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Friday, March 18, 2022

TGI-Effing Around


Johnny Optimism and I are going to be spending a lot of quality time with each other for a while. Now that I live in his world, I'm hoping he can show me the ropes. Tickles the Clown offered to show me the ropes, but he seemed a little too Pulp Fiction-ish about it.

I don't know what kind of an update this will be, but I thought you good folks deserve one - and it will probably do me good to write one.

For anyone who only reads these posts but doesn't then follow the ongoing narrative in the comments section (just click on the title of any post to get there), my wife Kathy died of leukemia on Saturday. We had been together for 48 years.

Daughter J and I are doing pretty well all considered. Not that we're actually interacting with human beings face-to-face yet. There's no need to get crazy in year one. We spend most of the day in close proximity to one another and in reasonably good moods, drifting from one task to another. There's a lot to be done here and Kathy was always the mastermind behind where things should go and how things should be properly done. I'm hoping that the sheer elegance of her systems will allow me to function just by keeping the momentum going.

I spoke to an oncologist friend today who had reviewed Kathy's records and she confirmed that Kathy's leukemia was a monster. A wildfire. Everything possible was thrown at it but it was literally unstoppable. Far stronger and more aggressive than the norm. Which is pretty much what it would have to be in order to bring her down - she was made of sterner stuff than most.

The absolutely horrible hospice agency that pretty much left us high and dry throughout the final wretched days continues to annoy. Despite their earnest saleswoman's pitch that their Total Super-Duper Family Care Delightful Death package would give us immediate access to an expert bereavement team who could leaven our pain, the sumbitches haven't been in touch at all. No phone calls, emails, or texts. No cookie bouquet or 99¢ bottom-shelf condolence card. Which is fine - I don't want anything more to do with the company other than eventually giving them YELP and Google reviews online which actually WILL leaven my pain while hopefully creating plenty on their end. Of course, I have to keep my mouth shut until Kathy's remains have been safely returned to us. She's gone from hospice to hostage but should be home soon.

Daughter J and I decided to broaden our diets a bit and so yesterday tried something exotic called "vegetables" which are theoretically better for you than Little Debbie Nutty Buddy bars. We may try experimenting with things like protein next. It's a brave new world.

And I've contacted the folks at the local blood bank to find out what it will take for me to become a regular donor now that I've seen how important that is. It seems easy enough: I just need to show up for an appointment, have my blood typed, ask them not to mention my blood alcohol level to the cops, and then have them pump me like a well handle. Easy peasy.

That's about it other than to thank all of you again for your ongoing support. It's both needed and deeply appreciated, as you can clearly see by the smile on this pretty lady's face...

221 comments:

1 – 200 of 221   Newer›   Newest»
Mike aka Proof said...

Our condolences. There are no words.

Handy said...

HANG IN THERE. YOU HAVE A LOT OF FOLKS THE CARE..................TOM

JustaJeepGuy said...


I agree with @Mike aka Proof.

As for the blood, I was a regular blood donor for the last 15 or so years that I lived in Ohio. I was happy to donate, but I started to get seriously annoyed at the blood bank people. They always wanted me to make an appointment and would call me to try to schedule one. I knew when 8 weeks were up and I wanted to just walk in when the time came, because I saw many people do that and they usually got done before I did. This was very annoying too. I should have told them I wouldn't give them any more blood if they didn't stop calling.

Radar1972 said...

Beautiful lady. Savor your memories of the good times. God bless.

Julian said...

My tears are flowing for you now, and will be doing my prayer time in a few minutes. I know there are no words. I am just so sorry. When my dear wife passed away, the bereavement people did try to stay in touch but the one visiting nurse who had seemed to really care, just disappeared- like you said, no card, no call, no nothing I guess to some it is just business. And even though I have never met any of you, I feel truly like I have lost a beloved family member. At least she no longer suffers- the suffering falls to those left behind. I know I gave you my number so if you ever need to talk, any time day or night, I will try to be lucid and will just listen, if that is what you need. Much love to you and daughter.

jackjr said...

The sadness has reached out and touched me. I'm sending my love to you, your daughter and Kathy's many close friends.
You have your memories and that is always a blessing,
jack

jimp8606 said...

Stilt, I pray for you and your family that some peace would comfort you always. I love your work and wit! In Jesus name!

MiamiSean said...

Sorry Stilt, I lost my mother the same way. There is nothing left to say but - tough it out and continue, because you are like Diogenes' lantern in the wilderness.

M. Mitchell Marmel said...

Here's to a classy lady. We never met, but I miss her awfully.

Got a chuckle from the Johnny Optimism. Good way of dealing with the situation.

Am in Dallas this weekend*. If you need a shoulder, drop me a line...

*Last time I drove into Dallas in 2010, I took US 69/75. I figured it would have improved in 12 years. More fool I.

miniskunk said...

You have my condolences. Please take a much needed break from this site until you sort out the process of grieving and putting her to rest.

Bill the Cat said...

Thank you for keeping us in the loop. It is actually very good to know that you have your daughter nearby to keep you (both) company. A hug to you.

Hankiepoop said...

You're a strong person Stilt. Kathy has ascended to a beautiful place and will be fine. Stay strong and eat healthy..... this world has much more in store for you and your's!

Hyzenthlay said...

We will continue to pray for you and daughter J. You've been through so much.I think we all sort of knew what the news would be this time, but it doesn't soften the shock.She was a lovely lady with a smile that could light up a room. And she'll always be as close as your heart.

And give that hospice group a good kick in the pants from all of us!

JerryL said...

Stilt, I have been following your family trials with much sorrow as it brings memories of my own brother's passing. You have my prayers for you and daughter as you move on with your lives. In my own experience with grieving the passing of family and friends, I have found the poem "The Rose Beyond the Wall" by A.L. Fink to be very comforting. I pray that you know that your beloved Kathy is still blooming and "Scattering fragrance far and wide Just as it did in days of yore, Just as it did on the other side, Just as it will forever-more."
Via con Dios

Anonymous said...

Your info to us readers on Kathy's condition and treatments left us all in awe of her stamina (and yours). I never had the pleasure of meeting her, or you, but I developed a caring closeness to you and your family throughout this ordeal. I feel the sadness and you are all in my prayers. Remember, no one is truly gone until there are none left who remember her alive. She will remain in all our hearts. God bless and you have my deepest and most sincere condolences

Ed H.

Mike said...

God bless you and your daughter Brother..

Erik said...

My condolences to your daughter and you, Stilt.

Anonymous said...

It is good to find you here Stilt. We are all praying for you. Your sweetheart put up a remarkable right against a terrible enemy. She and you have set an example of love and loyal devotion. May God bless you as you heal.

mindful webworker said...

Waiting and watching for word from you for days.

Now weeping. Harsh humor, Stilton.

May you & yours be comforted with peace beyond understanding.

