Friday, September 6, 2019

Red Eye Or Not

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, joe biden, eye, blood, cnn

Terror swept through a CNN town hall broadcast on Wednesday when Joe Biden's left eyeball suddenly turned bright red as he spoke, then started spraying blood uncontrollably onto other Democrat candidates, CNN moderators and crew, and a retching, stampeding studio audience.

At least, that's how we imagine it went down. All we know for sure is that his eyeball filled with  blood, which really isn't a good look if you're not actively engaged in a Satanic rite.

The injury, thought to be a condition called a "subconjuctival hemorrhage" may or may not be a form of sexually transmitted disease. All we really have to go on is that "subconjuctival" sounds a lot like "conjugal," which is a term for any prison sex which does not involve dropped soap.

Biden himself tried to score points with evangelicals by suggesting that his injury might be a "stigmata." When told that the wounds of stigmata traditionally appear only in the bodily areas directly affected by the Crucifixion, Biden speculated that "maybe Jesus had pink eye as a kid or something."

According to doctors, this kind of spontaneous bleeding can be caused by things as simple as coughing, sneezing, eye rubbing, or "straining." Which is great if America really wants a president who'll need a transfusion every time he pushes out an oversized deuce.


Because eye injury jokes never get old.

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, climate change, global warming, CNN, town hall, Democrats

The event at which Biden's eyeball had its "monthly visitor" was CNN's 7-hour marathon Climate Change Town Hall broadcast, at which Democrat presidential wannabees were all given time to say how utterly screwed we are. Many of the candidates believed that Earth has so little time left that the planet wouldn't even make it to the end of the broadcast. Spoiler alert: it did, but we're guessing most viewers didn't - perhaps owing to spontaneous eye bleeding of their own.

Happily, our own peepers remain intact because we'd need to be facing something a lot worse than the end of the world to put up with seven hours of CNN. But we've been unable to completely avoid some of the nonsense spouted by the Dems onstage.

Bernie Sanders helpfully suggested that the effects of climate change could be mitigated with more birth control and abortions worldwide, presumably because the butchers at Planned Parenthood use a lot of fossil fuels if they're not kept busy. Julian Castro demanded "environmental justice," whatever the hell that is, with nature receiving Miranda rights and a publicly appointed lawyer when necessary.

Elizabeth Warren shocked nobody by suggesting the key to responsible environmentalism in the age of climate change is to approve no infrastructure projects in the United States which might impact the tribal lands of native Americans. Say, by putting an oil pipeline through the middle of a casino.

Pete Buttigieg informed the dozen or so viewers that fighting climate change will be "more challenging" than winning World War II.  Which is probably true, considering WWII was fought by The Greatest Generation, and all our country can currently conscript is Nazis or pussies.

Kamala Harris suggested that the most practical and pragmatic way to address global climate change is to beat the stew out of it with $10 trillion in taxpayer dollars. Cory Booker, on the other hand, thinks the world can be saved if the government builds enough recharging stations for electric cars - ignoring the fact that the carbon footprint for electric cars (and the need to actually generate electricity for them) is worse than that of internal combustion vehicles.

As always, no evidence was given for anthropogenic (man-caused) climate change, meaning that the entire seven hour event was essentially an exercise in liberal fantasy and self-gratification. At this rate, we don't know if the world will burn...but we suspect a good portion of it will go blind.


Sortahwitte said...

Just do it until you need glasses. Said someone, somewhere, sometime. Probably.

Dan said...

Regarding your comment about putting an oil pipeline through the middle of a casino...
If the tribes can open casinos, can they also allow other, otherwise illegal, things on the rez? Like opium dens? Facilities for duels? No speed limit highways? No minimum age for drinking alcohol? Wearing white after labor day? All the other mafia-type stuff?

Bluebird Bob said...

The wife and I LOVE your write ups. We REALLY have some belly laughs with your writings and we DO have the bellies to prove it!

Jim Irre said...

"and there's Uncle Joe, he's a-movin kinda slow at the junction!" You do know the show was filmed in Delaware, right? The Shady Rest is callin Joe!

Climate change won't kill the world, Progressive policies will. You want to see desperation, watch things like that foolish town hall on CNN. How quaint.

REM1875 said...

7 hours ??? I think we have an extremely vicious and horrible, non lethal, alternative to capital punishment ??? .......... Should cut crime dramatically.....

