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Friday, July 22, 2022

Kamala Heiress

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, kamala harris, biden, covid, succession, vice president, moron

Will you ever forget where you were and what you were doing the moment you found out that Joe Biden, alleged president of the United States, has Covid? Because I've already forgotten, no doubt because I filed the information in the ever-expanding drawer in my brain that's labeled "Who Gives A Crap."

Although that's not quite accurate with Kamala Harris lurking in the wings, only a heartbeat away from being the most idiotic dunce to ever hold high office. And in making that assessment, I'm including a lot of inbred royals over the centuries whose major accomplishments were developing hemophilia, growing webbed fingers and toes, having single-digit IQs and a thousand-yard stare, and farting in the bathtub and snapping at the bubbles while slapping their hands together and barking like a seal.

But by some madness, we may be only days away from Kamala Harris becoming President of the United States. Which raises the terrifying question of who she would choose as the new Vice President? After all, the Vice President's most important job is to make the actual President look less like a moron by comparison, and Kamala Harris was already on a list of only one who could fulfill that role for Joe "Where Am I?" Biden. So who or what could make Harris look good by comparison?

According to our inside sources, this is the short list of candidates being urgently vetted by Democrats...

And so the nation holds its breath, waiting to see if Joe Biden will recover. Although doctors assure us that there's very little chance of Mr. Biden developing "long" Covid, as he can't possibly be long for this world whatever happens.

52 comments:

Mike aka Proof said...

Cackles and Cankles in 2022!

Anonymous said...

Perhaps they'll choose a late night "comedian"...

Gabby said...

Just for the fun of it, how about Hillary for VP. I can just hear it now, "Hello, Suicide Hot Line? I'd like to place an order."

Allen said...

they say he might get "brain fog"

I say "how will you be able to tell?"

Hyzenthlay said...

I see someone has beat me to the brain fog joke.

Thanks so much for the laugh, Stilt! Ya still got it! 😉

M. Mitchell Marmel said...

WWJOD? What would Johnny Optimism do?

Complain about Brandon sniffing his hair, no doubt...

Mike said...

Hey Hey, Ho Ho, Pee-Pads and Knee-Pads got to go.

Bobo the Hobo said...

This administration has been obsesses with having positions filled by as many “firsts” as possible. We have the:

“first black female” VP;

“first trans Surgeon General”;

“first gay Secretary of Transportation”;

“first …um, ‘whatever’ as deputy assistant secretary of Spent Fuel and Waste Disposition in the Office of Nuclear Energy“ (google his picture - I dare you);

And now ladies and gentlemen, we have the “first retarded President”.

God Bless America!

garret said...

It's like a surreal world with the leaders of the dem team both extreme incompetents with their main qualifications of NOT BEING TRUMP and who the hell are the 30% still supporting this vegetable commander and chief????

Garet said...

Really, Really good to see you back.

Anonymous said...

Stilton.....agree with Garet.....it’s good to see your commentary!
God help us until both of these morons are out of office!!!

Wayne in Indiana

Anonymous said...

And on goes the circus parade.

Elbarto said...

Out of the frying pan, into the fire.

Bob L said...

Thanks for the chuckles this morning. Will the Joy Behar Look-alike Contest become a regular feature?

Fred Ciampi said...

One of Jeff Dunham's puppets would make a better vice president. I think I'll go and find the most isolated place in the US and move there.

Mikey said...

I agree with Fred Ciampi and think that Walter would be great!!!

Fish Out of Water said...

Perhaps I have become numb/anesthetized by the already long train of outrages committed by president Joe Le Petomane, aka the village idiot at 1600 Penn Ave, but having a new President synonymous with a certain gardening implement might actually be a relief.

What is Lefty Lucy or Busty's take on this?

VideomanSS said...

I always look forward to hearing from Stilton. We need people like him to keep the current crop of idiots in line. With Brandon in charge I am looking for my deserted Island to land on. I may starve to death but at least I wouldn't have to listen to the Jan 6 reports.

TrickyRicky said...

Stilton, thank God for your commentary. Without a leavening agent, the current events are enough to make me irretrievably depressed. And yes, who are the 30% who think all is well in the world?

Paladin said...

The Babylon Bee has an article titled, "Biden Races To Sniff One Last Girl Before Losing Sense Of Smell From COVID."

Snark said...

Considering that the Ho was Joe's "insurance policy" I suspect that if anything "happens" to Biden it will become a perpetual Weekend at Brandon's. Embalm him with a speaker hidden on him and prop him up in front of a microphone. The only give away is that no one can mangle a sentence like he does. The puppet masters are already running the country into the ground.

