Monday, July 20, 2020

Useless Money-Saving Tips!

If Indiana Jones was lashed to a pole just as a current news broadcast was about to open, he would surely scrunch his eyes shut and shout "DON'T LOOK AT IT!!!"

Which is why I'm skipping all of that topical stuff (hey, who wants a melted face?) and am instead sharing something (hopefully) fun out of my files.

In this case, we're traveling back in time to 1980, when the nation was caught up in an energy crisis. A major public utility company hired my Dad and I to create a comic piece about energy conservation which they could put in their consumer newsletter, thereby making it less likely that said consumers would storm their offices with torches and pitchforks. Although my Dad was the more experienced copywriter, he let me do most of the writing while he created the cartoon illustrations.

It was a delight for me to share a project with my Dad, and a nice bonus to get paid actual money for just making up ridiculous stuff. My career path was set.

Some of the cultural and technical references are a bit dated, 40 years later, but most of the tips are every bit as practical and useful now as they were then. Which is to say...not very.

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, energy tips, biden, warren


We've been hearing that the odds are getting better for Elizabeth "Princess Running Gag" Warren to be selected as Joe Biden's VP choice. Which would make her, we guess, the "Tepee VP"...

We're skeptical, since Biden has all but promised that his candidate will be a woman of non-assumed color and #BlackVotesMatter, but anything could happen. Which is why we're revisiting this possibly prophetic cartoon from the old Hope n' Change days!


REM1875 said...

Summer in Texas and we're all for saving money ..... ahhh I mean electricity ....... any thing helps ... as long as it does not include reducing the A/C .... course the ice maker is important too ..... klan hootenanny on the rocks is a great way to reduce summer heat and stress ....or at least not give a damned about it in no time at all..... and remember "it's better to stumble around in the dark rather than to light one bulb" (not sure which chapter and verse but I am pretty sure it's in there .....someplace)

Brie Camembert said...

Joe will have forgotten his "woman of color" promise long ago. He will just go with whatever VP he is told to go with.

M. Mitchell Marmel said...

I'm minded of a Gilbert Shelton cartoon of the same era giving recommendations for beating the gas shortage such as attaching a hook to the front of your car and letting some stranger tow you; rigging power poles on the roof and running the car along the trolleybus routes; and, of course, the ever popular hamster-wheel-and-amphetamine combo... ;-)

Bobo the Hobo said...

During the 70’s I followed the DOE suggested tips for saving gas by putting a brick in my car’s tank; it worked so-so but the gas gauge always registered “full”!

Where would we be without the government’s “helpful” suggestions?

Anonymous said...

and a nice bonus to get paid actual money for just making up ridiculous stuff.

Snark said...

Are you still providing such tips to utilities? Because the electric utility I use is still sending out similar "helpful" suggestions. Like selling water line insulation kits (my house is on a slab.) Being a stockholder of said utility, my response is STFU and sell more electricity! That's what they are in the business for! Then raise the damn dividend! Apparently the new CEO is a Green New Deal proponent. I think our country may be doomed.

Boligat said...

If Joe values his life, he will pick someone with no presidential aspirations whatsoever. Which means NO democrats, NO greenies, NO leftists need apply.

Don in Oregon said...

"A wet canary may also be dried in the same manner if you're careful."

Words to live by!

John the Econ said...

Good advice. Skipping the broadcast depression porn is good therapy.

I remember when trash compactors were the rage. Does anyone have those anymore?

Whirlpool baths: Funny that what was once considered profligate is now standard in practically every house I've seen built since 2000.

Ant farms: Who could have predicted that since 1980, the TV networks would take it up as a challenge to make TV less fun than watching an ant farm?

Video fireplace: Now you don't even have to videotape your own fire anymore! No rewinding necessary.

Speaking of saving power: Am I the only one no longer getting the Constant Contact announcing the posting of the latest cartoon?

VP Liz Warren: Nope. Won't happen for the same reason that she was never going to be the Presidential candidate, which of course, is what Biden's VP pick ultimately really would be. First off, she's a genuine fascist. Second, her war against banks and Wall Street will guarantee that what money they put towards the election won't be going to the Biden campaign. And of course, third is that Liz Warren is whiter than you are and practically anybody you know.

John the Econ said...

@Snark said "Being a stockholder of said utility, my response is STFU and sell more electricity!"

Amen. I've always considered it absurd that we have a major industry that for various political reasons is forced to spend money advertising that consumers actually use less of their product!

But here's the irony that most people simply don't get about their electric bill: Almost all of the cost of your electricity isn't for electricity itself but to build and maintain the infrastructure that gets electricity to you; power plants, power lines, transformers, etc.

So if everyone all of a sudden starts consuming half of the electricity that they did before, your bill ultimately won't be all that much less, because most of the infrastructure required to get the electricity to you remains the same.

Which is why all of these "alternative energy" proposals are a sham; because they will require at least twice the infrastructure that is required now to effectively create the same amount of electricity. (Ask the Germans how they feel about this)

Sortahwitte said...

Well, I don't think Aunt Lizzie Borden....oops! Maybe a froodoan slip, eh? I meant to say Warren hasn't got a chance to be Prezzy, oops again, I meant vp. Her only red-ness comes from the fact that she's a commie.