Fred Ciampi said...

So, what produced more wind and rain, the hurricane or CNNs seven hour circle jerk? I don't watch CNN but I have been watching the hurricane on the telly and I actually saw a surfer during the gale. How surprising. Had I known that pedo Joe's eyeball was going to explode I would have recorded it.

Bobo the Hobo said...

Did Uncle Joe really say “maybe Jesus had pink eye as a kid or something."? I swear, Stilt, I cannot decide whether your ramblings are an amusing take on the actual news or if I am subconsciously sniffing glue.

Geoff King said...

Actually, I agree with Joe "Eye of the Hurricane" Biden to a certain extent.
Many, if not most, of the world's problems are caused by the fact that there are too damn many people on this planet. Prior to the Industrial Revolution and modern medicine human population struggled to reach 1 billion.
Now at nearly 8 billion pollution, racial tension, war, disease, other species extinction, and other problems have increased exponentially.
However, instead of more abortions or other kinds of genocide, I would vote for mandatory sterilization of a portion of society if there was some way to guarantee that it was done randomly.

Brucem Hinton said...

AGW will only increase as the heat given up to the atmosphere in the losses of long distance travel of electrical energy from the generating locations. Check it out! "We're all gonna die!!!", the generating stations run Vista for control!

M. Mitchell Marmel said...

If it hadn't been for Bloody-Eye Joe
We'd been happy a long time ago
Where did you come from, where did you go?
Where did you come from, Bloody-Eye Joe?

John25mm said...

Please dear God in heaven tell me that you didn't watch the whole thing? If you did I hope it was as a sacrifice in the name of research and not some weird form of self masochism. If the later I believe it ranks up there alongside being whipped by a weed whacker.

As for the lovely hurricane Dorian we here in SC came through roughly unscathed. Yes we had some massive (for SC) power outages and trees down we had nothing like the Bahamas went through. All in all life is good.

PS; Thinking of watching that whole cluster (well you know) of a show with those twits is making me throw up a bit and thinking seriously of starting to drink and it is just a bit after 9am here.

TrickyRicky said...

Stilton, if only I hadn't changed keyboards after the "maybe Jesus had pink eye as a kid" line. The replacement died with the next paragraph, "great if America really wants a president who'll need a transfusion every time he pushes out an oversized deuce." I'm going to have to bulk buy from Dell if I intend to keep reading this blog, which of course I do!

@Geoff King- the population problem in sub-Saharan in real and huge. Funny how a rising standard of living tends to decrease birth rates. Maybe the answer for saving Mother Gaia is to allow free market economic policies to lift the world's population out of abject poverty, rather than voting in communist policies which will condemn most of the world's population to starvation, disease and decline.

@ MMM- great job! It's only 07:38 and I'm ready for some boot scootin'

Pat Cummings said...

@John25mm: Your comment reminded me about the masochist's weed-whacker, which had three settings: Slow, Medium, and Tittilate...

Seriously speaking, there is some indication that the population "problem" is solving itself, in that the population replacement cusp may already have passed for the USA. In fact, 40 years from now, we may be hearing from the progressives (or whatever new title the statists have adopted by then) about the need for government intervention to increase the birth rate. Oh, wait, they'll just be planning to import more voters... um, occupants, from the third world nations where a declining birth rate is NOT a problem!

Regnad Kcin said...

The 7 hr. circular firing squad on CNN left out the Swedish academician who's advocating human cannibalism as a means of solving climate change. He claims that by dining on human flesh and not livestock will save Mother Earth from its untimely demise. I'd like to invite this mastermind over for a dinner of fava beans and a nice Chianti. Mmmmmm..........

John the Econ said...

Global Whining Town Hall: I had planned to watch at least some of the 7 hours that CNN dispensed Wednesday. Unfortunately, I got the 2nd of two shingles shots Tuesday afternoon, and by Wednesday afternoon I didn't feel like doing anything other than curling up in a fetal position. I can only hope that was worth not getting the shingles.

By the time I came to, I was not surprised. Those 7 hours of Programming on CNN should be considered an in kind donation to the Trump re-election campaign. As I expected, it was largely incoherent totalitarian policy based upon the promise of technologies made of unicorn farts and pixie dust.