Welcome the new boss....same as the old boss.

It's good to see you back, Stilt.

Anonymous said...

Democrats deserve the foolishness they get from the fools they elect. Unfortunately, we have to suffer along with them, for now!

John the Econ said...

If the Biden Administration has demonstrated anything, it's what you get when you fill all the important jobs with people based exclusively on identity and absolutely nothing else.

The saving grace of Kamala is that she's simply too incompetent to be anywhere near as corrupt as Hillary is.

Joe Drypowda said...

Scary thot so early in the A.M. I'm siddin' with Greywuff on this one......then I thot of the moron that said Guam (I think) would tip over if we put anymore peoples on it. I've got more but I need to clean up my up-chucked breakfast.

CenTexTim said...

As if we didn't have enough to worry about.

I'd say more, but I need to refill my "coffee"...

anonymous said...

They'll tap Hillary for VP. Then Chlamydia will tragically commit suicide...

udaman said...

How did Joe Biden catch the Wuflu? I am sure the has had every shot and booster and usually wore a mask, unless he was sniffing a little girl. I would like an explanation from Fauxi. Never mind, I just hope he takes his huge pension and stock gains and disappears.

OldTexan said...

Weapons Grade Snark ~ seems as if a lot of folks are getting the 'New Rona' and those who have had it even though they were stabbed a few times seemed to get over it in a couple of days, we wish Sniffing Joe a speedy recovery to keep Camel Toe in her place. Thank you Stilt.

Shelly said...

@Bobo the Hobo - I took your dare and now I've lost my appetite for lunch. It appears Corn Pop's vanquisher has reached the bottom of the barrel on appointments. I sort of want Kamala to succeed Joe as it will kill two birds with one stone. It will get rid of him and make the Hildebeast lose her corrupted mind that Kamala took her first away.

mamafrog said...

My votes on the Blob Fish. Couldn't be any dumber or make less sense when speaking than "Word Salad" Kamala does. Possibly more intelligent. It's funny what her father says about her, he should know. That's what you get for someone who slept their way to the top, litterally.

Rod said...

Well, with their instinct for survival at any cost; even to themselves; they MAY even try for a somewhat more sensible & electable VP for a year or so; to then run somewhat as an incumbent for POTUS in 2024. Someone who can't be blamed for much of anything in the past two years; so clearly not one of these currently most visible idiots.

It looks to me like ANY OTHER ongoing clown-show action would lead to damn-near an invisible, no-power, no-key people, national leadership anywhere Democrat Party after 2024 elections.

Kind of like the tit's up Democrat jackass on its back with DO NOT RESUSCITATE meme. I'm hoping to see history making massacre at the polls in 2024; one they can't even cheat around.

Dan said...

I think these politicians claim to be catching the Chinese Lung Rot just to take a few days off out of the public eye. For Joe, they have to have a few days to adjust his meds.

JustaJeepGuy said...


I went to a Twitter thread from Chicks On The Right and either there are people in this world stupid enough to think Gropey Joe is doing the country (and thereby the world) some good, or there are a boatload of trolls posting idiocy trying to make Gropey Joe look like he's got admirers. Some posts are so blatantly stupid that they MUST be trolls! Nobody could be that moronic and actually type out a post!

Anonymous said...

Harris most likely won't take the job. Actually she isn't eligible, not being a naturally born citizen. Her parents weren't US citizens when she was born.
That leaves Speaker Pelosi next in line. YIKES!!!
Pelosi in the White House? Hillary as vice-president?
.
NSF

Unknown said...

Sorry Anonymous. "Actually she isn't eligible, not being a naturally born citizen. Her parents weren't US citizens when she was born."

When the United States of America were formed, they carried over English Common Law. After all, the Founding Fathers were born, raised and educated under those laws. That's why in the US Constitution "natural born" is not defined, it didn't have to be, it was part and parcel of common law. Which was?

From Vattel, Law of Nations: 214

Finally, there are states, as, for instance, England, where the single circumstance of being born in the country naturalizes the children of a foreigner.

(Sorry to be 'off-subject' Stilt. I wrote something similar back in '07 and wasn't any happier about it then as now.)

Anonymous said...

If we should be so lucky as to see Biden succumb to COVID, the appropriate reaction would not be one of despair. The appropriate sentiment would be, "One down, one to go."

mamafrog said...

Two to go, don’t forget nasty Nancy is next in line.

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Mike aka Proof- I'll drink to that! Heavily...

@Anonymous- Hopefully Jimmy Kimmel. I've got some dirt on him...

