Monday, June 3, 2019

Shoes for Industry

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, earwigs, shut up about politics, greg gutfeld, john rich

Okay, by this time you all know the drill. We've looked at the tangled can of worms that is currently the "news" (Example: "Did Trump call Meghan Markle 'nasty' and, if so, why does that add to the urgent need to impeach him? We'll ask our panel of experts...") and decided we'd rather not play that particular game today.

Soooo, we've once again grabbed a perfectly innocent piece of clip art and added enough punchlines to hopefully assure you of at least one laugh today. Which is still more than you'd get from looking at current events.

In keeping with this thought, let us share this fun country-rock ballad co-written by The Five's own Greg Gutfeld and performed by co-writer John Rich (with The Five doing the call-and-response background vocals). We appreciate the song's sentiment, and will also point out that the song is available on all major services with 100% of the profit going to charity. Because that's how capitalism beats the crap out of socialism. But there we go, talking about politics again...


Dan said...

Elspeth so wanted to compete in the ski jumps in the 1860 winter Olympics but didn't realize they wouldn't start until 1924 or so.

Fish Out of Water said...

Any hidden meaning with the child wearing sabots and sabotage?

SpectreRider said...

Wow. I see that getting deleted. There's respecting the opinions of others but that's just gratuitously nasty and not up to the level of discourse or humor expected here. Plus, off topic.

Anonymous said...

That song should be the new theme of the NFL!

Fred Ciampi said...

What?!?!?!?!?!, women over the age of 30 are useless????? I hope my 82 year old wife doesn't see that. Why, she'll put a hex on the author that will knock him right off of his bar stool.

But on today's topic, I just love wooden shoes. Perhaps more consumer goods can be made out of wood. Wood grows on trees. I can remember my parents yelling at me "don't waste that, it doesn't grow on trees, you know". The possibilities are endless; besides shoes, we could grow clothes, cars (think Fred Flintstone), dishware, and moonshine.

OK, I'm going to go play in the woods..............

M. Mitchell Marmel said...

Jan Andean was way ahead of her time, cruising Surf City in her wooden shoes. It wouldn't be until the 1960s that her "woodie" footwear was celebrated in song...

Joe Beats said...

HI! I'm Joe Beats.

Say, what chance does a deceased returning war veteran have for that good payin' job, more sugar, and that free Mule we've all been dreaming of?

Now take off your shoes.

Now you can see how increased spending opportunities, mean harder work for everyone, and more of it, too! So, do yourself a favor, Joe. Join with millions of your friends and neighbors, and, TAKE OFF YOUR SHOES!


Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Dan- I would so love to see that. I used to have a video clip on the Johnny Optimism site where a guy in a wheelchair takes a flyer from a modified ski jump, does a somersault, and sticks the landing. Awesome!

@Fish Out of Water- If so, the meaning was so hidden that even I didn't know about it!

@SpectreRider- The comment in question has now been nuked. For some reason, this anti-female asshole keeps posting links to his website here, and I keep deleting them. Just ignore the ladies do.

@Anonymous- It's catchy, right? And even though you can hear it for free on Youtube (or here), I paid the 99¢ that will go to charity because I'd like to see the song rack up a couple million dollars for a good cause. Which would annoy the crap out of Progressives.

@Fred Ciampi- Ignore that poltroon and my compliments to your lovely and useful wife. Regarding growing more things on trees, I think you're on to a good thing. Sure some of those items seem impracticable, but not as much so as Washington believing that money grows on trees.

@M. Mitchell Marmel- I wondered where you were going with that (grin).

@Joe Beats- Oh, crap! I meant "Shoes for Industry" for today's title and my increasingly unreliable brain said "Shoes for Victory." I've now corrected the title (thanks!) but it looks like I'm the Bozo on this bus.

BarbaCat said...

How fun and Head-of-Nail hitting that is!!!

Joe Beats said...

@Stilton: We're ALL Bozos on THIS bus!

Sortahwitte said...

I was cruising through it until the remark by Jerry Lewis. I think I hurt myself laughing. Yes, I'm crude, rude, lewd and socially unacceptable. But, I do know Jack Shit. He's my second cousin.

TrickyRicky said...

