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Friday, May 18, 2018

No Good Deed...

As the saying goes, "no good deed goes unpunished," and this is especially true if your good deed is allowing someone to run a periscope up your rear end just to help them add a few new specimens to their polyp collection.

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, mrs. jarlsberg, colonoscopy, pneumonia

But such was the case yesterday when Mrs. Jarlsberg went in for a colonoscopy, which is usually no big deal apart from the rectal fireworks involved in the "prep" for the procedure. Notice that the key word in that sentence was "usually," which should have been your foreshadowing that things did not go spiffingly for Mrs. J.

Apparently, due to an unusual occurrence that happens "only once or twice a year" according to a medical professional in a crisp white uniform who absolutely, positively wasn't just trying to fend off a lawsuit, while knocked cold for the procedure Mrs. J developed a case of upchuck-itis and thus aspirated nasty body fluids directly into her lungs. Which is why, only hours after returning home, she was having bone-wracking chills and spiking a fever. An eventuality which, according to a piece of paper we'd been given (it proved impossible to actually speak to a human on the doctor's staff), meant you should head to the emergency room with all due haste.

To make an incredibly long story slightly shorter, in the ER she was diagnosed with pneumonia, plugged into various bags of fluid, and checked in to the hospital for a 24 hour observation. And it's worth mentioning before she say anything else that she's doing well, and there's currently no reason to think she won't be coming home to castle Jarlsberg today (Friday). Yay!

Of course, we don't want to make the story so short that we can't pause to complain about how mind-numbingly slow the process of being admitted to the hospital is. Apparently the drill consists of speaking to someone in scrubs and giving them your entire life history and medical history, then telling them why you're in their Emergency Room. Upon completion of this process, a different person takes the place of the first, and asks all the same questions. This repeats approximately five times, which really ceases to be amusing when you're feeling like crap, after which you get to speak to an actual doctor. Albeit one with a nearly indecipherable third world accent.

Among the questions repeatedly asked:

• Are you a smoker? Have you ever smoked? Have you been around smokers?
• Do you prefer to learn by reading or listening? (We swear this is a real question)
• Do you use recreational drugs? (No, silly, we abuse recreational drugs)
• Is there any chance, Mrs. AARP Medicare Insurance, that you're pregnant? (In fairness, the nurse probably only asked this because of your narrator's obvious testosterone-drenched  masculinity.)

Surprisingly, we were not asked whether we heard "Laurel" or "Yanny," although if we had been we would have answered "Laurel, and anyone who says otherwise is full of sh*t."

Soooo, it's been a long and pretty crappy day. Mrs. J will surely be fine (she's the strong one in this family), but all positive thoughts, prayers, and good vibes are much appreciated. As will be any generous cash donations to organizations which oppose butt exploration.

Also, please don't tell her we wrote an entire blog post about her colonoscopy. She'll kill us when she gets home - but we'll die with a relieved smile on our face.

BY THE WAY...


58 comments:

Velveeta Processed Cheese Food said...

Sounds horrible. I'm glad to hear your better half survived the ER.

Sortahwitte said...

Oh no! Prayers going up right this minute. I've had plenty of that procedure and the best one ever was just disgusting. All the best to Mrs. J.

j said...

praying hard for your lovely bride. and don't believe them about it being 'rare'- there are precautions that could be taken to lessen the possibility of aspiration, and it is NOT a simple, easy thing to recover from, PLEASE tell your wife to take it very easy, take all the meds she is supposed to, try to cough any 'stuff' that wants to come up; my wife had that happen due to the incompetence of the doctors and hospital; she also took Mucinex for several months after to be sure any of the nasty stuff that had coughed up into her lower airways was cleared out. NOT trying to be scary, but just want you to be well.

James Daily said...

All the best to the Ms. No human should have to suffer thru that, having a tv camera poked up a rectum I will not have one under any circumstances as at my age no good could possibly come of it. Now, on the smoker, I have one on my patio, does that count? I went to a few smokers when I was growing up, to watch, well, porn and drink a lot.
Sort of wish these educated medical practitioners would define what they are speaking of.

Anonymous said...

When having the dubious pleasure of watching your younger brother die of colon cancer at a comparatively young age (which might, just might have been prevented): no matter how disgusting the prep, no matter the lack of familial history, ad inf., all of the above becomes a minor irritation at best.
When the doctor tells you, "It took me a while to find a polyp large enough for biopsy. Nothing there. You're good for another five years; it would have been ten, but you do have a family history," your sigh of relief is loud enough to be heard on both coasts.

mamafrog said...

