Dim Some, Anyone?

Doing its best imitation of Doc Brown from "Back to the Future," our wild-eyed government once again declared that all of our clocks had to accelerate to 88 miles per hour in order to travel backward in time by one hour so that we can experience what it's like for Biff to squeeze us into unconsciousness with a choking headlock.

There is a group of people who claim that the "Fall back" half of the Daylight Saving Time nightmare is the better of the two annual time changes, some of whom actually claim to like this one because they think it gives them an "extra hour of sleep" These are the same people who think they get "extra spending money" every time they move a five-dollar bill from one pocket to another.

Meanwhile, the clock is ticking and - since it's noon when I'm writing this - I only have about five hours of daylight left to try to accomplish anything. It usually takes me that long just to decide what I'd like to try to accomplish. Because once the world turns black outside my windows, I've already dropped that day into a shallow grave, said a few unprintable words as I pat the dirt into a mound, then returned to my house for coffee or liquor or heroin or whatever the hell can sustain me until morning - assuming that morning will ever come again (no sure thing, now that it's in the hands of the bureaucrats).

FROM THE VAULT

Change her mind.

Hollow Weenie

And there was a little something for Ukraine, too

In the interest of journalistic integrity, not that many other news sources find journalistic integrity interesting, I have to admit that this is a file photo of Biden from last Halloween. Because this year even Joe's PR team realizes that he needs to pretend to be more interested in world crises than using candy to lure potential child-sniffing victims.

Not that costumed kids will be missing out on much. Thanks to Bidenomics, nobody can really afford to be handing out candy except in those microscopic cubes oxymoronically called "fun-size" bites. Which may also explain why the White House is encouraging cash-strapped peons to buy "fun-size" houses, cars, and groceries while using only "fun-size" amounts of energy and medical services so as not to deplete their suddenly "fun-size" savings accounts and retirement portfolios.

Here at stately Jarlsberg Manor, I usually like to decorate my yard for Halloween with a bunch of inflatables, lights, sound effects, and a video projector or two. However, we've had rain for days and I haven't been able to set anything up yet. And there's more rain and the first freeze of the season in the forecast for North Texas. So I'm not sure if I'll be able to properly honor the holiday or if I'll be stuck with 300 teeny-tiny fun-size Milky Ways, Snickers, Twix bars, and M&Ms. 

Which my not-so-fun-size waistline definitely doesn't need. In any event, Happy Halloween to all!

FROM THE CRYPT

To help fill out the page, here is one of my very first "Hope n' Change" cartoons from way back in 2009, before I knew what the webcomic would actually be. It seems Halloween-appropriate and I've taken the liberty of colorizing the black & white original because I could use that for an excuse to put off housework a bit longer.

SCROTUS

At least try not to spend so much time scratching them

We are living in sad and dangerous times. And inexplicably bizarre times; how else to explain that in the aftermath of Hamas's attack on Israel that killed and maimed thousands including women, children, and Americans, Joe Biden has just rubberstamped $100 million in aid to the Palestinians who elected Hamas and keep them in power? And this while Hamas is holding American hostages?!

I found news of this to be so unbelievable that I had to look it up myself. And sadly, it's true - but in researching the story, I found myself getting distracted by an interview conducted on Air Force One that reveals that Joe Biden has suddenly grown chin testicles.

Fortunately, he appears to be waxing them, but they're still pretty disturbing to see wobbling back and forth. And it begs the question of what's going on here? A quick Google search of "Biden" and "balls on chin" only brought up an AARP Magazine article in which Jill Biden was reminiscing about fellatio.

Are chin-balls yet another unforeseen side effect of the Covid mRNA non-vaccines? Or is this an entirely new Fauci-funded surprise from the Wuhan Institute of Virology and Bat Ball Science? Then again, maybe it simply evolved on its own in one of China's infamous open-air wet ball markets.

But wherever it came from, it's not a good look - and I can't imagine the N95 "Uncle Joe Jockstraps" we'll soon need to wear on our faces will be much of an improvement.

GENERAL BITCHEN

• I've been a bit more out of touch recently because I've developed some pretty significant hip pain and am having to learn how to cope with it both physically and mentally. Initial x-rays show severe degeneration of my left hip (which, in fairness, is the kind of hip you'd expect to find in a degenerate) which makes walking painful and frequently necessitates the use of a cane. And not a cool cane topped with a silver skull that twists to release the hidden poison-tipped sword within. No, I'm using the Walmart adjustable special and hoping it doesn't suddenly "adjust" mid-step.

To date, the x-rays have only caused my gerontologist (sigh...) to note "that probably hurts a lot" and then give me a referral for a hip specialist to see in late November. I know hip replacements are popular these days, but I have a horror of hospitals and surgery. SOooo it's been worrisome. Hip pain advice will be warmly welcomed in the comments. Although I can't legally get medicinal marijuana in Texas despite having (wait for it!) joint pain.  

• And just to round out this page and give everyone something to look at, here's a picture related to a project I'm kinda sorta maybe working on...

As I've mentioned here before, I have a deep and abiding love and fascination for the bygone world of sideshows (and yes, freakshows). So I'm currently researching long-forgotten sideshow acts which showcased unusual talents and physiognomies. Where that research will take me I'm not sure, but from the mists, "Roderick the Riddle Revealer" has suggested that it will be "no place where you make a profit."