On The Tip Of My Tongs

Well, here we go again. There were a lot of chores to handle over the weekend and the news is still stupid and depressing. So here's some pointless foolishness!

Knife Knowing You

"And while I'm here, let me sign you up to vote!"

A recent string of police-related shootings reminds us all too forcefully that not only do Black Lives Matter, but also Black Hobbies Matter - apparently including things like committing assault with a deadly weapon. 

According to detailed reports from Pulitzer prize-winning journalistic institutions, a white cop in Columbus, Ohio arrived at a home where some black children were engaged in playful banter, and the cop repeatedly shot one unarmed child (a girl with a beautiful soul) for no effing reason whatsoever outside of his being a racist white Nazi asshole who, according to black multi-millionaire basketball player LeBron James, should be thrown to the BLM mobs for retribution.

Oh sure, there are a few racist news sources which would have you believe that the teenaged "child," who sure looked like a full-grown adult in berzerker mode, was attacking other people with a knife and was milliseconds away from plunging it into a trapped victim (another black girl, whose life, oddly, doesn't seem to matter) when the officer opened fire. Video from multiple angles confirms that this is exactly what happened, although for some reason, Leftists seem to place a lot less importance on this video than the video of George Floyd.

But the officer who responded to a frantic 911 call for help and potentially saved one or more lives has now been damned by the Left (including Joe Biden) for failing to "just break up the fight," "use a taser" (which might not work), or - our personal favorite - "just shoot the knife out of her hand." And then there's BLM activist Bree Newsome, who said "teenagers have been having fights including fights with knives for eons. We do not need police to address these situations by showing up to the scene and using a weapon against one of the teenagers."

Despite the reality of what actually happened (and what appears to be exemplary police work), this sad incident is being used to further ramp up enthusiasm for a race war - which seems to be the wettest of all possible dreams for Joe Biden, Kamala Harris, Maxine Waters, AOC, and all of the other full-time America-loathing folks in politics, media, and the race-hustling business. Or are we being redundant?

At the moment, it would seem like the only satisfactory way to end the "systemic racism" which Biden claims is embedded in the DNA of every cop, no matter their race, is to have police stop responding to calls for help if there's any chance at all that anyone involved or on the scene might be black.

And if people die at the hands of criminals and lunatics (as always happens when police are forced to pull back their efforts), well, it's a small price to pay for the kind of Progressive racial harmony already enjoyed in the backstreets of Chicago.

CAUTION: CHILDREN AT PLAY

BONUS: EARTH DAY  / CALL OF DOOTY (2013)

Special guest appearance by Joe Bite'em

The Sound And The Jury

BROKEN NEWS: Derek Chauvin was pronounced guilty of everything to the surprise of no one and delight of many. We can't say what the verdict should have been (not being as omniscient as TV's talking heads), but we personally would have had a huge problem saying that there wasn't at least reasonable doubt about Floyd's death being partially or primarily caused by his drug use and underlying health conditions. Not to mention his propensity for screwing around on the wrong side of the law and resisting arrest.

But apart from that, we have to ask this question: did Derek Chauvin actually get a fair trial and fair consideration by the jury? And the answer is certainly "no."

Jurors were aware of the explosive nature of this case and were not sequestered to keep them from knowing the mob sentiments. They had to be aware that they and their family members would be in physical peril if Chauvin was exonerated or even convicted of "too small" an offense.

But now let's imagine that these were 12 of the bravest jurors ever. People who could somehow put personal risk aside. They would still have to make this choice in the jury room: is it better to destroy one man who may or may not be guilty, or unleash fresh Hell on American cities? More billions in damage. More people injured and killed.

Even if they believed Chauvin to be completely blameless, they would themselves have been subsequently guilty of third-degree murder ("perpetrating an act eminently dangerous to others without regard to human life") in the event anyone died in the entirely predictable furies unleashed by a "not guilty" verdict.

Whether you agree or disagree with the verdict, it's undeniable that Derek Chauvin did not and could not get a fair trial. Which should be an affront to all who claim to value actual justice.

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Readers- We'd already written the rest of today's blog before the verdict was announced, under the assumption that a jury would need more time if they were actually weighing evidence instead of emotion. Sometimes we're stupid that way. 

We're writing this post before any jury verdict has been handed down in the Derek Chauvin trial, so it may already be out of date by the time you read it. But that doesn't change the fact that Joe Biden really shouldn't be out there telling the world that he's praying for a guilty verdict, even if the jury is sequestered.

He further specified that he thinks the evidence for conviction is "overwhelming," which sets up an unfortunate dynamic: if the jury finds Chauvin "not guilty," then the president of the United States is already on record as opining that it wasn't a fair trial and the outcome was rigged.  In other words, street violence and mayhem will be an entirely understandable (and perhaps laudable) response because Mister "No Malarkey" said so.

And as long as we're writing about things that haven't happened yet, let's think about an unintended consequence we'll see if there is a "guilty" verdict against Chauvin...

And for equal time, let's consider what we're likely to see if Chauvin is acquitted...