The Land of the Free and the Home of Depraved

These are hard times for satire. After all, the whole idea is to take something and exaggerate it to humorous extremes in order to make a point. But some things just can't be made more extreme or ludicrous than they already are.

Case in point: we have now learned that in the 56 million dollar mansion of pedophile (and likely murder victim) Jeffrey Epstein, there was a large painting of Bill Clinton seductively reclining in a blue dress and red high heels, while pointing his stink finger directly at the viewer.

To say this is troubling is a considerable understatement. Is the painting mocking Clinton and, if so, why? Or is the painting a straight up representation of Clinton's perversion behind closed doors, and a celebration of some weird psycho-sexual bond between the two men?

We may not know art, but we know what makes us want to throw up.

SQUEEZE PLAY

Autopsy results are in for Jeffrey Epstein, and they aren't going to do anything to reduce the conspiracy theories surrounding the abrupt death of this odious pimp to the powerful. Specifically, the autopsy showed that a number of bones were broken in Epstein's neck, a condition which is more consistent with death by strangulation than by hanging.

As damning as this sounds, doctors say it's theoretically possible Epstein could have broken the bones in his neck with a makeshift noose if he threw himself off the prison cell's top bunk with enough force. Assuming, of course, that the top bunk was about 12 feet off the ground. And had a diving board.

Happily, Epstein's mysterious death is being thoroughly investigated, and we'll eventually learn more when the broken bones in Epstein's neck can be forensically compared with the broken bones soon to be found in the investigators' necks.

Corn Chip On His Shoulder

Maybe he didn't hear you. Try asking louder a few dozen times.

Considering the gravity of the news in recent days, it's good to sit back and simply enjoy a back-to-basics story in which a self-centered liberal makes a complete asshole of himself in public.

In this instance, we're referring to CNN Anchor (side note: why would a sinking ship need an anchor?) Chris Cuomo, who is the brother of New York Governor Andrew Cuomo, the son of former New York Governor Mario Cuomo, and the grandson of mellow voiced, coma-inducing singer Perry Cuomo.

Captured on a now-viral cellphone video, Cuomo completely lost his marbles and started screaming obscenities at a man who called him "Fredo." For those unfamiliar with the term, it was apparently the name of a disappointingly weak character who let everyone down in one of the most famous and critically acclaimed movie trilogies of all time.

We refer, of course, to Fredo Baggins, who lost his nerve and failed to throw the One Ring into the fire of Mount Doom after Sauron made him an offer he couldn't refuse.

In any event, Cuomo howled that the name "Fredo" when applied to an Italian-American is every bit as offensive as using the n-word ("nutjob"). With veins protruding from his neck, the alleged newsman then proceeded to roar "no punk ass bitches from the right call me Fredo!" and added that he was going to "fuck up the shit" of the offender, and then "fucking throw you down the stairs like a fucking punk."

Clearly, "eloquence" isn't Chris Cuomo's middle name. Not that it would matter, because from now on this douchebag's middle name is "Fredo."

LUCAS HEMBREE UPDATE

I'm gratified to say that the fundraising effort to help the family of Lucas Hembree has gone very well. Thanks to the generosity of many people, it only took 24 hours to reach the immediate goal of $10,000 to pay for medical bills and hospice care for this remarkable boy. More importantly, the Hembree family has received an overwhelming outpouring of love and support at this unimaginably difficult time.

Although the goal for immediate needs has been met, donations are still accepted and encouraged. I've updated the contact information in my previous post: you can now donate at the GoFundMe page, or click a link to donate through Paypal, or send a check (or a card or letter of support) by mail.

On a personal note, let me say how humbled and gratified I am to see the response this campaign has gotten. I write "Stilton's Place" as a labor of love - not because I love the news or working for free, but because I love the way all of you constantly remind an old cynic that there is a lot of good in this world. And for that, I very sincerely thank you.   -Stilton

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Here's How To Contribute:

Click on this link to go to Lucas's GoFundMe page.  Note that GoFundMe automatically adds a "tip/service fee" but you can change the amount. I generally give them a dollar for being the intermediary.

If you'd prefer to send a check rather than doing an online transaction, it can go to Chester or Jennifer Hembree, 1454 Mimosa Drive, Louisville, TN 37777.

If you'd like to have the convenience and security of paying online with Paypal, you can do that by clicking this link. (Note: the page at this link will show how much money has been raised on Paypal, but does not show the total from the GoFundMe page. It's still 100% legit!)

