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Wednesday, December 23, 2020

The Grift That Keeps On Giving

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, covid, coronavirus, pandemic, relief, congress, pork, bastards, christmas

It's a good thing that it's better to give than to receive, because it looks like actual taxpayers are giving a LOT more money than those negatively impacted by the pandemic are going to receive. 

As always, the powerbrokers in Washington have packed a long-delayed (to rob Donald Trump of any pre-election credit) Covid relief bill with copious amounts of pork projects which have nothing whatsoever to do with public health or the pandemic. They do, however, bring home the bacon for a wide variety of special interests:

$453 million to Ukraine (maybe hiring Hunter Biden was a good investment after all!)
$10 million for "gender programs" in Pakistan.
$1.3 billion to Egypt
$700 million for Sudan
$130 million for Nepal
$4 billion for Navy weapons procurement, $2 billion for the Space Force, and another $2 billion for
  Air Force missiles (in fairness, all of this sounds WAY more effective than Purell).
$208 million to upgrade the Census Bureau's computer systems (perhaps with Dominion software
  to help "accurately count" the number of people who'll need new Democrat representatives).
$40 million goes to the Kennedy Center (presumably to fill the currently unused space with hospital
   beds and ventilators.)
$193 million for federal HIV/AIDS workers to buy cars and insurance overseas
• Funding for a new museum offering programming, education, and exhibitions on "the lift, art, history,
  and culture of women." (Hopefully with a full wing devoted to the women of The View, and security
  guards to keep them from escaping)
• Funding for education measures to teach consumers not to store portable fuel containers for flammable
  liquids near an open flame. Hey, who knew that bucket of gasoline by the fireplace was a bad idea?
• And much, much more...

Even though the bill is allocating a total of $900 billion, all of those pork projects really add up. So how much is left for the poor workaday bastards (like you!) who've seen their jobs and businesses disappear, their savings erode, their kids turned away from schools, and suffered through nine months of home incarceration (with more to come)? Howzabout a one-time check for 600 smackaroos?!

What's that you say? $600 amounts to a fart in a hurricane and isn't enough to pay the bills? Well, Congress agrees! Which is why they're sending checks for up to $1800 to illegal aliens. A bit of news which is made ironic by the fact that the politicians have surely played this joke just to enjoy the look on our faces, but at a time when our increasingly haggard faces are still covered by makeshift masks.

BONUS: RAND PAUL'S 2020 FESTIVUS REPORT

If you enjoy reading about huge piles of taxpayer money being set aflame, then look no farther than Senator Rand Paul's "2020 Festivus Report" which lists the nearly unending (but highly creative) way the government wasted our dollars this year. Or follow this link for the PDF and print out copies to give as last-minute Christmas gifts to anyone who enjoys comedy and/or dystopian fiction!

There's a $36 million study on why stress makes hair turn grey. $217 million to give federal employees duplicate Medicare customer service access. A $2 million study on whether or not hot tubbing can lower stress. And $900,000 to give cigarettes to adolescent kids.

Howzabout $38 million to fight school truancy among Filipino youth? $30 thousand (a relative bargain) to stage plays in Mumbai. And $48 million to help disconnected Tunisian youth feel good about themselves (yeah, becoming a millionaire will do that).

But wait, there's more! Lizards on treadmills! Developing a headset that watches what you eat! Insect ranching! Spraying alcoholic rats with bobcat urine (incidentally, the same treatment used to occasionally dry out Teddy Kennedy back in the day)! And $10 million wasted on COVID test tubes that turned out to be useless soda bottles!

Frankly, it's factual material like this that makes us believe that satire is nearly impossible anymore. Although now we're seriously thinking about applying for a $5 million government grant to test our theory.

35 comments:

Jess said...

There's nothing more amusing than Congress giving the taxpayers a "Dutch oven".

B.C. said...

It's a gigantic Phuk Yew from Puglosi and Schmuck to the country that voted (legally) to re-elect Trump. They know that he's the legitimate president and figured that they'd shove yet another Schitt sandwich down our throats, just to show us that they can. The PiƱata Party on the Capitol steps can't happen soon enough.

Jim Irre said...

Folks, this may THE single most important story on the internet!

https://nationalfile.com/exclusive-white-house-memo-details-how-pence-card-can-save-trumps-presidency-on-dec-23/

James C said...

It has also been determined that there is a provision to remove the power to activate the Insurrection Act from Trump. Now why would the want to do that unless they were planning an insurrection themselves? The Deep State must be stopped!

