Monday, June 10, 2019
Recently we've seen a lot of ugliness and craziness in our political scene, but every now and then it's good to get a little perspective and realize that things could be even more jaw-dropping and, dare we say, entertaining. We've been brought to this realization after learning that North Korea's Kim "Poppin' Fresh" Jong-un recently executed a general who was suspected of disloyalty by having him thrown in a giant fish tank which was filled with several hundred razor-toothed piranha.
Piranha in their native Brazilian waters are well known to be capable of stripping an entire cow in under five minutes. Mind you, we're not sure who would want to watch a cow strip, but we're guessing it's the same crowd who still pays to see Stormy Daniels' act.
Kim has executed so many political opponents, advisors, military figures, and family members that he's developed an enthusiasm for staging the deaths in highly theatrical ways. The piranha tank was inspired by the James Bond film "You Only Live Twice," and the mischievous porkpie potentate has also offed those who disappoint him using an anti-tank gun, tigers, beheadings, and flame throwers. We don't know if he's discovered the "Saw" movie franchise yet, but when he does it would be a really good idea to not be in North Korea. Especially if you can be linked to that "porkpie" comment.
But despite today's playful cartoon, we wouldn't actually want President Trump to be thinning the ranks of those involved in an attempted coup in such colorful and highly kinetic ways. Although, since he's already being called a Nazi, the Antichrist, and worse ("Capitalist!") it wouldn't hurt his reputation much...and might make for a darn good reality show in the vein of "The Apprentice."
It would, at the very least, be one heck of a reality check for those in Washington.
Posted by Stilton Jarlsberg at 12:01 AM
Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)
Ol' Porkpie has also fed at least one enemy to a pack of starving dogs.
But then, we've all heard of Kim-Il-Ration. ;-)
"but we're guessing it's the same crowd who still pays to see Stormy Daniels' act."
I think instead of piranha, DJT should have the tank filled with Georgia fire ant mounds. First, dunk the perps in a vat of honey-butter. Then, slowly lower the offender by electric hoist into the tank for the bemusement of all present. Broadcast the whole thing on C-SPAN and take call-in suggestions as to whom should be next in line. Wagering could be conducted at the local OTB parlors with odds on who'd last longest. I think Nadler and Pelosi would be even money, but that's just me.....
"But despite today's playful cartoon, we wouldn't actually want President Trump to be thinning the ranks of those involved in an attempted coup in such colorful and highly kinetic ways."
Plus, there's that whole issue of "copy left" (not to be confused with "copyleft") infringement.
Wrong Bond Movie.
The piranha tank was featured in "You Only Live Twice".
I thought I heard Stormy Daniels "Moo" once! 🤣
Methinks there is something "fishy" about Kim's piranha story.
And just think! If most of those running for the (D) spot, plus the milling millennial socialist throngs get their way it could be: Piranha Tank Executions Coming To A Neighborhood Near You Soon!
Ahhhh, Porky Kim, what a nice fellow. He would fit right in in Hollywood. Maybe when his term is up he can move to Hollywood and work as an adviser for movies. Oh, wait, his term is never up; just like congress. Sigh. And for his next trick he could throw his 'enemy' into a tank with a big snake in it ... and the list goes on.
It's so trendy and carnivalesque. The clowns in dc would "eat it up".
Brings a whole new poignancy to the traditional fisherman's greeting....
"Are they biting today?"
Details, we want details. THEN what does Porky do with the fish? Oh no, not THAT!
When North Koreans are invited to dinner with Un they should ask if "Kim Cheaters" is on the menu. The invitation says "come to dinner, just for the halibut". He tells them there's a "slide show" of his European vacation in the "Pyrenees".
Good catch on Kim looking like the Pillsbury Dough boy. Somehow I think that Kim will eventually run out of victims as who would want a yob in his circle? Maybe a masochist. His one punishment fits all law is directly from the Stalin administration, Kill them all and let God sort them out. France is still suffering the consequences of their Guillotine court in 1789 as they executed the smart ones and let the dumb one breed. And lastly, why are we getting news out of NK? It hasn't changed in 60 years or so.
Word on the street: “All you can eat fish dinner and show TONIGHT at Kim’s Place”
I dunno Stilt... Pelosi, Schumer, Mueller, AOC... I can think of a dozen or more who would make great piranha fodder. And it could be a great reality TV show, you know The Apprentice meets Shark Tank, I mean Piranha Tank...
@Regnad Kcin: Whilst nursing my most recent fire ant bite, your comment got me wondering. Local lore says fire ants eat ticks, which is why we were letting them stay around. Looked it up, and Nope. They eat small plants and sap, and are seriously interfering with the native ecosystem. Looks like a major eradication is in order (boiling water down the hole at night for a start). That should help the red harvester ant population rebound, which will help the Texas horned lizard rebound. Those horny toads were a favorite childhood pet of the day. Now they are a protected species, the poor little guys.
Meanwhile, the giant red-headed centipedes (Scolopendra heros) and scorpions out in the meadow can eat the ticks. As long as they stay out there and not around or in the house, they can stay. Come around us and it DIES! Especially that danged Centruroides Vittatus (striped bark scorpion), which likes to come inside and has a nasty, nasty sting. Stomped one into mush a couple nights ago after it stung one of our kittens (kitten's okay).
@james daily: The question is HOW are we getting news out of NK? It hasn't changed in 60 years or so.
