Friday, July 9, 2021

Alive And Kicking Back

This seemed like a good time to remind everyone that I'm not dead, wounded, or imprisoned at Guantanamo, nor is this blog "gone." It is simply appearing very sporadically, much like coherent sentences coming out of Joe Biden's mouth.

My experiment with backing away from politics continues. Oh, I still read the Wall Street Journal and occasionally peek in to see what Tucker Carlson is rightfully angry about. But I'm not following myriad stories beat-by-beat, and I'm using all of that saved time to accomplish...well...not much yet. Hey, redefining yourself doesn't happen overnight (except for hungover people who discover the "morning after" that their sexual orientation wasn't what they thought it was).

So I'm mostly attacking chores with varying degrees of success:

• I mowed my lawn. Which sounds dull, but mowing a lawn in Texas in July is basically playing Russian roulette with heatstroke.

• Related to the Texas heat, there are reports that our state's electrical grid may get spotty in the coming days and weeks. Bringing my Covid-prepper mindset to the problem, I've purchased a number of rechargeable camp fans and a portable solar panel so that in case of a power outage, the Jarlsberg family (including dogs) can at least enjoy hot breezes until the air conditioning comes back or we just flat out die.

• Speaking of air conditioning, the unit has stopped working in daughter Jarlsberg's car. Fortunately, I found a Youtube video about how to fix the problem and was assured "you can do it in 15 minutes even if you've never done it before." I'd like to think that it's part of my charm that I'm still stupid enough to believe that sort of thing. My efforts came to naught and I'm taking the car in for repair tomorrow. And if they try to bill me for three hours of work, I'll refer them to the Youtube video as a negotiating tactic.

• I've started sorting through dusty boxes of paperwork and memorabilia to prepare for a possible interview which may go into a real, intended-for-broadcast documentary about an unusual business venture I was part of many years ago. The enterprise received national attention for a while and, despite allegations to the contrary, was not promoting Satanism. And that's really all I can say because I signed a non-disclosure agreement. Wait, am I allowed to say that? Well, it's too late now.

• And for no particular reason other than that it's Friday, let's enjoy a quick round of "O Caption, My Caption." And no, I don't know what the heck this thing really is other than it was a medical illustration...

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, earwigs, amoeba, captions


Sergio said...

Gotta go with Don King

M. Mitchell Marmel said...

Hildegarde Hamhocker: The Protozoan Years.

Jess said...

Halfway through the colonoscopy, Dr. Smith was astounded to find a used Swiffer duster.

Mango said...

Ah! A thalidomide joke. They were semi popular in my neighborhood late 60s early 70s. Thanks for the flashback!

Mike aka Proof said...

"O Caption, My Caption":
Brian Stelter's tryout for bell ringing choir might have gone better without the Carmen Miranda headgear.

Jim Irre said...

I don't know . . . the Amoeba one got me chuckling as well!

Jim Irre said...

For those who don't drink, when you wake up in the morning that's as good as you're going to feel all day. How depressing!

Bobo the Hobo said...

Gotta hand it to you with that thalidomide joke!

TrickyRicky said...

Amelia the Amoeba is WAY overdue for her (it's?) Brazilian wax appointment.

Alej said...

One of your very best !

millard fillmore said...

A previous unusual,but briefly popular business venture?I knew it,you did those Slim Whitman's Greatest Hits commercials,didn't you?

Radar1972 said...

That’s a pic of my prostate at 4:00am each day.

And kudos for wanting to keep your sanity by avoiding politics. I have to just walk away sometimes, too.

Jerryskids said...

Glad to see you're still here! Any day above ground is a good day.

Colby Muenster said...

"I told you not to play with fireworks, Larry!" said Mrs. Squid, "but at least you have one tentacle left."

Glad you're still among the living, Stilt! I'm sorta disappointed, though. I figured the stately Jarlsberg Estate had a gardener to mow the grass.

Colby Muenster said...

Oh! Now that you have officially NOT violated your non-disclosure, my interested is piqued. If said documentary is eventually released to the public, would it violate your NDA to tell us to please watch "xyz" on the tube (wink wink nudge nudge)?

John the Econ said...

Good to see you're still with us.