And here's a message from the Hembree family to all of us here at Stilton's Place: "Thank you so much for supporting our sweet boy!! It means the world to us and we will forever be grateful!!"

Big Brother is Suicide Watching You

OH MY GOD! Pedophile billionaire (and pimp to the powerful) Jeffrey Epstein was found dead in his jail cell of apparent "suicide!" Who could have possibly predicted this?!

Well, pretty much everyone. Since the day Epstein was tossed in the hoosegow, his impending "suicide" has been the source of endless jokes and memes. After all, the guy had damning information about a lot of very powerful people...people who didn't want Epstein to start naming names in an effort to reduce his prison sentence.

Topping the list of those who could conceivably be harmed by Epstein's testimony were the Clintons, who have so much experience at cleaning up unwanted messes that the term "Arkancide" is widely accepted by medical examiners as an official cause of death. Bill Clinton is said to have repeatedly flown on Epstein's private jet, the "Lolita Express," to what the locals called "Orgy Island" or "Pedophile Island." In some instances, Bill Clinton gave the Secret Service the slip before boarding the jet so he could spend time on the island without witnesses. Which, in retrospect, may be fortunate for those Secret Service agents.

Of course, it's possible that a despondent Jeffrey Epstein really did decide to take his own life, and managed to do so using makeshift materials which shouldn't have been in his possession only days after being taken off of suicide watch. And it's possible that it was only a coincidence that he was assigned to a cell with no cellmate despite it being a violation of standard procedure. And that, by greater coincidence, the 24 hour security cameras weren't pointed into Epstein's cell, but only aimed at the hallway outside. And, by really wild coincidence, that Epstein chose to make his move at the exact time that the two guards who were supposed to be regularly checking on him decided not to.

Attorney General William Barr has announced that there will be a full and rigorous investigation of the circumstances surrounding Epstein's death which (and you read it here first) will not reveal diddly squat. Either because money and power have covered the trail, or because the investigators don't want to find themselves inside chalk outlines.

A REQUEST FOR HELP

I try not to ask readers for anything except in rare circumstances, and this is one of those times.

For years, I've been personally moved and inspired by young Lucas Hembree, his dog Juno, and his wonderful family. Sadly, Lucas is now in the final days of an incurable illness, he's in hospice, and Medicaid has chosen this spectacularly bad moment to cut off funds for his remaining medical expenses.

The family's needs are modest, and I hope some of you can send a few dollars to his GoFundMe campaign to help out. And for those who can't, please keep Lucas and his family in your thoughts and prayers.    -Stilton

UPDATE - ADDITIONAL WAYS TO GIVE

The fundraising is going great and there are now more options for giving.

If you'd prefer to send a check rather than doing an online transaction, it can go to Chester or Jennifer Hembree, 1454 Mimosa Drive, Louisville, TN 37777.

If you'd like to have the convenience and security of paying online with Paypal, you can do that by clicking this link. (Note: the page at this link will show how much money has been raised on Paypal, but does not show the total from the GoFundMe page. It's still 100% legit!)

And here's a message from the Hembree family to all of us here at Stilton's Place: "Thank you so much for supporting our sweet boy!! It means the world to us and we will forever be grateful!!"

Round The Clock Noose

Yes, this was an actual MSNBC segment...except for the logical punchline.

We're playing a dangerous game here, but we're going to go on record as saying that the Democrats and liberal media actually can not stoop lower than they have this week, short of explicitly calling for Civil War and white genocide. And of course, the week's not over.

We've all heard the narrative for the past couple of years: Trump is a racist, his supporters are deplorables, and blah, blah, blah. But there has been a seismic shift in the scope and seriousness of these accusations. Following the actions of a trio of mass shooters, whose motives remain unknown but whose political footprints seem to indicate Leftward leanings (*), all liberal pretense at tact, logic, and human decency have gone out the window.

The new narrative from the Left, being pounded into soft Leftist skulls, is that Donald Trump is the evil leader of a massive army of murderous white supremacists, all of whom - including you - should be rounded up and "eradicated."

We wish we were exaggerating, but we're not. The tortured and preposterous argument that Trump is using American flag protocol to send secret messages to neo-Nazis was a real exchange on MSNBC, as was a news anchorette's solemn statement to viewers that President Trump is "talking about exterminating Latinos." Which, we should mention as a small point of clarification, he effing isn't.

