Just to be clear, here at Stilton's Place we do care about the latest developments in coronavirus news, the perfidy of those who committed injustice against Michael Flynn, Donald Trump, and the American people, and the #MeToo Democrats who are letting Joe Biden off the hook because "it's okay to stick your fingers in as long as it's not up to your elbow."
But frankly, it's all a bit overwhelming what with the world being broken and all, which is why we're paying yet another visit to the bargain-packed wonderland that is Spensive Gifts...
UPDATE: A DIFFERENT SLANT ON THINGS
A number of readers have expressed appreciation for the inscrutable Chinese Insult Mugs, which reminded me of this lovely graphic I received from my father. "The secret of wisdom," he said at the time, "is to look at the things the right way." So give that a try...
Ah, Stilt! The "Catholic Family Foto Frame" had a place of honor on our wall at home—but the central photo was of my Mother as a teenager! My folks tried for the full set, but alas! had to stop at 11...
I'm sorry, but this is much better than your old products blog. Better luck next time... http://1funny.com/if-my-nose-was-running-money/
It would be extremely unwise to let a guy who spends over 300 dollar at Harbor Freight to save 38 ¢ to shop at Spensive Gifts....... at least that is how Mrs Rem feels .....So I will stay isolated in quarantine by her orders for the general good .... of everyone, apparently.
I should like to order a set of CHINESE INSULT MUGS. Please deliver to Xi Jimping, Beijing, China.
Ordering the Year At A Glance Calendar right now. Fingers crossed it will help re-orient me after this lockdown
@Jefoooooo: I think this is the Red Rooster Band's next #1 hit. Or it snot.
I'm still waiting for that Big Bang Cannon! Who sez you can't fight City Hall!
Actually, the writing on the mugs is not Chinese, but Japanese, and reads, 'kamikaze'.
Of course Good Ole' Joe is innocent of sexually harassing that girl. She was over 9 years old at the time. Too old for smoking Joe. I'm going to buy 982 pounds of popcorn, clean off the TV screen, and stay sheltered in place with the TV on for the rest of the year even after the plague is over. I might need some more 'shine too. I may have to order some more toilet paper as well.
@Fred Ciampi: This just in. Joe Biden denies he laid a finger on that woman, Ms. Reade. I found his denial... touching.
Even my dog is going nuts. Last night, she slept by the door rather than on the bed with us.....
@Colby, Jack: Just saw this on the "News 'R'Us" nooze channel, channel number 28,822; Joe didn't lay a finger on that girl, he laid two fingers IN her. Hahahahahahaha, now I'm going to hell for sure....
I think I have unraveled the true identity of Tickles the Clown in Stilton's Johnny Optimism blog. And holy crap, he's the democrat candidate for president!!!!!
I received my chinee mugs. They included a 4th mug with the inscription: Death to yankee imperialists! Courtesy of Chairman Xi's Woohan Wet Bat Oopsie Flue.
I'm not concerned. I have never been a yankee.
I'll take a shirt weigher and two of the disintegrator guns, please.
Is the cameo foot frame compatible with my shoe phone?
Good Ole' Joe: Did Biden call up Bill Clinton before issuing his statement regarding Tara Reade? He denies laying a finger on her. But I heard nothing about fingers in her. No malarkey!
For some time now I've been arguing that gropin' Joe was not going to be the candidate. A year ago it was obvious he wasn't up to it. He's barely coherent reading from a teleprompter in his own home with his wife's hand up his back. There was no way he'd survive in an honest forum with people asking real questions and demanding real answers. It was just a matter of the string-pullers in the party getting their ducks in a row before things would be set in motion. And as I sat down with the mrs and watched the NBC Nightly News last night, I was shocked and yet not-shocked to see Tara Reade mentioned in the opening. The story that followed was very mono-toned and lacked any of the exuberance that we were presented with nightly two years ago leading up to the Kavanaugh nomination. But for the first time on a network news show it was there, which was something.
Which means the shadow Democrats now have their ducks in a row and it's now possible/allowed to discuss Biden's failings. My guess is Andrew Couomo who will run with Kamala Harris.
Joe swears up and down he didn't do it. Since he cannot remember what he did yesterday, color me skeptical. However, he refused to release his senate records. Hmmmm, wonder why. He says he won't because it might hurt his presidential campaign. At last, a truthful statement. What's in there that might hurt your campaign, you poser?
Put me down for a ray gun, please, but where do I buy a 220 volt inverter for my car? Not that I'd use such a device on the jackass who just cut me off in traffic, mind you. I would never use it on the pimple faced shithead with the array of 15" woofers in his trunk either.
The family photo item reminded me of the family tree photo frames you can get. Instead of just names on the tree, you put in photos, so you know what great uncle Tommy looked like. These are popular here in the south, but uncle Tommy might also be grampaw Tommy and cousin Tommy.
Concerning Joe's totally unbiased, unplanned, and unrehearsed PMSNBC thing this morning (which I couldn't watch - at work), I am semi-surprised he didn't brag about accosting Ms. Reade, like he bragged about extorting the Ukrainian government. "Son of a bitch... Hell yeah I raped her!"
