Wednesday, June 26, 2019

Mass Debaters

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, democrats, debates, 2019, clump, splatire

Hurry, hurry, hurry! Step right up to the greatest show on Earth! See the odd, the unusual, and the bizarre! The freaks, the geeks, and nature's mistakes are all inside, all alive, and can walk, talk, and crawl on their bellies like reptiles! And they all promise to throw money at you!

Okay, that's not the actual ballyhoo for the two nights of Democrat debates which begin this evening, but it might as well be considering all the weird crap we're likely to see and hear. With apologies to the great P.T. Barnum, no one has ever convened such a "congress of oddities" before. In total, we'll hear from twenty candidates on Wednesday and Thursday, each of whom will be trying to put their personal spin on topics like the imminent end of the world from climate change, reparations for slavery, the end of income inequality, free socialized everything, wide open borders, restriction (or repeal) of 1st and 2nd Amendment rights, forgiveness of college loans, and no-questions-asked legalized abortion up until the time the fetus is old enough to personally file an amicus brief in court.

To set an appropriate tone, we can only hope (but sadly doubt) that there will be jolly calliope music playing during the debates, that the audience will be chomping on corn dogs and cotton candy, and that the floors will be covered with sawdust in case anyone throws up.

Lacking any ideas of substance, all of the candidates are hoping to bribe voters with budget-busting giveaways, with Bernie Sanders currently leading the pack with his $2.2 trillion plan to forgive college debt and make college not only free, but an actual right.

We can't predict exactly what goodies the Democrat candidates will be promising, but we think overall the process may closely parallel a passage from one of our favorite (and clearly prescient considering it was published in 2011) social satires, "CLUMP: An American Splatire."

In the book, an elected political figure desperately tries to curry favor with voters by immediately replacing "the pursuit of happiness" with "the guarantee of happiness" in 10 easy federally-mandated steps...

1) 100% free healthcare including liposuction, Viagra, and breast implants.
2) College degrees will be issued without the requirement of attending college.
3) All existing debts will be cancelled; nobody owes anything to anybody.
4) Unemployment benefits will be permanent and twice the minimum wage.
5) All cars will get 100 miles per gallon and their exhaust will be pure oxygen with a "fresh pine" scent.
6) Everything served in a restaurant will always be on a 99¢ value menu.
7) Fitness guidelines will be revised so that every American meets the federal definition of "hot."
8) 50 bonus points will be added to the IQ score of every American.
9) There will be no more taxes of any kind except on the Evil Rich.

10) Everyone will go to Heaven.

Still quoting from the book:

"The groundswell of sheer, unbridled joy in America was seismic. People were high-fiving in the streets, laughing, crying, and hugging complete strangers. It was as if the bloody and long-fought war against meritocracy had finally drawn to a victorious close.

This unprecedented national euphoria lasted an entire day, then died the next morning as abruptly as a beef cow smacked with a sledgehammer. Because that's when the stock market plunged like an Acapulco cliff diver."

A cautionary tale, or an actual preview of coming attractions? Thanks to the Democratic debates, we'll start finding out tonight.


Wow, AOC can dance and act!


Mike aka Proof said...

Notice that AOC is wearing a $600 watch in that photo. Tell us again why we should forgive her college debt?

M. Mitchell Marmel said...

"In a democracy, the people get the government they deserve."

So what did we do to deserve this?

Crazy World said...

Pure entertainment

REM1875 said...

And they all promise to throw money at you!

And the amazing thing ? .......Not one cent will be their's !!! .

Fish Out of Water said...

Can't/won't speak for others, but I won't be tuned into the freak show tonight, or better put, the runaway train gathers speed.

As for AOC and her $600 watch ( somone has a pair of sharp eyes) AOC made this farcical stunt on the taxpayer dime.

Jim Irre said...

Starting tonight and carrying through to the primaries in November we will hear the most asinine things ever said! It truly will be a freak show!

Fred Ciampi said...

My Grandpappy once told me "If bullshit were snow, he'd be a blizzard". Well, stand by for 20, count 'em, twenty, blizzards.

I don't have enough moonshine to watch the dee-bates, even by the masters. I'll wait and read about them right on this here forum.

Joe Jetson said...

How about playing a debate drinking game where you drink a shot every time one of the dems promises "Free" stuff? Unfortunately, everyone would be passed out drunk within fifteen minutes.

Geoff King said...

