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Monday, February 24, 2020

Feeling the Bernski

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For once, we can't fault his logic
A couple of funny things happened recently, just after the mainstream media's latest round of unsubstantiated accusations that Russia is interfering in our election process by (ahem) "again" supporting Donald Trump.

First, it turned out that Russia is actually interfering by trying to help Bernie Sanders' campaign. Second, Bernie had a surprisingly (indeed, almost suspiciously) large primary win in Nevada thanks to a large plurality of vodka-scented voters.

Of course, the mainstream media is now calling Bernie's win a fake and a fraud, and American intelligence agencies are planting spies in the Sanders' campaign team and opening multiple investigations with an eye towards prison sentences for Comrade Bernie and all of his co-conspirators.

Just kidding! That's what was done to Donald Trump! Instead, Bernie's campaign was politely informed of the possible Russian interference (a courtesy never extended to Trump), after which Bernie blustered publicly that he doesn't want that kind of help and that there will be "big trouble" if the Russians don't cut it out "right after election day."

In other Sanders-related news, once again there's proof of the old political adage: "As goes Danny DeVito, so goes Dick Van Dyke." The beloved (and that definitely includes our feelings for him) 94 year old comic actor has recently been featured in a Youtube campaign ad to address concerns about the wild-haired socialist's advanced age...

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, sanders, trump, russia, interference, nevada, dick van dyke, endorsement
Oh, Rob...!
The ad was a little vague about what exactly Bernie will do for people in Mr. Van Dyke's age bracket, but it is thought that in lieu of actual healthcare, President Sanders will send caseworkers to the homes of oldsters "to move those damn ottomans that are so easy to trip over."

41 comments:

Pat Cummings said...

Van Dyke continued, "...I actually have a very good relationsip with the Colonel. Love the extra crispy! Oh... he's not!? Never mind, then."

Mike aka Proof said...

Tripping over that ottoman in the old Dick Van Dyke series, left Dick with the same traumatic head injuries that NFL players would be diagnosed with years later.

Bobo the Hobo said...

I’m starting a Go Fund Me page to buy a case of combs so Bernie no longer needs a balloon for his hair

bocopro said...

That vid is perhaps the slickest, deepest, and most convincing satire I've ever seen. And for a guy like Van Dyke -- who loves laughing SO much -- to make it all the way through without bursting into uncontrolled giggling . . . amazing.

Either that or somebody has switched his Aricept with pixie dust and his Radadyne with loco weed.

Hell, I'm 2 years older than Sanders and quite often find myself in a room wondering what the hell I came in there for. When I decide what strength Lipitor to take at night -- 40 versus 80 milligrams depending on what I ate during the day -- most of the time I can't remember what I had for lunch, much less breakfast.

Sanders would be as good a president as Mike Tyson would be an elocution coach.

NaCly Dog said...

"to move those damn ottomans that are so easy to trip over."

Classic. Zing!!!

PaBlum said...

Return of the Ottoman Empire!

M. Mitchell Marmel said...

I recall a Playboy "Unabashed Dictionary" entry defining "pubic hair" as a Dick VanDyke...

Emmentaler Limburger said...

That's quite a tower of medications in the blur over Dick's left shoulder. Probably explains he slurred speech....

Rod said...

About the 3-panel Bernie 'toon: I hope Pelosi, Nadler & Schiff follow this blog. THEY NEED TO KNOW THIS.

Rod said...

About the Ottoman: In the small house where I was a baby & a youngster, the living room was between my parents' front bedroom & the bathroom back by the kitchen. They bought an Ottoman for the living room & Mom had her favorite place for it. But at first Dad would trip over it night. He had just done that for second or third time so she got out of bed while he was taking a leak and moved it. He changed course on the way back & tripped over it again. That became a good story for many retellings later; but it was NOT funny that night. They got over that one too, and shared life together for 74 years. God bless 'em both.

Murphy(AZ) said...

