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Monday, March 2, 2020

A Feather in his Crap

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On the eve of Super Tuesday (which, when it's wearing glasses and working at the Daily Planet, everyone assumes is just a mild-mannered regular Tuesday), the shape of the Democratic race for the presidential nomination has changed dramatically.

For starters, billionaire and alleged candidate Tom Steyer has dropped out of the race, stunning voters from coast to coast who had no idea he was ever in the race. Even more of a shock was this announcement on Sunday...

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No, we're NOT proud of this cartoon. Thanks for asking!
These dramatic developments resulted largely from Joe Biden's massive (and first in his lifetime) primary win in South Carolina, where he captured the all-important black vote by repeatedly pointing out that, unlike Bernie Sanders, he was not a Jew.

While this seems to give new momentum to Biden's campaign, the victory wasn't really all that important according to 27,000 primetime television ads paid for by Mike Bloomberg. And we certainly shouldn't count Elizabeth Warren out yet because, while she hasn't got a chance in Hell, we feel bad about our nation's sad history of stealing land from her people and giving them smallpox with infected blankets.

So we should all keep our eyes on the Super Tuesday races. Because between the spread of Covid-19 and Wall Street doing a spot-on "Oh, the humanity!" impression of the Hindenburg, we can all use a really good laugh.

43 comments:

gunnertwo said...

I heard he was "packing it in".

Anonymous said...

Good old BootieJuice, the butt of so many jokes will not be missed!

Velveeta Processed Cheese Food said...

Somebody had to say it.

M. Mitchell Marmel said...

(still laughing at "moist pop sound")

Maoz said...

Oy oy oy, Stilton, Stilton! "Made moist 'pop' noise" -- it's a good thing I wasn't drinking coffee just now!

Anonymous said...

"Made a 'moist' pop sound.."

Time for a new keyboard.

And the winner of the 2020 cartoon of the year is!!!!!

Jim Irre said...

Don't know whether the best part of that toon is the "moist popping sound" or Pete's facial expression! See what I did there? "Facial" expression? He see's what's coming! Oops, I did it again! ROTFLMAO!

Fish Out of Water said...

One of the news outlets here in The Swamp announced the end of Buttigieg's candidacy with
the word"historic"....

Meanwhile, I see the democratic party machinery now slowing moving to squash the political cockroach, aka Bernie Sanders. Also in the news here is that ahead of the VA primary, a local, newly-elected MOC has endorsed crazy Joe as who she's like to see win the primary. And if that isn't enough, the worst electoral mistake since the peanut farmer frm Plains GA, called Biden to offer up congratulations.

I see a hot time in July in Milwaukee .

REM1875 said...

Perhaps bloomingidiot will be able to buy the rest of buttplugs unused personality ???

Timbotoo said...

Moist pop sound

I laughed out loud. Thank you.

Bobo the Hobo said...

I snotted over the “moist pop sound” but just think of poor Poca-has-been who will probably retreat to her digs and wear out her recording of Loretta Lynn’s Your Squaw is on the Warpath Tonight

I am so not tired of winning!

Geoff King said...

While his win in S.C. no doubt gives Biden a feeling of hope on his bid for the Senate, my money for the democrat nominee is on the only non-democrat, Sanders.

MikeAZ said...

I was drinking a cup of borderline bad coffee when I read your "moist popping sound" comment. Sure glad I wasn't drinking last night's whiskey.

Mayor Buttigieg's pulling out saves us from one dilemma, at least for this election cycle: what do you call a male First Lady?

Thank you, Mayor Pete, for playing our game. Now please wander off and fade into that bland obscurity you so richly deserve.

TrickyRicky said...

Loved the "moist popping sound", but the whole process has become such a bore.

Yawn.

When is the next Trump rally?

Rod said...

Can we just go ahead and for 2020 POTUS-reelect now? Can we, please?

John the Econ said...

Come on Tom Steyer, you still had billions left to waste on this boondoggle!

Of course, Steyer's campaign was always delusional. He was a former fossil fuel energy trader single-issue candidate laser-focused on "global warming", I mean "climate change", I mean "climate crisis". In other words, he made his fortune from cheap energy, but you must be deprived of your middle class existence in order to save the planet". Beyond his upping the bidding war with the minimum wage to $22-an-hour, he had nothing else to offer in a field of candidates promising a complete vacation from reality.

