Slope-a-Dope

The competition between presidential candidates is really ramping up and, sadly, we mean that absolutely literally.  Because Joe Biden is actually telling voters: "Watch how I run up ramps and (Trump) stumbles down ramps, okay?"

At first glance, this wouldn't really seem to be a crucial factor in selecting a president. But maybe it should be important to voters. After all, based on both his history and his campaign rhetoric, a Biden administration would (ahem) "ramp up" debt, the deficit, racial tensions, unemployment, over-regulation, taxes, illegal immigration, and - oh yeah - trillions of dollars blown on "New Green Deal" sops to the lunatic Left.

Yes, he'll run up all of those things. Unless he should have a health crisis, Heaven forbid, and be forced to use only wheelchair ramps. At which point others in the far Left fringe will continue to push him...and policy.

Suffering Suckers-tash!

The nation has again been rocked by very serious allegations against Donald Trump, leveled by unidentified sources citing other unidentified sources, all of whom are insisting on anonymity based on the fact that the First Amendment guarantees protection to The Atlantic Monthly's imaginary friends.

The accusation is that on various occasions, President Trump referred to dead soldiers as "losers" and "suckers." Well, we don't care.

Oh, we'd care - some - if it were true. But who knows anymore what's true and what's just more baldfaced lying? Why should we care what unnamed (and possibly nonexistent) "sources" with zero credibility are alleged to have said? How can we ever know with certainty what Donald Trump did or didn't say, or what his words might have meant?

Which is why the only reasonable thing to do is ignore words and look at deeds. Donald Trump has rebuilt the strength of the military after it was pillaged by the Obama-Biden administration. Donald Trump has seen to it that our troops have received pay raises. Trump visits the troops, greets injured soldiers at their hospital beds, and comforts families. And President Trump has made real improvements to the VA hospital system which was nightmarishly bad under Obama-Biden...

Oh sure, Obama and Biden said the right things about our troops - but without a scintilla of sincerity. Does the media really want to talk about how an American president treated our fallen...?

A quick refresher on the cartoon above: Major General Harold Greene was the highest ranking soldier killed in Afghanistan, but Barack Obama showed himself to be also highly rank when he decided to go golfing instead of attending the funeral.

Were our fallen soldiers being properly honored when the Obama-Biden administration swapped the traitorous Sgt. Bowe Bergdahl for five Taliban terrorists who could resume killing our troops? Or when Bergdahl, a deserter, was lauded by the Obama-Biden administration as exemplifying the best of our troops...?

And then there's Benghazi. Where Obama and Biden left our people to die, denying them aid, then later enjoyed a photo-op by their flag-draped coffins before lying to the grieving families that they would catch the filmmaker who was to blame for the attack.

But to be fair, Joe Biden has been known to say good things about American troops. For instance, soon after the successful mission to kill Osama bin Laden, Biden gushed and gushed about Seal Team Six. After which, the bad guys knew who to kill - and did, three months later. Biden was personally named in a $200 million lawsuit filed by the families of the fallen for his role in exposing the identity of the military unit.

We could go on, almost endlessly, but hopefully our point is made. Even if Trump said the things he's accused of (and let's face it, Trump could conceivably say anything at any time), his deeds have shown him to be a strong supporter of our military and our people in uniform. And that's the only thing that should count when Americans cast their votes.

FROM THE VAULT: PAINFUL LABOR

BREAKING COVID-19 NEWS, PLEASE READ (HONEST!)

You're sick of hearing about Covid-19 and we're sick of writing about it. We're also sick of all the nonsense and politicization associated with the pandemic. But there's some good news - potentially very good news - and we want to get it out there.

You can get the whole story by watching this video, but here's the bottom line: Vitamin D3 may be the most effective drug for the treatment of Covid-19, and making sure you're not Vitamin D deficient may be the cheapest, easiest, and most powerful means of treating the disease and fighting its effects.