I'd like to still be reading the Wall Street Journal, but they are really making it hard for me to continue doing so. In the beginning, it was delivered in the morning like any other newspaper. Then it started being delivered by the USPS with the mail, which was annoying because my mail doesn't arrive until relatively late in the afternoon. Since the paper was being flown in from the coast, inclimate weather meant that it wouldn't make it some days, especially during the winter. Then the Wuhan Flu hit, meaning that there were few to no commercial airline flights coming in to transport the paper to the USPS in a timely manner, so I'd be getting my paper a day or more later.

Then last month I got a letter stating that they were no longer interested in delivering me a paper at all, but I could still read the paper digitally at almost the same absurd cost. (almost $500-a-year)

One of my simple pleasures in life was taking an hour off at lunchtime, go to one of my favorite eateries, and reading my paper, even if it was a day-and-a-half old news. (Browsing on my phone is just the same experience) The Wuhan Flu and WSJ have conspired to deny me that, at great expense no less.

I enjoy mowing my lawn. There's a zen to it.

Mrs. Econ & I visited "Hell's Canyon" on the Snake River in the middle of the heat wave. Hottest temp I measured was a bit over 108, which I found a bit of a disappointment since the forecast for for 116. Either way, neither of us were noticeably uncomfortable on the river.

Fortunately, we live in a state that sells power to those places that have woefully mismanaged their grids in their misguided quest for a green nirvana. So power outages here are unlikely. But should one happen we have our self-contained mobile command post well stocked with cold beer and propane-powered air conditioning.

We look forward to your documentary. And when compared to what is mainstream today, I really don't see how anything you were involved with in the past could possibly be compared to satanism.

O Caption: Another sad result of improper vagina maintenance

Anonymous said...

Your years-long, daily dive into the deep end of the swampy pool of Fake News, Inc. must take a mental toll. We miss your incisive and ironic take on world events, but not so much that your wellbeing is placed in jeopardy (teetering precariously, as it is, on the rim of a near-empty bottle of Clan MacGregor). Please know that your humor is a balm for many of our cultural insults and injuries. God bless you.

jayjay said...

Good to see you back!

Bobo said...

Your enterprise didn’t have anything involving the Clinton’s did it? I could see someone thinking satanism is involved.

Sortahwitte said...

Regurgitate, regurgitate,
Show the people what you ate!

Anonymous said...

I am in the process of making a third world air cooler. Cut a piece of plywood to fit a window. Drill holes in it to fit the top of a plastic water bottle. Cut the bottom off the bottles. Fit the top of the bottles into the holes. Place the plywood in the open window. As the air flows into the room the air will be compressed and cooled.
I sure hope it works.

Anonymous said...

“Mr Potato Head in drag?”

Lee The Voice said...

Stilt: Glad you're back (and front) :D

Dan said...

John the E: I didn't think your maintenance item was really a link, but I clicked on it anyway and it was pretty funny (in a Portlandia kind of way).

Anonymous said...

Fan your clap if you believe in... oh, never mind.

Jim G. said...


If you really want to change your life and take a break from politics I offer three things I did after age 50:

* Have children
* Become Catholic
* Start playing Golf

The hardest thing for me was Golf.

I offer you two of the three challenges, since you already have kids. Let us all know how you do.

Peace Brother,
Jim G.

Jim G. said...

P.S. Was that photo of you or Biden?

Rod said...

You found it in a MEDICAL Book? Good God. Was it a Chinese book?

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Sergio- Funny for those of us who still remember Don King.

@M. Mitchell Marmel- That sounds like the title of a PBS documentary series.

@Jeff- And only moments before he found a can of lemon Pledge!

@Mango- We don't hear much about thalidomide anymore, which is mostly a good thing - but still I think it's useful to remind people from time to time that what the "experts" say is safe ain't necessarily so.

@Mike aka Proof- I can see it!

@Jim Irre- I sort of liked the nervous Amoeba's lame "flower" or polyp or whatever it is.

@Jim Irre- It IS depressing!

@Bobo the Hobo- Oh, it's funny but I'm not proud of myself (wry grin).

@TrickyRicky- Now THAT is a disturbing thought.

@Alej- And yet still at the same low, low price!