AOC didn't really have big shoes to fill, nevertheless they were too big for her.....

ringgo1 said...

Shoes for The People! I know, I'm old...

Pat Cummings said...

Gah, TrickyRicky, you TOTALLY beat me to that one!

John the Econ said...

Greta Thunberg's new shoes are specifically designed to spare her drowning due to rising sea levels.

@Dan, just a point of trivia for you, but women were not permitted to participate in Olympic ski jumping until 2014!. This was due to the opinion of International Olympics officials that women's bodies couldn't handle the sport.

Remember that the next time some 4th-wave feminist tries to tell you America is the worst place in the world in attitudes about women.

The "Women over 30 are useless" Clown: If he wants to be scientifically/anthropologically/historically correct, pretty much everybody is biologically superfluous long before they hit middle age. Before "capitalism!", few people lived to, much less beyond 40. It's only because of affluence brought about by technological innovation and cheap energy that made everything else cheap and available to pretty much everybody that "aging" became a thing.

I see the point he's trying to make. And I do think those points are going to become salient once we move further towards Medicaid for all and health care devolves into people fighting for slices of a shrinking pie. When the pie no longer grows, the only way at a larger piece is by excluding others from getting a slice. And I have a feeling that the elderly and children will be among the first to get denied.

As for the way he's trying to make his point, I agree with Stilton. Just another sad insight into the "incel" phenomenon.

Anonymous said...

I always wondered how they hogged those out accurately enough to fit well.

Colby Muenster said...

Little Martha couldn't wait until she was old enough to enter the village's annual ass kicking contest.

The "Over 30 woman hater".... the first time this person posted (last week?), I figured it was some sort of parody or other funny, so I clicked on the link. Obviously not funny or even close. This weirdo is apparently serious, and I will add, more than a little off kilter. Maybe he got out of his mom's basement long enough to have a date with a 30 year old woman, and she laughed at his tiny dick? At any rate, Stilton, I hope you have a way to block the goober, to take away at least one of his outlets.

james daily said...

Thanks, Stilt: I have a real problem with "rude" but that nitwit exceeded rude and entered into the major being offensive category. I do appreciate your expedient handling that situation.
On the "100% of profits going to charity," I read about a movie the other day that grossed over $600 million - and they still lost about $62 million. Man, their accountants must be really good.
(how wooden shoes are made:
Actually after the first minute (of 5) go to the end showing the racks of shoes,it is awesome).

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@BarbaCat- I like the song so much that I almost forgive them for including Donna Brazile in "The Five" backup vocals.

@Joe Beats- I'm not sure about "uh...Clem."

@Sortahwitte- Wow, you've got a sick sense of humor (grin).

@TrickyRicky- Well played!

@ringgo1- "Old" works fine on this page.

@Pat Cummings- Yeah, that TrickyRicky is always grabbing the good punchlines!

@John the Econ- Nice topical spin on today's captioning! As for the "Women over 30" guy, I'm impressed that you gave such a detailed and reasoned response. And you're right - we're living longer than nature ever really intended, since nature's whole agenda is pretty much "get old enough to procreate, procreate, then go ahead and die." Which increasingly sounds like a plank in the Democrat platform.

@revjen45- Well SOMEtimes they have to stop whittling on the shoes, and start whittling on the toes.

@Colby Muenster- I think you get a "first place" ribbon for that caption! Regarding the posts from the president of the He-man Woman Haters Club, I can't actually block anyone, but I can (and will) nuke his posts until he gets the message. In the meanwhile, I recommend that everyone ignore those posts.

@james daily- Hollywood "accounting" is legendarily shady. As a case in point, I once wrote the script for a film (a story for another day) which made it onto the screen, VHS, DVD and all the rest. I was to receive a royalty when 3 million copies of the movie had been sold. I got my first accounting report saying about 2.8 million had sold. The next year, they reported the TOTAL as about 2.5 million, and the next year even less. "How can the number go down?" I asked naively. "Oh, that would just be product returns," said the accountant while snorting cocaine off his desk. It's been 21 years now, and I'm still waiting for that damn royalty check.

But enough about that - I'm off to see how wooden shoes are made!

John the Econ said...