Mayor Pete Pulls Out: Well, that was a surprise. (And I read it first here!) The scuttlebutt seems to be that some sort of deal was made with someone. I think the reality was that the only salient feature to Mayor Pete's candidacy was the fact that he was gay. Beyond that, he was just another boring white guy with an barely average resume as a small town mayor with less than spectacular results. (Beto without the crazy) Beyond that, all he had to offer was word-salad lectures of minimal substance, which is what qualifies you as a "moderate" in today's Democratic Party. His South Carolina showing was just the painful truth that outside of Progressive urban white sophisticates, nobody cared about him.

Biden, he's alive!: And just like that, Joe is back from the dead, in electoral terms anyway. Unfortunately, he's just as senile and/or crazy as he was last week, if not more so. My Progressive friends like to make hay about how much Trump lies and makes up stuff. But they'll vote for Biden.

Liz: She's not going anywhere. After all, she's Hillary-lite; it's all about her. As Hillary lacked Bill's charm and charisma, Liz lacks Hillary's charm and charisma. Nobody enjoys lectures from her any more than they did from Tom Steyer. She'll carry on regardless.

Bernie: Had he shown better in North Carolina, that might have locked him in as the candidate. But his loss there surprised nobody.

Bloomberg: Just as Hillary outspending Trump 2:1 proved that money alone cannot buy elections, Bloomberg spending 10:1 just reinforces the argument.

On to Stupid Tuesday. Oh, and the market may be having its "dead cat bounce" this morning. Let's hope that calmer sentiments prevail.

MAJ Arkay said...

@John the Econ, I think you've dissed Mayor Pete by comparing him to Robert Francis O'Rourke. Pete has an actual semi-qualification, having been a mayor. O'Rourke's "qualifications" are living on his family's (and hers) money, then getting elected to the House, where he accomplished diddly squat, and being bat poop insane. O'Rourke sounds more like Bernie Sanders than Pete.

Not that it matters; Hades will freeze over long before I consider voting for a Demo/Prog/Socialist/Communist, no matter what its name is.

Rod said...

Again I ask this blog a questions because I can't find a damned thing about this among all the other viral BS. (See what I did there?) Does anyone here know? QUESTION:

When a count is made of CoronaVirus (or any other disease in a given place): Do recovered cases drop out of the count? If not, the ONLY way for the count to go is up. Let's scare the hell of out everyone.

And if not is there some other official tally for only active cases when it's on the decline?

M. Mitchell Marmel said...

I'm actually looking forward to Stupid Tuesday. Don't really GAS about the national races*, but I do wanna support my local and US representatives, who were quite helpful during my troubles over the past couple of years...

*I think I'll vote for Weld. He won't win, but it will encourage him and folks like him to keep trying.

Velveeta Processed Cheese Food said...

@Rod: I've been following this site from Johns Hopkins since this started. They report details by country. Of course, it's only as reliable as the information provided by various countries, many of which lie like dogs. For example NorKorea supposedly has no cases.
https://gisanddata.maps.arcgis.com/apps/opsdashboard/index.html#/bda7594740fd40299423467b48e9ecf6

Velveeta Processed Cheese Food said...

Like I said about the lying, etc:
https://www.acsh.org/news/2020/02/28/bbc-report-210-dead-iran-coronavirus-how-many-are-infected-14602

Colby Muenster said...

“Moist pop sound…” Great googley moogley, Stilton! I almost snorted a booger on my monitor, but luckily it flew over the wall and nailed Tony, in the next cubicle! File under “unrelated”: Buttgag looks like Mr. Bean in that photo. Mr. Bean is funny too, but in a different way.

@gunnertwo,
Were you a script writer for the Austin Powers movies?

@REM1875,
Yet ANOTHER great one! The Stilton’s Placers are on a roll today!

@MikeAZ,
“…what do you call a male First Lady?” That’s easy: Michelle. But seriously, what WOULD they have called Pete's husband? First fudge packer?

@John the Econ,
Lizzie was apparently in the shitter when they handed out charm and charisma. I still wonder how the flying hell she got elected to anything. I cringe every time I hear her open her fat mouth.

I live in NC. I actually saw a Bernie bumper sticker the other day… on a car from Virginia.

@all,
Just curious if something I've noticed is a local phenomenon or widespread (or my aged imagination). Seems a LOT of candidates on the local and state levels are now anxious to align themselves with Trump rather than treat him like he's radioactive like in 2018. Most of the Republicans ads I've seen brag about "supporting the Trump agenda" or such. Interesting if true....

Fish Out of Water said...

Ha! The most unfit, unworthy unqualified POTUS candidate since Henry Wallace has been ordered by a federal judge to sit for a sworn deposition over her email server.

Rod said...