Briefly, a legit study was run on 75 patients admitted to a hospital for Covid-19. All received the same treatment with one exception: 50 patients got a Vitamin D supplement and 25 didn't. Only 2% of the Vitamin D group had their cases worsen to the point they needed ICU treatment. The number was 50% for those who didn't get Vitamin D. Everyone in the Vitamin D group recovered, but two people in the non-Vitamin D group died. Other institutions have done similar studies and gotten similar results.

This is actual science we're talking here (again, check out the video). And note that it takes several days for a Vitamin D3 supplement to be processed by your liver, so the time to start taking a daily supplement is before you get sick. Personally, this is the brand we're taking and it's stupid-cheap. Less than 2¢ a day to dramatically better your odds (and those of your loved ones).

By all means consult with your doctor to make sure you won't have any problems. And for legal reasons we should probably officially state that we're not giving medical advice, that we're not doctors, that we're not even the brightest bulbs on the Christmas tree, and we're not always cold sober while writing this blog.

But 2¢ a day is, almost unimaginably, even less than what we spend on Clan Macgregor.

Going Down?

I mostly chose this cartoon of my father's as a fun space-filler since I again didn't have time to do a real post today. But perhaps unsurprisingly (he was my father, after all) I find that the cartoon nicely represents the headspace I'm currently in...

(Ding!) The elevator doors open and people are having screaming arguments about Covid-19.

(Ding!) Joe Biden is making a pilgrimage to a vile sexual predator because he's black and has been granted sainthood by the mass media.

(Ding!) Donald Trump suggests that all of his supporters vote twice.

(Ding!) Nancy Pelosi claims entrapment after she's caught getting her hair done in an illegal environment.

(Ding!) Burning buildings, riots in the streets, yada yada yada.

(Ding!) Oh, boy! A stock market "bloodbath!"

...and on and on and on. Seemingly limitless floors, each with a new annoyance (or worse). Which is why I'm currently standing on the sidelines, taking a look at what those metaphorical elevator doors open to reveal, then watching the doors slide shut again while thinking "maybe I'll take the next one."

In the meanwhile, here's hoping that everyone has a safe and enjoyable Labor Day Weekend!

Or ever, apparently.

Kill The Pig...

I'm letting the cartoon do the talking today, although you can read more about the horrific event at this link.

Maybe It IS Rocket Science

Both the Democrat and Republican national conventions ended with fireworks displays which replicated the excitement, dynamism, and energy of each event. For those who didn't experience either display, just imagine the difference between a wet fart and the 1812 Overture.

And while fireworks certainly don't tell the whole story (especially when the talking heads on mainstream media were wildly offended by seeing the White House used in a political way for the very, very, very first time ever), one candidate is still putting the "fuse" in "confused"...

If At First You Don't Concede

Hillary Clinton recently gave us a preview of coming distractions when she counseled Joe Biden to not concede the election "under any circumstances," even if he gets his ass handed to him by the voters ("Hey look," Joe would say, "It's my elbow!").

In other words, Hillary has dropped any pretense that she believes (or has ever believed) that our nation's leadership should be determined by voters. She's openly advocating a different system in which political machinations, power, money, and corrupt courts replace the expressed wishes of America's pesky peasant class. That system is called "tyranny," and dressing it up in a purple pantsuit doesn't make it any prettier.

And as long as we're hating on Hillary (and trust us, we are), here's a favorite cartoon from the vault...

And after hearing Leftists again attack Melania Trump following her stirring and eloquent convention speech, this cartoon from the vault seems relevant again...

Poll Driven

To be completely truthful, I again didn't have time to create much in the way of an original post today, which is why I defaulted to another one of my Dad's doodled cartoons (expect to see more of this happening for awhile).

But you know, it's not really a bad metaphor for what Trump and the Republicans are doing to the Democrats during the televised RNC Convention. The Dems spent their time talking about what a horrible, racist, xenophobic, fascist nightmare our country is...and Trump and company are taking that message and shoving it up their assumptions.