"...we're living longer than nature ever really intended, since nature's whole agenda is pretty much "get old enough to procreate, procreate, then go ahead and die." Which increasingly sounds like a plank in the Democrat platform."

Actually, the Democrat platform is, "Get old enough to procreate, don't procreate, (and should that happen, we've got a solution for you) then go ahead and die."

Speaking of: What's the deal with the abortion non-debate being cranked up to level 11 lately? I can't believe that this is an accident.

M. Mitchell Marmel said...

@John the Econ: They're trying to wag the dog in advance of Hillary, Obama and the rest getting indicted.

I hope.

Chris said...

I wonder if Porgy is still upstairs helping Porcelain make the bed.

Porgy Tirebiter said...

"Coming, Mother!"

Rod said...

The way to break in new leather boots was Stand in water until fully saturated, then walk them dry; with good socks is strongly recommended. Boots fit the feet.

Maybe try the same thing with wooden shoes; but the feet fit the shoes?

Pete (Detroit) said...

Buttercup was proud when her guy got a good job - until she realized it effectively left HER on a shelf, as well...

Yeah, I got nothing...

Fish out of water - was wondering if anyone else would make the connection. History lesson - early in the industrial revolution, French laborers (weavers, iirc) saw mechanized production as a direct threat to their way of life. (They were not wrong) In response, they were known to break in to factories and throw their shoes (known as 'sabots') into the machinery, causing it to jam and / or break - ergo, 'sabotage'....
Also used to describe a 'boot' for an undersized / irregular shaped projectile being fired from a gun -

Sortawitte - Agreed, and I never could stand those telethons. Always felt like he was personally invested, as in "I may be a total loser, but Look at these FREAKS!!!! Send me MONEY" Then again, I *never* got him, thought he was the least funny person I'd ever seen that didn't play an accordion.. (My Favorite Year - lovely movie) I guess he's still popular in France, and other places they have wooden shoes...

TrickeyRickey - Spot on!

John the Econ - Wow, Incel sounds like a miserable way to live, almost as bad as being a liberal. Oh, wait, they're probably that, too, as any decent conservative would work at making himself more attractive, or productive enough to pay for it... And hey, Bill Gates proves that enough $$ and women WILL find you attractive. Even George Soros managed to reproduce.
Abortion being revved up is (partly) I think an effort to motivate the middle who's been more or less ignoring things for 30 years, and are suddenly horrified at the post delivery abortion positions recently aired. They realizing they're losing the debate, and as usual the primary response is volume.
As well as being a useful distraction from the Wrath of Barr (we all hope)

Rod, I'd heard that about Levis, but not so much boots. Then again, when I bought a pair (living in TX, had to have a pair of boots, right?) my feet were of a size they were easy to fit. Still pretty much are, but not THAT size anymore...

DougM said...

Okay, here goes:
• Those enigmatic tracks in the woods… explained!
• And yet she persisted (was gonna be Yeti persisted, but you see the problem)
• Frodo's sister was sensitive about the size of 'er feet
• Nickname, Catamar Ann
• All year, the customs guys could never figure out what she was smuggling. Turns out, it was wooden shoes
• She swore that if Joe Biden did it again, she'd put 'er shoe up his ass
• Poor Cinderella. With that size shoe, the Prince never came around
• Walk a mile in my shoes, he said. Okay, I said
• Tyrion tries to sneak in with his twin sister on one ticket
• Her dad figured she'd save a fortune in bridge tolls
• My eyes are up here

MAX Redline said...

"@SpectreRider- The comment in question has now been nuked. For some reason, this anti-female asshole keeps posting links to his website here, and I keep deleting them. Just ignore the ladies do."

Perfect! I don't think Blogger has a tool for banning jerks, so your approach is the next best thing.

JustaJeepGuy said...

@Stilt, you need to check out the comments on your post of last Wednesday. Mr. He-Man-Women-Hater snuck one in there. That clown is seriously warped--and not in a good way.

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@John the Econ- I think you're on to something! The Dems don't want the young to procreate and they want the old to die. No wonder they want illegals to fill the void.

And I, too, wonder why there's so much hoopla about abortion in the (ahem) "news" these days. How is this suddenly more of a crisis than it was previously?

@M. Mitchell Marmel- That's a pretty good theory.