Mr. Van Dyke undoubtedly has a history of being fairly accomplished as an actor. Even more so has Clint Eastwood.

While I do not, for a moment, deny either of them their right to express an opinion, or to choose who they might or might not support in the coming elections, one question comes to my mind any time a so-called celebrity announces who they're going to support:

WHO THE HELL GIVES A RATS ASS?

TrickyRicky said...

Yeah, the Russians loving them some Bernie makes sense, birds of a feather and all that. How anyone could assert with a straight face that the Ruskies would prefer Trump over the oh-so-compromised Ma Barker is beyond me.

Jess said...

I guess someone should tell Dick Van Dyke that even though there might be a resemblance, Bernie isn't his great uncle that disappeared during the first world war.

udaman said...

There is so many things wrong with what "Oh, Rob!" said that it is impossible to know where to start. Bernie = Democracy? Absolutely not!

Colby, Jack said...

@UDaMan: in fact, Bernie signals the beginning of the end of Democracy.

You'd think that people who call themselves Democrats would understand a little more about what a Democracy needs in order for it to last. But they're all about, always, the election right in front of us. Not, ever, the future of elections. Odd(not) that those who did poorly in Nevada are now crying "Foul" about the process. Seems like any Democrat's idea of Democracy is now "Heads, We Win. Tails, you cheated."

Anonymous said...


If the Bernster were to win the presidency, I would suspect our old ICBM silos would be leased to the russkies for some home-based
warheads to use against the new “USASR” should we try to overthrow our situation. Leasing of the silos will bring in big bucks to pay for all the free shit he will be giving away at the taxpayers expense.

igor said...

Let's see, Uncle Bernie honeymooned in the old Soviet Union... which should show anybody with half a brain that any interference in the election process(es) is going to be FOR Bernie's team. This should be excellent fodder for DJT when the Democrap Primary is over. Although, the way the Democrap Party is stabbing Bernie every chance they get, it may *not* be Uncle Bernie. Which will really piss off the Bernie Bro's.

How will the Democrap Primary end? Bring popcorn and your favorite beverage. It'll be bad. VERY bad. Couldn't happen to a "nicer" bunch of DimWits.

Colby, Jack said...

RE: Oh, Rob! My 90 year old mother, rest her soul, thought she had all her marbles, too, right up to the end. Everyone else who knew, and loved her, knew differently.

"Rob" may be 94 and lucid but how's Dick doing? And what does any one else's state of mind have to do with the Senator's? I call him Bernie "Orbital" Sanders: he arrived on the scene from Planet Wha? 20 years ago and has worn down all opponents with his abrasiveness. But he would lose big-time to an even grittier DJT in November. Sounds like fun. As Ahhnold said in that cinematic masterpiece 'Commando,' "Let's party."

The tabs are going to love it, too. Stop the presses!

Rod said...

Here's some info about ICBM missile silos: We're in an area surrounded by dozens of old Minuteman missile silos. My father helped construct them by installing HVAC systems. There are several such areaa in the nation. I'm not up-to-date but know most have been imploded or otherwise disabled as part of treaties. Where located on farmland: For reasonable cost to be paid to gov't the landowners were given first right to have the topside "surface" infrastructure which could include perimeter fences, driveways, gates, power supply, etc. left in place as U S Air Force demolition contractors walked away.

There is one larger Atlas missile silo in NW Texas which for years has been under control of a family and is flooded with crystal clear groundwater. It's been cleaned up enough to be a reasonably safe and unique scuba dive site and training facility by appointment. Water is about 130 feet to bottom, the maximum for sport diving anyway.

I've no idea of how many such silos are still functional and loaded, if any.

John the Econ said...

I have to admit to having a bit of fun on social media over the weekend, rhetorically asking my TDS-suffering friends if it was now okay for Trump to unleash the vast federal surveillance apparatus upon Bernie and the rest of the Democratic field. To save America, of course.