Mary K Livingood said...

Stilton, I've been reading your various websites for several years. You have seen me through some pretty dark days.

I wish I could do that service for you. I am so sorry. I have a mate whom I've been privileged to beggar and annoy for nearly 50 years, and I am hoping he will miss me when I pass. I hope to leave him with at least one horse and two cats to demand continued care. I don't PLAN on going anytime soon...but of course, that is between God and fate, I suppose.

I lost a sister to Leukemia in 2019. It was not pretty...and I remember very well the sub-adequate 'hospice' care she was given. They refused her pain meds because of concerns she would become ADDICTED...and this was in her acknowledged final month of life. Had they their way she would have died screaming. Thank God I have an aunt who does in-home hospice care...she set them right with a great deal of multisyllable swearing and threats.

My sister passed with a roomful of family, and pictures of her cats all around her. I still talk to her.

Your wife is lovely. It was nice to put a face to ONE name in the Jarlsberg family. Peace and a tip of fine Irish whiskey to ya.

Love

Kat, who lives in Kansas.

Dave said...

Still with you in spirit, pal, and wishing you both, and your family, well, as you cope with the loss.

Anonymous said...

This news is DEVASTATING to me -I can't even imagine how hard this must be for you both! My sincerest condolences.

Anonymous said...

Tears from the moment I opened this one. May the memories of your life together sustain you and may God bless your wife, you and your daughter.

Unknown said...

May God give you the strength to get through these trying times, and the grace to remember her only as she was at her best.

The Pontificator said...

Angels who leave this world are never far from our hearts. I am so very sorry to hear of your loss.

The Overgrown Hobbit said...

Going to keep praying for you and your daughter.

Jay said...

Continuing prayers for you and your daughter. So sorry for your loss. You wife was a very brave person.

ncsercs said...

My most sincere sympathies on you tragic loss.

Stephanie A. Richer said...

You will see each other again, it's the wait now that is painful. But unlike others, you have the secret to getting through it - humor. The Devil hates to see us use it to drive away despair.

Roger Myers said...

Kathy has found peace, your anguish is real. This is the journey we all must take, God Bless.

Jim Irre said...

Lean on me, when you're not strong,
I'll be your friend
I'll help you carry on. (Bill Withers)

Emotions can be an awful thing. Kathy is at rest, suffering no more. She is still with you, you'll see. My best to you and Daughter J as you make your way through this tragedy of life.

Art said...

Lost my wife of 40 years in 2018. I wish I could tell you it gets better. I think, at least for me, it is easier to live with. Dark days will come, family helps as you already know. As we said in the Army, F I D O. God bless.

She’s A Beauty said...

You will eventually find solace in the mundane. You and your daughter have both just been through a horrific ordeal. There will eventually be relief in its conclusion, as cold as that may sound. As for Kathy, she is finally at peace and there is much good to be said for that. We’re all still here for you, Stilt…and will be as long as you need us. God Bless.

Kerry Soileau said...

So sorry for your loss. RIP Kathy.

jhsilcox said...

RIP, Kathy. Keep a seat ready for Stilt!

JRMD said...

Stilt,

I am so very sorry for the loss you and daughter J have experienced. Time will temper the pain of loss. I'm so glad that you had 48 years together and relieved that she is no longer suffering. Kathy certainly fought a good fight.

Your blood donation plans are admirable. Type AB does the most good by donating plasma. All other types except O and B Negative should consider being platelet donors. An apheresis platelet unit provides about 6 times the platelets of a unit of whole blood. O & B Neg. types are best for whole blood donation.
Platelet donation is not for everyone. I think of it as an 'oil change'.

Your family is still in my thoughts and prayers.

Bobo the Hobo said...

Johnny Optimism and I are going to be spending a lot of quality time with each other for a while. Now that I live in his world, I'm hoping he can show me the ropes.. So ….. you’re available? (ducks)

Just messing with you, Stilt.

You and Mrs J fought the good fight right up to the end but now it’s time to get started on your new normal. It’s going to feel really weird for awhile whenever you laugh; routine stuff will feel stupefying, impossible, annoying, and comforting all at the same time. I’m glad you and Daughter J have each other to sort out the process.

Vaya con Dios, Mrs J and thanks for all the fish.

NCDub said...

I’m very sorry to read this. I’ll remember you all in my prayers.

Alan said...

My condolences to you Stilton. There are no magic words to make the sorrow go away but in time you learn to live with it.

mrgutzmer said...

Dear Mr. Jarlsberg,
I pray God’s Blessings on you and your daughter during your time of loss.
Your writings and your books have brought laughter and hope to our lives,
and we sincerely pray for strength and grace from God for you during this most difficult time.
Along with the emptiness and heartache of your loss,
treasure the beauty that was your wife and mother.
As I have lost many in my life, I sense, but cannot fathom your loss,
But simply walk beside you across the miles,
and continue in fervent prayer as you mourn, and rebuild your life.
God Bless,
Martin Gutzmer

Anonymous said...

Thank you so much for sharing that awesome photo as we can now put a lovely face to this story. We love you all and take it a day at a time.

Anonymous said...

Our condolences sir. I hope you and your family are able to raise yourself back to the realization that your wife's suffering is over. No more pain, no more hospital stays, its in the past. It will take time to get used to New Normal, but it will come.

You have a lot of friends and well wishers for your future - we are one of them.

KJM said...

Stilton,
You and Kathy have been in our prayers since we heard the word.
Kathy, now doesn't need our prayers, but you do so we will continue to pray that GOD gives you strength and the faith to continue to do what you do so well.
All our love and support - KJM

JHOLTSCLAW said...

Stilt I can't see the damn letters on my key board through the tears sorey for the spelling erros. I pray for you and your dauter but especially for Kathy may she kno the peace she deserver.

Anonymous said...

Stilton, I'm so sorry for your loss. It's been a long road.

Rockpilot said...

Soooo sorry for your loss

Carol Thonton said...

My other half died two years ago and the pain is still in my heart but he is no longer in pain. Your Kathy will always be with you, deep in your heart and a wee, small voice in the back of your mind.

Snark said...

Things will ease...eventually. You did all that was humanly possible, perhaps even more. Time now to carry on in the manner that she would want you to. The next few months (years?) will feel like you're living in an emotional blender.

Vegetables and protein are good, they help absorb the alcohol. Makes it easier on the liver. (Not really, but it's a good excuse to eat them.)

Take some time to smell the flowers and appreciate the now; remember the good times past, expect good times ahead.

We're with you. So is God.

Anonymous said...

God Bless and stay strong.

PA Ray said...

Sorry for your loss, sincere condolences. Thanks for your updates and your blog

Susan Fineman said...

