Wednesday, December 12, 2018
Don't panic - Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez hasn't really been asked to host the Oscars, although if it does happen you read it here first.
Currently, the Oscars have no host lined up after they hired then quickly dumped alleged comedian Kevin Hart, owing to the fact that, some years ago, he made homophobic tweets. Although we'd say they were a little more than just "homophobic." Consider this thought-provoking tweet: "Yo if my son comes home & try's 2 play with my daughters doll house I'm going 2 break it over his head & say n my voice 'stop that's gay.'"
Hart has apologized repeatedly for his tweets in the past, but refused to make a fresh apology under the reasonable assumption that if past apologies didn't count, a new one wouldn't do any good either.
All of this is making it hard for the Oscars to find a Hart transplant for the awards ceremony, owing to the fact that pretty much no celebrity really wants to expose themselves to a potentially career-ending examination of their every word and deed since birth.
The best suggestion we've heard (and we wish we could give credit but we forgot where we saw it) is that Donald Trump should host the event, since the jokes would be about him anyway, and it would be a ratings blockbuster. Frankly, we can't think of anything else that would make us tune in.
And speaking of Trump and hard to fill jobs...
BONUS: OH, SHUT UP
It wasn't our intention to present a trifecta of unbelievably annoying women today, but then we saw Nancy Pelosi's comments (accurately quoted above) following a meeting that she and Chuck Schumer shared with President of the United States Donald Trump.
The idea that this loathsome old colostomy bag will likely again be Speaker of the House makes us feel like we've got skunk tinkle all over us.
Posted by Stilton Jarlsberg at 12:01 AM
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"...loathsome old colostomy bag..." That's gold, Jerry! GOLD!
Yup, looking at Nancy and Chuckie, the country's in the very best of hands.
"A Hart transplant"? Stilton, you got some 'spleening to do!
(Best said with a Cuban accent!)
As always, you nailed it again.
Trump is going to win despite San Fran and Chuckie ("my niece is a whore") Schumer.
All I can say to all of you Great Americans who are dialed into Stilton's Place (loving Busty Ross mmmm!) pray for President Donald Trump, every day, like your life depends on it.....because it does! And keep your powder dry!
Peace be with you all,
Don't think of it as skunk tinkle, Stilton. Think of it of two years of comedy gold. ;-)
So, Ms. OC says she can't run for the office of POTUS because, according to the Constitution, it's for men only. Fauxcohantus still claims that her sanguinity content makes her native American. And, the Chuck and Nancy show this morning was priceless. Schumer goes all apoplectic claiming that they'll be the most transparent administration ever right before trying to boot the press out of DJT's office during their meeting with POTUS while Nancy develops a severe case of the vapors during her mindless rant in front of the cameras. It just doesn't get any better than this.....
The Madam of the house seems apropos - selling what they shouldn't sell and she's in charge.
Did you catch the video of sanfran and chuckee in the meeting? They were with Pres and VP Pence and nan was droning on and on. Pence was in obvious pain as heard her bloviate and whine. I felt sorry for Pence. He wanted to be somewhere else even if it meant being shot from a cannon.
Stilt, the Occassional Cortex strip cracked me up! She makes Nan look downright half-witted!
Article II of the Constitution does only use the word "he" when referring to the President, but that is surely just a minor technicality.
This edition was a hat-trick for sure. So funny. I'm almost glad to back in the states just to access your place ASAP. And my goodness aren't these three angels plus their "Charlie" Schumer a digusting lot? It's really kind of shocking this nation can has folks like this in such position. More like alarming.
And @Jim G. You have that right on all counts.
I want Pelosi as Speaker because she is a complete idiot, goes into the twilight zone while speaking and has no clue about President Trump. He is so far ahead of these people as shown in the meeting yesterday.
When he took the Shut Down card away from them yesterday, they were dumbfounded. They did learn one thing about President Trump yesterday and that is if President Trump says a piss ant can pull a freight train, they had better hook him up. He also took away their Wall card saying is that all you got?
Nope, you could see they were shell shocked by his aggressiveness because no other President had ever told them to pound sand and he did it in spades. A guy on Rush yesterday said a govt shutdown only involved like 16% of the govt.
Lastly, the MSM and Demorats are doing their 24/7 best to get his base to abandon him but he actually seems to be gathering more base. (The colostomy analogy was priceless.)
I would like to be chief of staff but only if I get to shoot people who annoy me. Remember the movie 'Dave'?
