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Friday, March 13, 2020

Are We Having Fun Yet?


This won't be a regular post, but considering the way everything seems to be going to Hell, it's hopefully better than nothing.

We're away from our hermetically sealed office at Stilton's Place, and are currently helping daughter Jarlsberg pack up the last of her things here in Oklahoma where, apparently, it's considered the height of good manners for strangers to cough on you.

Meanwhile, we've caught just enough of the news to know that the contents of our portfolio, if cashed, will fit neatly inside a ragged sock which we can take with us when we start living under a bridge (if you see a sad-looking bum holding a sign specifically asking for a few bucks for Clan MacGregor, please give and give generously).

On the home front, we're about to be enjoying the comforts of self-isolation because, for one reason or another, everyone in the household falls into one high-risk category or another. And not just because this column regularly makes fun of Hillary Clinton.

We can't even make a fresh cartoon because we don't have the software with us. It's like a world gone mad! But just for fun, here's a blast from the past when another President was in charge of plagues and (surprise!) screwing it up...

FROM THE VAULT

obama, obama jokes, ebola, conservative, hope n' change, hope and change, stilton jarlsberg, CDC, bus

The first case of Ebola contracted inside the United States has now been documented in Dallas, after a nurse who bravely treated "patient zero" Thomas Eric Duncan tested positive for the virus. Disconcertingly, she was infected despite wearing full protective gear (trust us, "hazmat-chic" will soon be the new fashion rage).

The Center for Disease Control quickly responded that the nurse must have been responsible for a "protocol breach," because, as every political organization knows, nothing can stand up to protocol, including hemorrhagic fever.

Barack Obama, stealing a few precious moments between fundraising, golfing, and conceding defeat in the Middle East, attempted to quell public fears by saying you can't catch Ebola "by sitting next to someone on a bus."   Which is why the CDC is suggesting a new protocol in which medical professionals will skip the hazmat suits and simply treat patients while seated next to them on a bus.

Still, these palliative measures will accomplish little unless the United States can keep additional Ebola carriers from our shores. To that end, the president has ordered Homeland Security and the TSA to upgrade their screening procedures for people entering our country. Formerly, people were simply asked if they've had contact with Ebola victims. Now, after answering "no," they will also be asked to cross their hearts - a security measure previously only used to identify potential terrorists.

To be absolutely fair, it's not Barack Obama's fault that Ebola has found its way into our country. Although it is his fault that tens of thousands of young illegal aliens have crossed the border and been squirreled off to God knows where while carrying scabies, tuberculosis, and in all likelihood the enterovirus which is (ahem) mysteriously infecting children across our nation.

And importantly, it's also his fault that in a time of medical crisis neither the "healthcare" president nor his representatives in the CDC appear to have a well-coordinated response to Ebola - or any credibility whatsoever.

obama, obama jokes, ebola, conservative, hope n' change, hope and change, stilton jarlsberg, CDC, bus, political, humor, cartoon
Unless, of course, there's anyone else on the bus.

22 comments:

M. Mitchell Marmel said...

To repeat a bon mot I heard elsewhere:

"Pandemic or Dempanic?"

You decide. As for me, I'm generally self-quarantining on a daily basis anyhow, so I don't foresee any great lifestyle changes.

mamafrog said...

Sorry to hear Daughter is leaving us in Oklahoma. I understand the panic and am totally irritated that people are so stupid they can't cover their coughs/sneezes or wash their damn, dirty hands (to paraphrase). I've already had food poisoning this year, again, but so far no cold like last year. Everything is being shutdown thanks to a damn basketball player from Utah right now. Jocks, what can you say? Anyway, sounds like we get to ride it out here for now and I'm just hoping my older family members don't get this year's crud, much less my grandbabies.

Mike said...

Is that obammer in air force bus one?

SpectreRider said...

How exactly do you seal an office with hermits?

Jim Irre said...

Give all of them AR-14's!

Section147 said...

Now THAT’S comedy, Spectre! 😆

Rod said...

FYI: WE're having change of mind about COVID-19; yet it may still be a bit too much hype.

