Wednesday, December 12, 2018
Don't panic - Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez hasn't really been asked to host the Oscars, although if it does happen you read it here first.
Currently, the Oscars have no host lined up after they hired then quickly dumped alleged comedian Kevin Hart, owing to the fact that, some years ago, he made homophobic tweets. Although we'd say they were a little more than just "homophobic." Consider this thought-provoking tweet: "Yo if my son comes home & try's 2 play with my daughters doll house I'm going 2 break it over his head & say n my voice 'stop that's gay.'"
Hart has apologized repeatedly for his tweets in the past, but refused to make a fresh apology under the reasonable assumption that if past apologies didn't count, a new one wouldn't do any good either.
All of this is making it hard for the Oscars to find a Hart transplant for the awards ceremony, owing to the fact that pretty much no celebrity really wants to expose themselves to a potentially career-ending examination of their every word and deed since birth.
The best suggestion we've heard (and we wish we could give credit but we forgot where we saw it) is that Donald Trump should host the event, since the jokes would be about him anyway, and it would be a ratings blockbuster. Frankly, we can't think of anything else that would make us tune in.
And speaking of Trump and hard to fill jobs...
BONUS: OH, SHUT UP
It wasn't our intention to present a trifecta of unbelievably annoying women today, but then we saw Nancy Pelosi's comments (accurately quoted above) following a meeting that she and Chuck Schumer shared with President of the United States Donald Trump.
The idea that this loathsome old colostomy bag will likely again be Speaker of the House makes us feel like we've got skunk tinkle all over us.
Posted by Stilton Jarlsberg at 12:01 AM