For decades now, I've been arguing that "Global Warming", no, "Climate Change", no, the "Climate Crisis", no, the "Climate Emergency" is just an excuse to justify past Progressive policy failure, and the justification for more Progressive policy. In other words, for decades you damn, deplorable freedom-loving Americans won't surrender your personal sovereignty to your Progressive betters voluntarily, so we're just going to have to create a crisis out of CO2-laden air to justify taking it from you.

For the last couple generations, the left has been trying to hide that this was what they were really doing. But the great thing about the Trump era is that they can no longer contain themselves or their agenda, and are now being blatantly transparent about it. They are now stating openly that they want to take your car away. They are stating openly that they don't want you having children. (But they'll continue to overpopulate America via open-borders) They are stating openly that they want to micro-manage your lifestyle and life while they continue to indulge in their own already much more comfortable than most of your lifestyles unabated.

They eschew the only technologies available that could possibly replace our existing carbon-based energy sources. They promote highly expensive (in capital and environmental costs) and inefficient sources that even under best-case scenarios can't possibly replace our existing sources. They promise technologies that simply do not exist, and even if they did, it would take decades if not a century to fully deploy and would require just as much environmental disruption as the sources they are intended to replace.

Bernie sanctifies abortion as part of the solution, just like Margaret Sanger would have proudly done. Is fascism kosher if Julian Castro advocates for it? Elizabeth Warren is now in "say anything" mode to keep up with Bernie's heels. At least Pete Buttigieg's suggestion that fighting "climate change" would be more difficult and expensive that WWII is accurate. At least we could physically identify our enemies and bomb Germany and Japan into submission. I've yet to see a viable battle plan for going to war against the sun. Kamala Harris's most influential ideas have taken place on her knees. Cory Booker was mayor of Baltimore.

Since this is one my my favorite topics, I'll probably say more once I digest more of the insanity put forth the other day.

Other news: Robert Mugabe, the man who transformed Zimbabwe from the breadbasket of Africa to simply another Marxist basket case is dead. But hey, at least they don't have those awful white farmers exploiting Africans by feeding everyone anymore. Yea social justice!

Shelly said...

Why do these looney tunes always use a reasonable issue to conflate it into Armageddon in order to carry out their nefarious schemes? CNN's backdrop screamed Climate Crisis but for the life of me, I don't see any evidence of it with my own two eyes. Don't try to fool me with garbage computer models skewed to fit the narrative. Why is it always doomsday for these clowns? Every election cycle, they try to scare people silly to vote for them. And yet the voters see all of these circle jerks flying around in private jets and owning multiple houses and going on celebrity mega yachts all the while screeching existential crisis. My loathing of them is going to be a crisis before this election is over.

John the Econ said...

@TrickyRicky said Maybe the answer for saving Mother Gaia is to allow free market economic policies to lift the world's population out of abject poverty, rather than voting in communist policies which will condemn most of the world's population to starvation, disease and decline.

Exactly. I've always argued that "Environmentalism" is something that a society as a whole only embraces once most in that society has climbed far enough up the Maslow curve; when most of their other lower needs have been met. (food, housing, security, etc) The environmental movement in America didn't catch on in mainstream America until well after WWII when America became quite affluent, and a critical mass of people had the spare resources (physical comfort, time, money, etc) to ponder such things. The reality is that environmentalism is for affluent.

This is not necessarily a bad thing. Our affluence has allowed us to devote tremendous resources to cleaning up our own messes for the benefit of all; both the environment and ourselves. I grew up in LA during the '60s and '70s when visibility most days of the year was frequently a mile or less. Due to very expensive measures imposed, by the '80s air quality was vastly improved, even though the population had more than doubled. We could only impose those measures because we were affluent enough to do so, and the results were measurable. We only cleaned up "Superfund" sites that were created during more despairate times (Depression - WWII) long after we became affluent.

Conversely, notice that people in "poor" societies don't give a damn about environmental quality. They can't, since 100% of their resources are devoted to daily survival. Much of Eastern Europe; the former Soviet Bloc is a toxic waste dump because most of Soviet Union barely made it out of subsistence economically. They did not have the resources and certainly not the political will to deal with their pollution. Even in supposedly affluent Western Europe, urban air quality in many major cities is abysmal because they refuse to impose the kind of emissions standards that we did. (in places where gas costs $10/gallon, anything that would lower mileage is politically difficult to impose)

It's my humble opinion that much of the Progressive economic agenda is designed specifically to make the middle class poorer. And even if it's not specifically designed to do so, a lower standard of living is the ultimate result.