Actually, the piranha tank makes its James Bond appearance in You Only Live Twice. Maybe Poppin' Fresh will use sharks next time, as they were used in Thunderball and The Spy Who Loved Me.
Personally, if I was a supervillain, I'd choose a more sinister way to kill my enemies, viscerally. I'm thinking and endless loop of Superman IV: The Quest for Peace. At some point my victim will choose the tank of piranhas or sharks.
Or here's a good torture-to-death idea: It seems as though some American embassies around the world are flying rainbow flags contrary to the wishes of President Trump. I think that if embassies are going to fly rainbow flags, they all should. This would include those in the Middle East, where I wholly expect that these flags are not being flown.
Could you imagine our supervillain releasing their victims onto the streets of Riyadh in a rainbow suit?
@ Fred Ciampi
Looking Good Marine !!!
Semper Fi Devil Dog !!!
Thanks and Semper Fi. It's only 59 years ago......
I doubt red ants (or piranha for that matter) would eat Pelosi. Neither is known for choosing silicone or preservatives over good red meat... say, that means they would also turn up noses at Elizabeth Warren!
In fact, if they don't eat ticks, there's no point using fire ants for any Democrats—especially not the Socialist variety.
I just can't help but think of Doctor Evil. Heck, Kim even dresses like him!
If piranhas, sharks, ants (and presumably hyenas, barracudas and other natural creatures) won't go near ticks, even bloated ones, there is always the trusty old wood chipper, as immortalized in Fargo. You could do a reaiity TV show with that too. Set up the wood chipper next to the yuge piranha tank, start the timer, and Kim could toss the Enemy of the State du jour into his tank at the same time that President Trump tossed AOC into the chipper. The Donald should win with two minutes to spare.
@M. Mitchell Marmel- Well played!
@Mike aka Proof- Yeah, that line tickled me a little too.
@Regnad Kcin- You've thought this out in a lot of detail. Would that those in Washington were similarly attentive.
@Jason Anyone- You make a good, and frightening, point.
@The Pontificator- D'oh! I've since corrected the Bond title and thank you for pointing that out. I was quoting the article I'd linked to, and that's what I get for believing anything online.
@Jim Irre- What a strange word for her to udder...
@Fritzchen- See, it's that kind of lack of faith that gets people killed in North Korea.
@Emmentaler "Future Fish Food" Limburger- Yeah, the Lefties would probably love to make those of us on the Right walk the plank into the piranha tanks. It's a "green" method of execution, you know. On an unrelated and really sick note, whose side would PETA and the feminists be on if "green" abortions were performed by introducing a piranha to the birth canal?
@Fred Ciampi- Kim would fit in nicely in Hollywood; theatrical, paranoid, conceited, volatile, and sociopathic. He's like Harvey Weinstein with a spray tan and bad haircut.
@Sortahwitte- They'd enjoy the whole "thumbs up, thumbs down" thing. Until it was their turn in the ring...
@TrickyRicky- For some reason, I'm hearing Arnold Schwarzenegger say that line.
@Rod- Yes, that!
@Bruce Bleu- A good rule of thumb is just not to attend any of Kim's parties. Ever. For any reason.
@james daily- I've also wondered who the hell would want to rise high enough in North Korea for Kim's gaze to fall on them. He apparently executed a number of important advisors who had steered him wrong on his abortive meeting with Trump, and sent others to labor camps. If you're in Kim's immediate circle, you have very little chance of dying from natural causes.
@Bobo- "Wear your swim trunks!"
@Readers- Mrs. J just prompted me to make a clarification about today's post: I am not making fun of the poor bastard who was executed by Kim, but rather of the madness shared by the little dictator and too many other politicians. The Late General was said to have been plotting a coup, in a country that very desperately needs one. So I regret his death, but still find Kim's obsession with weird killing methods to be fair game for humor.
@Old Cannonballs- In the words of Richard Nixon, "we could do that, but it would be wrong. That's for sure!"
@MAJ Arkay- Yeah, I'm all for eradicating fire ants. And I haven't personally encountered any scorpions in our neck of Texas, but they're probably out there somewhere...
@John the Econ- Regarding your "rainbow suits in Riyadh" idea, I'm put in mind of the first Superman movie and its tagline: "You'll believe a man can fly..."
@REM1875- He does look snappy, doesn't he?
@Fred Ciampi- It's like they say, "Time flies when you're a complete badass."
@Pat Cummings- Good points, we're going to need to rethink the whole fire ant strategy...
@REM1875- You make me wonder if NK is still doing a shortwave broadcast. It sounds like amusing listening.
@Colby Muenster- There is a similarity.
@Old Cannonballs- If there was a wood chipper next to the piranha tank, would the event be called "Chips and Dip?"
Personally, believe the news of the worst electoral mistake since the peanut farmer from Plains Ga, and his wife landing a streaming gig with Spotify, is fairly noteworthy. With a bit of noodling grist perhaps for a Hope and Change reprise?
Regarding Fire Ants, if they made it up north as far as the Washington National Mall, you can bet that Congress would've funded a method of extermination.
And that extermination program would be funded faster and with more bucks if the fire ants made it to NYC Central Park, Boston Commons, or Wrigley Field.
(Third try to get this to post)
Remember seeing you tubes of a guy who was pouring molten aluminum into ant mounds. Not sure if it was a permanent fix for the colony, but turned out some cool "sculptures"
Post a Comment