Oh wow! It don't rain but it pours at times. Please add my get well wishes to the others that she feels better soon. Pneumonia is nothing to "sneeze" at, don't ask about the woes I went through with it. Tell her to be super careful, take her vitamins, and make sure it gets good and cleared up as it can come back and damage your lungs, again, don't ask. In fact, the breathing bit they make you go through after surgeries isn't a bad idea.

Jason Anyone said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jason Anyone said...

"positive thoughts, prayers, and good vibes" all those and more to Mrs. J. hoping she's home soon to straighten you out.

Ya know, cuz if you're gonna go spreadin' that "Laurel" baloney, we're thinking maybe your funny arm needs to have another chat you with you tonight. *smack* Yanny! :-)

All kidding aside "Whole House Healing" thoughts directed to Chez J!

Maoz said...

May the Missus have a refuah shleimah umeherah -- a rapid and total healing! And likewise for the Mister!

M. Mitchell Marmel said...

*Sends positive waves Mrs J's way*

For the record, I hear "Yaurel", so I MUST be a total weirdo.

Fred Ciampi said...

I wasn't going to post due to my recent prostrate surgery. By the whey, do you know how that is performed? You think a colonoscopy is bad!?!?!?!?! Think colonoscopy but through a much smaller passageway using a TV camera, laser knife, water hose, and drain hose. Felt like I was pissing boiling oil for a week...... Anyhow;

The best to Mrs J, may she have a complete and trouble free recovery. I know that she is one rugged lady; she has put up with you for umpteen years. At least that's what all the nice folks say about my poor wife. I can't print what the un-nice folks say about me.... Snark.

I hate to admit my ignorance but what is all the hubbub about Laurel and Yanny? Perhaps I've been spending too much time on the range.

Bob Lee said...

Thoughts and prayers for a speedy recovery.

Emmentaler Limburger said...

Wow! I never knew having something shoved up your posterior orifice could have such marked effects on your anterior one. Since Mrs. Limburger is is due for similar treatment, I'll ask that they instruct all her bodily fluids to steer clear of the esophagus during the procedure...

Hope Mrs. J is right as rain ASAP. I have been blessed with t\he super power of being allergies to the entire planet. This drives post-nasal drip the likes not seen since The Great Flood. Which drives throat and sinus infections, descending into bronchitis, and often to - you guessed it - pneumonia. Often. It's no fun, and, even after the lungs clear, you're not over it. Tell her to take it easy, and avoid anything else that will cause any irritation to her lungs and airways (except for breathing - that's required).

Jim Lane said...

All the best to you both, Stilt. You're overdue for some GOOD times, y'hear!

TrickyRicky said...

So sorry to hear of the missus' medical trials and tribulations. Any stay in a hospital is too long. A speedy recovery to her and continuing improvement to you!

RDB said...

Good wishes for health sent to Mrs. J.

A friend's mother went in for a colonscopy a few years ago and during the procedure, they perforated her colon. She got immediately wheeled down the hall for surgery (docs office was in the hospital complex) where she had a mild stroke. Fine today but it was a 6-8 month recovery period before everything was right again.

Kishka said...

Knowing the "inconvenience" of a colostomy bag, from my grandfather and a close friend, makes the colonoscopy a worthwhile endeavor. My favorite part is the post-procedure "We're leaving you in this room for awhile to sleep and fart." My last return date is scheduled in 7 years rather than the normal 5, given my family history. They explained this is due to my age, but not whether it's due to the lessening chances of age progression or am I getting too old to bothered with?
Best wishes and prayers for Mrs J.

Anonymous said...

:( Get better Mrs. Jarlsberg!!

John Canfield said...

The last pooper-shooter checkout my wife had turned into a mini-disaster when the IV sedation failed in the middle of the procedure. She can't tolerate Demerol so they used something else - whatever it was failed. Lucky me, I have one scheduled late summer :-(

Walter L Stafford said...

We need something a little more stimulating than reading about the family's medical exams, renovation of the home etc.
Where has the firebrand Jarlsberg gone? Precious Memories as the hymn relates.

The usual commentators will follow.

AmyH said...

May Mrs J have a speedy recovery.

