Wednesday, February 24, 2021

Bum's Rush

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, seattle, heroin, drugs, anal

In this miserable year, it takes a real effort to find good news worth reporting - but thankfully we've found just such a story!

To cope with the epidemic of biohazardous needles littering Seattle's sidewalks, the city has now initiated a program to popularize the practice of "Booty Bumping," in which heroin enters the body by way of the asshole (and in Seattle, there are plenty of them). To facilitate this practice, the city is giving away the necessary equipment (basically a rubber squeeze bulb of the sort used to suction mucus from a baby's nose which, for all we know, is also some kind of perverse turn-on in Seattle).

"But," say the heroin addicts, "won't shoving heroin up my ass look undignified? What's in it for me?" And the answer, according to local Democrats, is "plenty!" Their distribution materials point out that users can get a bigger and quicker rush from heroin when it's delivered via the Hershey Highway, that there's less risk of needle-transmitted disease, and the process is better for the addict's skin in that it doesn't leave unsightly track marks on their arms. Track marks in their Fruit of the Looms is apparently less of a consideration.

While heartless conservative types might want to help the addicts actually get off drugs and off the streets, the Democrats have chosen another path (so to speak) which we can actually get behind (oops, sorry). In fact, now that the Democrats run everything in the country, we applaud solving social issues by adopting a "shove it up your ass" attitude. Perhaps the healing really has begun.

(Editorial Note / Correction: In an earlier version of this story we said this was happening in San Francisco rather than Seattle. We apologize for our mistake, and will henceforth only take Clan MacGregor orally.)


By now we've all heard about the anti-racist training being forced on employees of Coca-Cola (and most other major companies).  And while this training is very specific about all Caucasians being genetically aggressive, arrogant, ignorant, tribal, and cursed with undersized genitalia, the recommendations for helping these pale miscreants find spiritual and cultural redemption are a bit more vague.  But we're here to help!

Thanks to a quick Internet search (which, according to Joe Biden, our brothers and sisters of color can't quite figure out how to do) we've found a video which will allow you to take the woke advice of Coca-Cola and "try to be Les White"...


Mike aka Proof said...

Heroin AND Coke! Two of the four basis food groups from Stilton's Place!

REBlane said...

Stilt! Thank you for the inspirational message from Les White. He is the poster child for the Coke Woke

Fish Out of Water said...

Read an article a few weeks ago about SF, which reported tourism is so down its resident criminal population is actually starting to prey on SF residents now. How SF got to where it is now would be an interesting story and instructive.

As to being less "white", is it me or do others also see the seeds of mass persecution beginning to sprout? And a next step would be publication and required reading of an updated, modern day version of Der Giftpilz The Poisonous Mushroom?

Scary times folks.

REM1875 said...

So how much are they paying Butt Bump instructors .... and what does the civil service entail ? I got a few unemployed folks here that could use a job ?
Ole Les White would fit in so well here they would never find him .......

Brie Camembert said...

Well, I guess SF is a good place to start. After all, the inhabitants are used to taking it up the a$$.
Seriously though, you couldn't make this stuff up!

BTW I now self identify as a crippled black lesbian, so should be OK.

Jim Irre said...

I'm gonna get a spray-on tan so I'll be less white! That counts, right?

Snark said...

Apparently "booty bumping" is also being promoted in Toronto and Seattle as well. There is also a cartoon presentation depicting the instructions @ Having already visited those enlightened havens of social justice, I'll refrain from returning. I prefer to remember them as they were. Denizens of those areas must spend countless hours thinking and imagining just how else they can dig deeper into the mental sewer that they infest.

Ol' Les White is just demonstrating his white privilege. After all, only white people do drugs, drink excessively, shoot each other and themselves, sell dope to undercover cops and run from the law. All that similar activity in Chicago, Baltimore, St. Louis and other social justice Edens are just more of white people being white.

As for me, I'm now identifying as an undocumented Honduran pleading for asylum after fleeing from MS7. I'm seeking sanctuary in MS10.

M. Mitchell Marmel said...

Pepsi being just as bad, I'll stick to Royal Crown. Besides, that way I can make Royal Crown Royal, a fine alternative to Clan MacGregor and battery acid from Johnny Optimism's new friend.