According to pretty much every Democrat running for president, Trump is the worst kind of racist, sexist, genocidal white supremacist...as is every single person who cast a vote for Trump, even if that vote was cast solely to keep Hillary's thoroughly corrupt keister out of the Oval Office. We all pulled the triggers at the mass shootings, we're all drenched in blood and, to hear the Left tell it, nothing could make us happier. There are no gradations or extenuating circumstances in the Left's rhetoric: every Trump supporter embodies ultimate evil, and none of us will deserve mercy when Civil War II breaks out. When

This isn't the kind of garden variety nonsense we're used to hearing from the Left. This is dangerous and inflammatory, quite literally the sort of insane rhetoric that Adolf Hitler used to inspire an epidemic of madness and murder that tore the world apart. Now, half of our population is being force fed lies around the clock to foment the kind of hate and division which will result in more, not fewer, deaths of innocents.

The threat from the social arsonists on the Left is real, deliberate, and growing.

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(*) Update: In a previous commentary, we said that the political leanings of mass shooters aren't nearly as important as the sociological forces which turn them to violence and we stand by that opinion. But here, we've cited the "Leftward leanings" of at least two of the most recent shooters not to explain their actions (which would be hypocritical on our part), but simply to factually refute the untrue narrative from those on the Left that the shooters were Right wingers or Trump supporters.

According to the El Paso shooter's online manifesto (if, indeed, he authored it) he wanted Medicare for all, a universal basic income, to protect the environment, and to take power out of the hands of corporations  - a progressive wishlist which he insanely believed could be attained by killing Mexicans.

The Dayton shooter was a vocal supporter of antifa, and made social media posts saying "I want socialism," "Kill every fascist," and "Nazis deserve death and nothing else." Not the hardest tea leaves to read.

Again, it's a mistake and a distraction to focus on the shooters' politics...but that's no reason for us to remain silent when those politics are deliberately and irresponsibly misrepresented by liars on the Left.

Area Fifty Fun

Although we've been treating the story as a joke, no one is laughing now that the stakes have been raised dramatically in the upcoming attempt to storm Area 51 and, perhaps, "see them aliens."

We refer, of course, to the news that Nevada's largest adult entertainment operation is sending a contingent of strippers to help breach the defenses of the top secret military site. Granted, we're not exactly sure how that's supposed to work, but we suspect that some of the brave young women will attempt to distract the guards, while others use their well-honed pole skills to vault over the barbed wire fences.

The exotic dancers will be arriving at the staging area in The Strippermobile, which frankly sounds like the most awesome superhero vehicle ever. Although we don't even want to think about what might happen if it got too close to the Oscar Mayer Weinermobile.

The US Air Force, which is taking the possibility of a mass assault very seriously, has plans in place to repel potential intruders. Still, allowing for the slim possibility that civilians - including the curvaceous corps of adult entertainers - may indeed penetrate the top secret area, contingency plans are being made to provide the aliens with Earth dollar bills.

MORE SCIENCE NEWS...

A Japanese scientist has been given the go-ahead to breed a rat-human hybrid, apparently unaware that the United States accomplished this decades ago.

Francis "Rato" O'Rourke, a hyperkinetic race-baiting hatemonger, was conceived via gene splicing between a common rat, and what we assume was a common (perhaps very common if not outright whorish) Irish woman. At birth, this unappealing chimera was determined to be principally a rat and, by virtue of the fact that his "parents" weren't married, was technically labeled a rat bastard.

Unable to find social acceptance or gainful employment owing to his disturbing appearance, freakishly large incisors, and an unpredictable tendency to poop oversized raisinets, Rato O'Rourke has earned a meager salary as an experimental lab rat.

Notably, he has been engaged in a study funded by Starbucks to discover what constitutes a lethal dose of caffeine. So far, he's only become extremely jittery, but we have hope that the research will eventually have a successful conclusion.

Unintended Consequences

The recent rash of mass shootings has left the nation stunned but, sadly, not speechless. The usual media and political suspects are saying the usual things, using the bodies of the innocent as a sickening ideological soapbox.

We're not going to do that here. These gruesome murders are not about, nor caused by, politics. Rather, they are the unavoidable and perhaps unstoppable product of a deeply diseased culture. A culture which has become the perfect growth medium for psychopathy.

"Loners" are no longer alone when in their online worlds. They can communicate without actual human contact. They can find reinforcement for their darkest and most twisted thoughts and fantasies. They can give the worst demons of their psyches an artificial, external life in cyberspace - free to express hatred and anger anonymously and without consequence. And on the Internet, madness can hide in plain sight.