ER sucks. My 1st trip, SO tells the Intake/get all the info person "she cant talk, might be having a stroke" and she nods then asks me "name & address?" I look at her & pull out my DL from my back pocket. A nurse sees this & says "wait, she cant talk?" Room explodes into activity & Im whisked to a different room. Gee, now everybody in the ER has those cards by their IDs on the lanyards "signs of a stroke".
Dad was in the hospital a short time later with A-Fib. Spent a day or so in the hospital, comes home, then gets so sick and weak SO had to carry him (really hold him as he walked but needed the help walking) to the car. Goes back to the ER where they ask him all sorts of questions and he sits on a gurney while they scratch their heads. "He was just released less than 6 hours ago. He has A-Fib." "Well, we dont know that. Our computers are not connected to the rest of the hospital." Guess who was readmitted with A-Fib? Guess who's computers now connect with the rest of the hospital?
My 2nd trip was because of excruciating pain from my gallbladder. Though in the heat of the overwhelming pain, which was also right at my sternum and into my back, I told 911 dispatch "it feels like a heart attack". In the ER waiting room, Im writhing in pain and my mom notices that its most likely gallbladder. She knew that pain. During a pain attack, I get an Xray to make sure Im not bringing in the dreaded P. Finally I get a luxurious bed in the hallway but at least Im near a Dr. My mohawked (yes, he had a mohawk) Dr said he wants a CT to rule out PE. With my history of heart surgery, he wants to keep me in the hospital and draw blood every 4 hours for heart enzymes. My brother asked about gallbladder, "did you do an ultrasound of her gb? She fits the criteria. 3 of the 4 F's. Female, fertile and 40." He looks at my brother, orders and lo and behold I had a 2" by 1" stone. I still was admitted to remove it. But first they wanted to calm it down, blood draws were still in the system until the Hospitalist said "no more". First night I had a woman in her late '70s in my room drinking the colonoscopy drink and royally stinking up my room (had a bedside commode). Nurse felt so bad for me, only came in to check vitals and was trying to get me a new room but all were full. She left in the morning and then I had a Romanian lady who yapped on her phone all day. Fun times at the hospital. The only "enjoyable" time/s were when I had my boys and the 3 days after having my daughter.

Speedy Recovery Mrs J.

Alfonso Bedoya said...


My most recent hospital gig involved a sudden flow of blood into my sigmoid colon at home (like diarrhea, only the product was good, red American blood). In the ER, I lost another quart before passing out. Diagnosis was a popped diverticulum. The very competent surgeon fixed things up, but only after administering a sufficient cocktail of Versed and Fentanyl. Better than bourbon, and no hangover!

My best wishes go to Mrs. Jarlsberg. I sympathize with the health-history bit and wish her a non-stop recovery. Hospital stays are not fun.

Judi King said...


Best wishes for a speedy recovery to Mrs. J.
In MHO...don't go to a Dr. of hospital unless you want to be sick.

Alfonso Bedoya said...

Addendum: I am a retired dentist and have been trained to handle emergencies in or out the dental office, including CPR. My wife is a retired medical assistant/office administrator. We both recommend that anyone have a readily-accessible health history (preferably a print-out) that includes any present and past diagnoses/treatments for diseases, conditions, etc., PLUS blood type. In a life-threatening situation, hospital personnel who don't know you or your medical history must act only on signs and symptoms if you are unconscious, can't communicate, or don't have a loved-one who knows your past medical history. This takes life-threatening time, as does getting your blood typed.

We travel in our motorhome at times, and while "on the road" never know when a medical emergency will occur; as such, we carry both a thumb-drive (thanks to Kaiser's medical records office) that contains an extensive medical history, plus our own condensed health-history printout. We keep both thumb-drives and printouts taped to the inner-surface of a closet in the motor home for quick retrieval, and keep extra printout copies in the glove compartment of our car.

John Denison said...

So....What's worse than a colonoscopy? I'll tell you. We walk into the restaurant for breakfast and see some friends we know, so we go sit with them. The husband seems out of sorts so I ask what's wrong. He says, sfter a night of agony from the intestine cleanser I go in for my colonoscopy this morning and they say, sorry you are scheduled for next week and there is no one here to do it today. So, do the cleanser thing all over again next week and we'll see you then. Have a nice day. So what is worse than having a colonoscopy, NOT having one!

SteveO said...

Praying for Mrs. J.

From my experiences taking my mom to the ER, going by ambulance makes the process much easier, if that's an affordable option.

John the Econ said...