Dear Mr. J.,
Kathy's smile says it all...how fortunate that you had each other for so many years. I thank you for your chronicle of her journey to peace and pain-free and am truly sorry for your loss. Your love for her was evident in every posting as you tried bravely to journal her to good health. My sympathies to your lovely daughter who carries Kathy's legacy of joy and support so you can carry on your mission here at Stilton's Place. Your posts ease my everyday pain of watching this great nation flounder under the thumbs of spineless demagogues.
Stay the course, Mr. J. We need you to carry on with your same sense of wit and insight.
Regards,
Susan Fineman
Nashua, NH

markshere2 said...

Stilton,

My prayers for your strength and sanity and peace.

Depending on where you are, you get good hospice or you get shit hospice.

Beats nothing, i guess. maybe not.

God Bless you and keep you.

Mark

Garrett said...

A valiant fight and you were there for the entire thing with support and love for Kathy. We were with you in spirit and prayers hoping for recovery from insidious cancer. Even while mourning, you're thinking of others in wanting to donate blood to help others in need. Condolences and peace as you work through the reality, most of us have gone through such tragedies in our lifetime.

Fish Out of Water said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Beegee said...

So sorry for your loss. Maybe you find peace and comfort knowing a multitude of friends are thinking of you and knowing that Kathy is no longer in pain.

Igor the Obscure said...

May the love of Christ comfort you in your grief.

You and your daughter will be in our prayers.

pennoak said...

Sorry for your loss. You and your family are in my prayers for God's comfort at this sad time.

Sue said...

I lost my husband to "mixed phenotype" leukemia. The Drs at MD Anderson in Houston said they only see that in 2% of all their patients...and they come from all over the world! My Jim was a fighter too, like your Kathy. His was raging also. As far as hospice, never had the pleasure. We brought him home in Wednesday night and he died the nect morning before hospuce could arrive. My heart truly does go out to you and your daughter, Stilt. It..is..a..BITCH!!!

Buck said...

So sorry for your loss Sir. It was an agonizing trip to he end I am sure as I have been there before. I hope to see some of your old self after a long period of taking care of yourself and your daughter's grief.

All my best! (Jack Daniels worked for a while!)

Duke of URL VFM#391 said...

i am so sorry to hear that Kathy lost the battle. You have my deepest sympathy - may the Most High soften your pain.

Anonymous said...

Dear Stilton and Family...
Prayers for you and daughter J . Prayers for the Holy Spirit to cover you with Peace.

Wayne in Indiana

Jim Lane said...

Really didn't want to see your post, knowing in my cold heart it wouldn't be good news. Most of us have (or will soon have) similar experiences with a life-long loved one (I did) and if you let it, it can make you bitter. Please don't let it. Your beautiful wife wouldn't have wanted that. Don't be afraid to lean on your daughter for support, and she needs to lean on you as well. Together you can weather the storm of emotional pain that will come once the numbness wears off---and it WILL eventually wear off. I'm really sorry you had such crummy Hospice care. Run properly, Hospice is wonderful. (It was for my mother and me.) Run by uncaring jerks--- Well, you've seen how that goes. Kathy is at peace; it's time for you to let yourself seek peace.

Doctor Deadhead said...

I am so sorry to hear this. May God bring you comfort. I hope you don't lose your sense of Humor. I don't know what I would do if I was in your position but know that you have a lot of people praying for you and your family.

Murphy AZ said...

As to your loss, the faceless hordes grieve at your side. If it were possible, we would all pick up the burden of your sorrow and carry it for you and your family.

As to blood donations, what a marvelous way to continue her memory! For those who are too old or too medicated to donate ant longer, PLEASE take the time to convince others to donate. The need is always great, and your donation will go farther than you know and help folks in serious need.

Quail said...

I am so sorry for you loss.

Wes Brown said...

I am sorry for your loss. You and your family have been a part of my internet routine for a long time. Rest easy Pretty Lady.

Terri said...

We a grieving with you and daughter J, praying for beautiful memories to be your comfort today and in the days to come. I am particularly attuned to your hospice experience, as it is all too familiar. May you have the wherewithal at the right time to provide a fitting online review. Know that many, many friends are standing by your side as you grieve.

Herb said...

Echo Mike aka Proof. My condolences. There are no words. Death is a common bond which I wish we did not share.

Fish Out of Water said...

Were you offered any options in other hospice care? It sounds as if someone took horrible advantage of your situation to steer you to a place you found unsatisfactory. If that is the case, if it is at all possible, someone should face consequences. Please too be careful about funerary arrangements. There are the lowest of the low who think of nothing about taking gross advantage of survivor bereavement.


Great picture of your unfortunately late wife. She seems bubbly and slightly mischievous in that wonderful picture. I can see why she will be greatly missed.

While I do not donate blood, my son does regularly, as for whatever reason, he wound up with a very rare blood type. But more than donating blood, in his case I guess, its the platelets that are more useful/in greater demand.
@ JustaJeepguy: while my son understands how important it is in his case to donate blood/platelets, he too is annoyed by the aggressiveness of the local blood bank. I can appreciate how trying it can be to get people to donate whatever to a cause, but they get carried away.

Case in point, as a subscriber to the WSJ, I took up one of their wine club offers, figuring while the wines may not be legendary, they would make good presents for various celebratory occasions. Now I am getting via email and phone unsolicited pitches by the WSJ wine club which have me now wishing 'I wish I hadn't'. Likewise with charities. sure its good to hep out, but donating to one, opens the floodgates to everything else.

That you, Stilton are returning to a normal diet is a good sign you and your daughter are starting to move forward.

John in Highland said...

I am so sorry for your loss. May God comfort you and your daughter.

StBernardnot said...

Shirley & I send our condolences. May God send you comfort.

SoFlaBoomers said...

What a beautiful woman! I’m happy to hear you had 48 years together…you will cherish them. Celeste, Florida

ruralbob said...

So very sorry to hear about this. I hope the memories will keep you going.

------------

Death is nothing at all,
I have only slipped away into the next room.

I am I, and you are you;
whatever we were to each other,
that, we still are.

Call me by my old familiar name,
speak to me in the easy way
which you always used,
put no difference in your tone,
wear no forced air
of solemnity or sorrow.

Laugh as we always laughed
at the little jokes we shared together.
Let my name ever be
the household word that it always was.
Let it be spoken without effect,
without the trace of a shadow on it.

Life means all
that it ever meant.
It is the same that it ever was.
There is unbroken continuity.

Why should I be out of mind
because I am out of sight?

I am waiting for you,
for an interval,
somewhere very near,
just around the corner.

All is well.

--Henry Scott Holland
1847-1918

Anonymous said...