Fred Ciampi said...

Ahhhh, truth is stranger than fiction.

I once knew an old gal who was prescribed suppositories for an ailment. I asked her "are you still taking the suppositories the doctor prescribed?" She screamed back at me "Of course I am, what do you think I'm doing, shoving them up my ass?"

Sortahwitte said...

What a country! The mental midgets around here leave the sleeves on their Ts so they can roll a pack of cigs up in them. Except it's a marlboro box full of weed smokes. You know, it's medicinal for the disease they got. Which is a case of terminal dumb-ass. Around here, the dope stores have street fairs where they have a quack to write scrips for medicinal weed. The line is always at least a block long. Hooray for us.

Alfonso Bedoya said...

Booty-bumping is nothing new in San Francisco. The peter-puffers and fudge-packers on Castro Street have been doing it for years.

Hankiepoop said...

Coke deserves Les White........whew!

Jim Irre said...


John the Econ said...

Oh, Busty. You know better than to ask that.

Seattle or San Francisco?: @Stilton, you can be forgiven for being confused about which left coast city was promulgating this latest level of insanity. Over the last decade, it appears as though there's been a competition between the two in the race for taking Progressivism to its ultimate level of absurd inevitability.

In a sane world, Seattle, San Francisco and other similarly-managed cities as they exist today would not exist. In a slightly less sane world, they'd serve as dingy examples of where Progressive leadership and policy leads a city & civilization, and as an object lesson for others as how to not manage a city, and would self-correct.

But unfortunately, for too many today in our supposed democracy "government" itself has become a religion, and the solution to every problem is to simply pray for more government, now matter how objectively bad the results continue to actually be. What other explanation could there possibly be for the residents of these cities to keep voting for the same insanity over and over?

Will "Booty Bumping" now be taught in our elementary schools? Johnny can't read, but at least he'll know how to properly shove heroin up his ass so that he won't feel bad about it.

Les White: Sigh. When I saw that, my first thought was "How much of my labor has been taken away from me to subsidize this guy's life and subsequent collateral damage?" My second thought was "Why isn't this guy's inherent 'white privilege' working out for him?"

But then after regaining control of my emotions, I could only conclude that the existence of Les White was due to America's amazing and historically unprecedented affluence. In any other age of history, natural selection would have seen to it that Les self-eliminated.

Jess said...

I feel sorry for those people in San Francisco that became so open minded, their brains fell out.

Pat Cummings said...

@Fred Ciampi: When we were in South Africa, we heard about a Brit who went to his Afrikander doctor for a similar problem. The instructions he got with his suppository prescription were: "Steek dit op yo fondament, ya?"

When he went back a few weeks later, the doctor was puzzled. His condition was, if anything, worse. "Didn't you use the medication, mon?" he asked.

"Oh, diligently! But I'm not sure how it's supposed to help," his patient replied. "Though it has nicely filled in the cracks in the foundation..."

Anonymous said...

Now we know where those red assed baboons come from.

Colby Muenster said...

Yup... that'll make Seattle more attractive to tourists! Poop stained snot suckers all over the place is a BIG improvement to needles, right? Just when you think libtards couldn't devolve further, they prove you wrong.

By the way:

Pepsi? I heard they have their own version called Moe Black.

REM1875 said...

I was a 'Corpseman' with the Marines (and SeaBees) so I was the middleman between the Marines and Dr's. I would have to interpret medical language to something the Marines would understand .....
Sooo ...."tear the tinfoil off and shove it up your ass" prevented "Doc I been eating these for few days and they ain't working and taste bad" ....... and the permanent display at the clinic's X-ray dept of tinfoil covered suppositories that had been rectally inserted ...... with tinfoil still on ......

DougM said...

Re: the squeeze bulbs
Might I recommend a lubricant, too?
Gorilla Glue™ brand

(What? Gorilla Glute™? *heh*)

M. Mitchell Marmel said...

Just a reminder: If you're not following this guy, you need to be!

igor said...

If we're not in the "last days", then what ARE we in?