@Chris- (See below)

@Porgy Tirebiter- You just swiped what I was going to say to Chris (above). Then again, it's your line - so I guess I was going to swipe it from you!

@Rod- I guess the water would make the wooden shoes swell until they either fit or crushed your feet.

@Pete (Detroit)- Good comments across the board, and thanks for sharing the tidbit about "sabotage" - I learned something today!

@DougM- A lot of winners on that list!

@MAX Redline- Yeah, the "nuke and ignore" strategy usually works. If that fails, I'll start posting pictures of women who are over 30.

@JustaJeepGuy- Thanks for pointing that out - it's gone now. And even if someone goes WAY back into the archives to post a comment, I'm immediately informed and can handle it.

Colby Muenster said...

Misters Jarlsberg and Econ,

Are the lefties anticipating a right wing red wave in 2020 that might take away their ability to kill babies in the name of women's health? They should be afraid. I think a new challenge to Roe v Wade might not go as they like with the current makeup of the SCOTUS, especially if Trump gets to make another nomination to fill a, ahem.... totally unexpected vacancy.

John the Econ said...

@M. Mitchell Marmel, I've long since given up hope on Hillary ever being indicted for anything. Her deal with Satan precludes legal repercussions in this life. Likewise, nothing will ever happen to the "scandal free" saint Obama.

@Pete (Detroit), I agree that it's a miserable way to live. "Incel" is nothing new; it's just that it has a name now. Through my life I've known more than a few "incels". Most of them were either "failure to launch" types, misogynists, or some combination of the two. And you're right; if you've got serious wealth, there are plenty of women out there that will overlook the lesser aspects of your personality. (But I don't think you'll be all that much happier, IMHO)

And it's a phenomenon that I think has become much worse in the last generation. Instinctively, women want men who are capable of taking care of them. And yet our culture has instead been pumping out pajama-beta-boys who can't even take care of themselves, much less a partner or a family. Meanwhile, late-stage feminism has totally distorted what a healthy relationship looks like. Women have been sold the idea of a unicorn, and therefore will be hopelessly disappointed. Sex has become almost totally decoupled from intimacy, and ironically is considered by some as an entitlement. All of this has led to an atmosphere of division and discontentment. Sad.

@Colby Muenster, I think that as long as the economy remains better than it was during the whole of the Obama era, the Democrats know they have nothing of substance of offer America as an alternative. Despite the shrill cries of the vocal minority, a slight majority of Americans still instinctively know that socialism will be a bad deal for them.

So all the Democrats have got is selling fear; That the phantom "climate change" is going to kill our kids and that a continued Republican majority threatens their kids opportunity to practice infanticide.

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Colby Muenster- I'm not sure that Roe v Wade would be overturned even if Trump got another pick or two for the Supreme Court. But it's in the Dems' interest to make sure their female supporters remain in a state of hair-on-fire panic.

@John the Econ- Regarding the whole "incel" thing, there was a news story that caught my eye today: apparently the World Health Organization is putting a "disabled" label on anyone who can't find a suitable sex partner. At present, I'm not sure if this designation will help the victims get laid, or just give them better parking spots.

John the Econ said...

@Stilton, although being an "incel" may not be new, the whole notion of sexual intercourse as an entitlement is relatively recent. I am reminded of that kid who plowed down a bunch of people on a college campus because he couldn't get laid and wanted the world to know it.

I recall reading that in some European countries (who are oh-so Progressively far advanced over us prudish Americans) governments are paying for men to see prostitutes because of their incel-ness. If the nanny state can justify this, what can't they justify?

Just the other day I suggested that we're not far away from having Progressives declare that heterosexuals who deny the transgendered access to their bodies will soon be guilty of hate crimes.

The other week, I had some millennial upset with me about my comments regarding the status of women in the world, and complaining to me about how unsafe America was for women. Hey, it wasn't conservatives like me that turned sex into an entitlement to be either doled out or taken without consent. I'm old enough to remember when even liberals thought that sexual deviants needed to be separated from polite society. Now they literally celebrate them. You can't marinate people in sexual libertine-ism from childhood and then be surprised that they take it seriously once the hormones kick in.

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@John the Econ- Great points across the board!