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Monday, March 16, 2020

Debate Wipe Out

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, coronavirus, covid-19, sanders, biden, debate
If you're too young to get this, you're probably safe from coronavirus.
Owing to strict journalistic deadlines which can't be missed if Happy Hour is going to get started on time, we're writing this before the sure-to-be-epic debate between Joe Biden and Bernie Sanders. And we're going out on a pretty sturdy-feeling limb to predict that both fossilized candidates will be losers after shouting nonsense at each other nonstop, playing to dead silence, and without other candidates on stage to give them time to catch their breath, collect their marbles, or enjoy a moment of tinkle time with their adult diapers.

We'll also go on record predicting that both men will talk about the Covid-19 pandemic, and both will assert that they could have handled the crisis much better than the Trump administration is doing. Biden will claim that the virus could be scared off by a couple of shotgun blasts in the air, while Bernie will point out that under a socialist presidency there would have been no run on toilet paper because the stores would have already had empty shelves.

BREAKING NEWS: "PATIENT ZERO" FOUND

Researchers have discovered who the first Covid-19 carrier was, and how this individual spread the illness worldwide...



PARTY TIME

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, coronavirus, covid-19, sanders, biden, debate, donner party, donners, self-isolation, cabin fever

Remember the Donner Party? The one that gave "surprise" parties a horrific new meaning? Well, we're bringing the Donners back in comic form to explore the strange new world of actually living in close proximity with family members as food supplies dwindle and cabin fever sets in.

Hopefully, unlike our other webcomics, we won't still be doing this one ten years from now!

47 comments:

Sortahwitte said...

Well, I'm here to report a new development. Our daughters and their husbands have both contacted us with news of our mandatory negative socialization. We WILL refrain from any unauthorized excursions from our said domicile for up to 30 days. Since Sioux and I have been preppers since these girls were little, they know we really don't need to go out for supplies like food, water and ammo. It's kinda nice for them to look out for us until we move in with them. Just kidding! Since both live away, one set in OKC and the other in Big D, we will pretty much do as we damn well please.

Then we went to church this morning, and as we spoke with our friends of similar ages, we found that most of their kids had given them the riot act, also. Now there's a conspiracy to look into. We changed their shitty diapers and taught them how to use a spoon and it comes to this. Actually, most of us geezers kinda like their thoughtfulness. Happy trails.

TMay said...

LOL!!

M. Mitchell Marmel said...

Mr. Whipple has my unreserved support in November.

Brie Camembert said...

Crazy Joe has announced that he will have a woman for his running mate. Pleeeeeze make it Hillary!

Fish Out of Water said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Fish Out of Water said...

@Brie Camembert: Identity politics again....scheech!. Brings to mind a plaid sports coated car salesman telling you he'll gladly throw in for 'free' an horrible interior air freshener if you buy the clunker he wants to unload on you.

Bobo the Hobo said...

Against my better judgement I watched the (yawn) debate last night; both contestants were aided and abetted by the three stooges lobbing softball questions. I would say 85% of the “debate” consisted of this stupid virus and how they would call out the military to handle the situation. It proved Bernie has already been bought off as he refused to challenge Grandpa Joe. I wonder where his next house will be located ... Cuba, perhaps? Or maybe some warmer, say, Hell?

And just to lighten the morning, my cousin sent this ~ I’ve washed my hands so many times I’m starting to see my 8th grade History notes!!!

Jess said...

I heard movie attendance was way down over the weekend. I can only assume it was the anticipation, preparation, and watching of the debate as the cause. After all, who can stand to go to a new run movie, when a wonderful Democratic Party debate is on the air.

I'm betting popcorn sales are over the roof.

Jerry said...

The next thing they will try is shutting down the intertoobz.

Rod said...

@Sortahwitte: We're going to be social-distancing as well, with usual precautions taken when must go out. I've a lot to do anyway which requires no help, so it's not so bad. Being retired with the kids far distance away: it's not much different than usual. We'll have to make a decision on ticketed symphony dates; we'll see how it's going around here then. Can exchange them for later but that much isolation is a bummer.