After all, who's going to notice or care about garden variety insanity in a world which routinely describes everyone as murderous: baby killers on one side, Earth-destroying Nazis on the other. The stakes are absolute, the "other" is the enemy, and words are just words...until they become actions.

The social mechanisms which formerly prevented these massacres have crumbled. The bonds of family, friendship, and faith. A shared sense of community. Optimism about the future. Moral certainty and personal responsibility.

Instead, we now live in a crowded world of communal loners, all staring at their phones instead of the world and people around them. Politicians and media figures preach an unsubtle and dangerously divisive message of absolutes: you are either on this side or that, either all good or all evil. There is no middle ground - only calls for action. Calls that the wrong people are hearing.

We live in a culture in which too many feel they have no meaning or importance, but believe that one spectacular act of madness can give them the instant celebrity which defines success in a sick society. And so they kill to feel alive. To experience an illusion of power at the expense of the powerless. And even knowing the likelihood that they will be killed during their heinous act, they believe they will live eternally in the electronic ether, washed in the blood of the sacrificed.

Gun control can not and will not change any of this. The phenomena of mass shootings is, in fact, unstoppable absent a wholesale change in our culture, our way of life, and our society's unhealthy obsession with an inhuman and inhumane electronic world.

The good news is that the vast majority of people still retain values strong enough to keep them morally centered in our crumbling culture. The bad news is that unless those values can regain cultural dominance, and unless we can replace combativeness and angry confrontation with honest conversation, mass murder will continue to be our inescapable new normal.

Bitter Lemon

Not that there's anything wrong with that.

As there's no Pulitzer Prize offered for "Subtlety in Editorial Cartooning," we see no particular downside to taking a direct approach in our criticism of CNN's Don Lemon and his wildly biased questions while moderating the most recent Democrat debate.

Lemon's declaration of Trump's bigotry as a "fact" is the sort of drip-drip-drip Chinese water torture of constant misinformation that has convinced half the country that Trump and his supporters (even his reluctant supporters) are racist bastards who always keep a noose in the glove compartment "just in case."

As journalistic standards don't really mean anything anymore, there's no point in our suggesting that Lemon and his ilk "live up" to rules which no longer apply. But entirely apart from that, there should be repercussions for those in public positions who deliberately use untruthful hate speech to divide and incite the American public.

And when we say "repercussions," we're not talking about the restriction of free speech. We're talking repercussions in the sense of marketplace pressures, or even condemnation of this kind of nonsense from any remaining journalists who aren't complete whores.

And it's a pity that Lemon's sleazy lack of professionalism is a distraction from the many interesting, accurate, and logical statements made by the Democrat candidates on Wednesday night. Oh, not regarding policies - but rather in their attacks on each other. Blood was drawn, and we enjoyed every drop of it!

Happily, we'll be spared any new debates for at least a few weeks. Perhaps during that time, Don Lemon can learn to prioritize journalistic integrity over his hate-filled ignorance.

BONUS: WEIGHTY DECISION

Michael "Wearing a Black Hole Would Make Me Look Slimmer" Moore is trying to promote the idea of Michelle Obama running for President, saying that while there are a number of Democrats who could beat Trump, only Michelle could crush him.

As genuinely nightmarish as the idea is, Moore might not be wrong. It certainly wouldn't be the first time that a completely unqualified, politically radical, self-invented facade of a person named "Obama" was put in the Oval Office.

Not So Silent But Deadly

To be completely honest, we're writing this before Tuesday night's Democrat debate (the first of a two night series) so we have no way of knowing the specifics of what the candidates will say. But we still feel fairly safe in our assumption that the cartoon above has captured the essence of the event.

Still, even from our viewpoint here in the past, we think there are a number of things we can predict about Tuesday's debate. Let's see how many of these we get right...

• Elizabeth Warren and Bernie Sanders, finally on the same stage, will shout themselves hoarse while trying to offer more free stuff than the other candidate is offering. Their combined offerings will total more money than there's ever been, or will ever be, but both will claim that the cash will magically materialize if a massive tax is levied on the evil rich.

• Beto O'Rourke and Pete Buttigieg will each try to eliminate the other, so as to be the surviving "young, alternative" candidate. O'Rourke hopes to accomplish this by inviting as guests several black high school football players who kneel during the playing of the national anthem. In this way, O'Rourke can make the important political point that it isn't only women soccer players who are assholes. Buttigieg, on the other hand, may respond that he is far, far more experienced in matters related to kneeling.

And our predictions for tonight's debate...