So consider this: As the middle class finds itself slipping further back down the Maslow Curve, more people will be caring less about "the environment" and their own survival. Ultimately, it will be the environment that will suffer as people again care less and less about their impact. As we become poorer, resources to mitigate our impacts will become scarce. As "clean" energy becomes unavailable or unaffordable, people will opt for dirty energy and damn the consequences. Sooner or later, the US will resemble Eastern Europe.

Anonymous said...

Harry Reid, someone we don’t hear much about anymore. Good riddance!

james daily said...

Joe may be showing his vampirism. And good ole Bernie telling a baby to shut up is classic. I swear, I have no idea how he lived to be an adult as dumb as he is, much less represent even dumber people in D.C.
On the climate change, these idiots ain't seen nut'en yet until a giant volcano blows and the smoke causes several years of no farming because of not enough sunlight, winter all year long and just a bunch of problems. Now, that is climate change, these little micro adjustments they want to make means absolutely nothing. Then if Yellowstone decides to blow, that will take care of the sheit problem in California as they say, "What happened?" as they sink into the pacific.

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Sortahwitte- Yeah, but they never warn you about listening to smut and losing your hearing (yes, I wear hearing aids).

@Dan- I'm not really aware what limitations there are on what can be done on Native American lands. Although it sounds like they could build the greatest theme park ever.

@Bluebird Bob- Thanks so much!

@Jim Irre- Edgar Buchanan (if memory serves) was a lot more entertaining than Mr. Biden.

@REM1875- I'm thinking the CNN town hall should be used on prisoners at Guantanamo, too.

@Fred Ciampi- I didn't watch ANY of the CNN fustercluck. I don't want to hear what these morons are whining about until one gets powerful enough to actually threaten our freedoms.

@Bobo the Hobo- I made up the "pink eye" thing, but it does sound like something Biden would say, doesn't it?

@Geoff King- Man, you enjoy the slippery slope, don't you? (grin) Overpopulation is a huge problem - and getting worse - and I fear some draconian measures will have to be instituted to reduce the numbers (albeit through natural attrition rather than Progressive death camps).

@Brucem Hinton- Bill Gates would assure you that Vista is still a very robust operating system. Granted, he'd be lying his ass off...

@M. Mitchell Marmel- Well done! I've now seen another version calling him "Clottin' Eye Joe." I wish I'd thought of either variation!

@John25mm- Oh, HELLS no I didn't watch the whole CNN broadcast! Specifically, I didn't watch any of it. I have my limits of endurance! Glad to hear that you came through hurricane Dorian okay. Once again, a hurricane did what it wanted to do and our best guesses at where it was going had only so-so accuracy. Yet the Dem dolts on CNN are talking about micromanaging the world's climate, as if that were even a possible thing. Sheesh.

@TrickyRicky- I must admit that I tickled myself with the references to pink eye and an oversized deuce. Granted, I have a weird sense of humor. And you raise an interesting angle about birth rates declining as the standard of living goes up. The Dems would choke on the idea of creating wealth around the world as a means of dealing with climate change.

VonZorch said...

"Spoiler alert: it did, but we're guessing most viewers didn't - perhaps owing to spontaneous eye bleeding of their own."
I think most viewers did watch all of it. The sort of morons who would watch it in the first place are True Believers of the Church of Catastrophic Anthropogenic Global Climate Change (AlGore be praised, AlGore Akbar).

M. Mitchell Marmel said...

@Stilton: "Clottin' Eye Joe." Wish I'd thought of that one, too! :D

Old Cannonballs said...

Nature has a self-regulating mechanism that causes a population to crash when its number exceeds the carrying capacity of its habitat. There's no need to institute cannibalism, abortion, sexual perversion or other extreme measures. Taking steps to manage resources wisely can decrease the extent and severity of that crash, maybe even postpone it, maybe even prevent it entirely for the foreseeable future if some other helpful catastrophe like the Black Death during the Middle Ages were to come along. (Maybe exploding eyeball syndrome?)

Geoff King said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Geoff King said...

Old Cannonballs: I highly agree that Mother Nature will correct for any glitch in an otherwise perfect system.
However, if the glitch happens to be "too damn many people", the correction may be extremely hard to take, especially for the survivors.
That is why I advocate mandatory sterilization of whatever percent of the population is necessary to slowly decrease the numbers to a level that that bitch isn't forced to resort to plagues and pestilence, so our (possible) grandchildren will have a little elbow room.