Anonymous said...

If hillary is biden's VP nominee and he, by some freakin' chance wins, he'll be either declared incompetent, which he is, or they'll be an arkincide in the WH in a month or two after the signing in.

Geoff King said...

K. Now I'm scared. Not of the Coronavirus or even "The Great Toilet Paper Famine of 2020", but of all the rights we as citizens are giving up because of fear. Gov. Meddlesom of Commiefornia has already mentioned the possibility of Martial Law being enacted.
When this pandemic is over, and it will be, how much of the increased government power and control being put into place right now do you think they will be willing to relinquish?

Anonymous said...

Thanks for taking the time to provide a little levity in the day.

Pat Cummings said...

Well, we're semi-self-isolating, though not by choice. The university where my spouse attends a class several times a week has suspended for its Spring Break—that will last until some time in April. The church we occasionally attend has suspended all services as well as group meetings and other fun activities. So except for the gym (faithfully wiping down equipment before and after use) with its summer-weather sauna (Hey! maybe I can fool the virus into thinking it's time to go dormant) and similar trips, we're in the house together. All day. Argghh!

Good thing we live in a multi-story house, with Spouse's office and computer upstairs, TV/BluRay player downstairs. We can still get some "social distancing" and stay sane as well as healthy...

Unknown said...

Remember Me. Whipple's stockboy? He's better known today as Adam Savage from Mythbusters...

https://youtu.be/p14xIE_0F7M

Unknown said...

*Mr. (Not "Me.")

Stupid autocorrect.

Bobo said...

LOL...at 1st glance I thought Whipple was “Squeeeze Me Chuckles Schumer.”

John the Econ said...

Didn't watch the debate. Was having a blissfully disconnected evening with Mrs. Econ watching old, bad movies. Let me guess what I missed: A couple of wheezing, old, white, last-century Progressives trying to convince Democrats that they represent the future of America.

The fact that I'm hearing relatively little about it in the news today suggests I'm right. The MSM would just assume I don't know anything more about these two losers than I have to.

Social distancing: Mrs. Econ & I are very fortunate in that we already work from home, and can exist relatively comfortably without having to leave for at least a few months. (Mrs. Econ had several trips planned, but have since been cancelled) And at least in the short term (excepting our investment portfolio) do not expect to suffer any extreme economic effects. We know that there will be a lot of people who are no where near as fortunate. People in countless service jobs have found themselves effectively unemployed since last week, and more will find themselves is such circumstances in the weeks to come.

Our bi-weekly housekeeper is here this morning. She's a single mom with several kids. She is going to get crushed by this as many of her regular appointments are already cancelling. We told her that should one of us become ill, or she or any of her kids become ill and she cannot come on her regular schedule, we'd be willing to pay as though she did, and she could make it up to us when the situation returns to normal. This will give her at least some cash flow until the situation recovers. She was in near tears when we told her this. We'll be looking for other opportunities like this in the coming weeks; It's money that we'd be spending anyway to help the people around us suffer at least a little bit less. The less suffering there is, the faster America will return to normal once the viral threat has passed.

@Stilton: Glad to hear that mission with Daughter J went well.

M. Mitchell Marmel said...

@John: Bless you. You're one of the good ones.

TrickyRicky said...

Here in Colorado, our illustrious governor Jared Polesmoker ordered all ski resorts in the state to close. Let that sink in. Subsequently, one day later the state sent out guidance for our mountain communities, one bullet point exhorted citizens to continue healthy outdoor activities such as "walking, hiking, jogging, cycling and other activities that maintain distance from other people". The lunatics are in charge of the asylum and are using this admittedly serious health issue to see just how far the population can be lead by the nose.

My wife and I, sitting together on a chairlift and exercising in the fresh air at 11,000 feet are about as socially distanced as I can imagine. The best 2 months of the season arbitrarily decimated. I am in my sixties, generally very healthy, and now very pissed off.

