Friday, August 7, 2020

Oh, Baby

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• Joe Biden says he doesn't intend to take any cognitive tests because he can tell "the difference between an elephant and a lion." Based on that argument alone, we agree that additional testing is unnecessary.

• Following a devastating explosion in Beirut caused by Ammonium Nitrate, Joe Biden has contacted Lebanon to promise them that, if he is elected president, he will commit US troops to invade Ammonia.

• As of this week, the ACLU has filed nearly 400 lawsuits against the Trump Administration. They have also filed suit against UCLA for having a name that is potentially confusing to dyslectic anarchists.

• Trendsetters are claiming that "pineapples are the new pumpkins" for carving Jack O'Lanterns. Apparently because pineapple growers, not satisfied with screwing up pizza, now also want to screw up Halloween.

• Michelle Obama reports that she is suffering from "low-grade depression" owing to coronavirus, racial strife, and Donald Trump. Stilton's Place has started a Go Fund Me (And The Horse I Rode In On) page where donors can contribute toward a $15 goal to buy the former first lady a jug of Clan MacGregor and a tasteful STFU card.

• On Thursday, survivors of the Hiroshima atomic bomb blast gathered to commemorate the 75th anniversary of the event, which reminded us of two things: this old post from 2016, and what a complete POS Barack Obama is. No wonder Michelle is depressed...

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Their tiny tanks never stood a chance.

Yesterday, Barack Obama confirmed plans to be the first sitting president to visit Hiroshima while wearing lead-shielded underpants.

His purpose is, by wild coincidence, to tell the world how awful nuclear proliferation is (except, say, in Iran) but he reportedly has no plans to specifically apologize for the bombs which ended World War II with impressive finality.

Still, his visit is seen internationally as an acknowledgment that America once did a very, very mean thing and, now that many young Americans have no freaking sense whatsoever of history, we feel just awful about it. Come here, Hiroshima - you need a hug!

By the way, as long as we've mentioned people being increasingly clueless about history, the link above goes to a story in US News & World Report which reports that we dropped a hydrogen bomb on Hiroshima on August 6th, 1945.  Which was a pretty good trick, considering that the first hydrogen bomb (1000 times more powerful than the Hiroshima bomb) was test-detonated seven years later in 1952.

But hey, why let little things like empirical facts and actual history spoil a story about what assholes we were back in the 1940s? And for that matter, why should those realities deter Barack Obama from his latest strident stop on the seemingly unending "blame America first" tour?
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Rod said...

Trump is both Commander-in-Chief and Head of State. Might he offer a U.S. aircraft; then fly it home without Barry & Mooch? There has to be a HUGE number of votes in that; and maybe some Demo heart attacks.

Rod said...

Oh I see; that was a FLASH-back. How appropriate for today. And damn.

Bobo the Hobo said...

Eiffel’s first design for the Statue of Liberty was voted down by the French as being too close to the average American’s opinion of Congress

M. Mitchell Marmel said...

"As God is my witness, I thought babies could FLY!"

Someone told Biden that 100,000 Brazilians had died from the coronavirus.
Biden said, "That's terrible! ...How many is a brazillion?"

REM1875 said...

Mooche deserves to be depressed after causing an entire generation severe depression, to the point of suicidal, with her school 'lunches' .........

Somehow I have a suspicious feeling, that in the truly unlikely event, that if you actually raised $15 for her, that she would ever get the precious klan mc grey gore. As a matter of fact I have extremely high doubts it would make it out of North Texas, before evaporating in the awful Texas heat ......

Fish Out of Water said...

That Oldie with the worst electoral mistake since the peanut farmer from Plains, Ga, groveling before the now-retried Japanese Emperor raised the BP by more than just a few points. If that had been Trump, Schiff for brains et. al. would have had another go at impeachment and conviction.

The Bomb was dropped because the Japanese militarists thought they could as they did in 1905, by inflicting huge loses on U.S. forces, force the United Sates to negotiate an end to hostilities that would keep them- the Japanese militarists, in power. Which backfired horrifically.

Anonymous said...

Wondering if the U.S. apologies to Japan are also extending to the Germany for fire bombing their cities. Dead is dead.

Snark said...

Groper Joe stays in his basement, living in his favorite state - confusion.

Is it too much to ask for Obozo and Shrillery to slink back into whatever crevice they slithered out of and stay there? And take Moochelle with them? Between the two of them they have screwed up this country sufficiently and killed enough good Americans for three lifetimes. Just go away and STFU!

TrickyRicky said...

"The Donner Party eagerly awaits their first roast of the winter."

Along those lines, perhaps the Obamas and Clintons could be encouraged to take up cross-country skiing in the high Sierras?

Unknown said...

To quote Crocodile Dundee about Mooch:"That was a GUY, all dressed up like a SHEILA"!

Alej said...

Your nurse cartoon/captions are (so far) your high point in making me spill coffee ! Great !

Re Hiroshima, look up "Unit 731" for starters... far as I'm concerned the populations from Hokkaido to Honshu should have been totally exterminated; WWII atrocities mounted up so badly that Adm. Bull Halsey said, "Before we're through with them, the Japanese language will be spoken only in hell."

rickn8or said...

