Monday, July 10, 2023

Nose for News

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 I wish I could say that the cartoon above is some kind of a clever joke, but it actually amounts to straight-up reporting. In what should be the most secure location on Earth, alleged "authorities" are still struggling to agree on where cocaine was found in the White House. A conundrum that you'd think could be answered by asking the person who found it, "where was it?"

But no. We've been told, quite definitively and officially, that it was found in a White House library that is open to thousands of tourists. Until that was changed to the blow being found in a more secure area that ordinary tourists can't get to and just happens to be close to the parking area where Kamala "Inexplicable Laughter" Harris has her vice-presidential limo parked.

Wait! There has subsequently been a new report that the cocaine was actually found in a construction area where security cameras had been conveniently disabled, leaving open the possibility (if not downright likelihood) that the cocaine belonged to Jeffrey Epstein.


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Joe Biden recently made the very, very difficult decision to send so-called "cluster bombs" to Ukraine because Vladimir Putin still hasn't taken the bait to deploy nukes. 

Cluster bombs are big bombs that pop open on the way down and shower hundreds of little bombs on anything unfortunate enough to be on the ground below. And while most of those little bombs go off, as many as 40% don't - and just sit there on the ground, potentially for years, until some curious soul (frequently a child) tries to pick it up and is maimed or killed.

Such weapons are considered so heinous and dangerous to civilians that most countries have banned them outright, including Germany - a country with so little regard for human life that they formerly made an industry of turning people into Pop-tarts. 

Still, what are a few war crimes when the deployment of such weapons can help assure the safety and security of the Biden family against the release of whatever blackmail Ukraine has on them?


Dan said...

During Persian Gulf War I, it was said that some contractor tech-rep type was up by the action on the road from Kuwait back into Iraq. The story was that he started picking up unexploded cluster munitions (I guess it was his company's product), tossing them onto the dashboard of his vehicle for later technical inspection. They went off, creating an ex tech-rep.

Mike aka Proof said...

Joe doesn't mind the mention of cluster bombs! It's the other cluster word used to describe his administration that upsets him!

Dan said...

I'm wondering what the repercussions would be if several (or even one) journalist in the gaggle would utter "what a bunch of crap" and/or get up and walk out. Or, get up and turn their back to Cringe Salt-Pierre.

Bones said...

You left me dissapointed there,I had a thought you would turn cluster into Custer.Sending Custer to Ukraine would certainly get their attention.Coke moves around the country unseen so it's not beyond imagination that it can move from room to room.

Jerryskids said...

I've heard they're sending cluster bombs to Ukraine because they have nothing left to send. I guess American boots - filled with American troops - is all they have left and they'll be sending those shortly in an attempt to get Putin to use nukes.

M. Mitchell Marmel said...

It's Hunter in the lounge with the crack pipe.

Honest to God, this group of fuckwits makes me nostalgic for Jimmy Carter...

NaCly Dog said...

We are living in Clown World. Stilton, being a humorist, it must be hard for you to keep ahead of events. But you'd\still bring the funny. Thank you so much.

Bobo the Hobo said...

Ted Cruz stated he believes the cocaine wasn’t Hunter’s. I think he is right; if I worked in Biden’s White House, I’d probably do cocaine, too.

Anonymous said...

Is the security camera company that installed the camera in any way related to the Super Max prison that was 'protecting' Jeffrey Epstein ?

It is becoming painfully obvious that the POTUS staff are not the sharpest tools in the shed. MSN is becoming boisterous (We Can't Do It All !!)

TrickyRicky said...

In the spirit of The Smith's song Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now...

What Joe asked of me at the end of the day
Nero would have blushed
"Oh, you've been in the White House too long", we said
And I naturally fled

Fish Out of Water said...

Each time I believe the sock puppet president Joe Le Petomane and his handlers can go no lower, I am then surprised.

Fred Ciampi said...

I don't understand how, in the most secure building on the planet, something such as cocaine can be found just laying around. There are Marine guards at every entrance, secret service folks scurrying around and about, and, of course, all those cameras recording everything and everyone ... oh, wait, the cameras were out for repair, or something. Could it possibly be that other no-no items can be accidentally be brought into the white house? Guns? Explosives? A whole battalion of commie bastards? The list is endless. I have seen other high security places replace their security cameras and the procedure would be to put in the new system first and then remove the old system. Hey, Biden, are you listening? (Probably not).

American Cowboy said...

This country is f---ed. IMO

Elbarto said...

The Biden administration is indeed a Cluster ____!

rickn8or said...

M. Mitchell Marmel, but that would mean Hunter had violated the conditions of his hard-negotiated probabtion and the judge would be forced to issue a strong finger-wagging at him.

Paladin said...

Ben Shapiro was talking about the mysterious cocaine and compared it to a case of McDonalds missing some hamburgers. Who did it?
Was it the Fry Guys? Grimace? Mayor McCheese?
Maybe it was the Hamburglar!
Who in the White House might have brought in cocaine?
It's an absolute mystery!

Colby Muenster said...

Slo Joe gives me a cluster headache!

Maybe the bigger question is, how many of Bite Me's staff and family DON'T do drugs?

Shelly said...

You know, anyone with any common sense would know that someone being unjustly accused of a crime would go to the ends of the earth to find out who actually did it. Their inglorious attempts to cover it up by changing the details and spewing propaganda compels you to believe they are lying. Of course, nothing new about that.

Jess said...

Get a Secret Service guy to "discover" some cocaine, leak it to the news, and the fawning media will ignore the obscene amount of money laundering in Ukraine. It usually works, since most people that believe the media can't decide what end of the plug they represent. It makes me wonder how many are electrocuted each year because of the stupidity.

Unclezip Is Pointing&Laughing said...

