Monday, January 1, 2024

No Year is a New Year Anymore

My sentiments about entering a new year are somewhat less than enthusiastic because it's a virtual certainty that A) 90% of the new year will be the same crap as last year, and B) 10% will be a lot worse. And without that feeling of a fresh beginning, it struck me that "no year is a 'new' year anymore."

At which point the spirit of Guy Lombardo violently entered my body (I won't be able to ride my unicycle for a week) and when I awakened I found I'd somehow written the lyrics to a big band song. And thanks to AI, which was apparently possessed by Lombardo's Royal Canadians, I give you this new holiday anthem (closed captions recommended to savor the cynicism)...

And what a year it's going to be! Looking into my crystal ball (it's the one on the left)...

I predict the most screwed-up Presidential election in history coming. And I'm not talking about U.S. history - I'm talking history of the universe.

I predict the economy will appear to do pretty well until November, propped up by freshly printed and utterly worthless dollars. Unless, of course, the whole shooting match finally collapses.

I predict that the United States will have to borrow money from China to give to Ukraine.

I predict that AI will morph into something we can't even imagine at the moment and will embed itself inextricably in the world's cultural and business DNA, more or less like the damn spike proteins the mRNA "not-actually-vaccines" filled most of us with.

I predict that Anthony Fauci will have a really bad day if he crosses the street in front of my car.

I predict no successful new movies from Disney in 2024 or possibly ever again.

I predict that rather than risking stairs anymore, Joe Biden will be treated as cargo on Air Force One.

I predict a fun-to-watch continuation of liberal cannibalism as the woke Left devours its own people for not being woke enough

I predict that virtually every high-profile a**hole will continue to thrive, enjoying the fruits of their power and corruption and go unpunished for their wrongdoing.

I predict that honest peasants such as ourselves will be increasingly punished for right-doing using digital surveillance in increasingly invasive ways.

I predict ongoing delight from the friendships and camaraderie at Stilton's Place! Best wishes for the new year!


Mike aka Proof said...

What? No dancing girls?? Happy New Year, Stilt! Let's hope for the best!

Jess said...

Happy New Year! If you happen to find Fauci in front of your car, be sure to turn on your camera, accelerate as necessary, and be ready for the accolades of appreciative readers...but don't forget to start an online account for your legal expenses. Some people are narrow minded about such things.

TrickyRicky said...

Sadly, I must agree with all of your predictions….Happy New Year to everyone here anyway. 45 minutes until midnight here in the mountain time zone, and I predict I won’t be awake to see the scary new year in.

JustaJeepGuy said...

Maybe you can come to a screeching halt just short (so to speak) of Fraudci, scare him into a coma or something, and save us from his evil clutches. The sumbitch has to know his days are numbered anyway--nobody gets out of here alive, y'know?

JustaJeepGuy said...

@Tricky Ricky, I will be watching the fireworks atop Pike's Peak out my back door in a half hour or so...

M. Mitchell Marmel said...

Have an electric train.

Now don't you feel better? :)

Buck said...

Stilt, you have again ended - as well as - brought in the new year with delightful insights and perspectives that resonate well with me.

I know the future is gloom, but am confident that you, others, and maybe even me, will carry the day, so our loved ones shall have a good, peaceful, and fruitful life.

Semper Fidelis, Buck

Stevarooni said...

It's going to be a mess, but there's a glimmer of hope. Perhaps there's more gravy than the grave to your predictions? If not, it will be entertaining to see how you see things going.

Wren said...

Finally! Someone with some sense and pragmatism about our prospects. You've captured the mood. Let's hope it's happy in some ways anyway.

Dr. Strangelove said...

The election should go smoothly, instead of being accused of hidden cheating, they're going to do it right out in the open this year. (H/T Babylon Bee)

Anonymous said...

New year my ass. SOSDD.

McChuck said...

The Democrats will, of course, cheat with both hands to win the "election". It's like dogs chasing squirrels. Don't get mad - get even.

May the new year be kinder to you all.

bocopro said...

If asked to make predictions for 2024, I’d go with vigilante justice in dense urban areas and widespread terrorist bombings, especially in Jewish communities.

We also will likely see a noticeable uptick in black-on-brown violence in Dem-controlled cities, particularly Chicongo and Nu Yawk Shitty.

Worst-case scenario would be a massive EMP just prior to the genelec if indications are strong that either Trump or a similar conservative is likely to win.