Mike aka Proof said...

The most promising thing so far is a threatened veto, possibly a pocket veto (something I haven't heard used since my HS civics class), and a request to bump the $600 to $2000 ($4000 for couples), and to cut out a lot of the pork.
Did you know that Congress voted themselves a $57,471 raise in the coming year? Tghat's almost 100 times what they're offering us peons.

Bobo the Hobo said...

Now see, if our congressional overlords had just explained the bill as clearly as Stilt, I’m sure we would have had absolutely no problem with it! What’s that, Nurse? Time for my meds and a nice nap? Okey-dokey!

Merry Christmas and God Bless us, everyone!

Feargal the Cat said...

I'm sure I read that, when the Western World closed down in March, the Kennedy Arts Centre received $25M in 'aid' and promptly 'donated' $5M to the Democrats.
Might be worth keeping an eye on how much they 'give' this time around.

Merry Christmas one and all.

American Cowboy said...

Funding for education measures to teach consumers not to store portable fuel containers for flammable liquids near an open flame?

Well that is not an all bad idea. After all right after that I saw that they went on to define exactly what a "portable fuel container" is. People who are so obviously stupid that they have to have that definition are likely also so stupid they would store fuel or other flammable liquids next to an open flame!

As one of my uncles used to say, "It's tough to be smart in a world of dumb people!"

Fred Ciampi said...


Nanzy Poolousey thinks she's Marie Antoinette. Sooooo, I have an idea, perhaps she should be treated like Marie. Time to storm the Bastille.

Alej said...

America now officially has a criminal government.

Alfonso Bedoya said...

Where's my bottle of Diazapam?

M. Mitchell Marmel said...

Hammers. Nails. Rope. NOW. Lotta repairs to be made, and pronto.

Sergio said...

All this so Dems can accuse their Rep opponents before the mid-terms of voting against covid relief! What REALLY frosts my nuts about this is that I see commercial after commercial asking me to donate to "Wounded Warriors" who have lost limbs due to the poor decision to linger in Iraq and Afghanistan. We had NO business in the latter [terrorists don't need a nation to plot their evil deeds. But those poor soldiers must beg to get the care they need. How far would $100 million [preferably much more] go for those folks? We must give it away to leftist causes world-wide!?!? Obviously, the left cares nothing about our military - never have. Term Limits are needed! Drain the Swamp!! Rotten SOB dems.
Completely agree with "Alej". President Nixon could accurately say, "I am not a crook." Biden, Pelousy, and Obama cannot. Hang 'em high!!

rickn8or said...

Not ALL Americans are getting the $600. Bill Gates is getting $3.36B.

Feargate the cat, and after getting that money, the Kennedy Center fired the house band. (Did you know Nancy P.'s daughter is on the Board of Directors for the Kennedy Center?)

Looks like President Trump is telling them to stick it; that means the final Covid Relief bill will be written by the new Congress and signed by the new regime.

D's and R's. A pox on both their houses.

Dave Lndesmith said...

Lordy what a mess... Congress a pit of snakes the great P (elosi) looks and acts like a cannabal after the roast. The story of my nobal senator thune makes me go tp the dark side. These people are living proof the Mofia still exists and money is rooted in evil. Their in our face needs some disinfectant simalar to the tea party with the dems and rino's .. cut loose and over the side, perhaps " hang'em high" would be more appro'po..

John the Econ said...

So once again the government has borrowed/printed another $6,000 in my name, and will hand me 1/10th of it. Yea! Barely enough for appetizers at the French Laundry, assuming they'd let a deplorable like me in.

Or looking at it another way, that $600 will not likely cover the inflation you'll be seeing at the grocery store later next year.

Census: It's almost as though they're making the numbers up now anyway, so what do they need new computers for other than to watch VR porn?

$1800 to illegal aliens: Just another example of how being a non-citizen of the US is transforming to be a better deal than being an actual citizen; all benefits and little responsibility. But isn't that the selling point of Progressivism anyway?

Bobo said...

So, a family of 10 illegals living in the same house and paid under the table working here (tax free) will only receive an $1800 check? Poor babies. Where do I sign up?

Merry Christmas!! Don’t spend your $600 all in the same place...Whoopie!!

jayjay said...

And don't forget;around 6 million to Jordan to build a border wall!

Dan said...

So how do I get myself identified as an illegal alien?

Well, despite the crappy news, let me wish Stilton, his family, and all my imaginary friends here a

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

M. Mitchell Marmel said...

@Dan:

Hear hear!

