .........

M. Mitchell Marmel said...

For some odd reason, I'm minded of this...

Pat Cummings said...

It's avocados... because it's not cool to panic over your supply of cocaine being cut off!

Pete (Detroit) said...

Given the $B / day commerce we 'enjoy' w/ Mexico (many autos / parts, etc..) I agree that a 'proper' response to the avocado panic is 'eat chip and die'
When even CNN is forced to admit that yes, there is a border crisis... !

pdwalker said...

no, sorry. can't agree about biden. if you look at the MANY pictures over the years, you'll see he's an incredible creep.

if I did a tenth of what he did, I'd be in jail for being a child molester, and then dead soon afterwards after the other prisoners found out.

this man is truly sick.

Bobo the Hobo said...

👏👏👏👏 This is a Top Ten column today, Stilt! Kudos, my friend! [insert wild applause here jpeg]

Anonymous said...

While I agree Joe Biden is to "handsy", interfering in another country's business with threats is a huge deal: "... with video cameras rolling, Biden described how he threatened Ukrainian President Petro Poroshenko in March 2016 that the Obama administration would pull $1 billion in U.S. loan guarantees, sending the former Soviet republic toward insolvency, if it didn't immediately fire Prosecutor General Viktor Shokin."

Fred Ciampi said...

Ah, yes, but, if unkle Joe was ever to ascend to the presidency then we would be even a bigger laughingstock than when o'boner was president. But at least everyone would be issued a shotgun so that they could fire through the front door when someone comes a-knocking after 9PM.

Fish Out of Water said...

Actually, if one is thinking of VW Jetta or Toyota Tacoma, shutting down the border would be problematic: both vehicles are built in Mexico.

Angus ranch said...

We have to vote with our feet and buy a car made in America-- wait, what? Huh?

Chuck Baker (Macon) said...

What am I missing? since when does shutting down the border to illegal traffic stop the flow of legally traded and transported goods? I suspect Mexico still wants our trading dollars even if we don't want the dregs and drugs of their society. As to cars, well I'm sure Mexico still wants those trading dollars, too, but maybe making it more advantageous for manufacturers to operate in this country (as is the conservative goal by lowering corporate taxes) would be better for US than forcing that industry to move out.

As to Biden, all I can say is: that's uncle Joe, he's a movin' kind a slow, ...

Fish Out of Water said...

@Angus: Given the many, many, places in the world that parts/components are sourced from, 'Made in (fill in the blank) is becoming less and less important.

Anonymous said...

Don't understand why Joe's conduct has everyone's patties in a wad. Throughout the '80's and '90's Ted Kennedy, Chris Dodd, and Joe Biden were notorious in D.C./Va. watering holes for team groping/passing around every waitress in sight. They were the D.C. version of Sinatra's Rat Pack, but creepy and without talent.

Murphy(AZ) said...

Looking at the pictures over the years of Crazy Uncle Joe and all the women and children he made feel uncomfortable or just plain "icky," it really doesn't matter if he's "touchy feely" or malicious, HE'S A CREEP, AND HE NEEDS A KEEPER!

But let's put that to the side for a moment. The Dems are looking for a reason to keep this embarrassment off the ballot. Not that it would ever happen, but they see him as President doing a group-grope at the White House Christmas party or Easter egg hunt, and they cringe at the prospect, so they're looking for anything to keep him off the ballot.

How about: he's too damn old and senile? I'm old; Joe's ANCIENT! He belongs in a rocker on a porch with a home care assistant who reminds him when it's time to take his prunes.

John the Econ said...

Alinsky #4 is a bitch: Make the enemy live up to its own book of rules. You can kill them with this because no one can possibly obey all of their own rules.

Or keep their hands to themselves.

Yes, as sexual harassers go, "Gropin' Joe" is hardly the most offensive character the Democrats have had to offer over the last few years. But we didn't invent the #MeToo rules. And also recall that Joe has some well documented #MeToo offenses under his lack of belt that would more than doom any non-Progressive to career purgatory.

