Friday, November 10, 2017

"You'll Saw Your Head Off...!"

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, USA Today, Chainsaw, Bayonet, Gun control, Texas, church, mass shooting, AR-15
Hillary: "Imagine if he was using a silencer!"
Christmas came early this year for connoisseurs of hilariously stupid journalistic malfeasance. Specifically when USA Today, an alleged newspaper, sought to educate its readers about the weapon used in the horrific mass-killings in a small Texas church.

That's about as serious a topic as you can get, so you'd think that serious journalism would be something of a goal for USA Today. But how wrong you'd be!

To add to their audience's fear of guns and those who wield them (like the hero NRA instructor who used his own AR-15 to end the carnage), the paper released an infographic video on their Twitter feed described as "a look at the gun used in the Texas church shooting." They then showed the basic gun, then started adding on possible modifications to make in more insanely terrifying, like a bump stock, laser sight, extra large magazine, and...a chainsaw bayonet.

Yep, this is actually what USA Today thinks people should start worrying about
Before you even ask, no - there's no such thing as a commercially available "chainsaw bayonet," although there are a few good old boys on Youtube who've rigged up dummy (literally) models so they can play "hold my beer" while charging, shooting, and eviscerating enemy pumpkins.

But USA Today would have you believe that ignorant, bible-thumping deplorables can just waltz into Walmart and toss a chainsaw bayonet in the cart along with their Pabst Blue Ribbon, turkey jerky, and environmentally-unfriendly disposable diapers.

Diapers which might actually be better used by the gullible USA Today readers who wet themselves when just thinking about this hybrid killing machine...and perhaps also by the USA Today journalists and editors who chose to indulge in infantile gun fantasies rather than bothering to research actual facts.





33 comments:

James Daily said...

That is pretty funny. Saw a bit on it the other day. All I can say is who ever thought of this has never used a chain saw. Those suckers are weighty, there is no hollow in any I have ever seen for a barrel of a rifle. They are very compact machines that will eat your lunch and other body parts in a heart beat. Yea, that is definitely fake news.

REM1875 said...

USA today has such a poor opinion of us they were way more shocked that we could read than the fact there is no such thing as a chainsaw bayonet (of which I have several in my collection - favorite being the old McCullough 2 man chainsaw bayonet)

Greywuff said...

My favorite was the one with Hillary's head underslung the caption was "A detachable blame thrower"

Sarthurk said...

hey, you leave my Pabts alone! It goes great with my rotgut whiskey. And the only acc. on my AR is a badass tach light. Yeah, it gives away my position, but two things. I can aquire my target and determine that it's not my wife or neighbor.

Fish Out of Water said...

Think its any accident this s-called newspaper has its headquarters in a 'burb outside of Washington, DC?

Perry said...

The best attachment would be a portable copy of the U. S. Constitution, which prevents removal of the AR from the owner...

Jim Irre said...

A chainsaw bayonet? The stupidity of people never ceases to amaze.

Geoff King said...

Actually, it seems that chainsaw bayonets really do exist, but more as a gag gift for gun nuts:

https://www.panaceax.com/weaponized-chainsaw/copy-of-zxcs-chain-saw-in-coyote-brown

At $800 each, I doubt that they will ever be a hot item. I'd much prefer the underbarrel shotgun attachment.

GenEarly said...

That this murderous insane person was courtmartialed after being caught coming into his AF Base with weapons to kill his superior officers, gets only a Dishonorable discharge?
Sent to a mental institution and escapes, but no APB no follow up?
Incompetance? Really?

Alice in Wonderland, down the Deep State Rabbit hole....FYI,
CYA, there is a "legal/political/propaganda" civil war within the Feral Gov, for now.....

https://www.newsbud.com/2017/10/24/breaking-fbi-whistleblower-exposes-special-council-muellers-conflict-of-interest/

Rob said...

It was successful propaganda.

Rod said...

EARLY REVIEW: This must be an example of "strong arm tactics". Could save a lot of AR ammo but the range is very short. Refueling is slow and OMG it makes a mess. I don't think we will see many pink models from the factory; only after use in screamer movies. Lab apron included. Just in time for deer season & Christmas.

Judi King said...

Did USA Today really post this? How stupid do they think Americans are? And I, who know nothing about guns, couldn't possibly believe this.

Judi King said...

PS: the Ralphie cartoon was great!

TrickyRicky said...

USA Today is the print equivalent of CNN. If it weren't dropped at the door of every business traveler's hotel room it's circulation numbers would be negative.

@ GenEarly- This particular instance of military "justice" seems to have a lot in common with the Bergdahl case. I'm afraid the corruption and rot of the previous administration goes past the DOJ, FBI, CIA, IRS all the way into our military. God help us.

Fred Ciampi said...

You think the chainsaw attachment is bad-ass? Well, just wait until you see my sledge hammer attachment. Then after that I might make a bulldozer attachment for crowd control. Remember the guy who modified his bulldozer and wrecked the town? Just wait until I have one on the end of my AR15. I might even make a moonshine still attachment. I think USA-Last-Tuesday opened up a whole new industry. Employment will soar. Millions will work again. Yay.

Bobo the Hobo said...

@Rod: that’s the beauty of this attachment - you can bag and dress your deer at the same time. Granted, it might be a little messy but you won’t have to listen to the wife about the mess at home.

CDH said...