Rob fell over the ottoman a few too many times: The reason most old people don't fall for Bernie is because they remember, many first hand, the horrors of socialism.

Colby Muenster said...

Soooo... Bernie seems (for reasons I can't fathom) to have a huge following of young people who whine about many things, including old, white politicians. Just guessing here, but I'll bet my next paycheck your average Bernie supporter doesn't have a clue who the hell Dick Van Dyke is. I figure it's a safe bet since your average Bernie supporter also doesn't have a clue what a paycheck is.

By the way, a bit of trivia. When Dick Van Dyke started his career, his agent said he would have a lot of trouble getting work due to his name, so he changed it from Penis Van Lesbian.

Fish Out of Water said...

So Weinstein is found guilty and sent straight to jail. Anyone want to speculate on another case of Arkancide?

Shelly said...

I saw a clip of a rally for Bernie. The young lady speaking (or should I say screeching?) was railing about the need to elect Bernie to end the oppression of capitalism. Where do these chuckleheads think the money comes from? I know the answer to that. They think it is all made and distributed by the federal government to its favored constituency. Capitalism has nothing to do with it except to oppress the little Soviets. I saw another Bernie rally where a young lady ran up to Bernie and grabbed his mic while claiming to be his biggest fan. He shrank back like a vampire going outside at noon. This is the essence of Bernie.

Murphy(AZ) said...

^Fish Out of Water: Why? It would be a great waste of bedsheets and disappearing staff. Just watching Weinstein struggle to pilot that walker in and out of the courtroom, it's a wonder to me that he didn't vapor lock years ago.

The one thing that amazes me the most, I guess, is that all those women, put themselves in his thrall for movie roles and money. Of everyone now upset with the things he's accused of, it didn't seem like too many of them did much to stop him until near the very end of his sordid career.

Somewhere out there is another Weinstein, getting his raunchy kicks taking advantage of newcomer actresses, promising great things in exchange for whatever he can get.

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Readers- Another day that finds me a bit too busy for individual responses (this may be common for just a bit), but I can make some generic observations. First, it's pretty much impossible for me not to love Dick Van Dyke, no matter what dotty thing he might say. The ad he taped was astoundingly generic - mostly touting Bernie as being "consistent" over the years, mixed with a bit of TDS about the end of democracy if Trump wins. Sad...though I'm glad Mr. Van Dyke is still with us.

I'm perfectly glad to see Weinstein heading to jail. I have no doubt that he's a wretched person who did terrible things. That being said, I also have no doubt that a lot of the women he had "relations" with knew the deal they were making, and were happy to give him a "quid per quo job."

The stock market finally had a realistic reaction to coronavirus today (and my portfolio got spanked) but I'm guessing it's still going to fall a lot more. The World Health Organization has all but admitted that efforts to contain the viral outbreaks are going to fail, and that we're just going to have to watch Covid-19 burn through the population. Not to be a doomsayer or panic-monger, but I'm definitely doing some prepping and urge others to do so. My assumption is that utilities will continue to work - but we're likely to have home isolation either forced on us or, more likely, we'll isolate by choice at the point the virus has free rein. Meaning you should get supplies to last a month or so - anything which would allow you to skip a trip to a store (if the stores are open and not depleted). Food, toiletries, booze, critical medications, OTC medicines, etc. This ain't armageddon, but I'm guessing the impact will be huge as the supply chain from China breaks down completely. Again, I'm not trying to put anyone's hair on end...just trying to encourage friends to do a little logical "just in case" preparation before we see stores doing what the stock market did today.

Speaking of disasters, Bernie Sanders certainly has the makings of one...I'm just not sure which way yet. Will he lead the Democrats to a crushing defeat or, like Trump in 2016, will he fool everyone and actually win the Presidency? Scary stuff. Although I'm still keeping my eye on Hillary to somehow grab the nomination. And by the way, if coronavirus really DOES start going nuts, you can pretty much bet that we won't see political conventions (or other public gatherings) this year. Might be a very tidy way to influence the choice of an eventual candidate...