Apparently, Pennsylvania is going to close all liquor stores. Can't wait to see how that works out. Heh.

Colby Muenster said...

Yes, it has all gotten WAAAAAAY out of hand, folks. There are, like, eleven people in my state who tested positive (well, not eleven, but you get it) and two have died. I forget how many hundreds have died from the friggin' flu, but you'll get crickets from the press and gubmint on that subject.

So, Mrs. Muenster and I play in an Irish band. Not much call for that except in MARCH. Four cancelled gigs totaling 2,200 bucks out of our pockets, and for what? And three of the engagements were at outdoor festivals.

Then today, the management types where I work are making plans to send everybody with a laptop away to work from home. Whooppee!! I wonder what management is going to tell our machine operators. "Yeah, we sent all the office people home... too bad for you."

I am typically not a conspiracy theorist, but it really does seem that the Dims and the MSM are driving this insanity in an effort to take Trump down, and Trump has no recourse but to play along.

John the Econ said...

@M. Mitchell Marmel, well, thank you. I'd like to think there are other people out there thinking more than panicking. It's just that you don't see them on the street and they don't make the news.

@TrickyRicky, saw that in Colorado. Most of our local mountains remain open, at least for the moment. I am going to try to go later this week for what will likely be the last time this season. (Now that we have local cases, I'm pretty sure they won't be open much longer here either) The main risk is the indoor spaces in the lodges or other such facilities which I don't really use other than to pee when I get there. (I can do that outside)

John the Econ said...

"...it really does seem that the Dims and the MSM are driving this insanity in an effort to take Trump down, and Trump has no recourse but to play along."

There's little question about that. A recession was the Democrat's only hope. And now it looks like their wish for one has come true.

It has always disgusted me that we have a major political party in this country that is entirely dependent upon people suffering in order to justify their agenda and very existence, and are perfectly happy to do whatever they can to see to it that people do.

Let's hope that people do not reward them for that come November.

Anonymous said...

Yes, in Pennsylvania our ultra liberal governor did shutter all liquor stores. Or as we call them "State Stores". It's an archaic system where you must get your liquor at one location and beer at another. So no binge drinking our way through the quarantine here in Pennsylvania.

Anonymous said...

@ John the Econ: Totally agree!

Rod said...

Reminds me of driving back down Alcan Highway when departing Alaska pipeline job back in 1977. It may have been around Watson Lake Yukon, Laird River, or a similar dot on the map. We come up a nice-looking new "Community Center" steel building with all government centers lined up in one long complex: Police Department, Fire Department, City Hall & Liquor Store.

Shelly said...

@Geoff King
Your fears are well founded because the federal behemoth is resistant to giving up anything it has acquired at any given time. What should happen is that the great unwashed should realize this is a wakeup call that relying on the feds and the trillions it takes from us is a fool's errand. The most important thing they are supposed to do is to take care of the citizens. It's apparent the bureaucracy is woefully incompetent and unprepared when something like this happens. As is his instinct, Trump called in the private sector for help. What should that tell us?

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Sortahwitte- Funny (and not in the ha-ha way) what odd new family dynamics are happening because of all this. And I agree that this shouldn't let our kids off the hook for eventually changing our diapers. Hey, they can get double duty out of those gas masks they've recently bought!

@Tmay- Thanks!

@M. Mitchell Marmel- I honestly and truly have his autograph on a piece of Charmin. Which will, of course, only be used in case of a lingering emergency.

@Brie Camembert- Biden's announcement genuinely pisses me off. He's saying that no male, no matter how qualified, will even be considered. Shouldn't the goal be to get the best possible person than one with the politically preferred plumbing?!

@Fish Out of Water- I hate identity politics. And right now, Joe's team is surely looking for a gay, black Hispanic woman in a wheelchair to be a heartbeat away (or in Joe's case, a "wander into traffic" moment away) from the presidency.

@Bobo the Hobo- I recorded the debate but haven't watched it. I already have my stress meter pegged pretty high and didn't want to strain our local medical resources by having an aneurysm. And I like your cousin's joke - we're all going to need a good sense of humor to carry us through this weirdness!