And Skummer mugging for the camera every time he said anything. If I had the money to replace my laptop, I would have pissed on the image of his face every time the putz did that. Next time, I'll have to remember to put a sheet of plastic over it so I can indulge that primal urge.
I guess it was Geoff King (above) who really got me started this morning. "He" indeed! No two ways about it -- Modern language deliberately confuses.
Taking it to a higher plain; Can one be homosexual and gay at the same time? How about being homosexual and not gay? Who sets the law on these things? Why didn't "they" resolve questions like this?
Who is they and why did he/she/it/they give us sentences like "a boy and their dog?" The rules are unreasonably complex. If we are to declare that the new use of "they" needs to be in the possessive, then should it not contain an apostrophe as in, "a boy and their's dog?"
Modern language gives me the creepie-crawlies. It seems the British were battling these problems before we came around. "They" have serious trouble with singulars and plurals as in, "the Army are here."
A scoundrel who gets the rope is said to be "hanged" if in the UK or in the old American West but only properly hanged if the rope is a noose with its official 13-loops. Just why would the hangman (not the hangwoman or hanggirl) "utilize" (instead of "use") the functionality (instead of function) of a noose instead of a simple half-hitch that takes less (not fewer) rope?
One digital datum with no other datum to compare carries no information so it is not really a datum at all. Data are plural and water are not though both flow. Which brings us back to, "... the Oscars have no host ...." Is/Are the Oscars a single corporation or many? Do it make a difference?
Which brings me back to my original thought, Stilt; Thanks to you and your cabal for setting my mind ablaze every other day.
@ Geoff King: "he" isn't "just a minor technicality." Its proper usage of the English language when no sex is definitively expressed. Ask any English teacher who earned his degree prior to 1965 or so . . .
Whew, you were on fire last night! Three great takes for the price of one. What a wealth of entertainment value President Trump provided us by holding his meeting with Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum in front of the press - not to mention a first-hand look at their craven "negotiating" for America's safety. Calling those two "leaders" is doing a disservice to the word. Appreciate what you do - and how you do it!
One can only hope that San Fran Nan has the good sense to wear brown shoes.
As much as I despise awards shows, I'd actually watch one hosted by Occasional-Cortex. After all, she is self-unaware comedy gold.
Being Woken in Realtime: The quick rejection of Keven Hart is just the latest example of the cultural Marxism that is rapidly turning America into the Maoist China of the '60s. Everything and everyone is to be judged by the Progressive moral standards (or lack of them) at this exact moment. And it's social media that makes it possible and so easy for the digital shock troops to execute their agenda. All of the immature, stupid things that brain-damaged adolescents think and instantly post without thinking will come back and destroy them only a few short years later. Quite frankly, I'm grateful that I did not grow up in the age of social media.
My dad's career certainly would have been destroyed. I remember nearly a half-century ago his concern about me getting one of the original GI Joes back in the '60s. Years later, he had a fit when he found me playing with my sister's sewing machine. (I like it because it was highly mechanical and I could make useful things with it) Needless to say, none of these things made me the least bit gay. But I appreciate his concern. Today, such concern is a practical hate crime.
Fauxcahontas: Expect to watch her up her game in a desperate attempt to remain relevant. She's continuing to be out-flanked on the left by Bernie and the up-and-comers like Occasional-Cortex, and her DNA test gambit was a devastating flop. She's become toxic to the moderate silent majority Democrats, so she's got no where to go.
So to paraphrase an age-old maxim: Better to keep your DNA results silent and be thought a fraud than to release them and remove all doubt.
Speaker Nancy: A gift to Republicans, just as before, if the GOP chooses to accept it, which considering their history of ineptitude, they may not. Watching her try to reign in the likes of Occasional-Cortex is going to be a hoot. If she wants a tinkle contest, it's on!
Lately I've been experiencing an excess of doom and gloom. Perhaps it's my Slavic ancestry, or my meds need to be adjusted, or maybe I've just misplaced my rose-colored glasses. Anyway, yesterday I had a terrifying waking nightmare. There I was, minding my own business, when out of the blue I was struck with the thought that the next POTUS but one was going to be Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez. Nonsense, I thought, insanity! And then I remembered how all the pundits early on all dismissed Obama's chances at the White House as the product of a diseased brain on crack. He was a no accomplishment, no visible means of support, ex community organizer who would wither on the vine and die outside of Chicago. You could take that to the bank. Flash forward to today, and we're looking at someone who's already become the darling of the Left's base, with supporters as clueless as she is, AND THEY ARE LEGION.
