Friday, May 5, 2023

A.I. - A.I. - Oh!

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, kamala harris, artificial intelligence, biden

In a twist that even James "Terminator" Cameron didn't see coming, mankind was doomed yesterday when vice-president Kamala Harris was tasked with keeping Artificial Intelligence from wiping out humanity.

Ms. Harris met with representatives from Google, Microsoft, and other leading A.I. enterprises to discuss the potential risks of the rapidly metastasizing technology. It's unclear whether Harris got this existentially important assignment owing to her great success protecting our nation's southern border or her complete mastery of sophisticated scientific concepts. By which we mean "Venn diagrams." 

Still, putting Harris into such a critical position may not be the astoundingly stupid and surely fatal mistake it appears to be. Because the only way to slow down Artificial Intelligence at this point is to let it try to conduct conversations with the vice-president and melt its circuitry trying to figure out what the hell she's talking (and cackling) about.


To give credit where credit is due, Kamala may actually have accomplished something in her talk with the A.I. moguls, because I just tried to use Microsoft's "Bing" A.I. art generator to make a picture of the vice-president battling an evil computer. And it turns out that users are forbidden from making pictures of Harris. So while WE may not be protected from A.I.'s abuses, it seems that she is...for now.

So this is what I had to settle for. Not a true illustration of the situation but, symbolically speaking, it captures the spirit of Kamala Harris matching wits with Artificial Intelligence...

And as long as I'm screwing around with an A.I. art generator, let me wish everyone a delightful Cinco de Mayo with this image of a government-funded mariachi band welcoming new voters as they enter our country...


M. Mitchell Marmel said...

If the best way to counter artificial intelligence is with genuine stupidity, then Harris has the problem licked more thoroughly than even Willie Brown...

JustaJeepGuy said...

If we had an actual wall like that, we wouldn't have so many new Demo_Rat voters invading.

Anonymous said...

If Harris had half a brain she'd still be a half-wit.

Susan Fineman said...

Listening to Kamala Harris speak on ANYTHING is excruciating...enjoying Stilton's take on it....PRICELESS!!! Always a great kickstarter for my day. Thanks...

Anonymous said...

Good stuff Stilton, as usual.

Bill the Cat said...

Wow!!! You hit that note!!! My hat is off to you!

American Cowboy said...

Putting Heels-up in charge of artificial intelligence reminds me of the saying, "It takes one to know one."

Jess said...

I have a suspicion Harris is an animatronics creation, which explains her speeches. Unfortunately, the EEO policies of the government don't allow any programmer with good skills, so she is what she is. Biden, of course, is the culmination of an operating system with code errors, and the constant need to reboot the processor. Eventually, the motherboard will fail, and they'll have to throw him to the pile of old TRS 80's and floppy drives.

TrickyRicky said...

I hope Kamala has some spare time after saving mankind from AI. We are approaching a gargantuan flame out in the banking sector,and who better to tackle that existential threat?

Great post today Stilton!

VideomanSS said...

I have to disagree with Jess. The old Trash 80's had less errors with their huge floppy drives than the current administration. If the current AI's try and digest the VP's current speeches It will surely crash and burn brightly. Keep on keeping on Stilton.

JAW said...

Happy Sinkhole de Mayo!

Lee The Voice said...

The Mariachi band is a nice touch. I'm surte it will be followed closely by a conjunto norteno.

Jerryskids said...

There's no way putting Kamala in charge of anything labeled 'Artificial' could go wrong. Joe Biden being the one to put her in that position is just painting the lily.

Shelly said...

Biden has never looked more like Walter, the crochety ventriloquist dummy, in the picture on the right. If anyone here has never seen Walter, look him up. Jeff Dunham is the ventriloquist. Twitter has had a field day with this appointment. The comments are hilarious.

Paul Donohue said...

The use of the word "intelligence" accompanied by the use of the word "Kamala" on the same page, or even in the same article, screams for armies of fact-checkers to descend upon the desk of the author thereof to seize all related work product (usually 27 or 28 boxes) for purposes of prosecuting said author under the retroactive provisions of a new law related to the dispersion of misinformation, said law to be drafted, passed through the legislative body and signed into law two weeks after the fact-checking raid.

Having absolutely not a clue as to what I just wrote, be careful, Stilt. My understanding is that they usually appear at about 5:00 AM. It would be best if you went to sleep fully clothed for the next month or so to avoid a front page NY Times picture of you in briefs covered with little hearts and unicorns.

If it's not already apparent that I am, at the moment, under the influence of morphine, let me assure you that not only is it morphine but also that the effect is compounded by the use of other drugs that have me swinging at non-existent flying dragons being egged on by Nancy Pelosi on a broom.

So I'll sign off now, Stilt, so that I might have both hands free to fight off the advancing knights on horseback with my two self-manufactured revolvers as I did in that time long ago, memorialized by my good friend Samuel Clemens, known to some as Mark Twain, in his story of A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court.