• Joe Biden, after promising to be "not so nice" to his political attackers, will challenge Kamala "Biden and his Klan buddies threw garbage while Norman Rockwell painted me walking into elementary school" Harris to meet him behind the gym to duke it out.

• Cory Booker, after gaining no ground by claiming that his testosterone levels make him want to punch Trump in the face, will walk back his statement by claiming that he actually has so much estrogen that he only threatened to attack the President because he was feeling cranky during his period.

The big topics of both nights will be racism and healthcare, followed closely by student debt forgiveness and the absolutely critical need to impeach Donald Trump for being Donald Trump. Little will be said about Russia or Mueller, (except, perhaps, in the context of discussing long term healthcare for the senile) and even less will be mentioned about the way Democrats routinely turn cities into soul-destroying slums.

There is, however, one bright spot in all of this. Which is that, after being on meds for diverticulitis for a month, we have now been cleared to start drinking liquor again. Whew - that was a close one!

Tweet Screams Are Made of These

There's Noh business like show business.

As surely and inflexibly ritualistic as its Japanese antecedent, yet another Kabuki performance is on display in our media. As koto music is plucked in the background, we see Donald Trump astride the stage, boldly making an "insensitive" tweet. His antagonist, in this case Elijah "Bowling Ball Head" Cummings, then dramatically declares that Trump is a racist for calling his largely black congressional district a "disgusting, rat and rodent infested mess" and a "very dangerous & filthy place." Offstage, kodo drums beat loudly to indicate that a storm is gathering or, perhaps, just to wake up an audience that has seen this drama way too often.

Unavoidably, anything we could say about this idiocy would pretty much be Kabuki commentary at this point, so we'll just say that it's pretty odd for a President of the United States to be called a white racist because he says that poor black Americans should be able to live in communities which aren't filled with rats, poverty, and crime.

Elijah Cummings is, of course, against that notion...

"No justice, no cheese!"

How to Become Uncomfortably Dumb

After six brutal days of having no access to telephone, television, or internet services, we're back up and running and completely unsurprised to discover that the news is just as stupid as before we were (not suspiciously at all) disconnected for no reason by Frontier Effing Communications.

In trying to catch up, it seems like one of the big stories has been the continuing foam-flecked frenzy of those on the Left to label Donald Trump the most horrible racist ever born based on his tweets which didn't actually mention race at all. Not that this matters to CNN, who had numerous outraged talking heads hyperventilating about race, above an on-screen lower-third graphic declaring "DONALD TRUMP SAYS RACIST TWEETS WEREN'T RACIST." Nice impartiality, CNN.

The other big story, of course, was Robert Mueller's long awaited congressional testimony (at the insistence of Democrats) regarding his 400+ page nothing-burger report on Trump and the Russians. Although there was nothing particularly damning in the report itself, the Dems hoped that Mueller would say something - anything - that might be twisted to support a possible Presidential impeachment.

Sadly, the only mystery Mueller was able to clear up is why he has to have labels with his name and address stitched to all of his clothing in case he wanders away from home. Mueller was halting, confused, self-contradictory, and seemed so unaware of the contents of his report that many are now wondering if he didn't write the report at all, but simply slapped his name on it - which is why he hasn't wanted to answer any questions until now, and why he was unwilling or unable to answer questions when he was forced to.

Mueller looked so bad that even Ruth Bader Ginsburg said, "just bury that poor old SOB already." And we defy anyone to prove that our quote is inaccurate without contacting Ruth via Ouija board.

Inspiration

Gay sex without internet, phone, or television. Actually I just said "day six" but thought the voice translation was actually funnier than whatever I was actually going to say.

See you in the comments section!

Life on the Wild Frontier

Who needs 21st century technology to have fun?

Sorry, but there's no actual blog posts today and there may not be one for several more days.
On Friday , a technician from Frontier was screwing around with a junction box near our home and managed to knock out our phone, television, and Internet service.
After multiple phone calls, each lasting at least an hour with most of that time on hold, Frontier says they won't even come out to look at the problem until this coming Wednesday. That's six days without any service and no apparent regret on the part of Frontier.
Yet.
I'm sorry for the inconvenience , but I'm too old  and pissed off to try  writing a Blog  on this stupid smartphone. And no, I still can't have any darn alcohol!
I assure you I haven't been kidnapped, or silenced, or gotten into any black limousines with Hillary Clinton. I'll be back as soon as possible, and in the meanwhile if you have any thoughts about how to screw over Frontier, by all means leave them in the comments section!