@Jess- I have Oculus Go VR goggles, and can watch movies in a 3D realistic theater in which all the other seats are empty. Just like the real experience these days!

@Jerry- And that's when the cannibalism starts.

@Rod- Being a socially-introverted hermit, I'll probably cope better with isolation than others. Still, it's weird how NOT being able to go places suddenly makes me WANT to go places. And speaking of symphonies, I co-wrote one (not the music part - comic narration) which a partner and I have been trying to sell for performances. You can guess how many nibbles we're getting now...

@Anonymous- Could even Biden be dumb enough to be the "heartbeat away" from Hillary finally grabbing power? Well, yeah - maybe.

@Geoff King- It's an interesting and complicated balance between individual rights and social responsibility right now. Like you, I wonder how this will eventually shake out if the wrong people get too much power.

@Anonymous- You're welcome! I'm not going anywhere, and I see it as my job to keep people smiling as much as possible. And it's good for ME, too, because I can communicate with so many friends here without wearing a surgical mask (grin).

@Pat Cummings- My modest home doesn't allow for a lot of interpersonal isolation. Fortunately, we're all highly compatible around here!

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Unknown- That's cool! I hadn't known about Savage's commercial career!

@Bobo- Now that you mention it, I can see the resemblance...

@John the Econ- My family, too, is likely to have an easier time of it than many. We were already living a largely "isolated by choice" existence, and we have savings which should take care of our bills. I can't imagine what paycheck-to-paycheck families are going through now - and in the near future. Acts like your financial guarantee to your housekeeper are exactly what we all need to be doing now, to the extent that we can.

@M. Mitchell Marmel- Yes, he is. In fact, there's a lot of "good ones" on this site, which pleases me no end.

@TrickyRicky- I'm very sympathetic about the skiing situation, but had never even CONSIDERED that liquor stores might close! Sweet mother of pearl!

@Colby Muenster- I'm in complete sympathy with your plight, but have to agree/disagree with your thoughts on the Dems and MSM. Yes, they're trying to whip up panic, but they also are probably under-reporting what's about to happen because they're muttonheads. I hope I'm wrong, but the sources I've been paying attention to suggest that we're going to see the caseload go up 10x every two weeks. From a million cases, to ten million cases, to 100 million cases in the course of weeks. This problem is bigger than politics, even though the Usual Suspects haven't figured that out yet.

igor said...

Shelly, it tells me DJT doesn't have his head up his ass. But, we knew that!!

igor said...

Readers:
It has been pointed out to me that there have been studies done that prove that the "toilet paper" shortage is absolute proof that there are more assholes out there than we first thought!

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@John the Econ- Pretty much everything is shutting down in my neck of the woods (not that skiing was ever an option in this flattest part of Texas). Our county has declared this to be a "state of disaster for public health emergency," though I imagine that will be the case for every other county nationwide soon.

As far as peeing outside goes, I might do so just for fun.

And the Left IS going to get the recession they were praying for (or holding Satanic rituals for). Like you, I hope the electorate isn't stupid enough to think the Dems can accomplish anything other than stealing the record for "slowest economic recovery ever" from the Obama administration.

@Anonymous- Around here, we call them "State of Intoxication" stores. Okay, not really - but during a medical crisis I start drinking earlier in the day.

@Rod- A drunken arsonist could get tanked, start a fire, get arrested, and go to trial without having to go anywhere else!

udaman said...

I never saw the likeness between Schumer and Mr. Whipple before. I used to get annoyed every time I saw Schumer with those glasses hanging on his nose. Now, I will get a chuckle instead. I really wish somebody would take those glasses and shove them where the sun don't shine.

Shelly said...

@udaman, at least he has a big enough nose to keep them from dropping off!

millard fillmore said...

With the shortage of toilet paper,newspapers may see a resurgence.It would be nice to see the washington post and newyawk times used properly.

millard fillmore said...