So glad to hear Mrs. J is going to be okay. That had to be scary.

Hospital admissions: Like something out of Brazil.

A few years ago, Mrs. Econ had an issue with her gallbladder. After a bout where she was in extreme pain that was not subsiding, we decided to go to the ER. Even though it was not particularly crowded or busy, it took forever to get her in and any relief. After the pain subsided, she was sent home. After a 2nd bout and trip to the ER barely 48 hours later, they were going to send her home again. "To what end?" I asked, knowing that we were going to go through this again within days if not hours and would have to go through that whole slow and absurd admissions process again while under extreme pain and duress. I suggested that since she was already "in the system" which seemed to be the hard part, that she go ahead and be admitted and operated on so that we could be done with the problem once and for all. Which we did, and we were.

Do you use recreational drugs? (No, silly, we abuse recreational drugs)

Will be using that in the future.

"Laurel" or "Yanny": Will someone please explain this to me? I've been rather busy for the last week committing capitalism, and haven't had much time to explore the usual depths of social media, but have noticed this coming up repeatedly over the last 36 hours. So I have no idea what this means.

At this time two years ago, I had long consigned myself to what I believed would be the reality of a Clinton presidency and economically, Obama's 3rd term of malaise. That included every expectation that as we had received the gift of "ObamaCare" by the 2nd year of Obama's first term, we'd also be getting "Medicare for All" or some sort of "single payer" health care scheme from Hillary and the Democrats to be paid for my transferring the 5-figures of income we now pay through our employers or by personal checks to our income taxes. This would have made making income beyond a certain point pointless, so I had every expectation to be actively executing my semi-retirement plan by now, which would have mainly meant working just enough for pocket change but not enough to trigger higher taxes, and then using my new-found free time pointing out to clueless millennials that they were now going to be paying not only for their own "free" health care and education, but mine as well.

Instead, the exact opposite happened: Trump. All of a sudden, almost everyone in my client portfolio has gone from the "treading water mode" of the last 10 years to "it's time to replace and expand" mode. Seeing how this started happening barely a month after Trump was elected, I will not attribute this directly to any Trump policies. But what I will attribute it to is the repudiation of the "You didn't build that, so we feel free to take it" mentality that has been the driving force of our government for the last 8 years. Business people have come out of hiding. By this time next year, we'll have conclusive proof of the effect of the Trump tax cuts, which of course will be credited to Trump.

So, I really haven't had the time to understand "Laurel" or "Yanny". I'm okay with that.

Regnad Kcin said...

I see neither... I see Hardy. BTW, if you want to get rid of the late night partiers that won't leave your domicile, whip out the dvd of your colonoscopy and inside of few minutes, there'll be a vacuum in your living room. Trust me, it works....

Whoopie said...

Pro tip: The quickest way to get from the waiting room and into the ER is either arrive by ambulance or by walking up to the desk, telling the nurse you feel dizzy, then grab your chest and fall to the floor gasping for air.

Colby Muenster said...

Stilton,
Many prayers and well wishes for you and your luffly wife. Getting old, as they say, isn't for wimps. I used to think my folks were just whiners when they complained about health issues, but now I'm getting my come-uppance!

Yanny? Laurel? I don't get it. I best google that.

Y'all have a FINE weekend, and remember that a spoon full of bourbon helps the Geritol go down!

Jack Colby said...

Going forward, as uncomfortable as it may seem at first, I advise(having been through three every-five-years colonoscopies) that sedation, not general anesthesia, is the way to go . If you've the gumption, ask your practitioner/tormentor if you can watch on the monitor s/he uses, too; it's good to get in touch w/ our corporeal selves now & again. And, to be honest, after the first few minutes you'll be bored to unconsciousness anyway.

RE Mrs. J, please pass along my best wishes for a speedy & complete recovery.

Anonymous said...

Going beyond the obvious and stretching my imagination just to continue this inane media compulsion, I see a much younger version of Burt Reynolds on the left and a future version of Bill O'Reilly on the right.

Dan said...

I add my best wishes for Mrs J's rapid, full recovery.

@Whoopee -- telling the nurse you're dizzy and grabbing your chest thing doesn't always work, especially if you can't get to the nurse. At the Army hospital where I used to work, I was coming in through the ER entrance, saw a lady I knew from HR sitting and panting in the waiting room, with two other ladies I knew hovering over her. No other patients present in the waiting room.

