Wednesday, December 4, 2019

Bugging Out

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To the surprise of absolutely no one, Democrat Kamala Harris has dropped out of the presidential race. Harris had previously complained that she couldn't get traction because voters weren't willing to support a "strong woman of color." Which is another way of saying that she believes Democrat voters are sexist and racist - the only point she made on the campaign trail that we can't disagree with.


With Joe Biden's swimming memories in the news ("I got hairy legs where the hair turns blond in the sun, and the kids would reach into the pool to rub that hair..."), it seemed a good time to share this memory from five years ago...

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According to the new book "First Family Detail," vice president Joe Biden enjoys swimming in the nude - much to the disgust and dismay of his female Secret Service agents, many of whom will never again be able to eat a vienna sausage.

"Little Joe," the appendage which is only a heartbeat away from being the leader of the free world, is frequently turned loose in the waters of the vice presidential residence in Washington DC, at Biden's home in Delaware, and other bodies of water which present a target of opportunity.

Sure, this sounds like no big deal - but consider this: on July 24th, Biden went to Ohio to give a speech. Now 400,000 Ohio residents are without drinking water because something (or someone) toxic got into the water supply. Coincidence? We think not.

Until further notice, residents are being told not to brush their teeth using the water, not to let children bathe in it, and not to let pets drink it. And considering that most pets spend a lot of their free time licking their private regions, that says a lot.

Hope n' Change sincerely hopes that the veep will reconsider what he considers "see-worthy" in the future and don appropriate swimwear.

Until then, our hearts and support go out to the brave female Secret Service agents whose blood runs cold every time they hear Uncle Joe shout "Thar she blows!"

Secret Service agents shouldn't have to throw themselves on this.


Kay said...

Good riddance to Ms. Harris. A lackluster, angry, authoritarian female.....still not as bad as Hillary.
Biden in the nude ahgghhhhrrrrr.

What must he really be thinking when he says the things he says. X-rated stuff while talking about his hairy legs. So inappropriate, so LEFT field, so embarassing, what must the world be thinking? He is now justa creepy dirtly old man with a car salesman smile.

Mike aka Proof said...

Ms. Harris' crickets looked a lot like Biden's roaches!

M. Mitchell Marmel said...

Silent crickets. That's bad, Stilton. (grins)

Biden bottie. That's even WORSE, Stilton. (heaves)

Brie Camembert said...

All that meat and no bread :-(

(Could be worse - the Hildebeast in the nude)

FlyBoy said...

Kamala?..Kamala who?.. Did she actually have a campaign to begin with? Her only “attribute “ is that she slept her way to the middle.

After viewing that pic of Stumbling Joe Bite-me, I gotta find the eye bleach!!!

Fish Out of Water said...

Wish James Taranto of the WSJ was still writing bye-kus.

My hope is the democratic party machine will grind down as it did in 2016, the "progressive " aka marginal candidates, leaving us with Joe or Bloomberg, and the "progressives" again sit out the election.

Meanwhile Nancy Pelosi must either be clairvoyant about the election or stuffed with hubris as she announced at the latest climate change kumbaya the United States is still in.

Bobo the Hobo said...

A friend texted me, “Don’t worry about Kamala; she’ll be back on her knees in no time”

Dan said...

Chris Plante on WMAL in the mornings has often told the story of Biden going swimming nekkid. According to Chris, Secret Service had (has?) a codeword to warn those around: Cobra! Cobra!
(I'm in Georgia but listen to Chris Plante on the WMAL web site or on iHeart Radio. Well worth a listen. Funny guy.)

kcmoonshiner said...

Thanks a lot, Stilt! I won't be able to unsee that!

Kilemal said...

"Secret Service agents shouldn't have to throw themselves on this." Rather they should use it for target practice.

Fred Ciampi said...

I think I read somewhere that Kameltoe was Indian (the Asian type, not the Sitting Bull type) not of the African type. Anyone?!?!?!?!?

David in SoCal said...

Stilton: A bit of irony in your toon today RE: Crickets than won't rub their legs together; when Kamala hasn't had her legs together for many years. @Fred Ciampi: Indeed, Willies Ho is 1/2 Indian fromIndia heritage on her mom's side, and also 1/2 Jamaican from her father. How you get 'black' outta that must be ciphered using Commie Corps Math. As for Jackwad Joe: I'm expecting any day now, that he will blort out a story of how he taught kids to shift a manual transmission by sitting on his lap.