Wait.I don't want to 'see' them used properly.Some things should be left to the imagination.No,that's worse.Newspapers will finally be used as they should be.Yeah,now I'll sleep better,unless that whole imagination thing crops up again.

MAX Redline said...

"Or as we call them "State Stores". It's an archaic system where you must get your liquor at one location and beer at another."

We have the same thing in Oregon. Fortunately, where I live, there's a state store at one side of the parking lot and a grocery at the other side.

Geoff King said...

Here in Arizona, in order to buy liquor, we have to seek out what we call "stores". Be it convenience, grocery, bar, or drugstore; they all sell liquor. In Flagstaff, one of my favorites is "Ruff's Guns and Liquor". In the words of a comedian (who's name escapes me right now) "ATF - Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms should be the name of a convenience store, not a government agency".

Dan said...

I like the politicians and media persons who want the military called out for the Chinese wuhand flu from Asia in the Orient problem.

I used to work as a civilian (computer guy) at an Army hospital here in the States. We had our civilian medical personnel and assigned military providers, but many of the providers and medics came from the divisional unit on post. So, we might've had a doc assigned to the hospital working alongside a doc assigned to Third Infantry Brigade. Take either one of them and you reduce the ability of the Army hospital to accomplish its mission.

As for National Guard or Reserve medical units, where do you think THEIR personnel work at their civilian jobs. That's right -- as docs, nurses, LPNs, radiology techs, lab guys, etc., at your local hospital and as EMTs in your local rescue/ambulance service. Activate their unit and you'll mess up a lot of local medical facilities.

Pat Cummings said...

@Stilt: "My modest home doesn't allow for a lot of interpersonal isolation. Fortunately, we're all highly compatible around here!" Well, sure, but you're there with Busty Ross!

And just in case my spouse reads this, it's less likely to be me that needs sanity-enhancing social distance than my poor honey.

@Geoff King: "Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms should be the name of a convenience store, not a government agency" is a popular (and fairly ubiquitous) bumper sticker.

@Dan: Why does this calling for the military “solution” for hospital personnel shortages due to coronavirus remind me of AOC’s Energy Solution?...

Bruce Bleu said...

Hell, the Corona virus would be the healthiest thing coming out of shrillary's mouth!

Rod said...

Maybe that was just water at the podium, and she couldn't handle it. Funny video.

Colby Muenster said...

Thank goodness there are not shortages of the real necessity items! I stopped at the grocery store yesterday after work and bought two 8 packs of Guinness, two 12 packs of Gaelic Ale, and a case of Yuengling. I should be all set for quarantine... well, for the first week, anyway.

Seems I read that Trump and Congress were considering an $800 billion stimulus package. What!? Didn't Trump berate Obammy for exactly that same thing? Of course, Trump may actually put it to good use, like to bolster those industries hit the hardest (airlines, food service, etc.). Obammy spent it on shit like Solyndra and cash for clunkers.

Dan said...

@Pat Cummings: Good representation!

@Colby: When I heard about the "stimulus" thing this morning, I wondered if maybe it was a shiny things for the press to fixate upon while Trump is getting other things done.

Dan said...

I heard several governors and mayors were considering imposing curfews on their jurisdictions.

So if you break curfew they toss you in the tank with other curfew-breakers, mother-stabbers, and father-rapers?

Then you can sue if your fellow prisoners are not at least three feet away?

But at least you should have free toilet paper.

Kinda strikes me that our political self-viewed betters are intent on destroying the entrepreneurial class. So, shopkeepers, bar owners, and restaurateurs are having their means of self-support removed? I guess that makes them the new kulaks, huh?

John the Econ said...

So it looks like Trump is going to out-stimulus Obama and send us all a check.

I think of it like a payday loan that I didn't ask for with an obscene interest rate that will ultimately cost me several times whatever the amount of the check is.

JustaJeepGuy said...

It would be a lot easier and cut out a huge middleman factor to just cut our taxes by $1,000 (or $2,000 if you're lucky) than to mail out checks. Who's in charge of thinking things through in DC? /sarc off