It's been estimated that 96% or so of those bomblets wind up killing civilians. People cleaning out a field or sweeping the street; kids saying "hey! a ball!" and kicking it, with the resultant kaboom. There is no reason in hell those things should be used, unless you're being overrun by a zombie horde.

John the Econ said...

The MSM is trying to play this off as a big nothingburger. Any why wouldn't they? I have little doubt in believing that doing cocaine is de rigueur in coastal media culture.

They've been able to ignore Hunter's antics for years now, so why not this?

But can anyone imagine how this would have played out had it happened 4 years ago?

But this is (D)ifferent.

Cluster Bombs: This whole administration has been a cluster bomb.

JustaJeepGuy said...

We all heard the recording of the person who made the call from the library. Shortly thereafter the location mysteriously changed to "the West Wing". Then it became a "heavily-trafficked area". Then it was a "security cubbyhole". Now the implication is that Kamalatoe may have left the cocaine, with the story being preparatory to dumping her from office. Still, Occam's Razor leads us to the most likely culprit, good ol' Hunter.

Will Kamalatoe take the fall for Hunter? Will any Demo_Rat ever get so tired of all the lies from the Buydems to be willing to kick them out of the White House? Will the "81 million" voters do anything to bring decency back to the White House? Will anything good happen in DC before the sun burns out?

rickn8or said...

JeepGuy, if Cackles takes the fall for Hunter, there's no parole/probation violation. Plus, it greases the skids for her to be out the door and Pretty Pretty Gavin taking her place before Joe gets 25th-ed.

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Dan- That sounds like a highly-kinetic case of Darwinism right there.

@Mike aka Proof- Flock? No, wait, it's on the tip of my tongue...

@Dan- Sadly, the only reporters who would say that and storm out are the ones we WANT to be there.

@Bones- Frankly, I'm disappointed now that I didn't go with a "Cluster's Last Stand" theme for my post. I'll have to put that one on a Post-it note!

@Jerryskids- I, too, heard that old cluster bombs are all we can spare just now. I also heard that we're finally destroying the last of our Sarin nerve gas warheads. I can only hope that process is completed before Joe starts sending them to Ukraine.

@M. Mitchell Marmel- For a long time, I thought that Jimmy Carter would forever be considered our worst president. He has skyrocketed in my estimation after Obama and Biden.

@NaCly Dog- Satire is really hard these days because reality is already ridiculous. I'm trying to keep humor going, but it ain't easy.

@Bobo the Hobo- Clearly the cocaine belonged to someone who is above the law. Whether that's Hunter, Kamala, or a high-ranking staffer almost doesn't matter - it still reminds us that laws are for peons.

@Anonymous- It's funny how often "security cameras" don't do their one job, isn't it?

@TrickyRicky- Rats + Sinking Ship

@Fish Out of Water- There is truly no bottom to this cesspool.

@Fred Ciampi- If that had been a baggy of powdered anthrax, are we to believe that the investigators would be this (expletive deleted) clueless? No idea who brought it? No idea how to trace it? No examination of security tapes and logs? Even in the Biden White House, I can't believe that the security personnel suck at their jobs that much. So we're being blatantly lied to and it really honks me off.

@American Cowboy- I would so love to disagree with you but can't.

@Elbarto- Unfortunately, we're on the receiving end.

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@rickn8or- Hunter would probably get a commendation from the judge for divesting himself of the cocaine in a safe way by turning it over to the feds.

@Paladin- I expect to hear soon that authorities have concluded the cocaine was left behind by a January 6th insurrectionist.

@Colby Muenster- Based on what we see, it's pretty easy to imagine a high rate of drug use in the White House.

@Shelly- I believe that the White House spokes-idiot just keeps saying that none of the Bidens was in the White House on the day the cocaine was likely left behind. Subsequently, proof has been offered that Hunter was there. So why did she specifically lie about Hunter? Outside of habit, of course.

@Jess- Your theory sounds plausible to me. "Shiny Object 101" suggests we should be paying attention to bigger matters.

@UncleZip is Pointing and Laughing- The kids who will be killed by Uncle Joe's bombs don't count because they will be listed as post-natal abortions.

@John the Econ- See, this is why I hate the MSM. And the political Left. And let's not forget that when Jen Psaki was spokes-liar for the Biden administration, she said that the use of cluster bombs would pretty much be a prima facie war crime.

@JustaJeepGuy- I'm guessing "no" is the answer to your last question. However, I don't think Kamala will take the fall for this - even if the cocaine is actually hers. She knows too much about Biden's actual mental state and can bring the whole Kabuki show to an end. So she'll remain in play until she has an "accident."

@rickn8or- As I said above, I can't picture Kamala going down (see what I did there?) without a fight.

rickn8or said...

"As I said above, I can't picture Kamala going down (see what I did there?) without a fight.As I said above, I can't picture Kamala going down (see what I did there?) without a fight.

I think her being offered a suddenly-and-unexpectedly-open slot at SCOTUS might turn the trick. (See what I did there ?)

Brie Camembert said...

@Stilton "So she'll remain in play until she has an "accident."
Can't happen soon enough. (If it does will the cackle remain a la Cheshire cat?)

JustaJeepGuy said...

@Brie Camembert, I am terrified by the thought that we'll never see the last of Kamalatoe. Firesign Theater quote: "No, but the first of you turns my stomach!"

Fish Out of Water said...

Lifted from a blog

Alfonso Bedoya said...

The cocaine boondoggle is all about nothing. I have personal knowledge that the white powder was nothing more than some spilled Splenda (sucralose) used by uncle Hunter for his morning coffee, and that it will soon be reported that Donald Trump is the culprit for merely trying to befriend the Bidens,thus regaining his frayed friendship with Joe, Hunter and those in the Deep State.