Friday, May 15, 2020

...And A Little Child Shall Mislead Them

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, cnn, coronavirus, thunberg, IQ 83, Herzog

Because nothing actually has to make sense anymore, alleged news network CNN added teen climate pest Greta Thunberg to their "all expert" coronavirus panel on a townhall broadcast Thursday night. Also on the panel was former HHS secretary Kathleen Sebelius, who is most famous for completely screwing up the Obamacare rollout, which she introduced to the public in much the same way ham-handed nitwits in Wuhan introduced the SARS-CoV-2 virus.

Then again, the solicitation of Thunberg's stridently uninformed opinions makes a certain kind of Bizarro-world sense now that the Left (particularly in Nancy Pelosi's $3 trillion "Heroes" Act) has declared that the best way to fight the coronavirus is by discontinuing the use of fossil fuels, giving blanket amnesty to illegal immigrants, establishing a guaranteed minimum income for everyone, forgiving college loans, putting additional bite into racial diversity requirements, and using government funds to help encourage the sale of cannabis in minority communities. And no, we're not making up any of that.

So what the hell - why not have this odious little scold give her two cents' worth as long as we're throwing actual medical science out the window?!

All of this puts us in mind of the science fiction novel "IQ 83," by Arthur Herzog. In it, a manipulated virus escapes a lab and spreads like wildfire. But it doesn't make you cough, or bleed from every orifice, or make your appendages fall off at inconvenient times. It makes you stupid, permanently peeling away IQ points day by day until everyone will be too dumb to take care of themselves, let alone find a cure for the illness.

Thanks to CNN (and many others), we are increasingly of the opinion that such a virus may not be as fictional as we once hoped.




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Pat Cummings said...

Hey, la Thunberg has demonstrated an expertise at delivering hair-on-fire predictions based on what she's been told about dubious (or outright false) models.

In other words, she's a perfect commentator for CNNvid-19!

M. Mitchell Marmel said...

Greta, honey, your fifteen minutes passed long ago. Now sit down and STFU, already.

Brie Camembert said...

CNN obviously think that there are a few folks left who believe what they tell them. The dipstick panel is just to make sure that those few also have written off CNN's credeibility.

Fish Out of Water said...

Just when one believes the Contrived News Network has hit bottom, it continues to dig deeper. In a way, it's like the obnoxious kid who goes further and further for attention.

As far as the hopefully minority leader of the House and her bill of particulars, thank God the Senate is still in Republican hands.

Unknown said...

Greta's daddy uses her like Mark Kelly uses Gabby Giffords and we'e suppose to ignore and even laud the abuse?

Dizzy245 said...

Does anyone know where this Greta person came from? Never heard of her until I saw a news clip of her scolding the UN about climate change.

Geoff King said...

Her full name is: Greta Tintin Eleonora Ernman Thunberg.
That's an awful lot of name for a little girl.
How dare she!
Here in Az. our stay at home order, which was treated more as a request, expires today and most everything is reopening. My favorite Tavern opened two days ago.

TrickyRicky said...

Will no one rid us of this troublesome pest?

Grana said...

IQ 83 sets the bar a little high for the left.

Blick said...

If you are expecting logic and reason from the dem-left.... don't. They have none.

John the Econ said...

Somehow when I first saw this the other day I knew it would be today's cartoon. I mean, how could it not be?

And who should have been more insulted by being on that panel? Sebelius, who was degraded to sharing a supposedly scientific platform with a teenaged high school dropout who certainly knows less about epidemiology than she does about climatology, or Thunberg who had to share it with just another adult who has failed her future?

I have little doubt that the producer had a hard time keeping up switching away from Sanjay Gupta every time his eyes rolled.

As for the Clown News Network: This is clearly just another example of the parody inversion point. Not long after hearing about this absurdity, someone posted a hilarious meme with CNN's "Coronavirus: Fact and Fears global town hall with Florida Man, Tinky-Winky & Lindsay Lohan. I mean, why not? Would probably get better ratings, especially with practically nobody at the airport anymore.