@Gabby- Even Kamala isn't that stupid.

@Allen- They'll know because of the fog horns blaring on the White House roof.

@Hyzenthlay- True fact: Biden's brain comes on little cat feet.

@M. Mitchell Marmel- I don't think Lance would put up with that nonsense.

@Mike- Catchy!

@Bobo the Hobo- If only "firsts" would do no harm. Where's the Hippocratic oath when you really need it?

@garret- You're right. Joe and Kamala have nothing going for them other than not being Trump. As far as the 30% who support them, I think that's a pretty clear measure of the amount of rampant idiocy in the wild.

@Garet- I'm "back" in sporadic flashes. Hopefully they'll get longer and more frequent.

@Wayne in Indiana- My worry is what the hell will FOLLOW these idiots in office? Anything is possible now.

@Anonymous- Roy Scheider: "We're gonna need a bigger shovel."

@Elbarto- As long as it's a big enough fire...

@Bob L- I'll try not to inflict Joy Behar look-alikes any more often that I have to.

@Fred Ciampi- Send me a coded message and I'll meet you there!

@Mikey- Walter WOULD be great!

@Fish Out of Water- I really need to ask Lucy and Busty what they think of this development. Good idea!

@VideomanSS- I'm a bit jealous of Steve Bannon being found guilty of contempt of Congress. I'll plead "guilty" to that in a heartbeat!

@TrickyRicky- The 30% who think all is well are the reason that hungry zombies will never get more than 70% full.


Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Paladin- I truly, deeply love The Babylon Bee.

@Snark- Animating an expired Biden enough to make him seem alive won't really be much of a technological challenge.

@Anonymous- That's the damnable truth; they make the mistakes and we get the consequences.

@John the Econ- The difference between Kamala and Hillary is the difference between the banality of evil and, well, Evil.

@Joe Drypowda- I thought of including Hank Johnson on the list but I'm of the opinion that rather than just being stupid, he's actually brain damaged. Listening to him express a thought (and I use the term loosely) is like listening to the old Bob & Ray routine about the Slow Talkers of America. (And if you haven't heard that, you should!)

@CenTexTim- If Harris gets sworn in, I'll skip the "coffee" and move straight on to heroin.

@anonymous- I'll bet Hillary is already pulling strings behind the scenes.

@udaman- I saw a statement from Dr. Birx (Fauci's partner in crime) saying that she knew perfect well that the (ahem) "vaccines" wouldn't prevent the spread of Covid. Unfortunately, I don't think Joe got the memo.

@OldTexan- I read a good article recently that cited experts (who actually sounded like experts) who said that our current situation is likely what we'll have for at least another seven years, with quickly appearing variants and about 5% of the population sick with coronavirus at any given time, whether jabbed or not.

@Shelly- The one saving grace in this mess is exactly what you're describing: Hillary's head exploding if Kamala becomes the first female-ish president of the United States.

@mamafrog- I honestly stand in some form of awe at Kamala's ability to produce absolute gibberish when speaking.

@Rod- I'm trying to imagine a "more sensible and electable" Democrat, but damned if I can come up with anyone.

@Dan- I've always assumed that Biden will be pulled from office with the excuse of a health problem (if not an actual health problem). "Long Covid" would be a nearly perfect invisible "illness" to do the job.

@JustaJeepGuy- I don't believe that anything more sentient than a beet can possibly think that Biden has accomplished anything positive while in office.

@NSF- A President Pelosi would simply be unacceptable. I probably can't say more than that without getting on some agency's radar.

@Unknown- Somewhere in the archives, I've got a cartoon in which the Founding Fathers described "naturally born" as "not by Caesarean."

@Anonymous- I like your glass-half-full attitude.

@mamafrog- And the line goes on and on from there. Say what you will about the Democrats, but they have a deep bench of idiotic lying anti-Americans.



Colby Muenster said...

Late to the party as usual, but been in Wyoming dealing with the 95 year old mother in law who has dementia, and is also a hoarder. She is in a nursing home now, and to say the least, not too happy about it! Anybody interested in about 7 semi truck loads of junk?

Hard to say if VP Cackle would be any worse than Slo Joe, but I'd rather not find out. I just retired in June, and I'm praying my 401k can survive the current CF from hell!

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Colby Muenster- So sorry about your mother-in-law's situation and the work that it's creating for you. I'm not a hoarder, but I must admit that I increasingly feel guilty about all the crap I've got that someone else is going to have to deal with if I don't get to it soon.

And good luck on your 401k! My financial guy has me in what normally would be "safe" investments, but my portfolio is down more than 15% year-to-date. Thanks, Joe!