Adieu, my friend. And yes, it's okay to celebrate Cinco de Mayo with a nice glass of Scotch, either neat or on the rocks. Myself, I prefer Bourbon.

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@M. Mitchell Marmel- I think you summarized the situation far better than I did!

@JustaJeepGuy- Yeah, the A.I. clearly isn't up to date on what sort of walls we have (or had) at the southern border.

@Anonymous- In a Venn diagram, "brains" would be in one circle, "Kamala" would be in another circle, and there would be no overlap whatsoever.

@Susan Fineman- Kamala is really astoundingly stupid, pretentious, and annoying. I am unaware of any redeeming qualities.

@Anonymous- Thank you!

@Bill the Cat- In fairness, when the story is Kamala vs Artificial Intelligence, the jokes pretty much write themselves!

@American Cowboy- We can only pray that she doesn't teach A.I. to laugh at its own "jokes" like she does.

@Jess- There genuinely is something inhuman about both Biden and Harris. Not in the "lizard people wearing human masks" sense, but in their inability to genuinely communicate or exhibit human logic or emotions.

@TrickyRicky- But the government assures us that the banking sector is doing great! Oh sure, there are cascading bank failures, but we're being assured that if it continues, the FDIC will raise the limit on how much money depositors will have "protected." You know, by printing up more Monopoly money!

@VideomanSS- I've read articles talking about the astoundingly out of date computers used by the IRS and I wouldn't be surprised if there's a lot of other old funky systems failing at increasingly critical tasks.

@JAW- I celebrated the holiday by going outside and admiring how neatly the lawns in my neighborhood have been mowed by our Mexican friends.

@Lee the Voice- You clearly know your music, sir!

@Jerryskids- I had to laugh (but it's that creepy laugh that scares people) to see the PR people saying that Joe Biden has "used" ChatGPT. That's not much of a technological achievement since he probably just asked it if it was time for ice cream yet.

@Shelly- A lot of people have seen the Biden/Walter resemblance, but it really is starting to get scary. Other than turning up the "sharpness" a bit in that second picture, I didn't alter Joe's face in any way. He's become a caricature of himself.

@Paul Donohue- I'll let you in on a little secret: if the gendarmes raid my home at 5 a.m. they'll still find me fully dressed, because I do sleep in my clothes every night. I got into the habit a few years ago when we were remodeling the house, and contractors would show up at obscenely early times and I didn't want to deal with them while standing around in my pajamas. Why I'm still doing it is harder to explain, other than that I've always been on the (ahem) "colorful" side. And by colorful, I mean nuts.

That morphine sounds like pretty potent stuff! I currently take a small dose of (legal!) ketamine each evening to fight depression, but my dose is way, WAY below the amount that would give psychedelic effects or attract dragons.

And I have had a bit of Scotch this evening for Cinco de Mayo - not because I give two hoots (dos jootos) about the "holiday," but because it's the anniversary of my Dad's passing. If anyone wants to toast him, with liquor or morphine, I'm sure he'll appreciate it.

And as always, seeing you in these comments puts a grin on my face!

Gee M said...

I remember my brief time on morphine...had a tube in, after a triple bypass, and I remember believing for real that, if I could only feel better, the Saints would win the game (on TV; I was in N'Orlins at the time).

Now, I just try to balance my dislike for taking drugs (like my Oxycodone,Hydro, and Tizanidine) with all my assorted pains and afflictions ( :) ) and, of course, since I live in Colorado I have legal access; and as Ozzie said, "I've done my share of drugs; and some of yours', too..."
¡Un saludo a tu papá!... pardone por mi espanol terrible ... y Benidictiones a su famiia.

O...tabien, un cosa otra...Usé Google para revisar la ortografía, y mi mal Espanol de 14 anos en Centro America, so todos es correcto.

---> Una broma: estas botas están hechas para Jaquin!
Y robotos aqui...cambio la captcha, por favor.

Gee M said...

"¡Un saludo a tu papá!... pardone por mi espanol terrible ... y Benidictiones a su famiia.

O...tabien, un cosa otra...Usé Google para revisar la ortografía, y mi mal Espanol de 14 anos en Centro America, so todos es correcto.

---> Una broma: estas botas están hechas para Jaquin!
Y robotos aqui...cambio la captcha, por favor."

I just realized, some out there may not speak Spanish...imagine that!
"A toast to your Dad...pardon my terrible Spanish...and Blessings on your family.
Oh...also,another thing...I did use Google Translate for spell check, and my Spanish of 14 years in Central America; so everything is correct.
---> a joke...these boots were made for Juaquin!
And robots here...change the Captcha, please. (lol)

Anonymous said...

I may have the cure for most out-of-control AI: Wire-cutters. For added safety make that well-insulated wire-cutters. That's more effective than just unplugging.

Back-up plan is heavy-load, high-brass Double OO buckshot in 12 gauge. Good idea to keep in stock at least 5 cases and a large hip bag to carry a few boxes.

Fish Out of Water said...
This comment has been removed by the author.