I asked what was going on and the HR lady said she was having chest pains. I looked around and there were two GI Medics hanging around up by the sign-in desk. I told them that this lady was having a heart attack and they looked at me with a derp derp expression and said the triage nurse was in her office with a patient and they didn't want to bother her. Gah. (She did get treated, eventually.)

Camembert de Normandie (au Cajun) said...

What Jack Colby said. Your wife might have an issue with general anesthesia, which can build over the years to rather life-threatening levels.

As one who is sensitive to all the generals, good genes of course, I am very leery whenever a doc wants to do a procedure with me under. One 'day' surgery took me 8 hours to come out of, and the bastards should have sent me to the hospital over it but they were covering their posteriors, not mine.

Keep a good eye on your Lady Cheese over the next two weeks, and try to keep the dust/pollen/small flying irritants down around her until she's totally healed up.

Yeah, ER's suck. I concur that the only way to get fast service is via ambulance or having some visible issue (like fish-flopping in the hallway or having your tongue swelled up or the occasional piece of rebar protruding out of some part of your body.) Bleeding doesn't always qualify as 'urgent', by the way.

Worst ER visit? My wife was in a waiting room for 6 hours because the intake nurse didn't think she was critical, even though wife was greenish/white with pain. Head nurse walks through waiting room to go to the gedunk machine, looks at my wife and 'blampf' disappears in a cloud of waving doors, 20 seconds later HNurse shows up with horde of techs and a gurney and 'blampf' the whole pack of them and my wife suddenly disappear into the bowels of the actual ER. It only took 5 days for the severe infected gallbladder that was killing her liver and poisoning the rest of the body to stabilize enough that they could operate. Of course this happened at the height of pneumonia season at the local old-folks home, so we were parked in the hallway of the ER for 2 days waiting on a room to open up. Good times, good times...

And it could have been worse. At least the ER was able to eventually take care of your wife. Mine had a brain bleed that was diagnosed by one ER which pronounced they couldn't treat but she was going to die, and sent her to another ER which said she'd be a vegetable for the rest of her life. Stubborn wife showed them. Bastards...

mamafrog said...

Yeah, ER's, one very good hospital in our city had me sitting there for six hours with what I was pretty sure was kidney stone (history with them and family history) being young and stupid I just put up with it. Finally went pee and heard it hit the toilet with a ping, so I left.

Judi King said...

I agree with anonymous, the guy on the left looked just like a young Burt Reynolds. I don't know about the Bill O'Reilly one but that's pretty funny.

NVRick said...

@John the Econ
What the 'progressives' don't seem to understand is that they will, indeed, get free health care and college. The secret is that they will have to pay for everyone else's.

Granny said...

Dear Cheeses,
Looking for a speedy recovery here. Did they not tell Mrs. J, not to eat or drink anything 24 hours prior to the procedure?
Like all of the above, I have had cameras inserted into every available orifice to track down some pesky medical issues. Going in again next week. The medical care here in Australia is excellent. Kind and caring staff, plenty of information and a form to fill out at the end of each procedure to evaluate your experience, and it's all free.

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Velveeta Processed Cheese Food- I'm starting to believe that ANY procedure performed at a hospital is essentially Russian roulette.

@Sortawitte- Mrs. J and I have had plenty of colonoscopies. Not fun, but also no problems...until this one.

@j- Thanks for the advice and sorry you've had to live through this. I don't believe this is that rare, but probably getting caught this quickly is rare. We'll be very careful and conscientious about Mrs. J's recovery.

@James Daily- When we've had the procedure in the past it was utterly painless and, as it's potentially life-saving, always seemed like a good idea. That's probably still the case, as long as everyone involved in the procedure has their minds on the job.

@Anonymous- My sincere condolences about your younger brother. Colonoscopies are important, and you'll note that I'm not telling anyone to avoid them. USUALLY it's a very minor procedure, and a very important one.

@mamafrog- Mrs. J will be doing everything right with her recovery and therapy. We've reached an age where we know it's not a good idea to try to take shortcuts on the way back to health.

@Jason Anyone- Thanks for the nice thoughts. And "Yanny?" Really? My haunted hand isn't going to like that...

@Maoz- A sheynem dank! (Also my apologies if I totally butchered that...)

@M. Mitchell Marmel- I can respect someone who hears "Yaurel." Keeping in mind, of course, that you're still wrong (grin).