It is good that there is an even number of candidates in the debates. That will make the ensuing circular firing squad much more effective.

KanB said...

HEY! I'm just your average white middle class retiree who has been supporting himself all his life but I want some of this give away free stuff too. White people were slaves for centuries too so I demand some of that reparation, and since I have no college debt how about some forgiveness of maybe my mortgage and car loans and maybe my credit card debt.

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Mike aka Proof- In fairness, AOC might not know that's a watch. She might think it's just a pretty bracelet with numbers and some things that move. And no, we shouldn't forgive her college debt - but considering how little education she got, I think she's within her rights to demand that the school give her a refund.

@M. Mitchell Marmel- We on the conservative side didn't do anything to deserve the Democrat roster.

@Crazy World- That's the only way to look at it and stay sane. Well, sane-ish.

@REM1875- Good point. The candidates want to buy votes using our money.

@Fish Out of Water- I'll watch at least some of the debate, just to hear what's going on in Bizarro world. And "farcical stunt" is a good description of the AOC photo shoot. Notice that while she's overcome with grief, as if she'd seen horrors on the other side of that fence, everyone else is just casually milling around and not looking at much of anything (other than taking pictures of AOC's clumsy histrionics).

@Jim Irre- I'm expecting some wild and entertaining rhetoric during this election cycle. Also, cold sweats and revulsion.

@Fred Ciampi- Your Grandpappy was a wise man. And if you're going to make me watch the debates for you, you should at least send a jar of shine my way (grin).

@Joe Jetson- I think you've just come up with the world's fastest way of achieving alcohol poisoning.

@Geoff King- I can't wait to see if any candidates will try to break from the pack using the Trump strategy of using insulting nicknames for their opponents!

@KanB- I'm with you! I've been self-employed for my entire professional life, paid off all of my debts, and spent money on insurance so I wouldn't be a burden to the state. Now I need reparations for having been stupidly responsible instead of waiting for someone else to pay my bills.

TrickyRicky said...

I don't know if it really matters what happens tonight, tomorrow, on through November 2020. With the tech giants admitting or being shown by courageous outfits like Project Veritas to be all in on manipulating our election, does it really matter?

I have a child and two grandchildren for whom I worry, not to mention the impending collapse of the greatest experiment in human freedom in all of history, for which so many have laid down their lives. I had hoped to be old enough to slip the surly bonds of earth while still able to rejoice in living a truly Goldilocks life, in the United States during the post WWII era of plenty and freedom. Alas, it looks like I may be put out of the rulers' misery as soon as I start accessing my Medicare and Social Security, so that there will be benefits for those who never earned them. Try the Soylent Green, it's wonderful today.

Cheers, off to my part-time job, still paying taxes and trying to preserve my nest egg, what a schmuck!

rickn8or said...

You forgot:

11. There won't be any crime because nobody will have any guns.

12. Our southern border will be extended to Mexico's current southern border.

james daily said...

There is never anything new with these liberals. This will certainly be like watching reruns of the Keystone Kops. I suppose I, too am a schmuck as we live as closely as possible to debt free, never overspend, do not buy feel good items like Beemers, Mercedes or Cadillac's because they only gets one from point A to B. Now on AOC and her wasting $300 grand, she believes she is educated but she opened my eyes to something and that was all the college grads that could not get a job under the Obama administration is because who in their right mind would hire these nitwits that have no clue what education entails?
This will be fun for the liberals watching as they figure out which candidate will give the most. Which ones want to raise taxes thru the stratosphere, which one wants to inundate our country with useless parasites and which one can be the most creative trashing our President.

Emmentaler "Schmuck in Lodi Again" Limburger said...

What are those things on AOC's feet? What kind of fashion statement do jackboots make?

In her defense, though: that is one of the most poorly conceived border fences I've ever seen, and seeing my tax dollars wasted on something so easy to climb over wracked my body with sobs as well...

Freedom Seeker said...

At this point why would anyone pay a single penny more on any student loan?
And what's that distant noise in the background? Rich folks pulling up tent stakes ...

Extrapolating, I foresee a nation with 100 million "your own personal IRS agent" assigned 1-to-1 to the 100 million schmucks who still work, as only the State agentS (shortened to 'SS' for brevity) can assess your "fair" tax liability (based on your PC compliance of thoughts & opinions). Meanwhile the other 200 million residents (not PC to refer to citizens anymore) simply get free everything like so many household pets.

