Friday, December 6, 2019
Throne for a Loop
There wasn't much to laugh about yesterday when Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi officially declared war on the 63 million Americans who voted for Donald Trump in the last election. She did so by making it clear that the House of Representatives will indeed vote to impeach the President, because - according to Nancy's tortured logic - it's the only way to prevent him from becoming King.
Which is why we enjoyed the delicious irony when Cory "Spartacus" Booker chose the same day to introduce the CROWN Act - a bill which would outlaw (wait for it!) race based hair discrimination.
Booker's "Create a Respectful and Open World for Natural Hair" (CROWN) Act targets discrimination against hairstyles identified with a particular race, including specific hair textures (the word "kinky" will still be okay to describe fetishes but not follicles) and will protect styles such as "braids, twists or locs." Locs being, apparently, hair locks that are spelled without a "k" in order to stick it to The Man.
If the bill passes, no hair will ever again be forced to go to the back of the head, nor will bigoted bosses be able to ask certain employees why they have giant salad forks sticking out of their coiffures. Additionally, all hair can finally come out of the closet and enjoy full and equal rights without having to pretend to be "straight."
Unfortunately, Senator Booker's bill does nothing to comfort those of us whose hair is standing on end over the Democrats' reckless and lawless attempt to subvert the Constitution and overthrow the government.
But perhaps that can be rectified with a liberal (pun intended) application of Head & Shoulders...on a chopping block.
BONUS: JERRY RIGGED
Of course, Jerry Nadler's fact-free impeachment inquiry is still barreling along. And yes, the excremental exclamation cited below (in panel one) is an actual quote. Keep it classy, Congressman.
Posted by Stilton Jarlsberg at 12:01 AM