So if Biden isn't going to be rejected over the long list of policy wrongs and outright insanity, it might as well be this.

Geoff King said...

Never cared for avacados anyway. As long as the northern border remains open so the flow of Black Velvet doesn't cease I'll be happy.

Anonymous said...

Ah, but we must remember San Diego County grows one of the largest crops of avocados in the country and as far as I know, it is still north of the border. Although, if you look around you might not think so. Maybe the vegans out there can come up with an alternative to guacamole using soybean, nuts, and green veggies. Yummmmmmmy!

Colby Muenster said...

Holy smokes, man! My grandkids sometimes look over my shoulder when I’m on this site, and you used the word, “shnorfling!” Have you no shame?

Gropey Joe.... We all know that Obama picked Joe for VP as a pretty damn good life insurance policy. So what scares me the most about a president Biden is the level of intelligence of the VP he would pick. Schiff? AOC?!

Avocados... I love 'em! But 99 times out of a hundred, if I pick one up in the store and it says "Grown in Mexico" on it, I'll leave it there unless I'm really craving one. I much prefer the California grown variety. Given the choice of eating Mexican avocados or having gangs and drugs coming across the border unabated, the choice is clear.

@John the Econ,
So true. Remember Harry Reid changing the Senate rules so 51 votes could pass a bill? That's been biting the Democrats in the ass ever since January 2017. So thank you, Harry, for Neil Gorsuch and Brett Kavanaugh!

@Chuck Baker (Macon),
I could be wrong, but from what I've heard on the nooze, shutting down the border would include export goods. Probably Trump's way of putting the heat on Mexico to put a stop to the waves of migrants, or suffer great financial loss.

Shelly said...

When thinking about giving groping Joe a pass, think about this. Supposed you are at a meeting at your office and the office "Joe" comes behind you and starts feeling and sniffing you up. Or even worse, maybe it's take your daughter to work day and he starts nuzzling her neck and trying to feel up her boob. Should that be laughed off and just chalked up to well, it's Joe being Joe? I agree with you, Stilton, that there are much worse reasons (for the country) for this joke to be elected president, but if this is what it takes to prevent that, so be it.

As far as closing the border goes, there needs to be meaningful consequences to closing the border for it to achieve the desired result. And I'm not talking about avocados.

John the Econ said...

@Colby Muenster, what's scary is that for the last decade, Biden has supposedly been the adult supervision of the party. I'm not so sure that Obama chose him than that he was appointed by the adults who knew that Obama was really a waif.

So now it looks as though the too-gropey and white Biden is going to get tossed aside and the even whiter Liz Warren was toast before she even started. Octogenarian Bernie not withstanding, the Democratic Party is now staged to play out a millennial Lord of the Flies scenario. I've got an industrial-sized bag of popcorn on order from Amazon.

And yeah, I'm sure that under their breaths they scorn Harry Reid's rule change that they're now going to be paying for for at least a generation. But can you blame him? Who could have predicted Trump? Hillary was inevitable, after all. None of this was supposed to happen.

@Shelly, the party that cheerfully tolerated Bill Clinton has clearly proven itself capable of tolerating pretty much anything. Which is ironically what empowers Trump and made his presidency even possible.

But such is the topsy-turvy illogical world the left has thrust upon us. 25 years ago, anything a man did to make a women feel "uncomfortable", even if it was just words was considered actionable. Then Bill Clinton happened and we got the "first grope free" rule. Today, they tell young women that they should fear all men due to "toxic masculinity" and that our school campuses are dominated by "rape culture". But then at the same time, they also tell women that if they find themselves in a shower with a guy who "identifies" as a woman, then they better get over it or otherwise they're the shameful bigot.

I honestly do feel bad for women these days. You came a long way baby, but now you're going to be made to regress, one way or another.