Meanwhile in Bizarro-world: Now that Congress has become completely comfortable with tossing trillions of dollars of made-up money out the windows on a monthly basis, why shouldn't we expect the usual nonsense on steroids? Never let a good crisis go to waste, they say.

And let's pay people more to stay at home than to go back to their jobs, at least until after the election. Conventional wisdom is that they can hang out at home until the cash runs out, and then go back to their jobs. There are only two problems with that plan: As collateral damage from the shutdown ripples through the entire country, their jobs are not likely to be there when their "free" money runs out. And by that point, their "free" money won't likely be able to buy all that much anymore. (Just consider this a preview of life with Universal Basic Income, which many Progressives wish to implement. Short version: With hundreds-of-millions of people trying to spend printed money on stuff instead of working to make stuff, there will be more dollars than stuff. It will make people long for the comparatively tame double-digit inflation of the '70s.

Mike said...

Grubby Turdberg. There I fixed it for you.

Fish Out of Water said...

A thought for entertainment. Supposing there's a young, fresh out of journalism school, at a job interview with the Crackpot News Network, and being asked, 'Tell us why you want to work for CNN' And the reply might be..

David in SoCal said...

G'Day mates! More awesome comments/observations/toons by all; about the current(and past) absurdness spewed about like a septic tank exploding. (if we had smell-o-vision, it would just add that much more to the imagination). I do have one question about Ms. Sebelius: When did John Kerry,(who served in Viet Nam), start dressing in drag?? Have a great day in Covidiocity Land, fellow Patriots!

Gonzo'57 said...

Fish Out Of Water Said - "A thought for entertainment. Supposing there's a young, fresh out of journalism school, at a job interview with the Crackpot News Network, and being asked, 'Tell us why you want to work for CNN' And the reply might be..

The answer is - "Because I'm not qualified to do anything else with my Liberal Arts Degree"


"I'm a pathological liar and my DNC handler gave me a whole list of talking points"


"I love my mommy and hate my daddy"


"I'm in love with AOC and I'm hoping to personally meet her and ask her if it's OK if I stalk her."


"I'm worried my skinny jeans and my man bun make me look less manly and I heard that TV adds ten pounds to you."


"My mom kicked me out of the basement and I really need a job that requires no intellect or actual skills."


"I, like, really love performing fellatio and the microphone, like, really turns me on."

OK. I should stop now.

M. Mitchell Marmel said...

@Gonzo: You win today's comments.

Pat Cummings said...

@Gonzo'57 has my vote too, 3M! (Especially that last; that will likely get her the job... oh, him the job.)

Colby Muenster said...

Greta Turd-burglar on CNN? Perfect fit, I'd say. I swear they must have corporate meetings to figure out new ways to completely destroy what microscopic bit of cred they still have. I hope their 53-1/2 viewers enjoy being scorned and scolded by the little snot nosed bee-otch.

I've heard she refuses to fly. Does that mean the Constipated Nut Network will have to wait a month for her to start "work" because she'll take a Swedish Merchant Marine fishing boat? Wouldn't it be funny if the only ride she could get is a tanker?!

FlyBoy said...

CNN is depriving a village of a (useful) idiot!!!

WDS said...

Despite her hiatus in the world of climate change hysteria I figured Greta would've been working on her puberty to surprise us with Greta 2.0. I was clearly wrong, she's still a pie faced little snot.

Sortahwitte said...

Just when I think I see a bit of light on the dark horizon, I am wrong.
Greta the dog faced boy then shows up to piss in the campfire, followed by a lutefisk and limburger fart. The only people un-affected are the liars at cnn.

And another thing.
In regards to the power grabbing politicians and other of the un-elected coven.
I will not comply.

Rod said...