TrickyRicky said...

I don't know whether to laugh at Biden or feel sorry for him. His hand gestures are exactly what one sees with dementia patients. Much as I would like to see him run and fail miserably, someone in his family really should have an intervention.

Drdave said...

Thanks for the hilarity today Stilt, especially the part about the female SS agents and Vienna sausage. I haven't laughed that hard in recent history!

Bruce Bleu said...

I am simply amazed that CUMala Harris knows that legs can get close enough together to RUB!

John the Econ said...

A "strong woman of color" who got her start in politics by sucking a stronger man of color. The upside of Kamala's demise now is that we won't have to listen to 4 years of lectures about what a sexist and racist country we are when America as a whole inevitably rejected her. As @Stilton points out, whatever sexism and racism is behind her failure at a nomination rests exclusively with Democrats.

Biden his time: As the savior of the Democratic party continues to intellectually fade, babble, fondle and suck women on stage, America's psychiatrists instead choose to focus on Trump as "dangerous".

Speaking of letting the sun shine where it has absolutely no business doing so:

Shailene Woodley Wants You to Give Your Vagina Some Vitamin D

"I like to give my vagina a little vitamin D," the au naturale actress said. "I was reading an article written by an herbalist about yeast infections and other genital issues, and she said there's nothing better than vitamin D." Woodley continues, "If you're feeling depleted, go in the sun for an hour and see how much energy you get. Or, if you live in a place that has heavy winters, when the sun finally comes out, spread your legs and get some sunshine."

Of course, Hollywood being full of utterly brainless monkey see, monkey do types:

Josh Brolin Tried “Perineum Sunning” and It Completely Ruined His Day

"Tried this perineum sunning that I’ve been hearing about and my suggestion is DO NOT do it as long as I did. My pucker hole is crazy burned and I was going to spend the day shopping with my family and instead I’m icing and using aloe and burn creams because of the severity of the pain. I don’t know who the f*** thought of this stupid s*** but f*** you nonetheless. Seriously. #blackholefriday #blackholesun #severeperineumburns #santamonicafiredepartment #assholecare"

Remember, these are the people who consider themselves more intelligent and enlightened than you are, and have no problem directing the state in telling you how you should live.

Rod said...

K. Harris can have a good sense of humor at times... but all I will remember about her is (1) f.....g her way into politics and (2) what a rude, offensive, disgusting bitch she was at the Kavanaugh SCOTUS hearings.

swimologist said...

Since when do nasty, ratchet Marxists have a good sense of humor?

Fish Out of Water said...

Oh God, the thought of the most unqualified, unfit and unworthy POTUS candidate since Henry Wallace sunning her nether regions....🤮🤮🤮

Pat Cummings said...

@Fred Ciampi, @David in SoCal: I like the shorthand used by the morning show folks in San Francisco on KSFO. (It's available on iHeart Radio so I still get to listen from Utah.) Sussmann, Green and Yee distinguish the two easily with a single word: the local ethnicity are "Feather-type Indians," and the subcontinent variety "Dot-type Indians."

Example: Unlike Warren, Harris actually has Indian heritage. Dot, not feather...

Colby Muenster said...

So, another person of color is rejected by the political party that claims to represent persons of color. Booker will be next I guess, then Yang. In the end, we all know it will be the three oldest and whitest people in the Democrat party left standing. One's losing his mind, one already lost his mind, and the other is fake as a 4-1/2 dollar bill.

Question about Joe B. If he is willing to actually reveal to the public shit like kids stroking his leg hair, fondling women from behind, and sucking his wife's fingers while she giving a speech, what sort of twisted shit is he NOT revealing? I really really really hope he is Trump's opponent next November!

Geoff King said...

Why do I have this terrible feeling that all these public failings of the democrat contenders are merely a ploy to set the stage for Michelle or (God forbid) Hillary to throw their hats in the ring to SAVE THE PARTY?

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Kay- Biden has no filters and goes off on wild digressions. Of course, Trump does too - but at least the President isn't reminiscing about kids stroking his leg hairs.