@Fred Ciampi- Do you know how many men's knees slammed together when reading your post?! Yowsah! Regarding "Laurel and Yanny," there's a recording floating around the Internet. Some people say it sounds like "Laurel" and others say it sounds like "Yanny," and the two sides are vehemently positive that they've got the only correct answer. (Spoiler: the word is LAUREL).

@Bob Lee- Thanks you so much!

@Emmentaler Limburger- Thanks for the advice on the pneumonia. Mrs. J is by nature an active person, so I'll probably have to instruct her in the art of slothdom (which I'm a master at).

MAX Redline said...

Glad to see her prosthesis looks good. I had one of those bum exams a few years ago, but I was awake the whole time, and watching it on TV. I told him I get the movie rights.

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Jim Lane- We're still richly and wildly blessed...but yes, a little breather from these most recent challenges would be welcome.

@TrickyRicky- Theoretically I can collect my sweetie on Saturday morning, which will be wonderful. I'm haunting my own house without her here. And as for me, I'm still doing the night-time calisthenics in my not-quite-sleep. And it's getting old.

@RDB- Yikes! Well THAT'S certainly not what I'll be thinking about next time I'm on the table. So glad your friend's mother eventually recovered.

@Kishka- Yes, it's hard to see a colonoscopy bag as anything other than a pretty significant drag...and even that is not the worst outcome for the condition. I'm still in favor of colonoscopies and am not trying to convince people they're difficult or dangerous. I am, however, saying that everything in life (in or out of a hospital) carries a bit of risk.

@Anonymous- She's working on it!

@John Canfield- Oooh, that sounds like a bad time to wake up! Good luck with your own procedure, and remember that it USUALLY is a quick and easy procedure.

@AmyH- Wow, your stories trump mine...not that I want "better" horror stories to tell. Glad to hear about those better times you had bringing kids into this world!

@Alfonso Bedoya- A popped diverticulum?! Oh great...and I've been feeling a little "ouchy" again where I recently had diverticulitis. Perhaps I'll pick up some adult diapers, just in case...

@Judi King- I'm a little more charitable in my opinion of the medical profession, though this hasn't helped much. What scares me about hospitals is the seeming lack of communication between people who are administering potentially dangerous things to patients. I don't believe there's anywhere else on Earth when a paperwork problem can have such immediate and dire consequences.

@Alfonso Bedoya- That's a great suggestion about the thumb drives with your medical history. Good to keep an updated list of current medications (names and dosages) on there, too!

@John Denison- Oh, yikes. I feel sorry for your friend!

@SteveO- We didn't want to go the ambulance route because it seemed like we had time. The fact that I'm a cheapskate has nothing to do with it (grin).

@John the Econ- "Brazil;" exactly. And very sorry to hear what Mrs. Econ had to endure.

As I mentioned above, there is a single recorded word floating around the Internet and people are practically having fist fights over whether the word sounds like "Yanny" or "Laurel." It's not a bad metaphor for the way Progressives and Conservatives view the same circumstance and interpret it so differently.

I think the greatest contribution Trump has made to the economy is...not being Obama. Trump hasn't boosted the economy so much as simply ending the roadblocks that Barry erected over the years.

@Regnad Kcin- We didn't get a DVD, but the color snapshots would probably still work to get people grabbing their coats and running for the door.

@Whoopie- The downside to that strategy would be when some nitwit hits you with the paddles and stops your heart.

@Colby Muenster- Yeah, this whole "aging" thing completely blows. Although I'm told the alternative isn't much fun, either.

@Jack Colby- That's a good suggestion, and probably what I'll do in the future. Thanks!

@Anonymous- Sounds like you may be a drink or two ahead of me (grin).

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Dan- That's a terrifying story. Screw-ups "just doing their jobs" to the bare minimum. And that can be all it takes...

@Camembert de Normandie (au Cajun)- Holy Crap. Thanks for the nightmare ER stories - with any luck they'll keep me from sleeping (and dancing in my sleep) tonight.

@mamafrog- Sorry for your pain, but glad the sons of guns didn't make any money off you.

@Judi King- I think we've got a new Internet meme here!

@NVRick- Exactly!

@Granny- Yep, Mrs. J was given the instructions about nothing to eat or drink and followed them to the letter. Still, your stomach is still going to produce acids and your other tissues will produce mucus. So even an "empty stomach" is rarely really empty.