Aleg, can you imagine the hooraw if an Admiral or General said something like that today?

Sortahwitte said...

I had read that the weather forecast for Hiroshima that day in August was "partly cloudy with a high temp of 2000 degrees. Wear your sunscreen."

Edam Wensleydale said...

@Sortawitte: Makes up for the weather forecast for Pearl Harbor on December 7, 1941: "Sunny, with a Nip in the air."

Colby Muenster said...

Awww... Poor widdle Michelle is suffering from low grade depression? Boo-effing-hoo. May she spend the next four years suffering from full blown depression, and after that, I hope Trump buys the house next door and moves in. And one reason for her so called depression is racial strife?! Gee, I wonder who started that fire.

Remember when ex-presidents used to embrace private life and not participate in politics? More proof that O'Liar wasn't really a president.

@M. Mitchell Marmel,
"Brazillion..." Good one!!

Pat Cummings said...

Planned Parenthood auction: "How much am I bid for this collection of organs and stem cells? (Some disassembly required.)"

@M. Mitchell Marmel: The WKRP reference took me right back—in an instant, I was watching a stunned Arthur Carlson walk back into the station, and hearing Les Nessman's Hindenburg-inspired report of the WKRP’s Thanksgiving Turkey Drop.

@Bobo the Hobo: Eiffel's initial response: "Nah, you can just change the poem to 'I lift my lamb beside the golden door...'."

@Sortawitte, @Edam Wensleydale: Where's the "global climate change" crowd stand on those extreme weather forecasts?

John the Econ said...

If you watch long enough, it will quote Joe Biden.

Biden: Well put. Testing is completely unnecessary.

Speaking of, where are all of those cognitive experts who had lots to say about Trump's supposed intellectual deficiencies a few years ago? < /crickets >

ACLU: They aren't even pretending to be about actual civil liberties anymore.

Pineapples: When I was in school and my social group would go out for pizza, someone would always insist that at least one of the pizzas be pineapple. And when almost everything was consumed, what was always left over?

Michelle Obama: She'd know all about "low grade", so of course she's depressed. Even a post-pandemic America is better than what she and Barack had to offer America.

Hiroshima: I've always been fascinated by the Progressive desire and ability to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory.

My historical take: A multitude more Japanese civilian lives were lost to traditional bombing in the weeks preceding Hiroshima and Nagasaki. The only difference is that it took two airplanes to do the work of thousands. The nuclear bomb was more about efficiency than morality.

Fake History: Never before in history has more information been so easily available to practically everybody, any yet at the same time people have never been more lazy in checking their facts before posting their ignorance. No wonder journalism is dying; you can almost forgive the ignorant masses on social media, but these are the supposed "professionals" who constantly get things wrong.

But Progressives really couldn't care less. It could have happened, and that's what's really important anyway, right?

DougM said...

Heeere ya go, Stilt:
• The nurse presented newborn Simba to the parents
• How many nurses does it take to screw-in a light baby?
• Olde tyme burping technique
• Nurse discovers baby is too young for a bunk bed
• Harriet liked her job as auctioneer's assistant at the orphanage
• Student nurses practice on dolls, but Harriet was running out of dolls
• A good nurse tries very hard not to get her apron dirty
• etc.

Rod said...

"Demonstrating the safer way to determine gender, especially if male."

Gonzo'57 said...

Famous Last Words In History:

Mayor of Hiroshima - "What the F*#& was that?

Jess said...

"Another night of dumpster-diving yielded Nurse Harriet a once-in-a-lifetime find."

Colby, Jack said...

@ John the Econ: You're wise to my fiendish plan. I happen to like pineapple on pizza(if accompanied by hot peppers and ham, bacon or pepperoni: I always get all the leftovers to myself.

JustaJeepGuy said...

All the people whining about Hiroshima and Nagasaki have obviously never heard of things like, oh, the Rape of Nanking, Pearl Harbor, the Bataan Death March, the Rape of Manila......and of course it's because they never learned any history. They never learned any history because they would have then been taught that America isn't anywhere near as evil as their communist teachers want them to believe.

That Smithsonian exhibit of (part of) the Enola Gay 25 years ago had to be stopped because someone at the Smithsonian wanted people to think that the Japanese were just sitting there minding their "unique culture" when all of a sudden Uncle Sam, with no warning, just tossed an atomic bomb on them. I wish all the commies would just go to the Gulag, where they're almost all going to end up anyway.

Rod said...

Here's a refreshing thought: A handy thing I've realized from all these leftists, activists, agitators & virus experts is: It's my nature to look for evidence, seek proof; & understand the logic of things: BUT WE DON'T HAVE TO EITHER. When we go to the polls we can blame ALL this crap on them "just because". It's a "right" that I'm looking forward to this year.

Anonymous said...

Planned Parenthood disproves the theory that newborns, like cats, will always land on their feet when dropped from a height.

Anonymous said...

Ensuring future generations of CNN reporters and news anchors by dropping random samples of newborns on their heads.

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Readers- Good captions, good comments and more! Well done!

Anonymous said...

An apropos caption for the bottom cartoon: "He was also heard to apologize for the hospital ship USS Comfort getting in the way of the Zero that was simply trying to land in the Pacific for a much-needed washing..."