I haven't been able to watch much of the convention, but Mrs. J - with her various bandages, braces, and slings - is relegated to sitting in a chair and watching the news whether she likes it or not. Rather like Alex DeLarge in "A Clockwork Orange," whose eyes are wedged open so he can't look away from whatever's onscreen.

Happily, rather than Nazi atrocities, what she's seeing is a parade of people who are celebrating America and talking about how their lives have improved during the Trump administration. People of all races and backgrounds who want nothing to do with the socialist fantasies of the Left, and are citing their own life stories as proof that the American Dream is actually a lot more than just a dream. It's a reality, and a path to achievement for everyone which exists nowhere else in the world.

It would be very easy to simply vote against the Democrats and everything they stand for. And I'd do it in a heartbeat. But the RNC convention reminds us that we're fortunate enough to actually vote FOR something this time around. Something noble, inspirational, and worth preserving.

Whether or not someone loves Trump isn't really the main question for voters this November. It's whether they love America - her ideals, her Constitution, her freedoms, and her opportunities for all. That's what's on the line. And should the Left win, their reign will be a much greater pain in the rear end than that suffered by the poor guy in today's cartoon.

Big Bang Theories

Astrophysicists tell us that there is absolutely nothing in the universe which sucks more powerfully than a black hole...with the exception of the whole damn year of 2020. So it's not surprising that these same scientists are now predicting that an asteroid known as 2018VP1 may slam into the Earth on November 2nd, just one day before the presidential election.

Reactions to this potentially earth-shattering news are streaming in from every quarter...

• Donald Trump: "Asteroids are not all bad! Not all bad! Some have big diamonds in them that are, like, the size of grapefruits. Or maybe a pomelo, you'd have to ask the scientists."

• Joe Biden: "I am proud to face this challenge, even though it is hard for me personally. I lost a lot of dinosaur friends to an asteroid."

• CNN: "This is a direct result of Trump's pervasive climate of violence."

• Andrew Cuomo: "I'll be in a shelter which I'm padding with layers of people from nursing homes."

• Antifa: "Burning cities? Broken windows? Panic in the streets? Sounds like a win!"

• Dr. Anthony Fauci: "Masks will help. No, they won't. Yes, they will. No, they won't..."

• Wall Street: "Ding-ding-ding! The stock market is hitting new all-time highs!"

• Kamala Harris: "It's KAH-ma-la, damnit! KAH-ma-la!"

• Nancy Pelosi: "It's times like this I wish my face could move enough to scream."

• Every A**hole in Hollywood: "Would it help if we made bigger donations to Black Lives Matter?"

• Alexandria Old-Casio Keyboard: "Can't we just use, like, a lot of Preparation-H?"

Scientists have calculated that the hurtling asteroid has about a 1% chance of hitting the Earth and that it has a diameter just a little over 6 feet - making it smaller and likely less destructive than Bill de Blasio.

Tragically, this "Not Big Enough Bang" means that we're all still going to have to put up with the election and whatever fresh Hell the year has in store for us.

BONUS: RISING POLL

Three of a Kind

Readers- All is basically going well here, but still no time (and not much inclination) for me to delve into news and politics. So here are three more decades-old cartoons by my Dad. Enjoy!  -Stilton

Witch Glitch

Click cartoon for larger, more glorious size!

The only reason we don't think "candidate" Joe Biden is actually a motion-capture creation is because he exhibits so little motion and so few human traits. Seriously, why go to a lot of high-tech trouble to create an end product as boring and unconvincing as what we're seeing?

As for the Dem's virtual convention, we're happy to admit that we've only been subjected to a few short clips. Which is all we can take before that vein in our forehead starts pulsing like a frog's leg hooked to a Sears Diehard Battery. These are the worst people in the world, and we're saying that fully cognizant of the existence of serial killers, kiddy diddlers, and Rap artists.