Rod said...

Colby: We've had to deal with your "too much old stuff" inheritance situations in recent years. It's very tough work; one has to be in the mood for it and be pretty ruthless.

A precaution is to not miss finding & preserving (at least for a while longer) any precious or meaningful to family or friends, and important records; legal, financial, military if applicable, insurance real estate and personal records. Too much clean-up help in a big rush can easily toss a lot of this and you might regret that later.

I've used the first, second, third etc, "Pass method" with decent results

First Pass: Absolute & even hazardous Trash goes first and gets out of the way: Burn, Recycle, Dumpster, Trash pick-up, Heavy Trash pick-up with their rules.

Second Pass: Obviously not wanted by anyone close: Go to Charitable donations places; but check them out some are better than others. Church annual rummage sales too and you don't want it back etc. The Donation places can be big help, but your timing may have to be managed as they have rushes, seasons and not much help. Talk with both the manager and the person who runs the intake door. It could be an interim co-op agreement. If things are already in good plastic bins; ask for them bins back after their inventory and reuse the bins.... or just use boxes and bags.

Useful saved & salvaged building materials? Someplaces like Habitat for Humanity might accept or Junk Haulers or other DIYers.

About this time if not before: Any family and friend interest... there's now much less stuff to list or inventory and more room: TAG it for destination or move it. (IE Come get it now)

Ready to start giving some of the better & decent things away? The price is right. Maybe can sell some all during this time.

Later and I don't like these: Anything still attractive, significant and valuable enough for a GOOD Auction or Estate sale? These sales are also a hassle; weather-sensitive; and the main thing they do is get rid of stuff; not always making the seller that much money. No one has much to spend, and the Sale Manager takes their significant cut.

The "sensitive" side of it: Be sure to keep some most meaningful things if the owner will be more comfortable with them. In fact, unless necessary I'd not rush later passes but the first passes are better done sooner than later.

If eventually selling the HOUSE(?). Some good stuff might stay there until the end and even remain there

Good Luck; and steady progress gets it done.


JustaJeepGuy said...


@Stilt, the day I got out of Navy boot camp in January '73, my mom and I went to see Bob & Ray. They were doing their "Bob & Ray--The Two And Only" tour (somewhere in my house is the program from that show). They did the "S.....T.....O.....A" bit and they stretched it out over an intermission, making the whole sketch even funnier. They did the bit, the curtains closed, and when they opened again, Bob was finishing a sentence as the president of the S....T.....O.....A. It was perfect!

Lee The Voice said...

She would too.

John the Econ said...

Actually, we all should be thanking Joe Biden right now for putting the COVID madness to an end. A man of a demographic that used to be considered fatal for COVID exposure just short of 80 years old in the world's most stressful job gets COVID and instead of dying, being hospitalized or at least put to bed rest continues working as though he's not sick at all!

So now that Joe has demonstrated that COVID is now at worst a mild inconvenience even for the most elderly and feeble, can we finally declare this crisis over and get on with our lives?

Rod said...

@ John the Econ: That makes perfectly good sense; but we know the answer is "Oh Hell no." There are millions of Kool-Aid drinkers out there and another election coming up. A lot of distractions will be required to (hopefully only TRY) to cheat it.

Anonymous said...

Wish Japan would.

John the Econ said...

Remember, it's not a recession until Biden says it is.

Just like inflation wasn't happening, then was "transitory"...

I remember the '70s. Once was enough.

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Readers- Since it's been a week since I made a real post (though I've been here in the comments some) I just wanted to say that I'm still here and still chugging along. Not with wild enthusiasm, but Daughter J and I manage to get through the days 24 hours at a time. I hope everyone enjoys a good weekend!

M. Mitchell Marmel said...

You too, Stilt! :)

JustaJeepGuy said...


@Stilt, just keep going the way you have been. You're still here so you're doing it right.

I personally have found that since I retired, I don't like weekends any more.

@John the Econ, the "world's most stressful job" only applies to whoever is actually doing the job. Gropey Joe ain't him. He's "home" in Delaware every weekend "resting". That's when he's not unblinkingly hopped up on cocaine with his pupils so dilated you can't see his blue eyes. The only stress Gropey Joe suffers from is whatever drug cocktail he's on that gets him up to make his appearances. There's a whole lot of people who need to pay for their elder abuse and Joe needs to pay for his evil actions too.

John the Econ said...

@JustaJeepGuy, considering the state of the country being mismanaged in his name, I'm sure that Joe is stressed, probably more so for the reasons you suggest.