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@REM1875- You're absolutely right. Were Gropin' Joe a Republican, this would be called rape behavior. And we'd be hearing stories of women who've been in therapy for decades. Which is why I'm actually fine with Democrats taking Joe down in scandal if they want to.

@M. Mitchell Marmel - Great stuff!

@Pat Cummings- Excellent point!

@Pete (Detroit)- It does seem like more on the Left are acknowledging a border crisis now, but their solution seems to be to open our borders completely. After all, how can there be a crisis if a flood of unwanted immigrants is made "normal?"

@pdwalker- I'm not really defending Pervy Joe. But I do think it's still important to draw a line between inappropriate (and weird) bodily contact and actual sexual acts and assaults. One is still worse than the other, though through sheer quantity of incidents, Joe pretty much has earned his condemnation.

@Bobo the Hobo- Aw, shucks...!

@Anonymous- That's one helluva story. In a nutshell, the prosecutor who Biden got fired (using US dollars as a cudgel) was looking into the corruption of an oil company that employed Biden's son. What a wild coincidence, huh?

@Fred Ciampi- As President, I don't think Joe would make it past his first White House Easter Egg Roll. When that many kids bent over at the same time, well, I don't think he could control himself...

@Fish Out of Water- No question that there are very real and very serious repercussions to shutting down the border. But maybe that's what it will take to get The Swamp to take the issue seriously (though it sounds like Trump is softening his stance now).

@Angus ranch- It's getting harder and harder to tell where something as complex as a car actually comes from (along with all the component parts).

@Chuck Baker (Macon)- I think Trump was talking about a shutdown of everything, since we don't have the manpower to actually search every shipment of "legal" goods. A draconian step, but maybe necessary.

And thanks for the Petticoat Junction reference!

@Fish Out of Water- Exactly!

@Anonymous- Biden hasn't changed, but the world has. Mostly for the better in this regard.

@Murphy(AZ)- Good points all! Joe is creepy, he's old, and he's a political moron. And yet the DNC still has to go out of its way to sabotage him because he's still more attractive than most of their candidates.

@John the Econ- Alinsky may have been an a-hole, but he wasn't wrong about effective strategy. I'm perfectly happy with anything that takes Joe out of the running.

@Geoff King- Don't even joke about Black Velvet being cut off. Now I'm going to have nightmares...

@Anonymous- My dear old Dad, rest his soul, believed that you could make a perfectly good avocado substitute out of mayonnaise and green food coloring.

@Colby Muenster- I'm pretty sure "shnorfling" is the correct word to use here (grin). Regarding Joe picking an even worse running mate, I heard Stacey Abrams' name being thrown around for awhile. She'd certainly fill the bill.

@Shelly- I'm not really giving Gropin' Joe a pass; I have a wife and daughter and respect for women. I don't think his behavior should be laughed off (even if I'm making jokes); it's ALWAYS been inappropriate, but for years now it's also been unacceptable in any professional setting and Joe's had more than enough time to learn that. So screw him (metaphorically speaking).

And yes, we need a serious intervention at the southern border. We're overdue for executive action on this matter.

@John Econ- Great comment!

Navyvet said...

JOe was just tying his shoe. Hahah Reminds me of a old joke:
Woman at a company went to Human Resources with a complaint. "Every day when I go to the break room this man says, 'Hmmmm your hair smells good today.' "
HR person says, "I don't see what is wrong with that, it is just a compliment."
Woman says, "Yes but it is Al. Al the midget."

Fish Out of Water said...

While JB may have a problem on keeping his hands to himself, I'd like to share a story to illustrate many also need to take a chill pill when it comes to touching.

While son unit was in the first or second grade, wife took on a part time job at the school's cafeteria as a helper. On day, during lunch, she said a child spilled their drink on themselves and besides helping to clean up the child she put her hands on the child to reassure the very distraught child that the world hadn't ended, the sun would rise again the next morning and all will be well.

She was soon approached by full time staff and admonished never to touch a student again.

Angus ranch said...

Wow, you can see what PC and perverts have done to our country.