JustaJeepGuy said...

I once did the math and found you could put 8 billion people in an area the size of the state of Texas and everyone would have 30 square feet. That would leave no people on the planet anywhere else. There's a whole lot of empty land left in that scenario. Is Earth really overpopulated?

Regarding Clottin' Eye Joe, I have had that happen at least 4 times in the last 28 years. I never saw it happen, it just appeared. Magic? A Gypsy curse? I don't believe it ever happened after I pinched off a loaf. I can't recall now if it was only one eye or if both eyes got it over the years.

james daily said...

I do believe the Chinese tried this with the one-child rule. If I remember correctly, the mothers would see if the baby would be a boy, if not abortion and try again. The results were a big overpopulation of boys and so many could not find a gal as there were not that many. In 2016 there were 33.59 million more men than women. (The policy was started in 1980.) The Chinese government estimated that some 400 million births were prevented by the policy...
Myself, I always thought wars were for population control but I was probably wrong.

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Pat Cummings- You're right that in the USA, the demographic shift in birthrates is pretty much a done deal at this point. Wave buh-bye to a preponderance of white folks, and say "hello" to a new USA populated primarily my Hispanics and Muslims. Ironically, it's because Caucasians aren't reproducing that they're f*cked.

@Regnad Kcin- Where is Jon Swift now that we need him?

@Gpa J- I'll go out on a limb and say that Booker has no freaking idea that's the case.

@John the Econ- Excellent summation of the real agenda behind the Left's climate nonsense. You're quite right that the whole thing is about establishing control over the Left's ideological enemies and has nothing to do with the actual climate.

@Shelly- I haven't seen any evidence of climate disaster with my own eyes, either. The Left seems to think "settled science" means we can't ask questions anymore...the first and foremost of which is, "why do you call it settled science when so many scientists say you're wrong?"

@John the Econ- Flawless logic. The more the Progressives achieve their goals, the worse off the planet will be.

@Anonymous- I enjoyed revisiting Harry Reid today just so I could savor the fact that he's not in Washington anymore. The sleazy little bastard.

@james daily- You're right that Mother Nature is perfectly capable of making changes to the environment and climate on a scale that these eco-Marxists can't even imagine. And I'm really hoping that Yellowstone doesn't blow anytime soon. We're one big "boom" away from going back to the stone age.

@VonZorch- You're surely right that a lot of idiotic viewers watched the whole mess. They get a perverse pleasure from exposing themselves to this nonsense, the way other people might seek out horror or slasher movies. They get a nice shot of adrenalin from fear and anger, and a simultaneous burst of endorphins by feeling so virtuous and pleased with themselves. This can be, and I'm not kidding in the least, physically and emotionally addictive.

@M. Mitchell Marmel- The first person to think of "Clottin' Eye Joe" had to be doing mental high-fives. It's brilliant!

@Old Cannonballs- You're right that there are self-regulating mechanisms that will handle a lot of this. Likely not in ways that are any fun, but will be brutally efficient.

@Geoff King- I can appreciate the sterilization idea in the abstract, but I can't imagine any implementation which wouldn't be both nightmarish and abused for political purposes.

@JustaJeepGuy- I'm guessing that in the scenario you suggest, if the native Texans remained armed, we'd soon have a lot more than 30 square feet apiece. Regarding bleeding eyeball syndrome, I've had it happen myself but don't recall the circumstances. Might have been my first prostate check...

@james daily- The Chinese one-child rule did play out in expectedly bad ways...much to the sexual frustration of millions of Chinese young men. Over here, people are just starting to realize the danger posed by "incels" (involuntary celebates) which sometimes plays out in mass shootings.

Rod said...

I've been away on a dive trip to Cozumel MX and am very glad to say for the most part I don't know what y'all are talking about right now. The big news for us: Fox coverage of H. Dorian; and the rest of the channels were mostly chicas with big boombas and Mexican guys making complete fools of themselves; or very dark movies. CNN went into some kind of lock-up condition but still managed to be irritating with just the frozen image they had put up as I whizzed on past that channel. Didn't watch much there either. It's only kind of nice to be back.

Anonymous said...

NOAA’s USCRN Revisited – no significant warming in the USA ...