DougM said...

Can't wait for your inevitable Ed Asner piece.
Then we'll get "Oh, Mister Graaant…"
(What? Spoiler? Uh, sorry, Stilton)

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@DougM- I've got a true story about Ed Asner. A very, very dear friend and business partner (who went on to win 7 Emmy Awards) lived in Los Angeles, as did his married brother (who also worked in the film business). The brother and wife did typical goofy Hollyweird crap, like eat each course of their meal under a different colored light for some reason.

Anyway, the wife became pregnant and it wasn't the husband's. It was...Ed Asner's! And this wasn't when Ed was at his peak (not that his peak was a big chick magnet either). Asner eventually fessed up and, presumably, paid up. I have no idea if the resultant child was raised under a variety of different colored lights. Although if there's a God in heaven, it should have been named "LOU!"

TIMWYNNE@GMAIL.COM said...

Fabulous, loving story. Thanks for sharing.

M. Mitchell Marmel said...

@Stilton: Now I'm minded of Ed Asner's role as Cosgrove on a certain animated series...

"Hey! Freakazoid! Wanna go to a swingers' party?"

"DO I?!" ;-)

Fish Out of Water said...

@Murphy: you are probably right. There is/are men out there doing what Weinstein has done.

millard fillmore said...

Back in the 1960's,my father,who was considered a democrat by the rest of the family,voted in a local democrat primary for some politician named,'Bingo'Stant.We were sitting in the car waiting for my mother(as always)and I asked him if he really liked the 'Bingo' guy.He said he didn't agree with him on anything.So I asked why he voted for him,and he explained that 'Bingo' was bound to lose to the republican in the fall election.He liked the republican,and voted for the weakest democrat opponent in the primary race.That may very well explain Eastwood's endorsement of Gloomberg.As for Mr.Van Dyke,I disagree with his endorsement,but how do you dislike somebody like him?

Old Cannonballs said...

Meanwhile, sitting backstage and gloating while she nurses a bottle of Grey Goose vodka as she waits for the brokered convention to convene...

Damn, if it's not one thing it's another.

Fish Out of Water said...

@ Stilton: One artifact that may come out of the coronavirus pandemic is corporations rethinking whether they need to remain being joined at the hip with China for manufacturing and component sourcing. The implications for China would be very significant.

John the Econ said...

@Shelly, what these people don't understand is that "capitalism" is not a "system" that oppresses anybody. Capitalism is the understanding of how people exchange their labor and goods with other citizens and entities. These ignoramuses who buy Bernie's nonsense haven't a clue as to how wealth is created. They think that money is some magical thing that just exists in a natural state. If the screeching young lady thinks she's oppressed now, just wait until money is worthless and unless she's got hard skills or marries well, will have few options left to feed herself. Charity as she knows it today will not exist.

@Stilton, kudos on your Weinstein observation. The reason that he was able to play his game for decades with the knowledge of pretty much the entire industry was because he was delivering in exchange for what he was demanding. Morally repulsive, absolutely. But all too many women were willing to play the game. Why aren't they looked down upon with comparable scorn? Had they no agency, or is being a Hollywood starlet a right?

The Stock Market: Yup, going to be painful for awhile. Personally, I take the long view and look at times like this as a buying opportunity.

Bernie: Loved his comments regarding Cuba on 60 Minutes the other night. Hey, Castro's revolution was all worth it because they got free education! Never mind that Cuba was already the most literate nation in the Caribbean before Castro, or the collateral damage since.

In case you have Progressive friends who don't seem to be able to grasp the point, put it this way: A simple test for judging one society against another: In which direction do people board makeshift boats to cross shark-infested waters?

Also, don't confuse "education" with "indoctrination". This is why the Progressives want education to be "free". You get what you pay for, or less.