With late information from our family THERE about how Houston, TX may be now in the 14-day period of significant "community" spread of COVID -19... We are reconsidering travel plans to there.

I truly resent how media has become politicized especially over the last ten years or so... there is so much mis-information and so much concealment.

And our church has just come out with very well thought out & practical precautions, well in advance of any effect in our area. Good job on that.

Pat Cummings said...

Stilt, you remind me I haven't watched that cinematic classic (I have Dr. Strangelove in my library) for a while now... What a great lead-off to self-(semi-)isolation entertainment! I can follow it with a couple of others in the same vein: Casino Royale and The Russians are Coming, The Russians are Coming.

@Mike: Wouldn't we all rather BHO traded places with Major "King" Kong in the first photo of today's blog?

@Jim Irre: Yep. Demns should get their AR-14s ready to stave off pan(dem)ic—and be ready to vote on November 4th this year...

TrickyRicky said...

In my humble opinion, although this disease is certainly something to respect and address, it is NOT something to fear to the point of hysteria. Which is exactly what the media intends to provoke. It is still early in the development/mutation/treatment/immunity process and the error bars are so large that meaningful discussion is difficult enough without vile cretins in the media adding their spin.

I hope and currently expect the worst to come reasonably soon, the hysteria will subside and we shall return to pretty much normal activity within a couple of months.

The facility where my 93-year old mother resides is on lockdown, which makes perfect sense. Some of the more drastic measures? Time will tell.

Colby, Jack said...

As a former member of the electronic media (radio, back in the '70s) the biggest change I see was just beginning to happen then: the abandonment of "getting the story" as the goal and substitution of it w/ "fitting the narrative." Getting the story required work; you gathered evidence and found the story that emerged from it. It's a lot easier to just find whatever evidence might be laying around that fits your (predetermined) narrative.

I've worked in a lot of different kinds of endeavors since then(including public sector) and without a doubt the journos were also the LAZIEST people I've ever worked with. Coincidence?

John the Econ said...

We live in one of the few remaining COVID-19-free states, although events are getting cancelled left and right. As for myself, today I'm going skiing.

TrickyRicky said "I hope and currently expect the worst to come reasonably soon, the hysteria will subside and we shall return to pretty much normal activity within a couple of months."

As do I, and there is little reason to expect that it will do otherwise. Unless, of course, the government decides to "fix" things like they did in 2008. There's no question that the Democrats would like this crisis to stretch out at least until November. A return to Trump-era normalcy before then would be the end of their hopes for at least the next 4 to 8 years.

Fish Out of Water said...

I hear there's now a stampede on bottled water.

Did a bit of math correctly I hope with the world population and reported coronavirus fatalities and got 0.0000006705 as the percentage of fatalities to world population. Sad to see how so many have allowed themselves to be conditioned to act so irrationally.

Geoff King said...

Bottled water? Between the people at the bottling plant, the delivery drivers, the store employees that stock the shelves, and the customers that do who knows what to them; I think that regular tap water is a safer bet than bottled.

B.C. said...

Just think, it was only a few days ago that bottled water was going to destroy the planet by suffocating all of the sea critters in all of the oceans. Funny how a bad case of the flu can blow The New Green (Red) Deal right out of the water.

Rod said...

My wife uses bottled water for drinking only. When at the rural cabin we cook, clean, flush with well water which is also just fine. We don't use a water softener. I have the well tested annually; it's wonderful sweet deep-well Ozark Aquifer water. Other than mild mineral content it is good as municipal water without but chlorination and floride. (correct that with toothpaste). But it does leave calcium (aka lime deposits) on faucets etc. To minimize that at the cabin I always drain the shower-head after use & clean up faucet aerator screens with lime-away or similar. But because it also leave deposits in the coffee maker I use her MT water jugs to stock city water at the cabin for coffee; and for anyone who doesn't want to drink well water. I claim we are high class at the cabin with four choices of water: Well / Bottled city / Store-bought bottled, and hot. All four are potable. I've been to places in third work nations that had three piped water systems but not a damn one of them were potable. Have you ever brushed your teeth with beer?