Bobo, the sawzall attachment is more popular for the shoot and dress hunting crowd. Now if I could just find a load bearing vest with pouches for Ryobi battery packs...

Dave said...

About 250 years ago one of the Founding Father’s wrote something about the pres destroying our Republic. Looks like he was right. How many people will actually believe this? Probably moe than I care to imagine. The Fourth Estate has abdicated its resonsibility to the American people. The reporters (?), editors (?) and others in the media really don’t care about facts. They just want to say and write things to muddy the waters, imagining that they are the experts on everything. The MSM and their lemmings soon sound the death knell of our country. I pray for my children and grandchildren.

Dave Neumann
Wisconsin

Rod said...

This lead to watching more "Idiots with chainsaws" videos; that's a hoot. It's right up there with accidents captured on Russian dash cams. Now I must get busy.

Anonymous said...

I want one of those chainsaw bayonets! I'm still looking to purchase one of those "shoulder things that go up," though. Where can I find a "shoulder thing that goes up?" Maybe Carolyn McCarthy knows where to purchase a "shoulder thing"?

Rusty

Fred Ciampi said...

Rod, I love watching Russian dash cam videos. Now I'll have to augment that with "idiots with chainsaws".

Anonymous said...

@Fred Ciampi
That bulldozer attachment for crowd control is a stroke of genius! You should do one of those startup funding things and go into production. Heckfire, everyone I know would want at least a pair and a spare.

John the Econ said...

More "fake news" from the "serious" journalistic community. Seriously, are the Russians in control of USA Today too?

Because if they are, they're going a great job of sewing cynicism and discontent across the land just like they're accused of doing on social media. Because the less credible and serious the supposed "mainstream media" gets, the more credible the misinformation spread by outside actors appears. So, good job Russians!

Another possibility: The grossly ignorant minions who edit at USA Today, being just self-aware enough to admit to themselves that they know nothing about guns, (much less the Second Amendment) reached out to an "expert" to guide them on the issue. Then they got trolled. (Good work Troll!)

But most likely this is actually just the continuing downward spiral of Progressive hysteria combined with gross ignorance on the part of the inhabitants of USA Today's newsroom. For years now, I've been mocking many Progressives I know who's child-like analysis and unhingededness suggest that they're getting most of their "news" from late-night talk shows. But now it appears that they may be no worse off than Progressives who get their news from the New York Times and USA Today.

Personally I can't think of too many things that would be more of a hindrance on the end of one of my rifles, but just knowing that it unhinges Progressives makes me want one before Diane Fienstein introduces a law to ban them.

willyobiker said...

How dare USA today steal my invention! I patented this in 1967 while in the jungles of Vietnam....pat#18762309875....USA today readers; just Google this.
disabled digger WV on YouTube shows one in action being used on a tiger!..WILLYO.

Colby Muenster said...


Holy moley! I don't claim to be a genius or anything, but damn! Are there really human beings who are stupid or gullible enough to believe that strapping a chainsaw to the end of a rifle actually makes it more deadly? "Here, Bubba. hang this 20 pound Poo-Lan from the end of your barrel and see if you can shoot that there deer. If'n you miss, you can always run at it and saw that sucker up!"

I'm guessing that the gayrod, mom pants wearing sissies who came up with this have never even seen a rifle or a chainsaw in person, much less actually held either item in their marijuana stained fingers.

Gotta go now... it's time to duct tape a Ronco Veg-o-Matic to my airsoft pistol and terrorize some hippies.

Dan said...

@Rod and @Fred Ciampi -- Yeah Russian dashcams are pretty entertaining.
It makes me wonder, though -- do they de-ice their roads with motor oil, or are all their tires bald? And just how cheap *is* vodka there?

Regnad Kcin said...

This has "Here, hold my beer and watch this... " written all over it. Gotta have it ! Here, take my money, dammit!

Fred Ciampi said...

Dan, I do know that you can't get car insurance in Russia unless you have a dash cam.

Sam L. said...

Judy King, they think we're more stupid than they are. " 'Tain't so, McGee."

Sortahwitte said...

We checked into a hotel in Dallas Wednesday night. We received the keys and were then told that the last fresh, hot chocolate chip cookie had left not 5 minutes before. DAMMIT! In a twisted way of consolation, he pushed a USA Today at me. I said "oh no, are you telling me that you're out of toilet paper too?" As long as I can embarrass my wife, I'm very much OK.

S. B. Sweeney said...

No kidding....

Bruce Bleu said...

I can't believe the credulity of the people at USA Turday who even suggested that the chainsaw option was feasible for the mass-murdering public. Hell, here in Northern Arizona I went in to our local gun store and got the "buy one, get one free" "Assault Rifle-15" with optional M1A1 Abrams with on-board ICBM's, (and no background checks since I said I DIDN'T vote for Juan McCain!), plus I had a 10% off coupon from the First Amendment protected magazine "Whack Jobs and Drooling Moron Psychopaths"!
MAN do I love living in a country that has a Bill of Rights instead of a bill of lefts!

Anonymous said...

1) I like the shorty bayonet that attaches to a Glock pistol - sort of a hi-cap rendition of the Elgin Cutlass Pistol.
2) When I participated in the American V-Twin oriented social millieu I saw plenty of marijuana-stained fingers on people who were anything but sissies. And they had seen plenty of guns. Yes, I know you were talking about the Lamestream Media, but please don't conflate the averqage dope-smoking Hog Ridin' Fool with those babosos.
_revjen45