God made mud.
God got lonesome.
So God said to some of the mud, "Sit up!"
"See all I've made," said God, "the hills, the sea, the sky, the stars."
And I was some of the mud that got to sit up and look around.
Lucky me, lucky mud.
I, mud, sat up and saw what a nice job God had done.
Nice going, God.
Nobody but you could have done it, God! I certainly couldn't have.
I feel very unimportant compared to You.
The only way I can feel the least bit important is to
think of all the mud that didn't even get to sit up and look around.
I got so much, and most mud got so little.
Thank you for the honor!
Now mud lies down again and goes to sleep.
What memories for mud to have!
What interesting other kinds of sitting-up mud I met!
I loved everything I saw!
Good night.
-- Kurt Vonnegut

Andrew Oliner said...

I'm so sorry to hear that. My sincere condolences. You and your family are in my thoughts (I don't do prayers; sorry!)

Anonymous said...


Life is eternal; and love is immortal; and death is only a horizon; and a horizon is nothing save the limit of our sight.
-- Rossiter W. Raymond

Unknown said...

Stilton, I am so terribly sorry for the loss you and Daughter Jarlsberg now live with. My wife and I have been together for 54 years and will celebrate our 50th in mid-June. Kathy, your daughter and you will be in my prayers.

I know this only ends one way. I choose to believe I will see my wife again once we are gone. Perhaps you, too, believe you will see Kathy again.

Phil Reale

Bruce Bleu said...

You are one of a few I have ever "known" who had such a healthy attitude about the turmoil life on this planet delivers. Kathy looks like a sweetie and obviously to put up with you for 48 years must have been very patient as well, (nudge nudge, wink wink). Just prayed for your strength to deal with you and "baby J"'s loss at this time. Thanks for you dedication to your wife... it is a testimony to your daughter and others in your sphere of influence.

Average Joe said...

Nothing I or anyone can say will matter at this time. Bless you guys and know you'll see her again someday. Stay tough. She'd never stayed so long with you if she too didn't have that wicked sense of humor. Bless ya both.

Galen Scott said...

So sorry to hear of Kathy's passing. Your years together were a blessing for both and resulted in your wonderful daughter who indeed shares your world. Thank God for your delightful years together. It is a great tribute to her memory that you are giving blood for others who so desperately need. May you continue to provide humor to others during such troubled times of your own. And, one day you will join you wonderful wife in Heaven to share your excellent memories once again!

Parker said...

May the good Lord bless you and keep you.

May He make His face to shine upon you,

and grant you peace.

Big Wazoo said...

So very sorry for your loss. The world has lost a beautiful soul. We were very fortunate to have known her through you. My sincere condolences to you and daughter J. I wish you peace.
Matt

Bob said...

So sorry for your loss. You remain in my prayers.

Jess said...

It's hard to continue slogging down the trail of life, when the memories hold your heart to a place along the trail that were filled with happiness that was almost too hard to bear. It makes you wonder what God's plans are, and where you're going.

Prayers. They're all I have to give.

Bill said...

You’re posting on your blog after loosing your best friend of 48 years, and I’m in tears for a man and woman who I’ve never met. Isn’t life strange?

I believe God has a plan, which we hopefully learn to understand one day.

May the Lord bless you and your daughter and console your grief.

Unknown said...

My sincere condolences. Only good memories now.

KELLY FROM WI said...

Very pretty picture of Kathy, thanks for sharing that. Johnny cartoon was pretty witty.
Continued prayers for you and Daughter J

mamafrog said...

The only thing we deserve is you and daughter J taking good care of yourselves. Unfortunately, in grieving there will be horrible highs and lows, I wish you more of the highs and easy lows. I recently bought a sign that says "Been There, Done That, Can't Remember", I took that one home with me. It's been four years for me and there are still times I hide in my room rolled up in my blankets for awhile, it helps. And be thankful for all the small blessings, that is what will get you by. We love you guys, hug your sweet daughter as much as you can and hug the puppers,

TrickyRicky said...

Our most sincere condolences to you and daughter J. What a lovely photo of Kathy, thanks so much for including it today. Peace be with you.

ButchVic said...

RIP brave lady, God will make a special place for you with him. I have been a follower of Stilton Place for a couple of years now and. have benefitted greatly from your wise, funny and insightful commentary. May you and your daughter be blessed with healing and comfort for a battle well fought. //god bless you both.

zeeman said...

So sorry for you and your daughter's loss.
I've been looking everyday for updates about Kathy.....so sorry.

OldTexan said...

I am so sorry that your hospice experience was a kick in the head while your were down because I have been through that with relatives where hospice worked as it should, making the best out of a bad situation. Now that you are about a week past Kathy's passing on I am seeing some of the Stilt snarkyness in your writing, humor with a twist, and I hope you and daughter are able to handle all the tasks of the coming week. Blessings for all of you.

Chuck said...

Oh, Stilt. I am so sorry. Words just don't say enough. I was on Team Kathy and was really hoping for some medical breakthrough or sudden reversal. She was a brave, gutsy lady who put up a helluva fight.

You and Daughter J need to take care of each other now. You'll have some rough times ahead but the two of you will have each other's back.

And thank you for posting the picture of Kathy. Now I can put a face to the heroine in my imagination.

VideomanSS said...

Very sorry to hear that Kathy has passed away...a bad thing for you and daughter J but good for her. No more pain, needles, poking and prodding. My wife passed away after us being together for 49 years so it is not an easy thing but vegetables help :-). A good friend that lives in Atlanta went through almost the the same stuff as you and due to his wife's commitment to life he has become and even better person. Blessings and comfort as only He can provide.

Dick Lowman said...

Sorrry for your loss, but happy that you and she had such a wonderful life.

roy in nipomo said...

I know your pain. I lost my wife of 48 years to pancreatic cancer in '19. In our case, the outcome was not really in question (though with chemo, she lasted 10 months). One advantage (if you can call it that) of cancer is that a lot of loose ends can be tied up. If she'd passed due to a traffic accident on the way home from the store, it would have left many things unsaid. You & she had some time to prepare for the final outcome. It is kind of like the original "white elephants": a gift of great worth, but at a very great cost.

My daughter is physically disabled & lives with me. We've grown closer since the loss.

pkdphd said...

My prayers for you and your daughter have been for peace. Sounds like you're getting some. My comment to people who ask me how I'm doing: "One day closer to Heaven."

American Cowboy said...

I have mentioned before that I am not what one would consider religious, but I am spiritual.

These quotes gave me a measure of peace and comfort when I had to face the grief of losing someone to the great enemy Death. I hope they may do the same for you and yours.

John 5: 24 Verily, verily, I say unto you, He that heareth my word, and believeth on him that sent me, hath everlasting life, and shall not come into condemnation; but is passed from death unto life.

25 Verily, verily, I say unto you, The hour is coming, and now is, when the dead shall hear the voice of the Son of God: and they that hear shall live.

26 For as the Father hath life in himself; so hath he given to the Son to have life in himself;

27 And hath given him authority to execute judgment also, because he is the Son of man.

28 Marvel not at this: for the hour is coming, in the which all that are in the graves shall hear his voice,

29 And shall come forth;

Revelation 21: 4 And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away.