@Dizzy. Thunbergs are a Swedish family; they live there and are an immediate family of the arts, ie actor & singer. That makes them a bit different then many of us (but still OK); even without Greta's further issues [sic]. All those things taken together may explain a lot of this. CNN is the bigger creep in this but I suppose they have to make a living too.

Pretty sharp of CNN; Greta has a following. This could add to CNN viewership, maybe double it for a while. That wouldn't take much. I just hope the family is putting some of this windfall away for the future; it may be needed for Greta when this gig runs out.

DougM said...

I gotcher Thunberg take rahcheer

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Pat Cummings- She's definitely a perfect fit for CNN. And boy, is THAT not praise!

@M. Mitchell Marmel- HOW DARE YOU!

@Brie Camembert- The last thing in the world I want is scientific/medical news from a politically biased band of idiots.

@Fish Out of Water- As the WSJ pointed out, don't think of Nancy's $3 trillion "Heroes Act" as anything she expects to pass verbatim right now. Rather, it's what Joe Biden's platform and administration will be if he's the bobblehead puppet and she's really running the show in the future. Because the future wasn't already nightmarish enough.

@Unknown- She's on the autism spectrum and her parents fill her damaged brain with claptrap and anger. Yeah, that's abuse in my book.

@Dizzy245- I have no idea what made her rise to international prominence, outside of the fact that ANY idiot can become a celebrity now as long as enough stupid people find that person fun to watch.

@Geoff King- I really want things to reopen, but I'm not going out there until further notice!

@TrickyRicky- I see what you did there!

@Grana- You make a good point.

@Blick- You're right, but I keep thinking there must be a bottom to their barrel of ignorance. There isn't.

@John the Econ- I indeed saw low-hanging fruit when Ms. Thunberg entered the day's news. And wow, I hadn't previously seen Scott Adams' (and I'm a big fan) "parody inversion point" but I LOVE that cartoon and the whole concept! Regarding all matters fiscal, I think we're screwed and definitely heading toward double digit (at least) inflation. And the "pay 'em more to stay home" scam seems like a great way to break the system to the extent that socialism at its most deadly will be called for by the masses. (Side note: it just turned noon! I can start drinking!)

@Mike- Thank you for the correction!

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Fish Out of Water- "Because I have a vivid imagination!"

@David in SoCal- Now that you mention it, I've never seen Ms. Sebelius and John Kerry at the same time. For which I give thanks.

@Gonzo '57- Well played!

@Colby Muenster- She'll probably telecommute from her parents' lavish mansion.

@FlyBoy- Does any village still have an idiot, or have CNN and MSNBC hired every last one of them?

@WDS- I picture Greta procreating with young gun-scold David Hogg in order to create the World's Most Annoying Child.

@Sortahwitte- I'm still marveling at the magnificence of "a lutefisk and limburger fart." Just reading that makes me woozy!

@Rod- Irritating as she is, I wish Greta well and hope she eventually can have a happy life. I don't doubt that she believes what she says, but she gets constant reinforcement for being angry. That can't go on forever.

@DougM- Brilliant!

Anonymous said...

Colby's comment : I've heard she refuses to fly. Does that mean the Constipated Nut Network will have to wait a month for her to start "work" because she'll take a Swedish Merchant Marine fishing boat? Wouldn't it be funny if the only ride she could get is a tanker?!

Remember, this is "Saint" Greta - all she has to do is walk.....

WDS said...

"I picture Greta procreating with young gun-scold David Hogg in order to create the World's Most Annoying Child"

Fast forward 18 years...

Pat Cummings said...

@WDS: That person lives in my neighborhood! No kidding, I've seen that face—and hairstyle—walking by with a dog on leash.

In Utah.

What's it called when children do a one-eighty, philosophically, from the parents? That's all we can hope for...

JustaJeepGuy said...


I seriously doubt that "St." Greta and David "Publicity" Hogg could produce a child with enough testosterone to darken its chin in that manner.