Personally, I'm not too worried about Bernie as the candidate. For one thing, the large cash spigot that the post-Bill Clinton Democrats have nurtured will not be opening for Bernie. Wealthy Progressive Democrats pony up to pay Democrats for protection. Bernie promises no such thing.

My prediction is a brokered convention that will not allow Bernie to be the candidate. As I predicted 4 years ago, this will tear what is left of the party apart. Will be fun to watch.

John the Econ said...

My thoughts on Ed Asner: During the '80s, he was the president of the Screen Actors Guild. When Reagan fired the air traffic controllers, Asner dedicated SAG strike funds to the controllers. Now consider at the time that the average SAG member was making around $1,500
a year from acting while the average air traffic controller was making in the mid-5-figures.

If I was one of those SAG actors working for minimum wage in a restaurant every night to support my wanna-be acting career, I'd have been pretty pissed to think that the hundreds of dollars out of my union dues were going to pay a bunch of guys who had been making over 25 times what I was.

A few years ago, I recall an interview with him where he commented that after a 50-year career, he didn't have all that much money. Now we know why.

Colby Muenster said...

@John the Econ,

"These ignoramuses who buy Bernie's nonsense haven't a clue as to how wealth is created.

Sad but true. You are vilified if you are born into wealth because "You don't deserve that money, so we'll take it and put it to good use."

The folks who start with nothing and build wealth must have used poor people as stepping stones, so they don't deserve wealth either.

But apparently neither rule applies to wealthy liberals, wealthy Democrats, wealthy socialists, or wealthy communists. Funny how actually having money can change your perspective on who gets to spend it.

The DNC convention is going to be very entertaining, and you are correct. The DNC will pull every string within their grasp to prevent Bernie from being "it." If this happens, there are going to be a few million really pissed snowflakes that will either sit it out, write Bernie in, or vote for (gasp!) Trump.

Old Cannonballs said...

@Colby: Or they'll hold their noses and vote for Hitlery.

Fish Out of Water said...

@ John the Econ: Curious as to what you would see in the democratic party tearing itself apart.


To me the democratic party has shown itself to be fairly elastic-not easily torn apart..,. In my much younger days, remember watching the 1968 democratic Party national convention (Chicago) in which HHH, the party machine candidate (insert Bloomberg for 2020) was given the nomination over a very fractious, messy convention. (yes I know Robert Kennedy, who probably would have been the nominee was assassinated) . And yet the party has carried on....

John the Econ said...

@Fish Out of Water, it's happening on multiple levels. First of all, their investment in "identity politics" has resulted in an ever-compressing coalition that gets less stable as time goes on and as intersecionality becomes more enforced.

And then there's the Marxism. A large percentage of Democrats are what I call "social Progressives"; they say they love everyone and everything and whatnot, but when it comes to making any real sacrifice for the agenda, forget it. When the original communists originally peddled their utopia to the masses, the masses literally were living abject poverty; few owned more than the shirts on their backs. That's hardly the case today; the American middle class is historically affluent, with homes, cars, toys, conveniences, retirement plans, etc. They may lip-sync the social justice nonsense, but most know they have a lot to lose in any real revolution.

Bernie's kids, AOC & her lot, etc are the vocal minority. They're young, inexperienced, and ignorant. They're dangerous because as they see their situations, they have little to lose. (They're blowing their future, but they're too clueless to see that) Since they don't own homes, cars, 401k, etc, they feel more free to agitate for the revolution, and they're too ignorant of history to know how it always works out.

And then there's "the establishment". The establishment prefers stability that they control. But they've created these monsters that are threatening it. The establishment is well moneyed, and certainly has no interest in what Bernie represents. They prefer the predictable world of graft the Clintons represented.

These groups can't get much more compressed without some sort of explosion.

Bruce Bleu said...

Y'know it's unfortunate that so many here do not post using his "politically correct" moniker, "Penis Van Lesbian". Let's get with it, folks... don't want to be offensive now, do we?

David A. Fox said...

... and a fall turned an astronaut into a Senator.