5 And he that sat upon the throne said, Behold, I make all things new. And he said unto me, Write: for these words are true and faithful.


Mikey said...

Thanks for the update, and like all your fans, am sorry for your loss. Please keep up your blog, one of the things I enjoy immensely. Maybe that sound selfish, but I hope if you keep it up it will be of great help to you. Take care of yourself.

JP McT said...

Sincere condolences. As a retired physician (Vascular and General Surgery), I have found your dialogue remarkable and beneficial to any healthcare worker who deals in end-of-life issues. There are many lessons that need to be learned. Thank you for sharing. It will help.

Patrick said...

I am so sorry to hear this, Stilton. May God rest her soul and give you, Daughter J, and those feeling the loss of Kathy solace, relief, and comfort.

Unfortunately, you are now a member of the club no one wants to join. As you know from my recent experience, blogging on my grief proved to be my elixir - you’re already a most adept and eloquent blogger: perhaps writing about your feelings will help you learn to live with your grief as well.

Initiallly, if your experience mirrors mine, Daughter J will be your rock and foundation. Eventually, though, you’ll need others. There are many grief support groups - both real and virtual; affiliated and unaffiliated. Seek one out in your area. Or, as much as I am loathe to recommend anyone use Facebook, the “Widowers Support Group - Members Only” was VERY instrumental in my coming to grips with my grief - there is something cathartic about interacting with others in the same flotilla. All in that group have been through what we’re going through, all for a variety of years and at a variety of stages. I found myself moving rather quickly from bewailing my circumstances among understanding, comforting ears to actually being those comforting and understanding ears - and then finally not feeling compelled to check in, as I became more acclimated to my new state in life; as it became part of me.

In any case, know that we love you, Cuz. Though it is impossible to know your grief, we grieve with you. Grief never goes away, but the ragged edges of the hole you are feeling will eventually soften, and memories of Kathy will bring more smiles than tears.

God bless.


Prarie Lion said...

My sincerest condolences during this difficult time. Kathy and you are in the thoughts and prayers of many.

Unknown said...

you don't need to worry about the functioning of the household 'cause your angel will be on your shoulder. Deepest regards. I'll have a shot of scotch for Kathy. sincerely DJ

Stan and Mary McQueen said...

So sorry to hear the news. Having lost my wife of almost 52 years 3 years ago, I know how wrenching it can be. Prayers for you and your family in your loss and recovery. Hospice service quality varies. When my wife needed it, I checked the Medicare site and found that hospice users could rate them. I picked the one with the highest ratings on the site and they were wonderful, including several chaplain visits following her passing. Thanks for keeping us updated; I know it must be painful.

Anonymous said...

We're so sorry. Our prayers for you and your family.

John the Econ said...

Good to see you. Prayers for your recovery from this experience.

And I second what @Fish Out of Water said above. The post-mortem industry is full of piranhas looking to take advantage of people at their weakest possible moment.

When my father passed in the wee hours of the morning, within minutes a guy from some funeral home that we knew not of showed up. Most convalescent homes and hospice facilities have moles that will call them the second that they hear of someone passing in the facility in exchange for a kickback. Fortunately, my sister (who was the local) had already made arrangements with another home and the body chaser was himself chased away.

Donating blood is largely a no-brainer. Make an appointment and show up. There's still a massive national shortage due to COVID. I became due again this week and will be going in soon.

Loved the picture of Kathy. Lovely lady. And certainly special for putting up with you for nearly a half-century.

L.C.Clower said...

Sharing your sadness.

Sandra Gray said...

So sorry for your loss. No one really knows how you feel - remember that you have thousands of friends reading your blogs and thinking of you.

Unknown said...

So, so SO very sorry. I see that you were able to put out a Johnny Optimism cartoon - I guess that's a positive way to deal with a soul-crushing loss. They may be inevitable but they still hurt - really, REALLY badly.

Will Hepburn said...

Stilt, Kathy's smile in the photo clearly shows that you made her a happy woman. You can't do much better than that. Please know my thoughts are with you as you go through this new chapter in your life.

Anonymous said...

Very sad news. I am so sorry for your tremendous loss.

Unknown said...

Terrible. May God rest her soul.

Joe Drypowda said...

A terrible long haul and an awful end. God bless you and daughter, praying for peace as only He can give.

Lobsterman said...


Stilt, they say you get through it but never get over it. I can attest to that since losing my amazing wife 13 years ago. I think about her every day, miss her more every day but firmly believe that I will see her again one day. Stay strong, lean on your friends and family and you can absolutely count me as one of those friends.

Doc Claussen said...

Even though I knew this post was coming, I still hate to read it, buddy. May you be blessed with God's love during this time of tribulation for you.

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Dear Readers- Thank you so much for all of the comments, prayers, encouragement, and life experiences you've shared. I've said it before and I'll keep saying it: having you here makes a difference. There are no magic words for healing (though many of them here are damn good and will be reflected on further) but the expression of caring makes a really meaningful connection. I want to give a hug to each of you that has experienced the pain of deep grief and, sadly, I know that's all of you.

I genuinely am taking pleasure in small things already. I can hardly describe the luxury of sleeping in my own La-Z-Boy again with a preposterously soft new blanket (micro-fiber so touchable that it flirts with being sinful). Or having a cup of coffee when and how I want it (black, like my sense of humor) from a timeworn and familiar mug instead of a styrofoam cup. And, demonstrably, using my own computer to enjoy the comfortable familiarity of piecing together a Johnny Optimism cartoon.

Addressing a few comments, I'm absolutely going to leave an eviscerating review of the hospice service on every public platform I can find, but I'm also trying to let go of anger about it. Apparently you've got to choose between hating and healing as they can't be enjoyed simultaneously. Damn it.

The funeral home guy seems like the kind of asshole who would have happily spun my pain into more expensive and unnecessary things (I've dealt with that in the past), but I made it clear that the bare minimum was all he was getting from me. And so I'm getting the bare minimum back; I'll have to call today to even get an idea when I can pick up the remains. Any correspondence I have with the guy gets a perfunctory reply that makes it clear that I'm nothing but a nuisance client since I didn't buy the "Gold But Not Forgotten" urn.

@Patrick, I'll be checking out that Facebook group. It sounds helpful and your recommendation means a lot.

John said...

I cannot begin to imagine the grief of losing a soulmate of 50 years. My wife and I are both 'orphans' which was painful enough. I still miss them dearly.

One quip I remember that might be somewhat useful here is about bitterness. Staying bitter is like ingesting poison and expecting the other person to die.

So take all the time you need to grieve and don't make any big decisions for at least a year.

Stay well, John

Freedom Monger said...

So sorry for your loss John. Prayers and positive karma are on the way.

Queso Grande said...

Requiescat in pace, ma’am.
My condolences, SJ. To you and yours.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for sharing that smile with us.
It’s contagious and I plan on paying it forward today in her honour.