OC for president in 2020 and 2024 doesn't scare me...Beto does. I see a reincarnation of BHO in that guy...only with an extra helping of socialist.
Made a stop at a fast food place which had the Confused Confounded Network playing, and the talking head speaking to democratic politicians about Jan 3rd and impeachment. Given the tone, if that is what to call it, I half expected the House rep. from the State of Assorted Nuts, to reach orgasm as he described what he at least is looking forward to.
The Trump, Pelosi, Schumer meeting was priceless! I especially loved it when Nan was whining about "acting like this in front of the cameras" or some such hogwash, and Trump told her, "This is called transparency." And she kept repeating that (sic) "You have The Presidency, The House, and The Senate, so you can pass whatever you want." Then Trump reminded her that he did NOT have 60 votes in the Senate.... over and over and over. She was beside herself; "He just wouldn't kiss her damn ring, dammit!" And Schumer verified that he is truly Harry Reid's replacement. totally un-ashamed to spew complete lies on national TV.
Kevin Hart... It occurred to me that, if he'd been fired from Fox News, the liberals would be screaming RACISM!
You made me think of something (not easy - I'm a geezer). The Progressives have turned God of the Bible into a "She," and are all about everyone getting to choose their own gender, so I suggest Donald Trump proclaim that he is now the first woman POTUS! See, Hillary. You got your wish. We now have a woman president.
Have you been reading Douglas Adams?
Didn't you mean, Tweedle Dum and Tweedle Dummer?
@John the Econ,
Occasional Cortex reminds me of that Bruce Willis movie. "I see dumb people, and they don't know they're dumb." But Old Cannonballs brought up a good point. Yes, she really COULD end up as our POTUS. Another good reason to stock up on guns and ammo, if for no other reason than to shoot yourself in the head!
Fortunately, thanks to the founding fathers recognizing that maturity is a requirement for the office and that 35 would be the most youthful that would be suitable, Occasional-Cortex won't be eligible to be President until 2024.
It's my expectation that by then, she'll either be destroyed by the Progressive establishment or will be seduced by it, and become just another corrupt Democrat.
Speaking of "maturity":
I have noticed that Junior here has a habit of posting nonsense about me whenever the Mueller investigation heats up.
Please, keep it coming Jr - it’s definitely a “very, very large brain” idea to troll a member of a body that will have subpoena power in a month.
She hasn't even been sworn in yet and she's already threatening to use the power of her office and state to attack private citizens with which she disagrees. And they think Trump is the fascist!
Considering that we're now living in an age where adolescence is effectively stretched out well into middle-age, I'm not convinced that 35 is old enough. If anything, Occasional-Cortex is a walking argument for raising the voting age beyond 35.
Peeeelosi as speaker. What more could we ask for?
Let's just hope all of her speeches are live. Maybe, just maybe, some of the loons on the left will realize just how wacky she is.
Either way it would be good sport.
@Section147- I loved the Kenny Bania character on Seinfeld!
@Dan- If only they could really sing and dance.
@Mike aka Proof- I enjoyed that particular turn of phrase myself (grin).
@Jim G- Nothing makes me more loyal to Trump (warts and all) than seeing the opposition. And I think a lot of people feel that way.
@M. Mitchell Marmel- It may be two years of comedy gold, but at a certain point my laughter just starts sounding like hysteria.
@Regnad Kcin- When taken as Comedy of the Absurd, I agree - it doesn't get better than this. I just wish more people were in on the joke.
@Keith- I like the "Madam of the House" idea. To hell with a gavel, let's give her a feathered boa and a tattered sequined dress.
@Sortahwitte- I indeed saw that clip, and was appalled by Nancy's blather. The only relief I got was looking at the two inch wide part in her hair and wondering just how bald she actually is.
@Jim Irre- I'll confess that I actually saved those 3 panels as a template I can go to in the future when I'm in a hurry. She's a gift that keeps on giving.
@Geoff King- Clearly Hillary didn't see that "he" reference as being a big obstacle.
@Rod- It is shocking that these three women (and many others) have power. And yes, alarming as all get out.
@James Daily- Trump tends to be a blunt instrument, but that's what some noggins really deserve - which is definitely the case here. Do Nancy and Chuckie really want a government shutdown in which they declare that we can't afford to erect barriers and keep people out of our country while they simultaneously pay to erect barriers around our national monuments and have guards telling people they can't come in?! They looked like idiots last time they pulled that, and will only look worse this time.
@Fred Ciampi- Wow, it's been a long time since I saw "Dave" so I don't remember the details. That would be a pretty good job benefit, though.