And to paraphrase Tiny Tim, "God help us every one!"

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Jess- It never gets old. Apparently.

@B.C.- Yeah, "Phuk Yew" is definitely the message I'm getting. And the Dems are saying even this $900 billion is just a "down payment" on what they really want to spend. I'm increasingly thinking that this is a good time to buy and hold some precious metals. Not that $600 is going to buy much gold.

@Jim Irre- Hope springs eternal!

@James C- I hadn't seen the provision about the Insurrection Act, but nothing would surprise me anymore.

@Mike aka Proof- It sounds like the Dems would be happy to raise the amount of money taxpayers will get, as long as the money doesn't come out of any of their pet projects. Nothing makes them happier than "giving away" stolen and/or borrowed money.

@Bobo the Hobo- I think "clear and transparent explanations" are going away for a long, long time.

@Feargal the Cat- Yep, I remember a previous dole out to the Kennedy Center, too. And it's "business as usual" for the Dems to give some special interest a big bunch of taxpayer money, then coincidentally get a big kickback.

@American Cowboy- I'm not sure why we need a new educational initiative to teach people about combining stupidity with flammable liquids and fire...it seems like Darwinism was already teaching the lesson pretty clearly.

@Fred Ciampi- So you're suggesting a head count...?

@Alej- I think all that's really changed is the "officially" part. Darn it.

@Alfonso Bedoya- I knocked back half of an Ativan a short while ago. I don't do it often, but today was just asking for it.

@M. Mitchell Marmel- I admire your Protestant work ethic.

@Sergio- I agree that miracles could be worked in many deserving lives with the money that's being pissed away here. By the way, in that $900 billion boondoggle, I believe there's no direct assistance for the restaurant industry. Why? Because Republicans wanted it, and the Dems won't allow it without trading for more pork.

@rickn8or- I'm pretty sure the Kennedy Center's money will be going to that Board of Directors (and Nancy's daughter) rather than anything actually useful. And I agree with your assessment of both parties: a pox on the lot of 'em.

@Dave Lndesmith- I can't endorse a "hang 'em high" sign unless it includes the phrase "after a fair trial." (grin)

@John the Econ- Yes, the inflation that is surely barreling our way will make chowder out of that $600. And let's be honest - the $600 isn't really intended to help anyone or stimulate anything. It's the "shiny object" to distract the great unwashed from the REAL money changing hands in the depths of the bill.

@Bobo- Actually, that family of 10 illegals (if all are over 18) would get $1800 each, for a total of $18,000.

@jayjay- We should allocate a few million to a study of why walls work over there but not here.

@Dan- I'm frankly confused about the whole illegal alien thing. If the government can mail you a whopping check, then they have your address and legal status. Shouldn't that be a list being used by ICE instead of the Treasury? And yes, Merry Christmas wishes to all!

@M. Mitchell Marmel- Tiny Tim knew what the hell he was talking about...

TrickyRicky said...

Merry Christmas to all, except these crooked traitorous vipers in Washington. May they roast in a new, deeper circle of the Inferno.

Shelly said...

This is just the establishment flexing its muscles in anticipation of retaking our lives. This is just a drop in the bucket compared to what is to come. And they don't even really give a crap how we feel.

Rod said...

Also FYI in local news. Talked yesterday (with masks at 6+ feet) with a fellow I know and among the long-time, no-see catch-up recent news was: An older but not overly elderly healthy male in his extended family had been in a bad vehicle accident; was severely injured and soon died. I guess part of the regular processing for admission to hospital is a COVID test. Anyway: Injuries &/or the hospital killed him; but the test (widely held to be 50/50 accuracy) was supposedly positive & he cause of death is Covid19. Isn't this some shit?

This is the first year that clean, lube op-check ALL firearms is on the To-Do list (as some do tend tp become rather neglected; but this year it sounds like good timing.

Snark said...

MERRY Christmas, Stilton, Mrs Jarlsburg and Daughter Jarlsburg! And the same to the rest of the not so merry band here.

I didn't comment earlier; nausea set in before I could propose a suitable answer. My real answer is quite suitable, just not suitable for a family site. A family of hyenas, perhaps.

Hopefully PDJT will stick this abomination in his pocket and let them thrash it out next year. Maybe The Turtle will grow enough of a pair to present a mild objection to this fiscal rape.

No Rx for me. Just alcohol and plenty of it. CHEERS!

The Snark

JustaJeepGuy said...