Shelly said...

I read your post on Facebook about Kathy's death. It was the news I was dreading to hear. She was a beautiful soul and you were blessed to have spent such a long life with her. The ordeal you both went through reminds me of the fragile existence we really live. One day you're humming along, living and loving life and then you get a test result and hell opens up. I'm sorry she had to undergo the nightmare of cancer treatment and you had to witness it. I will still pray for you as you undertake probably the most momentous event of your life. If there is going to be a memorial service or funeral, I would love to attend and meet you personally. If not, I hope to continue to enjoy your wit and wisdom right here.

June said...

So good to have you back up and around. Thanks for the post - as usual, it made me smile and laugh and stare in awe at your brain. God sure gave you a good one.

He gave Kathy a beautiful smile, too. Peace be with you all.

MsPony said...

I have nothing other than I am so cosmically sorry for your pain and your loss.

God hold you and daughter J close.

Pattymelt said...

I am so sorry for your loss. One beatitudes is "blessed are they that mourn, for they shall be consoled." May Kathy enjoy all the blessings of heaven, and may you find comfort.

Jon said...

Here I sit weeping in sorrow for your loss, at 64 I am fully cognizant that either my wife or I could find ourselves in similar shoes. May God's grace be sufficient. Thank you for this place, one of about 5 I visit regularly.

Nancy Dickerson said...

How you and daughter J will deal with these next few months is NOT any kind of reflection on your character. There is a thing called widow's fog or widow's brain. It is the same for men as for women depending on how much we relied on each other. Trauma comes in all forms, but death and dying are a couple of the worst ones for some of us. We will continue to pray for you and your daughter that you may have peace of mind. Understand completely how you feel about hospice. No sense telling you any horror stories, but they certainly exist. How money can be made by hospice is pretty disgusting, but the lack of compassion is the worst part. So sorry that had to be your experience.

Blessings of love.

Whoopie said...

My sincere condolences on your loss. You're a good man who has brought joy to many and didn't deserve to suffer the tribulations that you have.

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Readers- I just want to share another little black comedy moment (there seem to be a lot of them). I just had the following text exchange with the funeral director / cremation specialist who we contracted to use and who assured me, in utmost insincerity, that if there's anything at all he can do to help in my hour of need, he's there for me...

Me: (Name of person), I was just wondering when you think I'll be able to collect my wife's ashes?
Him: Who is this please
Him: ?

I then sent a followup message explaining who I was and who I was talking about. No reply 10 minutes later. I picture him somewhere shouting at a lackey "quick, fill a bag with sweepings!"

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Readers- A half-hour has now passed since I texted the clarification of who I am, but still no response. Not even "Will get back to you." I hate this.

John F said...

So very sorry for your loss.

mrgutzmer said...

would you care to share the name of the funeral home, so we can avoid it?

Ed Spellacy said...

My deepest sympathy. You are an amazing individual to be able to handle all of this.


Elaine said...

I have been coming to your site for years and have always enjoyed your wonderful sense of humor. Have also been following your wife's health problems and your struggle to remain sane through all of it. I am so sorry for your loss, I've been there. Hate to say it, but it never really seems to get easier after the loss of a spouse. I lost my husband of 31 years in 2016 and still miss him so much. Will keep you in my prayers.

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Readers- I finally got a text message back from the cremation guy...

Him: 14 days
Me: 14 days from when she died or 14 days from now?
Me: Does that account for the expedited service?
Him: You wanted the expedited service?

Shoot me now.

TechieDude said...

Wow. That hit my heart heavy.
Sorry for your loss. I'll remember her in my prayers.

Coffeypot said...

Man I am so sorry to read this. I know your pain, dread, confusion and loss. My Judy was a strong lady and I learned from and marveled at her strength. Though there is nothing I can say that will lessen your feelings and loss, just know I understand. You have my virtual arm around your shoulder, man. Prayers for all concerned, too.

Chap said...

May the burning, squealing, crushing destruction of your enemies provide a return to joy.

Mr. Bits said...

Our condolences to a good man and his lovely daughter. More prayers here coming in from Canada. Keep well and yes, vegetables are good for you. You've paid it forward by making so many people smile. Now it's our turn to give something back to you. God Bless.
Brian & Karen Egoff

jayjay said...

I am so very sorry for your loss. May your lovely Kathy rest in peace in God's loving embrace. Continued prayers for you and daughter J that you will find comfort and peace in the beautiful memories that you have shared with Kathy.

J. J. Whatley said...

I am so sorry to hear your wife has lost her battle with cancer. I have enjoyed your blog column for many years. May you continue for many more years. I am not much on leaving comments, but am reaching out with my regrets. J.J.Whatley

Anonymous said...

I am very sorry to hear that you lost her. I haven't been reading all of your posts but I read enough to know of your frustration. May she rest in peace.

DavidW

Anonymous said...

Sir, they can't hurt her any more. Prayers for you and yours.

Phil said...

RIP, Kathy.

At least she's at peace now and have extracted yourself from that hell-hole hospice.

I hope every day gets just a little brighter for you and your daughter.

May God bless you all.

ringgo1 said...

So sorry for your loss. This is not something we ever "get over". My father died in 1986 at age 62 of cancer. He was/is my hero; I miss him every day. My "child bride" (14 years younger than I) died almost 3 years ago. She had been diagnosed with cancer and had completed 2 weeks out of 7 chemo and radiation. The first day of the third week she had a fatal heart attack; I found her stone cold body after there was no possibility of resuscitation. I miss her every day as well. May Kathy's memory be a blessing for and to you.

JL said...

So sorry for your loss. I pray that God will surround you with His love as you adjust to life without your beautiful wife...

John L

ringgo1 said...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cwJfNbpwrG4

Peter said...

So sorry for your and daughter J's loss. You both are in my prayers.

BigCountryExpat said...

Man, Major Condolences Dude...can't even imagine...
“Real poetry, is to lead a beautiful life.
To live poetry is better than to write it.”
― Basho

Julie said...

It so curious how someone, who has been a fan of Stilton Place for less than a year, can feel so sad for you and yours. My heart aches.

Kirby said...

Stilton,

Been following the sad happenings of your so very attractive mate and family. She did fight a great fight...so sorrow. We do thank you for making us aware of the happenings over the many months. Your humor and talent have helped you through these trying months and your readers.

Thank you

p.s. I use googles blogger software and have developed a memory loss. Whenever you find the time...how when one changes the theme that is used does one save before existing?

Jee said...

Like many others have already said, I’m so sorry for your loss. I’ve been one of your readers for quite a while, and have followed this painful journey of yours with prayers and sadness, yet still enjoying your posts and your humor. I’ve been impressed with your strength and sense of humor, both yours and Kathy’s, and hope I’ve learned something about how to deal with painful experiences from you. Thank you, God bless you and daughter J, and continued prayers from Tacoma, Washington.