Pete (Detroit) said...

I must admit, this clown posse makes the Republican shit show of 2015 look like a high school prom... One would like to think that with so many of Bernie's Bro's out there, working, paying taxes, the rallying cry of "fweeee sheeeep" would have less traction. But hey, there I go, thinking again. Heard that AOC praised the 'solidarity' of workers who were SUPPOSED to be making beds for those kids, workers were all "hey, we can't be part of this" and walked off the job. So apparently everyone prefers the kids continue to sleep on the floors?.
Utter stupidity.

As far as what did we do to deserve this? It is correct, we did NOTHING. They run for office, and we did NOTHING. They took over city councils, we did NOTHING. They took over local school boards, we did NOTHING. They spout their bullshit from the rooftops, we do NOTHING. It is time, and long past time, to fight back, to make sure folks have a basic understanding of economics, to READ the constitution Out LOUD so people remember what the proper role of goobermint *is*
The Declaration is as relevant today against The Swamp as it EVER was w/ George 3...

TrickeyRickey, make sure they can shoot.

Bobo the Hobo said...

Another stellar post, Stilt! I’m planning on watching tonight’s B Team debates; I have a physician’s certificate stating my blood pressure is too low and I need something to get the heart rate up.

Maoz said...

"Mass Debaters", eh? Mama always warned you'd go blind if you kept doing that! (*wink*)

KingTooter said...

Ain't no democracy--supposed to be a republic -- about to become a shooting gallery

John the Econ said...

I'm having a lot of fun with my Democrat friends who 4 years ago were mocking the "disarray" of the GOP for having more than a half-dozen candidates. At least Republicans had a choice for President. The Democrats had their's assigned to them.

But boy do they have choices this time. Or do they? The most well known of them are fascist-socialist-borderline communists.

I guess I'm now old enough to remember when Democrats had to be subtle when blatantly buying votes. Those days are long gone. The bidding war is on. They've pretty much long settled on "free" health care and free college. Last week, Liz Warren offered to pay off up to $50,000 of people's student loans. Bernie then stepped up and offered to wipe all of them in full, no matter how many figures someone might have spent on a modern indigenous dance theory masters degree. What's next? Perhaps "reparations". Expect the bidding to go from all African Americans (regardless of any familial connection to actual slavery) to Native Americans, eventually peaking at all Americans excluding straight, white males.

As for the "debate" itself, it will most likely and ironically resemble later seasons of "The Apprentice", where celebrity candidates will get filtered out until we're left with only the most weird and outrageous. (I wish I could take credit for that observation, but I saw it somewhere on social media this morning)

I haven't yet decided if I'm going to watch. (Mrs. Econ wishes that I wouldn't, for both our sanity)

Shelly said...

I will join those who refuse to give their eyeballs to (MS)NBC tonight. I already know what they are going to say. There will be nothing new to distinguish any of them. If there are any fireworks, they will be repeated on Fox News and here so I'm not gonna waste my time. I can't believe this will be going on until next summer when a nominee is finally named. When did election campaigning begin two years before the election? It's depressing.

Sortahwitte said...

We have house guests until Saturday. It's my brother-in-law and his significant other. They consider californicationx to be their home. I considered asking them to wash their shoes in bleach, but didn't. So, they wish to watch the dim debates tonight and tomorrow night. So, I said "Sure!" but I will be elsewhere. I love them, but not that much.

Colby Muenster said...


I've enjoyed studying the first photo and identifying everyone. Pretty sure that's Uncle Joe next to the three saxophone players. Probably standing there because the three said they really enjoyed sax.

The Dim Debates will be a freak show for sure, and one that I will happily skip. Although, it might be fun to rate them on a scale of some sort of who is most likely to be verbally run through the wood chipper by Trump in a real debate. Then see who actually makes it to the big stage.

I forget which one of these morons it was who said they would pay for their trillions of giveaways by taxing stock market transactions. Yup... that's gonna end well, I'm sure. And many of them say they'll tax big corporations. Big corporations do not pay taxes, you dummies, no matter what the tax rate; the middle class pays them. I have to wonder if any of these freaks understand even the simplest economics. The sad answer is, most of them DO know how things work, but they also know that their supporters are dumber than bags of hammers; they just hear "FREE SHIT!" and vote for it.

A message for you college types who majored in underwater basket weaving, or eastern Zimbabwe culture amongst indigenous tribes... You made the debt, YOU effing pay it! I do not want to pay for your useless degree while you work at McDonalds complaining about the minimum wage.