Next worst case is Xi or Putin or Khamenei having a proxy test out some of their vunder vaffe and create a new fish habitat in the Arabian Gulf, Red Sea, or Eastern Mediterranean with a Murkan CVA.

In any case, I strongly recommend a new stiff broom, some strong disinfectant, unlimited supplies of stout rope, and plenty of nice construction lumber after a day or two of deep national introspection and a nice cuppa reality.

Last time I checked, Nawth Murka has somewhere around 100 million good ol’ boys with rifles, shotguns, bibles, and Silverados or 150s.

At 83, my fear is that I might not be around to see Don Giuseppe have his night at the opera for the Dawning of the Age of Halcyon followed by his personal version of Michael’s death in GFIII.

Neighbor Dave said...

Happy New Year Stilt!

The only prediction I'm hoping for is the last one.

Did you use a discount AI? Only 3 fingers instead of 6!

Rod said...

I predict we're not going to be singing "Joy to the World" here. Stilt etal: I hope you are smiling at least a little bit. We all made another lap around the Sun and are still going.
Thanks yous to the people "upstairs" here who display some optimism. Let's make that work.

Doc said...

Stilton my friend, you always seem to have your finger on the pulse of America!

Susan F. said...

You make my day...always! Now, my year!

Prarie Lion said...

No Year is a New Year without Busty. Thanks for the chuckles and smiles. Wishing you all the best in 2024, and here's to hoping we see 2025.

mamafrog said...

Yeah, that's spot on for what I was thinking. New year same shit. Oh well, it's been that way for awhile and all we can do is hope for the best and dig our trenches a little deeper.

Kent Whitehead said...

Here's hoping you're wrong (but, sadly, knowing you're not)
Happy New Year anyway!

Patrick said...

Happy New Year, Cousin! Hopefully, we'll find some happiness in the coming months.

Linda Lee said...

Your predictions sound quite accurate, though you may be only scraping the surface of the woes to come. There are so many possibilities ahead. It is encouraging to know there are others on the same wave length. Thank you, Stilton, and Happy New Year anyway!

Greg said...

Since the evil powers in authority want us to be depressed, angry, and afraid, I'm going to be my usual contrarian and be of good cheer. Find something local and close to be happy and laugh about. And that does include dark, snarky, cynical humor as well.

Colby Muenster said...


I predict that your predictions are predictably accurate. I hope I can remember to look back at the end of 2024 to see. Gonna be at least 90% spot on.

Now, I'm off to enjoy the whopping 3.2% SS increase that my keepers blessed me with to help with the 14+% inflation....

Shelly said...

@Colby Muenster, after deducting the increased Medicare premiums, our new SS increase will buy us a cup of bitter Starbucks and a stale donut.

Stilton, your predictions, although somberly true in most cases, are funny and a way for us to use humor to diffuse the terrible situation we find ourselves in. This election year is going to be a wild ride. Let's hope we make it to the end of that ride and find Donald Trump gloriously reelected and dump that desiccated old pervert to the nether regions of history.

Anonymous said...

Left will try to stop election but military will step in and run the election on paper ballots, in one day voting, ID required and counted at the precinct by midnight. Trump wins with 100 MILLION+ votes.

Ukraine will fade into history as the $ gets cut off. Putin will get the eastern provinces already captured and the meat grinder will end in negotiations. Zelensky will exit to his new found wealth and not heard from again till he is shot or accidently drowns.

Ukraine will fade into history as the $ gets cut off. Putin will get the eastern provinces already captured and the meat grinder will end in negotiations. Zelensky will exit to his new found wealth and not heard from again till he is shot or accidently drowns.

The **holes will get their justice after President Trump returns to office in 2025 and starts to drain the swamp. Keep EO13848 and EO13818 in mind as that takes care of those who participated in election interference (all court cases as well as those who mucked with elections) and human trafficking (Epstein’s friends and Hollywood.)

Oldarmourer said...

Imagine the highest level of treachery and depravity that you can, the most diabolical and heinous acts of treason and hatred for their fellow citizens possible, and then consider that those plans were dropped long ago by the left as being insufficient to their goals.