@Emmentaler Limburger- Failing that, and if you can hold your bladder, Schumer can't avoid the grave forever.
@Jack Wiegman- Wow, some fancy wordage going on there! You make good (and simultaneously confusing) points!
@John D. Egbert- 1965? Oh yeah, back when words actually meant something. And you're right, of course, about the use of the word "he."
@Jan Conboy- Thanks for the kind words! I particularly enjoyed Pelosi saying (with obvious distaste) "Mr. President" while he referred to then as "Nancy" and "Chuck." No titles or honorifics. No wonder Nancy felt "tinkled" on - she was the fire hydrant to Trump's dog.
@TrickyRicky- And brown skivvies.
@Judi King- I admit I didn't have to work hard on today's cartoons. Basically all I did was whip the cartoons together and then say "Hey look, everybody! Idiots!" Some days I love my job (grin).
@John the Econ- I like the Kevin Hart fiasco because it's so enjoyable to watch the Left eat their own. And just maybe it'll wake a few of them up. I also think we're going to see a LOT of today's kids eventually regret posting their every thought, deed, indiscretion, and drunken rant online. In a perfect world, they might actually back away from living on their smartphones instead of reality. But it'll never happen.
I think Warren's political future has largely gone to the happy hunting grounds. The kids got burned by Hillary last time, and Warren is more of the same. I think there's going to be a much bigger push toward younger candidates on the Left.
And I have mixed feelings about Pelosi, but do have to acknowledge that she's so obnoxious that she may well do our side some good - especially if she continues to show confusion while speaking.
@Old Cannonballs- I've read a number of pieces saying that Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez is a much bigger threat to the Right than is currently being acknowledged. Running for President ain't what it used to be. As you say, Obama came out of nowhere (with a frankly horrible record) and took the office. And you can't beat Trump for demonstrating that the unimaginable can happen.
Elections now are popularity contests, with the (ahem) "news media" reliably delivering misinformation. I think we're well into the era of the "celebrity President," and it doesn't matter where the celebrity comes from: politics, entertainment, or just plain notoriety.
@CDH- Yeah, Beto worries me. How the hell he did so well in my home state of Texas scares the heck out of me. He could very well be the white Obama.
@Fish Out of Water- We're going to hear a LOT of impeachment talk, and maybe even a Democratic attempt at such. At present, there don't appear to be any actual grounds, but I can't imagine that slowing down the process.
@Colby Muenster- I loved Trump's line about transparency. Every now and then, that rascal rips off a doozy.
@CC- I believe Nancy was actually trying to be the Great-Great-Grandmom.
@John the Econ- I was kind of gobsmacked by Ocasio-Cortez's threat to start abusing power before she's even been "inaugurated." Absolutely fascist behavior. And I hope you're right that she either burns out or just becomes another face in the crowd before reaching an age where she could run for President.
@NSF- Watching her gasp and sputter for words really is kind of fun!
There's an old silly engineering joke that mechanical engineers build weapons and civil engineers build targets. That was obviously over-simplified; it actually requires a wide variety of technical and other skills to create or fully destroy much of anything now.
Going from that to another situation: I wonder how many self-serving and liberal activist politicians (but not patriots nor statesmen) don't realize they are turning themselves into targets? Surely they don't think their goals & behavior will be tolerated to our own demise.
@ Stilton: If the democrats succeed in impeaching (aka a progressive coup d'etat) this duly elected President, I see what is now playing out in the streets of Paris, carried out here in a broader and perhaps more destructive scale.
For those interested, in the OpEd out in the WSJ this evening titled,'Check Your Progressive Privilege', that's worth a read.
@Tricky Ricky: C'mon, man! Everybody knows "Brown Shoes Don't Make It". That's all I got.
Woke to read President Trump decided to eliminate another swamp event: the annual WH christmas party for the freeloading press corps. Thinking this news is ripe for tomorrow's strip.
Occasional-Cortex's antics are proof of several things:
a) Power corrupts. And it corrupts the immature and intellectually weak with amazing speed and ease.
b) Her comments above provide all the evidence you need to prove that it will be a very short ride from the warm and fuzzy "democratic socialism" she peddles to the body-and-soul crushing communism that is already evident in much of her other utterings.
c) This is another example of why there is a 2nd Amendment, which she'll also be openly trying to crush in short order.
I knew BO'B was going to be president after his speach at the demonic convention in '04. Four years later he broke with what he had said and rode into town like a balrog.
Don't get into an stupid contest with a Pelosi. She will win first prize every time.
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