I don't know what kind of an update this will be, but I thought you good folks deserve one - and it will probably do me good to write one.
For anyone who only reads these posts but doesn't then follow the ongoing narrative in the comments section (just click on the title of any post to get there), my wife Kathy died of leukemia on Saturday. We had been together for 48 years.
Daughter J and I are doing pretty well all considered. Not that we're actually interacting with human beings face-to-face yet. There's no need to get crazy in year one. We spend most of the day in close proximity to one another and in reasonably good moods, drifting from one task to another. There's a lot to be done here and Kathy was always the mastermind behind where things should go and how things should be properly done. I'm hoping that the sheer elegance of her systems will allow me to function just by keeping the momentum going.
I spoke to an oncologist friend today who had reviewed Kathy's records and she confirmed that Kathy's leukemia was a monster. A wildfire. Everything possible was thrown at it but it was literally unstoppable. Far stronger and more aggressive than the norm. Which is pretty much what it would have to be in order to bring her down - she was made of sterner stuff than most.
The absolutely horrible hospice agency that pretty much left us high and dry throughout the final wretched days continues to annoy. Despite their earnest saleswoman's pitch that their Total Super-Duper Family Care Delightful Death package would give us immediate access to an expert bereavement team who could leaven our pain, the sumbitches haven't been in touch at all. No phone calls, emails, or texts. No cookie bouquet or 99¢ bottom-shelf condolence card. Which is fine - I don't want anything more to do with the company other than eventually giving them YELP and Google reviews online which actually WILL leaven my pain while hopefully creating plenty on their end. Of course, I have to keep my mouth shut until Kathy's remains have been safely returned to us. She's gone from hospice to hostage but should be home soon.
Daughter J and I decided to broaden our diets a bit and so yesterday tried something exotic called "vegetables" which are theoretically better for you than Little Debbie Nutty Buddy bars. We may try experimenting with things like protein next. It's a brave new world.
And I've contacted the folks at the local blood bank to find out what it will take for me to become a regular donor now that I've seen how important that is. It seems easy enough: I just need to show up for an appointment, have my blood typed, ask them not to mention my blood alcohol level to the cops, and then have them pump me like a well handle. Easy peasy.
That's about it other than to thank all of you again for your ongoing support. It's both needed and deeply appreciated, as you can clearly see by the smile on this pretty lady's face...
221 comments:
«Oldest ‹Older 201 – 221 of 221Condolences on your loss, sir.
I’m so sorry for you and your daughters loss and pain. Please know that there are many of us who hope and pray you can find peace.
My heart is broken, and the tears flow down my face for you. dear Stilton. God bless you, and your dear family. Thank you for sharing your life and honesty with us.
Scott Mudge, Chandler, AZ
Well shit. So fucking sorry. What can I say? What can I do? . I suspect that Clan McGreogor. taken solo, is not gonna help. Well shit
So sorry for your loss. Time will ease the pain, & the good memories will bring you comfort. Thank God for your Daughter. Hopefully, you can help each through the pain. As I told myself, when my husband passed away from lung cancer in 2015, he will suffer no more pain & he is in a better place. Take care & God bless. mary ann rohde
There are no words, just has been said earlier, and yet here I am using words to say that. Brace yourself for the well-meaning people who say, "You'll get over it." in a feeble attempt to comfort. You never get "over it", you just learn how to negotiate your way around the brutally painful aspects of the loss. I admire how you lived through this, and had the courage to show us as you took each day by day.
I am so sorry for your loss. Prayers from New Jersey.
To Stilt and Daughter J. We continue to grieve with you. We continue to pray for you. Thank you for the portrait of Kathy. What a beautiful lady! I can see that so many of us that hang out here did definitely "marry up". Love, Glen and Sioux.
Lost my only child to leukemia in 2017. God bless you and your daughter.
Deepest condolences from us to you Stilt and your daughter.
Words seem so ( I can't even think of the word...ineffective? inadequate?).
Just know our thoughts and prayers are with you.
Katie looks pretty much as I imagined she did.
Stilton, my sincere condolences. I know that nothing said here lessens the pain; I lost my brother to the same this summer. She is with you now and always. Sending prayers and good vibes your way.
What a beautiful woman! Her smile clearly reflected what was on the inside. Why the good ones like Kathy are taken so soon is above my pay grade to explain but it does seem there is a plan to gather the good harvest before the rest of us. I know I can't even fathom the pain that you and Daughter J are feeling but I do have faith that we do return to a life with our loved ones without pain and suffering. I pray that you share that belief since it is all that we really have in this life here on earth. May God bless you and your daughter with healing love. May your pain lessen with each passing day, and may your sorrow turn into beautiful, happy memories that you will carry with you forever.
Dear Stilton, All of us readers of your column are wishing you the deepest sympathies in your time of sorrow. Memories are a blessed thing that can't be erase or deleted. Remember the great memories to get you through this next year of the "first". The first Easter, the first b'day, the first anniversary, etc. God Bless you my friend.
Condolences. Terrible loss.
Sir, Please accept my heartfelt condolences. I have followed your mutual ordeal over the past while and wondered how long your lovely wife would last.
Now you know. Be good to yourself and hold your girl close. Know you are loved by many.
Your healing path will probably be incredibly emotional. Be strong but do what you must, release what you must.
May Kathy rest in peace. She had a brilliant smile!
I have offered a Mass for Kathy's soul.
At times, self-deprecating humor is the best. Glad to see you're carrying on my friend
Joe
https://theviewfromladylake.blogspot.com/
Good morning brother.
Stilton. I don’t know what to say other than, you aren’t alone. I know there is nothing I can say to lessen the pain, but the one thing I can do is offer prayers for you and J. And small insight/commiseration.
As we get older losing friends and family becomes something that we must endure to, well, endure and carry on. A pastor friend told me to look at it as if they are ‘graduating’. I think it’s strange to look at it that way, but hey, HE’S the pastor. So what do I know? In my family we’ve lost, a mother, sister, uncle(s), and a brother in law. All fairly recently. I’m comforted to know I will see them all again. We’re all shuffling towards the turnstile. God bless you and your family. I’m lifting you all in prayer.
K
Silton, I'm very sorry for your loss. Grieve, and remember. Be strong and take care of yourself as your daughter needs you. Keep moving and stay the course!
Semper Fidelis, Buck
My apologies, I'm late here.
Bless you Stilt, and the spirit of your lovely wife.
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