Emmentaler Limburger said...

@John: This clown car is just theater. When all is said and done, the democrat masters will tell all their faithful who they will be voting for. Just like in 2016...

Geoff King said...

Here is a list of lesser known college majors,that we may have to cancel and pay the debt upon:

Anonymous said...

In between their deliberate misinformation, derisible fabrications, meaningless platitudes, incoherent boilerplate, outright lies -- as well as the usual and expected leftist bullshit and agitprop -- the Democrats' three-ring clown show will be trying to outbid each other using other people's money.

rickn8or said...

Maoz, and she was RIGHT!

The fact I've always worn glasses and had cataract surgery isn't pertinent to the conversation.

DougM said...

Love the title.
Wayyy better'n mine.
(What? Oh, "Democrats Choose Top Jerks in Tonight's Jerk-Off")

Anonymous said...

The latest is that AOC is not only wearing a $600 watch, but also crying at an empty parking lot. This woman is totally weird!

Dan said...

Greg Gutfeld mentioned that the average student loan amount in Utah is 18 grand, and in New York it's 31 thousand. Those, he observed, are pretty much the cost of a car, so they should have to pay off the loan, just as you have to pay off your car loan.

Someone else noted that the dems expect those who skipped college and went to work, or paid off their college debt, shouldn't have to pay for the debts of the privileged who spent two or four or six or more years studying their desired, sometimes useful, majors.

John the Econ said...

The Border: A few weeks ago they were telling us that there was no "crisis" and this was just something trumped up by Trump. Now they tell us it is a crisis, even though little has substantially changed since Obama was President. Also note that they're all screaming about the "crisis", but short of comparing the detention centers to Nazi concentration camps and calling for the abolishment of ICE, they offer no alternative solutions.

They don't want to fix this. They want the crisis. Until they won't. And then they'll go back to ignoring it just as they did during the Obama era.

@Emmentaler Limburger, I won't dispute you on that.

@Geoff King, most of those are majors that would not exist were it not for the easy money made possible via government-backed student loans. With feckless access to other people's money, all forms of insanity become not just possible, but inevitable.

@james daily, I'll vote for Bernie Sanders before I'd vote for Mitt Romney.

@Anonymous, AOC understands that Washington is largely theater. It's been said that Washington is Hollywood for ugly people. She's just more attractive than most of them.

@Dan, what you are seeing here is Academic Privilege: The vast majority of Americans did not go to college or get the reap the benefits of doing so. And yet the Democrats are arguing that people who did not enjoy Academic Privilege should be made to pay for those who did. This is also totally unfair to Those who worked and paid their way through school as I did. I want a free 4-year vacation from reality too!

At the end of the day, this is just another big Democratic gift to a minority of people they like to be paid for by those they do not. Democratic socialism!

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@TrickyRicky- It's hard to look at the future optimistically, but impossible NOT to look at the future when we have progeny who are going to be living there. I hope that our nation's future will be better than I'm expecting.

@rickn8or- Pretty sure that those items would make a lot of people happy. Of course, they'd be stupid people...

@james daily- Like you, I've tried to live debt free as much as possible, and also salt away funds for emergencies and retirement rather than living a luxurious lifestyle. We shouldn't feel like schmucks for doing that...but if the Dems have their way, we WILL be the ones who were fools. Regarding AOC's education, I have yet to see any evidence of it. Recently she demonstrated that she doesn't know the difference between a business's total revenue and its profit. That's a helluva thing for a cum laude economics graduate.

@Emmentaler "Schmuck in Lodi Again" Limburger- AOC wore the jackboots under the assumption that there would be excrement and syringes on the ground, as is the case anywhere Democrats are in charge. As for the fence that she found so heartrending, it wasn't a border wall - just a chainlink gate into the facility. No more intimidating than the walls surrounding a tennis court.

@Freedom Seeker- Great point! I'll bet a lot of people with student loans are going to stop paying under the belief that one of the socialists is going to wave a magic wand and make all that debt disappear. Although as you point out, it will be the rest of us dopes who are expected to cough up the money for their worthless "educations."

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Pete (Detroit)- I'm glad you brought up the idiocy regarding the employees of Wayfair refusing to be a part of shipping beds to the refugee kids, because they don't want to be seen as supporting a Nazi regime that lets kids sleep without beds. So the liberal employees feel great about themselves while preventing these kids from sleeping on mattresses. These assholes truly live in an upside-down world.