Anonymous said...

Sending many hugz and prayers your way for comfort and healing....will take a while...each first can be a rough go and then it gets easier...time fades the pain and leaves all the wonderful memories with you....You'll be together again...and until them treasure your daughter and take good care of yourselves...
God Bless Y'all

Anonymous said...

My sincere condolences and prayers will continue to be sent your way. A lot of us have traveled your journey. I lost Mary in 2019 after 51+ years of marriage. Two years of Hell battling Pancreatic Cancer. Months of extended chemo, major surgery over in Boston, radiation and back to chemo. There came the point she said enough. Her last three weeks at home with visiting nurses from Hospice went very well being controlled by morphine round the clock. A niece helped for a week till having to return home. My daughter stayed here with us. The last week and half she just slept. I would sit each morning with a cup of tea and the daily crossword holding her hand. The last day her hand became cold and I knew she was with God. The day will come when we will eventually be back together. I have followed your journey and although not all the same turns the destination was inevitable. Keep the Faith and know she is in a better place and would want you never forget, but complete your own journey. God Bless, John42768

Jill of all Trades said...

Little Debbie’s are the best. The Nutty Bars contain protein, too. And legumes can double as a veggie if you do it just right.

Sending love always to you and Daughter J. And unleash every bit of your writer’s power on that awful hospice place!

John Yeargin said...

Stilton,
I hadn't been following the posts on your previous posting, so when I checked your page today, the news of your Kathy's passing caught me by surprise and shock. I didn't think this would effect me so much but I haven't stopped crying since I read it. Intellectually I realized what the outcome would probably be but emotionally I continued to hope for a miracle. I'm so sorry for you and your daughter. Know that all of us out here in the ether will continue to support your soul and think of you often.

Any of us that have held a long time pet in our arms at the vets for that last shot can't help but think "why can't we have this for humans?" Oh, because the animals don't have a soul they say. Well, I don't believe that! Look into the eyes of that creature with the unconditional love for you. I'll see them again in Heaven.

Thank your for so eloquently documenting your journey. It gave me peace to follow along.
Your friend,
John

Anonymous said...

Please accept my condolences. May God grant you the "peace that surpasses all understanding" and never let you forget that your separation from Kathy is only temporary.

Echo Hotel said...

My condolences to you and your daughter.

jimbro said...

My condolences to you and your daughter. After the passage of some time following the deaths of first my father and then my mother I take solace in the simple phrase "An end to suffering". For dad it was dementia and with mom it was cancer. 25 years after the death of my younger brother I comfort myself with the realization that all of my aggravation over petty problems is really for nothing in comparison and take each day as a gift. Some days are more of a gift than others of course. None of that probably makes sense with my explanation but it's another way of saying you will find a way to go on eventually and experience happiness without guilt.

Jerryskids said...

So sorry for your loss, thoughts and prayers for you and your daughter.

Bobo said...

Stilton, our deepest sympathies flow out to you and daughter J. May the Lord grant your family peace and tranquility knowing Kathy is pain free and smiling down on the loved ones she has left behind. You will all be together again, someday.

I will donate blood in Kathy’s memory and ask all your beloved blog followers to do the same if they can.

I would like to buy you and daughter J. dinner at your’s and Kathy’s favorite restaurant in which you can celebrate Kathy’s life and memory when you both are ready. You should have my email address from when I joined your blog. Please contact me so arrangements can be made. (Restaurant gift card, check or other means acceptable).

Bobo

Anonymous said...

So sorry. Prayers and condolences.

-Don F

Michael Powers said...

So sorry for your loss

Wood Chipper said...

Make good commies time will cheer you up.

Linda Fox said...

I've been reading your work for some time, and enjoying it hugely. That's the first picture I remember seeing of your wife - she was a real cutie. I've also been married 48 years (in January). Most people just have no clue how enmeshed your lives become in an extended marriage.
I hope your daughter is doing well - having her also not well, when you both had need of each other must have been tough.
I'll be adding my prayers for your family to the many others I'm sure you will receive.

Anonymous said...

Our sincerest condolences
Prayers for all to weather the storm.
.
NSF

Anonymous said...

I have enjoyed your work for years, we send our prayers for your comfort and peace for both you and your daughter. What a wonder life you two shared.

sincerely

rmb

sixxfingers said...

My condolences and deepest sympathy for your loss to you and your daughter. You have an angel looking after you now.

Kevin R. said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Kevin R. said...

Oh Stilton, I'm so sorry for your loss.
Kathy looks like a wonderful lady in that picture.
Thanks for sharing it with us.

ChuckInBama said...

She was a very beautiful lady. I'm so happy that you were able to spend a lifetime with her, and so sorry that she is no longer by your side. Stay positive and focused; I'm sure you'll be fine, in time.

Paul Donohue said...

My prayers and condolences.

I woke this morning at about 6:30AM from a sweet dream of someone I knew long ago. The dream ended better than reality had. I reached over to check my phone and saw your email. As I opened it and started to read, I found myself unable to see through the tears. It probably took at least 15 minutes for me to finish reading.

So the end has come and Kathy is with God, leaving you and daughter J. to deal with your own tragedy. And losing one that you love so deeply is definitely tragic regardless of how well prepared you may think that you are.

I'm sure that others have already told you this, but time will lessen the loss. It will never disappear but at some point when you think of Kathy the pain that you feel now will be far less and you will think of the memories and good times that you made together going back to when you first met and right up to last Saturday. For now, the two of you have pain, but Kathy's is over. I'm sure that she is already looking down on you and wishing that she could take your pain away.

My elder brother, the oldest of nine, was born with cerebral palsy and retarded mental development. After my father's death Mom started to worry about what would happen to Frankie when she passed away. In spite of assurances from myself and my seven sisters that we would take him in and continue his quality of life, she continued to worry.

When Frank died he was 37 and my mother was 65. About a week after Frank's funeral I found my mother crying and tried to console her by saying that she had given him a good life - and indeed she had - , that she had always cared for him and that he was with Dad in Heaven. Mom said that she knew that but was feeling guilty because she had been relieved of the burden of caring for him and worrying about his future and felt that it was a bad thing. I told Mom that we had all loved Frankie, but certainly no one more than her and that there should be no guilt in being relieved from her fears for his future, That was a blessing that God gave her to help make up for her loss.

You, Stilt, have my total admiration. You loved Kathy, stayed with her and cared for her until she left, leaving her pain behind as she headed out to meet her Lord. I can only pray that I would be able to be as loving if Annie were to become terminally ill. As things are now, Annie is the one caring for me and it will be I who leaves her. I know that she will be devastated and so I pray that the Lord will comfort her when I am gone. It is I who feels the guilt - now - with the knowledge of the burden I am placing upon her.