@Mike aka Proof- No WONDER they kept silent!

@M. Mitchell Marmel- Yeah, I liked the concept of crickets that refused to sound like, well, crickets.

@Brie Camembert- Don't even joke about Hillary in the nude. That's instant PTSD.

@Flyboy- My adult daughter saw the cartoon (without the commentary) and asked "who even IS that?" Which I thought was the perfect observation about her candidacy.

@Fish Out of Water- I have no idea what ANYONE in politics is going to do anymore. But I did find Pelosi's remarks on climate change pretty funny.

@Bobo the Hobo- That's the spirit!

@Dan- I hadn't heard the "cobra" code word. Funnier if it was "inchworm!"

@kcmoonshiner- Meanwhile, that picture has been added to Buttigieg's mental spank bank.

@Kilemal- What could they possibly learn from a target that big?

@Fred Ciampi- I believe she's half black, and half "dot Indian." Which, I believe, makes her a "caste off."

NVRick said...

Since Sleepy Joe's wife is a physician, You'd think that she would be the one to gently take him by the arm and walk him away from all the self-inflicted embarrassments he has and is sure to continue making.
Or maybe she is just as self centered as he is.

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@David in CoCal- I hadn't really thought about the legs connection, but it certainly applies! And thanks for explaining Kamala's family tree - she may indeed be a "woman of color," but she doesn't carry the "slave's blood" that Obama found so compelling in his wife and daughters.

@TrickyRicky- I don't actually think that Joe is experiencing dementia, because he's pretty much ALWAYS been like this.

@Drdave- If Vienna sausages are good for anything other than a punchline, I have yet to find out what it is.

@Bruce Bleu- Actually Kamala has been very interested in bugs since having a brush with crab lice.

@John the Econ- Harris is a huge pain in the ass, and that has nothing to do with her sex or color. And for her to use those excuses gives me a lower opinion of her than I already had.

Regarding the "sunshine on the genitals/perineum" phenomenon, I wish like Hell I'd come up with that bit of tomfoolery (Biden is rubbing off on me) that would have the Hollywood types thrust their loins at the sun's burning rays. Brilliant!

@Rod- Yeah, her behavior in the Kavanaugh hearings was - and is - unforgivable.

@swimologist- Marxist joke: "Knock-knock." "Who's there?" "WE'LL ask the questions!"

@Fish Out of Water- Damnit, I was eating dinner when I read that!

@Pat Cummings- I referred to "dot Indians" in a comment above after seeing it in the enjoyable book I'm currently reading: "Florida Man" by Mike Baron.

@Colby Muenster- What these racial whiners seem to forget is that Barack Obama WON the damn elections. So just maybe the problem isn't race, it's that they stink as candidates.

Regarding Joe Biden, should those kids he's talking about be referred to as "stroke victims?"

@Geoff King- Bingo! As I've repeatedly said here, I think Hillary has her eye on swooping in when all of the other candidates have been damaged beyond repair.

@NVRick- If you were Jill Biden, wouldn't you want to keep mum about anything that would see Joe spending more time at home?

JustaJeepGuy said...

@John the Econ said

"Remember, these are the people who consider themselves more intelligent and enlightened than you are, and have no problem directing the state in telling you how you should live."

They DO think they're more intelligent than you but it's not that they direct the state in telling you how you should live, but that THEY THINK THEY HAVE SOME KIND OF RIGHT TO TELL YOU HOW THEY WILL PERMIT YOU TO LIVE. Naturally, they will live however they want and we peasants will pay for their lifestyles.

Pat Cummings said...

Stilt, I don't know where they encountered the dot/feather Indian distinguisher, but the KSFO Morning Show folks have been doing it for at least the 8 years since I retired and was able to listen to the whole 4 hours instead of just the bit that was on while I was gettting ready for and getting to work... and they may have used it earlier than 2011, just not while I was listening.

Perhaps they read Florida Man?

Vice versa, perhaps Mike Baron is a Morning Show listener.

John the Econ said...

I'm old enough to remember when people didn't talk about "pucker holes" in public, much less the current status of their own.

In only a few short years, we've gone from a world where people went to great efforts to hide their personal stupidity to actually broadcasting it for all to see.