So after the high level phone calls we will never learn about... and on the EVE of the first broadly-based Dimocrat primary no less (very odd timing); it's shaking out now.

It looks like they'll need about another month to take Bernie out; then we'll have 3-1/2 months to the D. convention in mid-July, with Bloomberg vs Hillary vs Biden which could be fun. The White Rich vs. the White Witch vs. a demented empty suit that belongs to yet another has-been old white guy. Big money all; and equally full of BS. VERY WELL PLAYED for the party of illegals, ethnics, class identity, widely defined gender, & the common people. And they want to run the nation again?

If care to (and I'm tempted), WE could turn all this crap off now & take a nice break. Just show back up to vote in November & bring a dozen or more like-minded associates.

Daddy Dave said...

My office mate asked "What?" after my explosive guffaw at the "moist pop" tag line. All homosexual men like a good butt gig; thankfully South Carolina voters don't like the idea of it happening in the White House at tax-payer expense.

Fish Out of Water said...

@Colby: I'll bet that vehicle with va plates and the Bernie sticker was from one of the Northern Va counties.

Anonymous said...

Klobuchar queefs out...makes "moist" Bronx raspberry noises as she exits.

Objective Watchdog said...

And Petey was all so proud of himself after Iowa, beating his chest (at least) over his 1% victory margin.

Bye bye Pete! The adults will take it from here.

Fish Out of Water said...

The tentacles of the DNC machine are slowly moving to strangle the upstart, political cockroach (holy mixed imagery!) Anyone wanna speculate that if in the God forbid moment Uncle Joe does win, Mayor Pete and Klobuchar are offered cabinet posts or perhaps an ambassadorship?

Kurt said...

When Pete's nose is crinkled up like that he looks amazingly like Greta Thunberg.

Pat Cummings said...

I've been giggling all day over the "Chuck" Wallace interview with Biden this weekend, in which poor old Chris tried every way he could to pose as asking the hard-hitting questions—to which he then supplied the answers for Sleepy Joe—only to have the ci-devant Vice President address him as "Chuck." After which Joe excused himself by saying he'd been talking to Chuck Todd earlier that same morning. Of course, it’s just another of Joe’s “mistakes”...

I thought I heard, "I can't get these things [scheduled later] in the morning, when I can still..." But Chris cut Biden off before he finished, presumably to say "...stay awake."

@Rod: We don't even know what the expected count of exposed populace might be, nor do we know the actual, real count of infected. Anywhere. Without that data, a real assessment of percent fatality is guesswork, not epidemiology...

@Velveeta Processed Cheese Food: Reports (unconfirmed) that NorKos shoot anyone suspected of being infected with COVID-19 likely help their numbers there...

NVRick said...

Yes, 'Pete' is being lauded as the first 'openly' gay presidential candidate, not as the 'first' gay presidential candidate. Even the left wants to make sure of the distinction.
Meanwhile, the first one hasn't given an endorsement to any of the remnants in the clown car.

Regnad Kcin said...

While sitting around with friends watching Tuesday's ongoing circular firing squad, be sure to have lots of beverages on hand. Every time the word "socialism" comes up, you have to drink the other person's beer. That way it's fair to all. Then, with all the candidates pics on the wall, it's time for a rousing game of "Pin The Tail On The Donkey". Fun for all.......

Pete (Detroit) said...

Regnad - the problem w/ that, is that knowing you're not going to be drinking it, everyone brings the cheapest beer possible, and pretends to enjoy it b/c it's "free". Then, as no one is buying it any more, the good beer goes out of production, and the cheap shit is all that's left. Sound like socialism to anyone else?

Warren - got a text yesterday inviting me to a rally here tonight. Not sure how they got my number. "Lie-a-watha? Why doesn't America's favorite ex-mother in law do us all a favor and just die, already? "

OTOH, I hear Tulsi is also having a thing tonight - might do that, after all, AM planning to vote for her in the primary next Tues, unless I need to vote R for a rep, or something...

Ha, I'm funny, it's Detroit - what's an R...

Rod said...

@Velveeta Processed Cheese Food & the board: Thank you for the link provided above that reports data about incidence of CoronaVirus. I'm not going into full time reporting but just now this morning some of the main data of interest are:
Total cases report in world 91,320 & In mainland China: 80,151 for 87.8%
Back to worldwide:
Deaths: 3,118 or 3.4 % I expect that % would be lower in USA
Data I was after: Recovered: 48,166 or 52.7% But some question? as to when fully "clean"
Calculated therefore: Leaving 43.9 % still dealing with it.
The heat map shows it's still mostly in China, Middle East & Europe
Overseas in all directions from those places still very thinly scattered but it is getting around Good website. Again: Thank you VPCF

ringgo1 said...