Stilt. What great prose to cover the consumers with helpful bullshit. I love it. Your dad's 'toons were icing on the proverbial cake. Tree, nut, fall, etc.

Colby Muenster said...


You and your Pa were a great team! You should put all of that on Facebook, and see how many moonbats take it seriously.

The Dimocraps have a real dilemma. They know damn well Joe can't function as President, and they also need to appeal to lefty/loonie fringe to attract votes. But they also know that they dare not swing too far left too quickly because the economy will crash, inflation will go double digits, and they'll take a big hit come 2022. They are walking a tightrope, and Crazy Uncle Joe is already sawing at it with a knife (while standing on it no less).

@John the Econ,

I agree... not gonna be Lizzie; she is way too white, and I don't think the DNC likes her one bit. My money is on Kamala Harris or (shudder) Michelle "For the first time in my life, I'm proud of my country" Obama. Both women know how to play the DC game, and know how to cook a frog slowly.

BTW - I'm still getting the Constant Contact emails.

Pat Cummings said...

@Boligat: I heard John Kasich is looking for a position in the Party of Identity Politics... He's not a woman of color, but he is a man of kaleidoscopic principles!

Shelly said...

@Colby Muenster, I agree that Kamala is the most logical choice to tick off the appropriate boxes but just today she unveiled her new face which features Pelosi eyebrows (moving up the forehead towards the hairline), Hillary puffy cheek implants and slits for eyes. It's not a pretty sight. She looked much better before. Of course, it might be a feature for Creepy Joe as his face has also been materially altered.

TrickyRicky said...

When I first saw the From The Vault: Rumper Sticker headline I thought Mayor Pete was back in the race.

M. Mitchell Marmel said...

@Ricky: No, Mayor Pete has withdrawn.

With a moist *pop*.

(this, incidentally, is my favorite Stilton line of the year.)

DougM said...

If you posted those suggestions today in California,
tomorrow they'd be mandatory

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@REM1875- Summer IS serious business here in Texas. I recently got a rechargeable fan which hangs around your neck and blows at your face. The theory was to make my morning walks more pleasant. The reality is that I felt like my head was in an air fryer.

@Brie Camembert- Plus, Warren might still announce that she's Black based on family legends and her flaring nostrils.

@M. Mitchell Marmel- I'm pretty sure the hamster wheel thing would work...

@Bobo the Hobo- I remember when bricks in the toilet tank were considered a wise water conservation trick. Although I suspect the idea was cooked up by a brick company.

@Anonymous- Yeah, but unlike politicians, I admit it!

@Snark- I'm not currently writing for any energy companies, although I'm told they pay really, really well in Ukraine...

@Boligat- Well THAT certainly narrows the field.

@Don in Oregon- It's surprising how rarely we're reminded of such things.

@John the Econ- Dang, you SHOULD be getting the Constant Contact reminders (although all they really do is tell you to go to the same link every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday). Send me your address at Stilton (at) Cutcheese (dot) com and I'll check it out.

All of your points about Warren are spot on, as is the economics lesson in buying electricity.

@Sortahwitte- I try not to even consider the ramifications of a President Warren. It's too ugly to bear. And glad you liked the "Dad and Lad" tagteam silliness!

@Colby Muenster- Yeah, my money is on Kamala Harris, too.

@Pat Cummings- Well that should count for something, right?

@Shelly- If Kamala gets the nod, we'll be seeing a LOT of that debate clip in which she says "I'm not saying that Joe Biden is a racist, but..."

@TrickyRicky- Dang, I wish I'd thought of that gag when he was running!

@M. Mitchell Marmel- There are certain lines I KNOW I shouldn't use, but do so anyway. That was one of them!

Rod said...

Kind of rushed; just got back. I quit taking notes when I reread that these are supposed to be USELESS tips. But I'm NOT confused about useless politicians.

Bird of Paradise said...

Like their stupid ideas like The Earth Hour wanting us to turn off the lights for a full 60 Minutes Yeah dumb ideas from 50 Simple Things You Can do to the Save the Earth How about turning off all the electricity used by Hollywood to make movies staring a bunch of Hollywood screwballs

JustaJeepGuy said...

For some reason, I'm reminded of the Firesign Theater line "Close the door and the light...stays ON!"

John the Econ said...

@Bird of Paradise, if "climate change" is in fact the existential crisis Progressives say that it is, there's absolutely no excuse for the existence of Hollywood and the denizens of conspicuous consumption that profit from it. As it is, Hollywood is one of the greatest polluters in the country.

Rod said...

Yes; and California would be in trouble if were cut off and had to get by on only it's own resources both natural & human. Water & Energy being a "same day"problem; and mobility in the form of fuel being not long after. Lack of basic skills probably have impact not long after for many of them. (But this is not to discount intelligent & skilled Californians; they just don't have so much voice. How's the plumber going to get to your house and the cooks to work? Etc.

It seems the popular opinion is living under ongoing criticism can be a problem to healthy & balanced development. For Hollywood types I think the same is true for a dependence upon applause & imagined relevancy. I'd have to think on it to come up with ANY celebrities I would even walk across the street to meet. At the moment only Clint Eastwood comes to mind. Good films, his.