@millard fillmore- True story; my twin brother and I did stand-up comedy for awhile, and one of our bits was a parody of the Slim Whitman TV commercial (my brother played "Phlegm Whitman - the spitting image of your favorite TV singin' star.) On another occasion, the two of us got to meet the real Slim in person and get him to autograph an album for us. A really nice and classy guy!

@Radar1972- That's how MY prostate felt last night, too. Although it was holding a little sword.

@Jerryskids- Tell that to all the worms dried out on the sidewalk every morning.

@Colby Muenster- "You'll shoot your eyestalk off!" Regarding stately Jarlsberg manor, there will be a gardener in time...but Mrs. J and I are fighting to do as much as we can while it's still possible. It's hard, but easier than learning how to give directions in Spanish.

@Colby Muenster- IF the documentary comes to fruition (and who knows?) I might well issue a simple heads-up for people here to check it out. It could be fun!

@John the Econ- Wow, the WSJ is charging that much for the electronic version now?! We get both, and I read the e-version on my iPad using the free Technavia Bluebird app, which is GREAT. It looks like the actual paper on your tablet, and you just double-tap a story to increase the size for reading. Highly recommended!

Regarding the documentary, promoting Satanism is only one of the accusations thrown at the team I was working with. The project itself was non-political (at least by the standards 35 years ago) and entirely harmless. But not everyone saw it that way...

Finally, I loved the Portlandia link!

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Anonymous- I'm happy to say that I can still be funny and am trying to think of ways to make that the new core of this site. But the politics was just taking it out of me; I'm not as young and resilient as I was when I started all of this years and years ago. Plus, politics is so much more evil and stupid these days!

@jayjay- Oh, I'll never be gone...I just wander away for awhile sometimes.

@Bobo- That's a natural assumption, but the project I worked on wasn't engaged in politics of any kind. Although people nowadays (and does ANYONE who isn't a senior citizen say "nowadays" nowadays?) would strongly disagree.

@Sortahwitte- Microscopic cheerleaders?

@Anonymous- Can that actually work? I've seen some impressive third world use of plastic soda bottles used as skylights for huts. Let me know if you get any actual cooling effect!

@Anonymous- Not that there's anything wrong with that.

@Lee the Voice- Oh, I'll be around. This place is my social life!

@Dan- Portlandia is the best parody of liberal idiots I've ever seen, and I'm always surprised that it got made.

@Anonymous- I think "Fan Your Clap" would make a great, cryptic t-shirt slogan.

@Jim G- Interesting suggestions but I'm already fully kidded up, I only like golf with little windmills and loop-the-loops, and I think my knees are too old to deal with kneeling during a Catholic mass. Pity.

@Jim G.- I was thinking it was me, but a good argument could be made for Biden. I may have to repurpose that one!

@Rod- The illustration was actually on the website which has collected millions of images, including from medical books. I pay a modest price to use the art, and sometimes relax by browsing through hundreds of images and looking for ones that strike me as funny (or potentially so).

Watching the Defectives said...

I did that. Even cancelled Fox News 'cuz it just got me all pissed off.

But then Critical Race Theory showed up.

John the Econ said...

Caption: Kamala explains how lower orders of life cannot find accessibility to Kinkos or OfficeMax to make copies of their IDs so they can vote as well.

A. Dumas said...

One things you never hear in Texas, in July, while mowing lawns is "yeah, but it's a moist heat".

Michael Riles said...

From Diamond and Silk: What The Hell. House Dems Block Bill To See Declassify Intel on Origins of COVID-19 Virus — Refuse to Give Americans Transparency.
My reply The Bolsheviks in USSR did the same thing---when the info was embarrassing. Also, Trump was suspicious of the Communists feeling the virus was manufactured. My theory, it was made to be used in Northern China to wipe out the rebellious Muslims (Uyghurs?) in the north. Amazing.

To the tune Get a Job

Make a pox
grab some bats, ready weapons for attack.

Rebellion north
They will rise, and it's we who will get sacked

arm the germs
make sure the pox it don't get out

or the world
will get sick, to us the BILL they'll stick.

Holy crap the germs got out,
said OK you're free.
Take a trip,
heard Italy's PRETTY.