In case nobody noticed it, today is Festivus--for the rest of us! Congress didn't vote themselves a raise because they made raises automatic, so they can only vote against a raise. They did this back in '96 or so, after the 27th amendment was ratified. This is the amendment that was one of the first 12 proposed amendments. It says: "No law, varying the compensation for the services of the Senators and Representatives, shall take effect, until an election of Representatives shall have intervened." So the scumbags just fixed it so they "make no law" to vary their compensation. It's automatic.

That witch-with-a-capital-B Nanski Peloski called President Trump's $1,000 tax cut "crumbs", but called her $600 relief "significant". "Let them eat $13-a-pint ice cream" Nanski needs to become way more familiar with the fate of Marie Antoinette as a warning.

Oh, how I loathe the Demo_Rats! Also all RINOs!



Pat Cummings said...

Wrapped up under the Christmas tree is a long box with my name on it. I'm pretty certain it contains a Henry rifle. The other wrapped long box, which I bought, contains a Remington 30-06 rifle for spouse's eager hands... The reason I'm confident what's in my present is a quick glimpse of a 1200-count ammo supply which Spouse found on the wrong shelf at the local shop.

Merry Christmas to all! And keep your options open...

Rod said...

@ Pat: Perhaps it's more like "Keep your options dry"? Happy New Year and maybe they won't be needed.

And the same wish to you ALL: Best wishes for path forward. I dislike saying this and am always one to count our many blessings any time; certainly at end of year.. but it seems the summation of THIS year reflected by nearly everyone (it's even present in the annual letters received with cards from distant friends) is a low mood, a tough year, considerable loss and more trouble coming such as postponed surgeries, forces changes, etc.

And yet WE are still doing OK; lows moods due to distance from family; but OK. But I also think WE as a nation pretty much HAVE to stop this national decline in 2021.

John the Econ said...

@Stilton, but how shiny an object can $600 be when the last time around they people got twice that much?

@Rod, not a unique story: https://www.fox35orlando.com/news/fox-35-investigates-questions-raised-after-fatal-motorcycle-crash-listed-as-covid-19-death

Or this one:

Grand County Coroner Raises Concern On Deaths Among COVID Cases

The coroner, Brenda Bock, says two of their five deaths related to COVID-19 were people who died of gunshot wounds.

Regarding comments about how non-citizens now get better treatment from our government than the citizens our government supposedly exists to serve and protect:

Clever American Disguises Self As Transgender Middle Easterner In Hopes Of Receiving More COVID Aid

"With this pork-filled spending bill, Congress showed us where their priorities lie," said local out-of-work bartender Darnel Ridders, who cleverly dressed up as a transgender, vaguely Middle Eastern man. "I'm hoping to add to my $600 stimulus by dipping into some of that foreign aid for Middle-Eastern gender programs!"

The Bee stings again.

John the Econ said...

Another thought: Now that Trump has thrown this mess back at Congress, there’s now the looming threat of another horrible government shutdown.

Is that where government employees who have been cheering the COVID shutdown and have been largely at home getting paid for the last 3 quarters all of a sudden find themselves in the same situation as millions of other citizens who don't have cushy government jobs and haven't had the luxury of getting paid for staying at home?

REM1875 said...

MERRY CHRISTMAS to y'all !!!
from clan REM1875 !!!

Sortahwitte said...

They MUST quit calling calling it pork. That will surely (Shirley) offend all the "moderate" muzzies. For me, however, pork it is and pork it will remain.

@PC. I can appreciate what lies under your tree. A gift that keeps on giving. I have had a wonderful year of those kind of gifts. Mostly from me to me. I know what I like.

Merry Christmas to all here, some real and some imaginary. I treasure your friendship, comments and words of profound wisdom. Also the best to the Stiltons. Are we class or what?

Jim Irre said...

Proven wrong once again. Why do we even have a Republican Party?

Matthew Peters said...

Somebody exploded a massive bomb in downtown Nashville today. It has dominated the news on every channel today.

On the bright side, this is the best COVID relief imaginable. They haven't mentioned it once.

https://www.theweek.in/news/world/2020/12/25/us-explosion-rocks-downtown-nashville.html

Navyvet said...

It will certainly be a Happy New Year for the Washingmoney politicians when their kickbacks come from the countries that mostly hate us, after the politicians there have pocketed their share. The people in those countries wont see a dime of that money, but hey, laundering money is what our politicians do because they know that the majority of the US population are such naive fools that can't figure out something even as obvious as this.