Airliners crashing into Gulf Coast oil wells ?
Removal of a sitting Supreme Court Justice to install a more 'accomodating' replacement ?
Assassination of political rivals ?
'Temporary' suspension of citizen rights if it looks like they'll use them to vote the 'wrong way'.
Padding of voter rolls with illegal 'immigrants' ?
100% voter turnout with all voting unanimously by mail in ballot for whoever ends up the dem choice ?
The opening of the pre-positioned arms containers for use by the millions of military aged 'immigrants' ?
Simultaneous detonation of explosives laden ships in various dockyards on both coasts ?
Airliners crashed into nuclear power stations ?
All of the above ?

2023 was a 'rest' year, 2020 and 2022 were dry runs, 2024 is the big score.

Good luck, we're going to need it

Anonymous said...

Happy New Year!
This is one occasion I hope that your predictions are wrong.
Take care,

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Readers- Great to hear from so many of you, even if we mostly seem to be casting a baleful eye at 2024. I listen to the Scott Adams podcast almost every day (if you have an Alexa device, just say "Alexa, play real coffee with Scott Adams") because I like his contrarian thinking and a take on the news that is at least more optimistic (but still reality-based) than my own. I'm hoping I'm wrong about ALL of my predictions, but one thing I can't even imagine happening is a fair (in any sense) election. It simply won't happen and that will raise some very interesting and important issues.

But as @Greg says above, it's a good idea to "find something local and close to be happy and laugh about." It's good for the spirit and a source of strength.

Igor said...

I predict that you are correct.
And conservative, 'cause it's really gonna suck. Election year, y'know.

We be doomed.

Lee The Voice said...

Gee what happy predictions. Well, the last one is an exception.
Happy new year to your curmudgeonly self, Stilt. Here in Montana we';re having an exceptionally warm winter. But don't worry, the 20 above weather will soon dip to the minus side, and the ruskies still have our heavily nuclear defense system carefully targeted. At least we haven't had to start saluting our leader with a stiff arm.... yet.

John the Econ said...

Welcome to 2024.

Yes, it will be interesting. I'm going to try to not be as cynical as all that. The trick is looking for the upsides, and there are upsides:

o As was always inevitable, the left is eating its own. The woke monster is just the beginning.

o Constituencies who for generations have been wholly owned by the Democratic party are now finally re-thinking that allegiance. As the Democrats think they'll own the 8-million that have crossed the southern border over the last several years, over 50% of Hispanic voters now favor the supposedly xenophobic and racist Trump over Biden.

o Elite academia has now irredeemably exposed themselves for what they are; wholly-owned indoctrination factories run by the transparently racist and academically mediocre and incompetent. A Harvard diploma is on its way to becoming worth less than toilet paper.

o Even though he'll never spend a day in jail, Hunter Biden is the gift that keep on giving.

o Democrats outside of the TDS suffering bubble know that the Trump trials are wholly political, and even see the hypocrisy of saving democracy by not allowing people to vote for whom they want.

o Expect more "sanctuary cities" to become less enthusiastic about being so. Progressive voters become significantly less enthusiastic about Progressive policy when they're made to actually live with the consequences.

o Expect Democrats to run away from their own policies. Instead, they will focus exclusively on the threat of "MAGA Republicans".

o Expecting a tougher economy next year, woke corporate America is already shedding useless DEI jobs. That should help with inflation.

o Although I'm sure that the DNC has a plan to keep the Democratic National Convention from becoming a 10x replay of 1968, whatever they do to achieve that will be more embarrassing than the riots going on the streets of Chicago next summer.

o Progressive celebrities are already theoretically queueing up to leave for Canada if Biden doesn't win. None will go, for the usual reasons. (#1, their tax accountants will make them understand that doing so will be devastating to their wealth)

Have plenty of popcorn ready.

Brian Egoff said...

Happy New Year Stilton. Despite the universal pessimism I'm encountering everywhere I go, my unwaveringly optimistic wife has told me it's going to be a great year, so I'm going to start it off in that frame and see what happens. I'll continue to hope for the best and prepare for the worst.

Brie Camembert said...

Best wishes for 2024 Stilt. Its going to be an interesting year. Make sure you have enough bottles of your favourite tipple.And remember:
Come the Revolution everyone will do as they want, wether they want to or not!

Anonymous said...

Согласна с вашим мнением. Надо надеяться на лучшее!!!( я из России)

mamafrog said...

Translation from Anon there:

I agree with your opinion. We must hope for the best!!!(I'm from Russia)