@Kurt. Glad to see someone else noticed that Buttigieg looks like Greta Thud (Thunberg). Pete stole more than Greta's childhood I guess. Maybe it's a genetic thing? We may never know. Could be we are not meant to know. (And another one bites the "dust".)

John the Econ said...

@MAJ Arkay, you are right. It was pretty harsh comparing Mayor Pete to Beto. I do credit Mayor Pete with at least having his own accomplishments in life that are in fact his own. And Beto had none of that. I guess if I ever meet him in person, I'll have to apologize for that.

@Velveeta Processed Cheese Food, if you want to see why the virus spread so quickly in Iran:

Iranians licking religious shrines in defiance of coronavirus spread

Just another example of how Islam is a death cult.

@Colby Muenster asked, "I still wonder how the flying hell she got elected to anything."

Unfortunately, in a woefully uneducated society such as how ours has become, selling victimization and promising "free stuff" will always build a constituency.

"Seems a LOT of candidates on the local and state levels are now anxious to align themselves with Trump rather than treat him like he's radioactive like in 2018."

Because not only is Trump going to win, being against him has become radioactive, especially in the wake of the Mueller and impeachment fiascoes.

@Pat Cummings, Sleepy Joe is suffering the Taranto Principle, where Democrat politicians are insulated from hard questions by a pliant, sycophantic media. But once they aren't protected by that insular bubble, they look like complete idiots because they've never experienced an honest debate before.

Valvenator said...

Objective Watchdog said...
"Bye bye Pete! The adults will take it from here."

Judging by what's left of the circus
I think that only happens AFTER the re-election :)

Anonymous Kurt said...
"When Pete's nose is crinkled up like that he looks amazingly like Greta Thunberg."

It's like Mr Bean and Greta made a baby!

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Readers- Dammit, here I am again, apologizing for not being able to keep up with all your fine comments. For some reason, Life is even more of a busy hamster wheel than usual lately so, as the saying goes, "the hurrier I go, the behinder I get."

Speaking of "behinder," I'm glad that folks liked (or forgave me for) the "moist pop" joke. I have no problem with Gay folks and wouldn't hesitate to vote for a Gay presidential candidate whose policies I liked. But when the headlines said Mayor Pete was "pulling out," I couldn't help myself.

I got out and did my Super Tuesday voting today. I was surprised to see about six names on the Republican ballot running for President (here in Texas). Unsurprisingly, I cast my ballot for the Orange Man.

I'd say more, but now I've got to write a post for tomorrow. There's no rest for the wicked...

John the Econ said...

Speaking of Beto - When I saw this, I assumed that it was the Babylon Bee, People's Cube, Onion, or some other satire site. Alas, I was wrong:

Joe Biden promises to put Beto O’Rourke in charge of gun control

Moments after former Democratic presidential candidate Beto O’Rourke — who promised in a September debate to take away legally purchased assault rifles if elected — endorsed Joe Biden’s White House run, the former vice president promised to name the Texan as his point man on gun control. “I want to make something clear, I’m going to guarantee you this is not the last you’ve seen of him,” Biden said Monday evening during a campaign rally in Dallas. “You’re going to take care of the gun problem with me. You’re going to be the one who leads this effort.”

Wow, mere hours ago his candidacy was near death. Today, he's so confident that he's willing to associate himself with last year's comic relief who outright promises to seize people's guns. Just wow. He really is that senile.

Primary Voting: My state's primary isn't for several months, long after it will matter. Since our state has an open Primary, I'll be voting for the crazy communist.

Alej said...

gunnertwo said...
I heard he was "packing it in".

Right up there with "moist pop - "

Rod said...

I still love the off-hand comment Bush the Younger made when he was invited to attend the opening of the Clinton Presidential Library & Museum which is on the impounded Arkansas River waterfront in Little Rock. This may not be a precise quote but the gist of it was "One torpedo (or submarine) could take this place out" OMG,if only. Stupid comment in several ways but I still like his thinking.

Andrea Charles said...

Hahaha, damn that Pete expression though! Cracks me up everytime I look that one, along with the "Made moist pop sound" reference! "Stealing land from her people and giving them smallpox with infected blankets" you are funny as hell! Satirical comedy at its best. Even your disclaimer section is funny to the core! "Thoughts and opinions in the cartoons and commentary section represent the personal opinions of the author, which are subject to change over time, and which are reasonably eccentric even on good days" haha, in your pursuit of comedy, you have reached places!