Still, we've heard that the usual media poltroons are saying that Michelle Obama's speech was so spectacularly good that there is an actual possibility, still unconfirmed, that it brought George Floyd back from the grave. 

Of course, she's made previous convention appearances which also caught our attention...

FROM THE VAULT: CONVENTIONAL WISDUMB (7/27/2016)

The Democratic convention is in full swing which, through Herculean effort, we will not use as a set up for a joke involving nooses. Oh sure, it would be funny - but (to quote Richard Nixon) "it would be wrong, that's for sure."

Especially since one of the opening evening's speakers was Michelle Obama, the wife of our nation's first half-white black president, there to give a ringing endorsement to Hillary Clinton - the wife of our nation's first all-white black president.

Choosing, as ever, to take the high road, Michelle whined for the umpteenth time that she wakes up each day "in a house built by slaves" - which she apparently finds more upsetting than having her pricey wardrobe, dozens of personal "assistants," and luxury 5-star vacations paid for by today's wage slaves.

We're Having Crumb Fun Now

Much like Happy Hooligan, we're just trying (emphasis on trying) to relax a little today. All is fine within the weird and ever-changing definition of "fine" in 2020. See you in the comments section!

BUT AS LONG AS YOU'RE HERE...

LOOK! UP IN THE SKY! IT'S A BIRD! IT'S A PLANE! IT'S...WAIT, WHAT?!

While watching a movie on Sunday afternoon ("The Firm," which is quite good even if you think Tom Cruise is an annoying dweeb) we kept hearing aircraft overhead. Which, after five or ten minutes, starts getting troubling. Is it a police aircraft looking for serial killers who escaped from a prison bus? An aircraft monitoring a "mostly peaceful" BLM/Antifa riot which is burning down our neighborhood? Has Amelia Earhart finally showed up?!

But no. When we checked outside, it was a small plane towing a banner. And this is what it said:

Yes, it's the "Chinese Texans for Trump," because why wouldn't it be? And we thank them for adding a surreal note to our day.

Okay, 2020, We Get The Joke Already

Thanks to medical science, Mrs. J will someday be able to wave again. Or at least give the finger.

It's getting a bit embarrassing to keep making blog posts about the fact that I can't really guarantee blog posts for awhile. And yet, here we are.

Recently, Mrs. J sustained a compression fracture in her spine which is not only painful in its own right, but also gave her a condition called "foot drop" which makes walking difficult, and greatly increases the risk of taking a fall. Which is, of course, exactly what happened on Wednesday afternoon. We were in the back yard planning some gardening chores when Mrs. J's foot snagged on an uneven service and she fell, hard, onto concrete.

This only days after receiving a diagnosis of severe osteoporosis, and a printout from the doctor saying "try to avoid falling." Which, to be fair, was topnotch advice.

At the Emergency Room, X-rays showed broken bones. Before splinting, Mrs. J was hooked up to the contraption above to slowly pull the bones back into alignment and, possibly, force her to reveal troop movements. Everything was then wrapped in bandages and her arm was put in a sling. Oddly, no pain meds were prescribed, which we're really puzzling over right now for all the wrong reasons. Damnit.

She was supposed to have the splint replaced by a cast today, but the orthopedic surgeon has decided to wait for a week to see if things are healing in a good way or not. Because "not" is what he's thinking, and the likelihood of surgery has been raised.

So this is sort of a rough time with a lot of forced changes in our daily lives, which makes it likely that I'll only post an actual cartoon if I get a "bolt of lightning" idea which is too good to waste. And that happens with a fair amount of frequency.

In any event, the blog will be here and I'll be here every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, but things are going to be patchier than usual for awhile.

BUT AS LONG AS YOU'RE HERE...

We're absolutely in favor of responsible mask-wearing during the pandemic. Still, we had to laugh when Joe Biden, following his stern statement that if he were president he'd make mask-wearing mandatory, managed to cover his entire face just before wandering offstage.

Forget the White House - someone get this guy a white cane!