Good luck with your own medical procedure, and glad to hear that you're happy with Australia's medical system. Perhaps it helps that you don't have tens of millions of "undocumented cash-less guests" flooding your country and looking for services.

@Max Redline- Next time either of us as the procedure done, I'm sneaking a digital audio recorder in somehow. Actually, they usually have your clothes in a bag under the table, which would be a great spot for a sensitive microphone. I heard about one guy who did this, listened to the recording, and sued the medical staff for making fun of his naked body while he was out.

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Walter L Stafford- I completely agree that the nature of this blog has shifted. Not, in all ways, to my liking - but rather out of necessity. You bring up a very valid point, though, and I may address this more fully in its own post. I appreciate your input!

Gumby-damn-it! said...

Best wishes to Mrs. J. Here's hoping that when they review the video that they don't see anything reminiscent of "America's Got Talent"!

Pete (Detroit) said...

Soooo glad the lovely Mrs J managed to avoid dying like a rock star...
best wishes for a speedy recovery, and all that.
Being more or less stupid healthy, and never having broken anything major, I don't have any horror stories to contribute.
Knock on wood...

Tannhauser said...

Hey Yanni ! Get a haircut and get a real name ( Thx George Thourogood)

Boligat said...

Best wishes for a speedy recovery.

A year or so ago I had surgery and some complications arose that sent me to the ER. It was mind numbingly slow, as you described. The thing that caught my eye was that there were LOTS of exam rooms available, but they sat empty. Later I was talking to a friend of mine who works in that same hospital in the HR department. She was the one that did the hiring. She told me that their problem was that they couldn't hire enough housekeeping staff in order to clean the rooms so that they could be reused. It's a time consuming process and it cannot be done by a machine. The hospital currently had over 900 (yes, nine hundred) openings that they couldn't fill. Not all of them were for the ER, but a good portion were. While not at the top of the pay scale, these jobs did pay well and included health coverage as well as the usual bennies. Why couldn't they fill them? Nobody wanted to do that kind of work, I guess, plus they had to be a little picky. They required a HS diploma. Also, too many failed the drug test. She told me that one applicant showed up for an interview filthy and hung over.

Boligat said...

@Fred Ciampi

I had to be TURPed, too. Mine went pretty well, but a drain got plugged which is what sent me to the ER. Later, I found a couple of videos on YouTube related to my procedure and I mentioned this to my doctor on my next visit. He said that they had watched those videos several times before doing the procedure. I'm looking around for some kind of certificate from YouTube proclaiming the proficiency of the doctor.

Who needs Med School anymore? EVERYTHING is on the net.

Tannhauser said...

It is not the periscope that I find discomforting..... it is the torpedoes!

Kurt said...

I recall the first time I took my wife to a consultation for a colonoscopy. We asked what happens if they have to sip a polyp, and he said that it usually heals by itself, "but in rare cases, maybe one time out of a hundred or so [emphasis mine], there may be bleeding that requires a surgical procedure." Now, I don't know whether the physician was just trying to make it sound less worrisome, or whether he was really a moron regarding statistics, but 1 in 100 is in no way "rare". I observed that, fortunately, their clinic was attached by a corridor to a hospital, so if such surgery were required, they would have immediate access to such care. He replied that, unfortunately, their clinic no longer had a working relationship with the hospital, and in such an event my wife would have to be transported to a different hospital. Lovely. This was in Canada whose single payer health care system is envied by Democrats and progressives.

dar said...

FYI: google search:
'colonoscopy risks and complications'
About 366,000 results

livingtraditionally.com/colonoscopy-dangers/

Colonoscopy A Medical Scam that Does Not Prevent Cancer but Causes Death

But is it really effective and necessary?
The truth is that this procedure is painful and potentially dangerous. According to The Annals of Internal Medicine’s report on colonoscopies 0.5% of the people who undergo these procedures have a high risk of being injured or even killed due to complications that can arise during the procedure.

This factor is 22% higher in death that it is the real and true colorectal cancer. It is astounding really that something created to cure cancer can actually hurt you more.

One person afflicted from colon cancer can live many more years, but if the doctor hurts you involuntary during a routine check-up you can die in a hurry. For every person that is saved from colon cancer, 56 people suffer an injury or die.

It is a proven fact that other than being seriously injured during this procedure you can also be infected with salmonella, Hepatitis B and C, HIV, pseudomonas and bacteria such as E. Coli.

