Despite repeated calls from the Left for "Unity and healing...or else," we seem to be no closer to untangling the colossal fustercluck which was the recent alleged election. Because depending on who you listen to, there is either massive evidence of widespread voting fraud...or this was the squeakiest clean election ever.
Our gut tells us that it's the former, and apparently about 71 million other guts are currently telling their owners the same thing. Which means the chance of achieving national "unity and healing" anytime soon is smaller than a gnat's fart...albeit more pungent.
The only way out of this mess is to prove to everyone's satisfaction that the election results were fair, accurate, and not corrupted by the Democrats, big tech, the Chinese, or the lying Washington bastards who've tried to overthrow the government for the past four years. Happily, both sides can readily agree that a thorough investigation is warranted, and should be conducted with care and transparency.
Ha, ha - just kidding! The party that spent tens of millions of dollars and years of time "investigating" whether or not Donald Trump paid Russian hookers to pee on a bed once used by Obama (which he didn't, but probably should have) suddenly finds it unseemly to conduct investigations...especially into something as trivial as blatant election tampering.
Whatever the eventual outcome of the legal maneuverings, all of this is not going to end well. Half of America is going to be totally unwilling to accept the legitimacy of our next president. And that's going to make for a very long, and potentially dangerous, four years.
• Barack Obama is currently on the interview circuit to promote his third freaking autobiography, and a fourth is already scheduled. The book, "A Promised Land," is a hefty 768 pages which could make it difficult, but not impossible, for him to shove up his ass.
• Readers have asked for a medical update on Mrs. Jarlsberg, and we're happy to report that she's mending nicely from her back, foot, and wrist injuries. She has also amazed her physical therapists by actually doing her exercises at home, which apparently is something of a rarity among patients.
• The suspicious timing of Pfizer's recent announcement of a Covid-19 vaccine stinks to high heaven, as did their now recanted claim that they had nothing to do with President Trump's "Operation Warp Speed" vaccine initiative. This doesn't do much to build our confidence in the vaccine itself, especially since it uses a technology that has never been used before (having to do with messenger RNA telling your cells to do funny things). We hope the vaccine is great, effective, and safe - but we're not going to be first in line to try it, having grown used to life with only one head.
But in the interim, there are very effective protocols that can be used to greatly reduce the dangers posed by Covid-19. These protocols are all backed by science and, oddly, pretty much hidden from public view by the government, the media, and formerly respectable medical institutions. The rat bastards.
So here are the most recent protocols, which we encourage you to print out and share with others:
A classic (and now timely) cartoon by Stilton's Dad...