And yes, too much "nothing" being done by good folks has allowed these travesties to occur. Everyone is so freaking comfortable that they don't bother to learn about issues or vote responsibly...which is how and why they'll eventually lose those comforts.

@Bobo the Hobo- I'm also watching the debate for medical reasons, although in my case it's to cure constipation.

@Maoz- Well, that explains my thick glasses...

@KingTooter- You're definitely right about the first point, and I can only hope you're not right about the second.

@John the Econ- Good observations, and I'm hoping that Dem voters are miserable about the panoply of candidates. Truth be told, I'm not watching the debate at this moment but I'm recording it. We'll see if I have the strength to actually view the damn thing tomorrow.

@Shelly- I so agree with you! Why are the debates starting now?! The notion that we're going to have to put up with all of this for another year and a half is painful beyond belief.

@Sortahwitte- My condolences on putting up with those houseguests (although I'll allow that they may be fine, if misguided, people). Perhaps while they're watching the debate, you can quietly slip out and put a MAGA bumpersticker on their car.

@Colby Muenster- I actually felt sort of bad about using the freak show image, because I love freak shows and learning about the lives of the performers. I own a lovely set of photos of P.T. Barnum's "human oddities" which were printed directly from Matthew Brady's glass plate negatives, and an extensive library of books about these fascinating folks. Any of whom I'd vote for over anyone on the debate stage Wednesday and Thursday.

And it was Bernie who said he'd tax investments to pay for college debt. Every time a stock transaction would be made, there would be a fee added...which would not only depress the market, but harm every American with an IRA or other retirement plan. Not that Bernie would care - he's against people saving for their own futures.

@Emmentaler Limburger- I agree that the choice of who the final candidate will be won't be up to the voters. The fix is already in. It's interesting that in Wednesday's debate, Elizabeth Warren is paired with nine nobodies. That doesn't strike me as accidental - someone wants Warren to look good.

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Geoff King- I wanted to laugh at that list of college majors, but I was just dumbstruck. And by the way, I didn't see any majors that couldn't be effectively learned about in a $29 online course from

@Anonymous- That's the playbook, alright!

@rickn8or- On the plus side, my back yard looks spectacular because of the swaying Hairy Palm trees.

@james daily- I actually kinda sorta liked Mitt Romney once. But as the former newt said in Monty Python and the Holy Grail, "I got better."

@DougM- Damn, I wish I'd thought of that! (Readers- just another reminder that you're missing out on great stuff from DougM and others if you're not regularly visiting!)

@Anonymous- I saw a reverse angle of the "grieving AOC" shots, and it is just a stupid empty parking lot. What a freaking fraud.

@Dan- Yes, if the kids borrowed the damn money, they need to repay it. OR it needs to be collected from whoever cosigned for the loan! The last people who should pick up the bill are those who have made more responsible choices.

@John the Econ- You're so right about the Dems not truly giving a damn about the border situation. It's all theater, and it comes with a high cost in terms of money and human suffering. But if it greases their political skids, the Dems are happy. The rat bastards.

Gee M said...

the photo of AOC crying at the fence is a year old, taken by a pro. stages...

Anonymous said...

That Clump writer's work seems really familiar. Anyone know who he is? :-)

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Gee M- I hadn't originally known that the AOC pictures were a year old, but they're certainly very relevant at the moment. If anything, seeing her faking emotion in staged pictures only makes her recent "concentration camps" comment more odious. By the way, other shots show that she's doing her "Oh, the humanity!" act while looking at a large, clean, open parking lot.

DennisA said...

2) College degrees will be issued without the requirement of attending college.

This is not new!

"I'm proud to say, I did teach a couple of semesters here, and all the grading was pure bluff. I even openly told the students. I told them, I remember — at the New School, for example, in New York, 'If you don't give me any of your shitty papers, you'll get an A. If you give me a paper, I may read it and not like it, you can get a lower grade.' And it worked — I got no papers." And so he solves the problem of grading.

These teaching experiences led Žižek's to one conclusion: "I like universities without students."

rickn8or said...

"Year-old photos" Yes, let's hear it for "metadata" in digital photos and cynical people (like me fer instance) that poke through it.

As for the "Oh, the humanity" I'm thinking it was more a case of her car not being parked there anymore.