Colonoscopy Does Not Prevent Cancer
Almost all people who undergo invasive colonoscopy have never found signs of cancer, only smaller issues that are easily treated. Some studies prove that even with a clean and healthy colon and routine check-ups they still got cancer a few years later.

That means that colonoscopies are not necessarily the ones that can determine colon health and improve it. This procedure is a scam and can do you more harm than good.
-----
Colonoscopy: A Gold Standard to Refuse

drmcdougall.com/misc/2010nl/aug/colon.htm

Dr John McDougall MD-
I have seen perfectly healthy people killed after having their colon perforated with your six-foot long tubes passed under sedation.

...Colonoscopy Screening Is Unnecessary

Since the early years following the development of colonoscopy in 1969, the procedure has been attacked as being unnecessary and unduly dangerous.1 However, with a colonoscopy costing up to $3,000 for each procedure, it has become the gold standard for colon cancer prevention. That prestigious position is now being lost due to recent scientific publications revealing the truth about colonoscopies. Gastroenterologists should expect their incomes to be cut by at least half as the truth becomes more widespread, especially in this climate of out-of-control healthcare spending.

As a young doctor in the 1970s I used a rigid two-foot long sigmoidoscope to check my patients for hemorrhoids, colon polyps, and cancer. The procedure was painful, relatively safe, cost about $100, and could be performed in about 10 minutes without any sedation in my office. Colonoscopies became popular as a screening tool in the late 1970s. Because this instrument (the colonoscope) must travel through 6 feet of torturous and turning bowel with four right angle turns (rather than only 2 feet with two bends with a sigmoidoscope) much more is involved. The colonoscopy requires a thorough bowel preparation (lasting as long as three days), sedation, and at least 30 minutes to perform. The risks from the sedation and passage of the tube are considerable.
In contrast, nowadays a much more comfortable sigmoidoscope exam (using a flexible instrument) can be performed, which requires at most a day of preparation, costs about $200, and can be completed in 10 minutes. No sedation is required and harm is rarely caused to the patient. Adequately trained nurse practitioners can perform flexible sigmoidoscopy as competently as gastroenterologists can.

John the Econ said...

@NVRick, for ages now I've been telling Progressives that "Your real problem isn't that I disagree with you. Your real problem is going to be when I give up and join you".

As bad a deal as paying for your own education and health care may seem, at least it's possible to eventually pay your bills and regain your life again. The problem with socialism is that you'll be saddled with the bills for everyone else's education and health care forever.

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@dar- You've made a believer out of me! Fascinating (and believable) stats.

David A. Fox said...

I had my first colonoscopy at age 61 where cancer was discovered. After two surgeries and 12 rounds of chemo, it has been decreed that I am 'cancer-free' and all without a colostomy bag, thank the Lord.

Why did I wait so long before my first meeting with "The Rear Admiral" you ask? Having been married to an ICU nurse who regaled from first-hand experience witnessing most of the 'complications' mentioned above, the call was easy to put off. Maybe not putting it off for ten years could have spared me the past year of infusing my money into the local medical economy - or maybe not ...

I had bacterial pneumonia back in the late 1970s which resulted in 8 days of hospitalization complete with 4 shots of penicillin in my caboose each of those days. I hope Mrs. J does not have to endure such treatment.

JustaJeepGuy said...

Well @dar, my VA primary care physician wanted me to get a colonoscopy but I refused because I had a sigmoidoscopy once and I WON'T go through the prep again! Now I'm glad I said no. Thanks for backing me up!

James Daily said...


Socialism is very much like School Taxes. When you buy your first house as we did in our twenties, now in our seventies, we are Still paying School Taxes and we haven't had a kid in a public school in over thirty years. They will never go away. If you rent, those taxes are added into the cost of rental. If I had one wish about public schooling, it would be a mandatory two years of economics.
(I knew I was right about foregoing a colonoscopy)

HEREISTAND said...


Klaus Eberwein, Haitian goverment lawyer suing Clinton Foundation

3 Attorneys Found Dead In Wasserman Schultz Florida ...
www.opdeepstate.com/2018/02/18/3-attorneys-found-dead-in...
Home News 3 Attorneys Found Dead In Wasserman Schultz Florida District In 2 Weeks 3 Attorneys Found Dead In Wasserman Schultz Florida District In 2 Weeks

Video

TheOldMan said...

If you show up with blue lips, chest pains, and incoherent, they skip the usual 60 questions. Been there, done that, got the bill.