Monday, July 2, 2018
Strident progressive morons (but we repeat ourselves) took to the streets yet again this weekend to demand the abolishment of ICE. Not the kind that tinkles merrily in our glass of scotch when reflecting on current events, but rather the entire US Immigration & Customs Enforcement agency.
The protesters (and their noisy numbers include innumerable celebrities and alleged journalists) have declared that ICE is alternately the Gestapo, a terrorist organization, or the most heinous kidnappers since Bruno Hauptmann snatched the Lindbergh baby.
Technically, none of those things is really part of ICE's charter. So just what is it that these vicious rat bastards actually do?
They direct investigations for the Department of Homeland Security, which seems like a pretty good thing. They help protect national security, which we're in favor of, and they fight transnational gangs - which should please everyone except MS-13 lovers like Nancy Pelosi.
ICE agents are on the often dangerous front lines of fighting the drug trafficking that is ravaging our nation, as well as fighting arms trafficking - which you'd think would have the anti-gun Left doing backflips of gratitude.
Part of ICE's job in the 21st century is addressing cyber crimes, which would seem to benefit every selfie-snapping protester who owns a smartphone. And also on ICE's busy schedule is the war on a much older affront to civilization: child exploitation and human trafficking.
We have to admit that all of those things sound so critically important that we'd hate to see them all be thrown away for nothing. So just what is the tremendous benefit the Left thinks we'd gain by getting rid of ICE?
No more immigration enforcement! Open borders! An unending flood of people wanting benefits which will help force our nation into socialism! Yippee!
In other words, the chanting nimrods in the streets want us to stop fighting terror, allow a free flow of drugs and weapons into the country, and allow women and children to be used as sex slaves, in return for which our nation's borders will essentially cease to exist. And they want this for one very simple reason: they're idiots.
Oh, we suppose "hating Trump" could be considered reason number two, but since the policies the protesters are freaking out about were also those of Saint Obama, we're just going to stick with the "idiots" explanation. It's a fine example of Occam's razor (and as the old saying goes, "Occam if they can't take a joke.")
Frankly, we hope all the ICE protesters exhausted themselves marching and shouting over the weekend. That way, when they're back in their parents' basements nursing their emotional wounds for a few days, the streets will be clear for actual Americans to enjoy their 4th of July parades.
Posted by Stilton Jarlsberg at 12:01 AM