Take care of yourself, Stilt, and Daughter J. as well. Move ahead with your lives knowing that Kathy wants you to do so. And if you're feeling down, reach out to this group. There seem to be a lot of damn fine people here who care about you.

And one last note. That picture of Kathy that you shared with us shows a beautiful woman with a great smile. I have to believe that you are a big part of what made her smile. God bless you.

Your friend,
Paul Donohue

Tim said...

I offer my prayers and condolences for your loss. For nearly the last decade I've offered my services for a golf tournament that benefits the Idaho Leukemia Society, and in honor of the husband of the lady who organizes and runs the tournament. Over this time I've seen several people who were bravely fighting this disease and eventually lost their battle. During the following year tournament you look around for them and realize they aren't there and the battle may have been lost. Even though I did not anything near the feelings towards these people that existed between you and Kathy, I still felt a loss.

Be strong. You and Daughter J lean on each other for support. Cherish your memories of Kathy. You'll make it through this.

Anonymous said...

I am so sorry for your loss and even sorrier you had a wretched experience with "hospice", may they burn in hell. Our own experience with them has been everything yours wasn't, else I'd not have touted then to you.
May your Bride Rest in Eternal Peace. I hope your healing is proceeding.
Boat Guy

DougM said...

No words, Stilt, no words

Anonymous said...

So very sorry for your loss Stilton.
Condolences to you and your daughter.

Jonesy said...

My sincerest condolences to you and your family. May you and your family find comfort in the many good memories of your life together.

Paulie said...

I'm sorry for your loss...and know that you have wonderful memories to keep you going.

Artie said...

Sincerest condolences to you and your daughter. May time ease your pain.

Murphy said...

So sorry for your loss!! God's peace be with you!

Spike55 said...

I am very sorry for your loss. I wish you well in this journey. Thank you.

Igor said...

Stilton, while I'm sure the ache is very strong right now, rest assured that Kathy is standing next to you trying to reassure your soul. She is at peace and I'm sure she wants you to be at peace as well.

Be still and know that she's there. So is your Mom and Dad, and any relatives that have graduated this Vale of Tears. She will be missed, but a little while, and if you listen hard you will hear and feel her spirit. She's there for you.

All of us are there for you, friend. Be at peace.

Gary said...

Be strong my Brother. I lost the Love of my Life two years ago having been together for 45 years. God speed

SiGraybeard said...

Words are so completely inadequate.

Praying for healing and peace for you and your daughter.

Unknown said...

I can't say anything that hasn't been probably tendered already. Bless you and your daughter through these unquestionably dark times. I know first hand, after losing my soulmate to cancer in 2020. I sincerely pray for you. I hope I can be a warm hand on your shoulder in your time of need. Please don't hesitate to contact me if I can help in any way: Don xringer22@sbcglobal.net

Anonymous said...

Prayers and love from Ohio. I share your disdain for hospice. My brother was one of their victims in 2020.

JK

SusieBee61 said...

I am so sorry for your loss. As for the hospice agency, I am sorry that they treated you so badly. My only experience with hospice was in 1995 when my father passed away, and we kept him at home with hospice support during the final weeks of his cancer battle. Kathy was a fighter, and she had the man she loved at her side until the end, which is all that matters at this point. Stay strong, and give my love to Daughter J.

Kent Whitehead said...

Not gonna lie, that Johhny O pun was pretty sketchy.
Stay strong!

Inchworm said...

Condolences. Been there, done that. One foot in front of the other until the scar tissue is thick enough. There will be 'moments'. You will get through them. Although in cyberspace the A-holes seem to be the predominate species, in real life there are decent people, give them a chance. I'll stop before I slide into insufferable cliche mode...

Richard said...

So Sorry for your loss. I can not began to know what your feeling. all I can do is say I am praying for you and praying for Kathy's soul. I will be watching for your posts. Stay strong
Richard

Anonymous said...

My condolences on your loss; she lives on in your heart and mind and I'm sure you will come to treasure the happy memories of your life together.

There's no time limit on grief, we all have our own ways.

RIP

Will McConnell

Bruce said...

I am truly sorry. Nothing i can say can help. I pray for you and your family.

Brian K. said...

Truly sorry to hear. I’ve been following your journey since the beginning and sadly know what you have gone through. Our journey of the past three months with our 37 year old son is coming to its end soon. I also find writing cathartic, a way to cope. God bless your wife, sir, and bless you and your daughter.

Utah Standard News said...

So sorry to hear of your lose. Gayla and I have somehow just survived a combined 6 weeks in the ICU. She had covid-Pneumonia . I had a quad-triple bypass. There seems to be an abundance of suffering. I know she was your strength. She was lucky to have you and Daughter J. Don't let the business of death get you down.... the mortuary, caskets, pressure, etc.When you've cleared your head, why not take a drive to St George and visit. I've beren publishing your stuff for yeare. It woulds be nice to meet you. Ed Wallace, Publisher at UtahStandardnews,com. 435-429-4066

Unknown said...

Condolences and prayers, you and your family handled Kathy's illness with grace.

Linda Lee said...

Stilton,
I've been out of the loop lately, too overbooked to check email. I'm so sorry that Kathy's battle with cancer was so grueling and ended like this, and sad for you and your daughter. I'm not a very emotional person, but I haven't been able to stop crying since reading this post, even though I knew it was coming. Yes, Kathy is lovely. She looks very much like my dear sister who we lost to cancer on June 8, 2018. Her name was Mary; she was loveable, loyal, and so much fun. I'm grateful we had 60 years together. No one can ever take her place in my life. I think you're in the same boat. I know you cherish the time and bond you had with Kathy, and how hard it is to say goodbye. We have our memories, and after the raw pain subsides, they give us strength and joy again.
Good thoughts and prayers coming your way.
Linda

Linda Lee said...

Paul Donohue, your post was one of the most beautiful messages I've ever read. Thank you.

Mufflerking said...

I want to pass on to you my deepest condolences. My wife passed away 11 years ago today, 3-21-2011 at 11:11 A.M., And the grief bombs still continue to rain down upon me. Not as often, but they're still there.
Please know that you have my support and prayers, along with so many others who have followed along with you during your grueling times.
Sincerely,
Phil Manko

Anonymous said...

My condolences.
Blessings and comfort to you and the rest of your family.

-mech

Maoz said...

Stilt and Daughter J, words fail me. You two have my deepest condolences.

Thank you for putting Kathy's picture up.

Remember, we all love you.

Anonymous said...

Stilton,

Lost my best friend Judith last February. We would have been married 44 years next month. I didn't want much in the way of sympathy-card platitudes and I'm guessing you might not, either.

It's OK to rage. Don't hold back. But do so with a good friend or counselor. Not your daughter, unless she really wants to hear.

I suggest that after the initial numbness passes that you might want to read C.S. Lewis' A Grief Observed. Re-read it if you already have.

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