Dan said...

Did some grocery shopping today. Walmart neighborhood grocery is out of toilet paper. ?!

We weren't even planning to hoard, just normal replenishment. Bah.

So, decided to check Amazon. Out of our normal brand, some others still available.

So I decided to check Amazon for Kleenex. Normal boxes in normal quantities out. The little boutique boxes and ?cylinders? are still available.

Some paper towels still available, but seem a bit more expensive than before.

Read on one twit feed today that the writer was going to invest in bidets. Sounds like a good idea, except I don't know how to use one (go in the bidet then wash?, or go in the toilet then waddle over to the bidet for cleaning?).

Oh well.

Anonymous said...

Never done this before, and we buy TP by the bale. But on the commode how about warm water in an empty shampoo bottle? Kind of sounds like fun even. [grinning]

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Readers- I'm back from Oklahoma but EXHAUSTED from days of cleaning and packing and then hauling things back to Texas today. By the way, Daughter J's return to the fold isn't related to coronavirus, but merely a strategic job move.

I agree that coronavirus shouldn't be causing panic, but it damn well needs to be respected - especially for those of us who fit the demographics for greater risk. And at this point, I'm glad that I did some preparation before people went nuts. No hoarding on my part, just a bit of "buying in advance" for things we need.

@Dan mentioned bidets as a way to extend the use of precious toilet paper, and I enthusiastically (and seriously) endorse the idea. I bought a simple model by Luxe on Amazon several years ago, and it's a game changer. It's very easy to install under your regular toilet seat, and has a little spritzer valve aimed at your butthole. A simple manual control on the side allows you to turn water on and off and select the pressure. Mind you, I'm far too manly to CALL it a bidet, so I call it the "ass blaster" - which is a highly accurate term. You enjoy a refreshing ass blast, then just dry with a few sheets of toilet paper. You may think I'm nuts (well, that's sort of a given) but trust me on this one. The best argument I heard for these things was this: "if you have shit on your hands, would you rather just wipe them with toilet paper or wash them?"

Back to Covid-19, I can't stand the politics being played by both sides and, especially, the media. I'll again point people at the daily Youtube videos posted by Chris Martenson at Peak Prosperity. He's been weeks ahead of the curve on this, with fact-based reporting that's not inflammatory.

Finally, it was nice to see the stock market have an up day today (Friday the 13th) though I don't know how much to trust it. Things are going to get a lot worse before they get better, and I imagine the manic-depressive market will continue its unpredictable frenzy.

Anyway, it's great to be home (and here in my cyber-home). Stay safe, wash your hands, and be sure to send a copy of the Johnny Optimism paperback to anyone you know who gets quarantined!

JustaJeepGuy said...


Here's how I see the Wuhan flu issue: it's here and we will all get it eventually, just like all the colds and flu that are always going around. Will we all die from it? NO!! Only those at-risk will die from it and they would all likely die from any other flu going around anyway.

So who hit the panic button and why? I think it's the Demo_Rats and this is just the 6th (or is it the 7th?) anti-President-Trump coup attempt. You know the Demo_Rats are ecstatic that the stock market is freaking out, even if they are losing money (they aren't--they're not gonna sell out, they're going to buy buy buy when they think things are at the bottom so they are expecting to make more money and then there will be even MORE Demo_Rat billionaires. Take THAT, Breadline Bernie!).

But that's just me.

Sortahwitte said...

We met with our financial adviser, Grenelda Killemquick, this morning. She assures us we will be released from the county poor farm in the 3rd quarter of 2067. Champagne for everyone!

In other news, My state of Oklahoma has gone bat shit crazy over the kung flu. Cancellations, finger pointing, wailing and much gnashing of teeth. Sure, be cautious, but don't let it rule your life. There many other things just waiting out there to kill you. Don't rush it.

REM1875 said...

Stilton If you survived Oklahoma then corona is just a mild problem....... Welcome back home to Texas !!!

Rod said...

I really don't know about this. It's going to difficult to watch & listen to these two idiots on CNN; 3 strikes & I'd usually be out of here. But here we go.