M. Mitchell Marmel said...

@Igor: Heinlein's "Crazy Years", just extended half a century or so.

Gee M said...

Days late and Dollars short...
Politifact has changed their take on Officer Sicknick. They are now stating that he was NOT bludgeoned to death with a fire extinguisher. Actually, they say he was not even struck with a fire extinguisher. Snopes has yet to change their fact check. (ps... this was one of the main talking points of Trump's 2nd impeachment).
Also, at the time, the current police chief in DC was Sund. Also, yesterday he gave testimony that they had intel that Antifa was planning the insurrection at the Capital. He stated that the pipe bombs were a diversion to draw police away from the capital. He documented a 266 page brief showing all the coordinated text messages where they confirmed the West wall would be the easiest access and have the fewest police as well as the fewest camera. Not only did most of the mainstream media ignore this, but those who did report on it said his statements were false. No explanation, just that they were false.
I have videos of Ashli's shooting, the Popo opening the doors and hanging with them in the Senate chambers, etc...not a civilian weapon in sight, only the Police had firearms.

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Readers- Good stuff above, as always!

John the Econ said...

@Gee M, it's also salient to note that our nation's "newspaper of record" which promulgated the fire extinguisher narrative based entirely upon "anonymous sources" has since changed their story, now speculating "chemical irritants were a factor in his death".

So "chemical irritants" were confused for "blunt force trauma to his face"? What will the story be once "chemical irritants" are eliminated as a possible cause? Or are they just assuming we will have lost interest by the time that would become necessary?

Once again I have to ask, if America were to have an official "state media" as most other totalitarian states do, exactly how would it be any different than the supposedly independent "4th Estate" we have in America today?

Speaking of being "Less White": Here's a good theme song.

American Cowboy said...

@ John the Econ-" Or are they just assuming we will have lost interest by the time that would become necessary?"

Someone has to ask, "What difference, at this point, does it make?" I just had to throw a little sarcasm into the mix. That question is what 99% of the Neo-fascist left will be screaming though is my guess.

The Overgrown Hobbit said...

By the way the behind-the-scenes chatter of the folks responsible for running these so-called Anti-racism programs is wariness and warning about doing them.

So whoever is publicizing and pushing back... It's working. Don't let the front-facing talking heads kid you that everything is fine, and nothing you do will ever help end the on-going demonization and dehumanization of your fellow Americans of color (pale, pale color) who may be experiencing whiteness.

j said...

all I could think of after watching the video was...
God help those poor kids growing up with such role models.

Pete (Detroit) said...

Bootie Bumping - yanno, if we quit reviving ODs, a LOT of this problem would go away..
Woke-Coke - I want Larry Elder (conservative black radio host out of LA) to put together the complimentary course "Try to be Less Ghetto"... simple things - learn how to talk, finish high school and get a job before getting married, get married before breeding...
Three simple steps out of poverty... (well documented)
Les White - yo, bastard, you're breathing my air, and I fully encourage you to stop that. Living proof we need to remove 'stupid stickers' from everything, and let nature take it's course again. What a one handled plyer of a broken tool..

Michael Riles said...

Newsflash: New ATIFKA violence hits Portland.

Tune East Side West Side

the trust babies are back.

Although capitalism is on the ropes
these douche bags still attack.

More Molotov cocktails
Midol moments from chicks.

These acts are getting so boring
from hormonal piles of s(BEEP).

Cuomo: “Are you open to sex with older men.”
Many American Woman: “Depends on how rich he is.”

Amazing---the left used to take a meat-ax to big tobacco and big-pharma. Now, after Rush Limbaugh's death from lung cancer due to tobacco and the need for vaccines due to Covid, the left will probably build parade floats for them for the Rose Parade in their honor, if there is one this year.

“The left doesn't care about science, they care about political science.”
Comment heard on FOX News.

So if college is free how much will the professors make----LIBERAL professors.
This writer

“I wonder if Cuomo took sexual harassment training that's mandatory for state employees.”
Question heard on FOX News

Q: What do Charlotte Bennett and Raymond Reddington now have in common?
A: Both are on a Blacklist a million miles long.
This writer