There you go!
When you're at a loss for words just toss us a few pages
from the Spensive Gifts catalog!
Amazing, entertaining, fun! Keeps you amused for minutes!
BTW, I want a really nice Chinese mug that says
"I'm a clueless Ass" and the like as gifts for some of the people I know :)
Obviously the Dem candidate for POTUS is just Biden his time until he can be replaced by a surprise late entry (please - not Hillary again!), or a VP that will immediately declare him incompetent and take over the reins (please - not Hillary again!). The man probably would not even know where to show up for the inauguration and needs to be retired and replaced (please - not Hillary again!). As far as the sexual assault accusations go, I doubt that he is even capable of finding a woman's vagina anymore. Speaking of that: PLEASE - NOT HILLARY AGAIN!
@Pat Cummings- I'm assuming your parents had to stop at 11 because if they went past midnight they'd be sleepy the next day.
@Jefoooooo- Granted, the link leads to a very funny piece. But much better than my stuff? We'll agree to disagree (grin).
@REM1875- Those Harbor Freight ads make me yearn for tools I would never have a use for. But such deals!
@Brie Camembert- Your order is on the way!
@Bobo the Hobo- Just to be safe, your order will also include the "Decade At A Glance" calendar.
@M. Mitchell Marmel- Hey, this would be a great time to get the band back together; we're older and more respectable now, but could hide behind surgical masks!
@Fritzchen- I TOTALLY owned the Big Bang Cannon (carbide) and it was excellent! In college, my dorm faced another dorm across a courtyard, and at night there would be screaming insult wars from the windows. My Big Bang Cannon usually signified the official end of the event because, amplified by the limestone dorm walls, the darn thing sounded like a Howitzer firing and the campus police would quickly show up. Good times!
@Fish Out of Water- I'm guessing that makes any mugs that are still intact something of a rarity.
@Fred Ciampi- Joe has been known to grope post-adolescent females, so the jury is still out. As for sheltering in place, I'm not really expecting to leave my house in a "normal" way for at least a year or two unless some really effective medicines become available (my money is sitll on hydroxychloroquine, azith, and zinc).
@Colby, Jack- Thanks to his denial, Biden has a single digit lead over Trump...
@Liberty Card- By any chance are you relying too heavily on beans in your survival rations...?
@Fred Ciampi- I keep expecting Joe to say "It was an accident - I mistook her for a glove."
@TrickyRicky- Who knows who's under the nose...?
@Sortahwitte- I'm suspicious about the coffee mugs since they're manufactured by "Wuhan Brewin'"
@John the Econ- I will be greatly shocked if Joe ends up being the nominee, though part of me (and not the best part) wants to see what kind of incomprehensible mess a Trump vs Biden debate would look like. I agree with you that the fact the MSM is starting to mention the accusations is a signal that they've been given the go-ahead to start taking Joe down. A Cuomo/Harris ticket sounds appallingly plausible.
@Shelly- The gal on Morning Joe (Mika?) pressed Biden on why he wouldn't at least allow a search of those records restricted to Tara Reid, and he didn't have an answer. I'd like to see it happen. In fact, let's give him the whole Kavanaugh-style FBI investigation; is vetting a potential President less important than vetting a Supreme Court nominee?
@Colby Muenster- I like the idea of the family tree photo frame (especially since I've recently been scanning ancient family photos), but I'd run into that same problem you mentioned: my Dad was conceived out of wedlock, then put up for adoption, then adopted by his biological grandparents. So his "father" was also his grandfather and his sister was his mother. It's going to make for a pretty confusing collage...
@Valvenator- The Chinese mugs make me think of the dolts who get tattoos with Chinese pictograms under the impression that it says something cool, and it turns out to be "Lazy Soup Feet" or something.
Well, three months ago it was quite likely that Trump was heading for a landslide comparable to '72 or '86; the last times when Americans soundly rejected statism presented by the Democrats. And it likely would have been so no matter who the Democrats ran. Biden inspires nobody. He was the lowest common denominator "adult" available in the party, only recognized for his "electability" compared to the other extremists and crazies presented.
The problem now is that the far left sees opportunity with an economy in chaos. All of a sudden, people who were previously gainfully employed are available to be bought off again. At the same time, industry is weakened.
I think the next 5 months are going to be very interesting. The question is can the Marxists of the left restrain themselves enough not to scare off the votes they need.
Here you go!
Google translate can be fun!
Ya could've fooled me!
Remember, Stilton, they refused to vet Obama because it was Racist!! and we ended up with 8 years of that scourge. They are selective about who they vet and it's never the one with the D behind his name.
The family album reminds me of two connecting flights from Houston via Miami to Caracas (long time ago); and in the adjacent seat was a youngish Hispanic married women who was on the same itinerary. She had not traversed Miami airport and was concerned... so asked if she could hang out with me on the layover to be sure to catch the second flight. Sure, OK. As we talked she said she was returning from Houston home then to visit large family. She eventually said she was the middle child of 15; 7 younger & 7 older; & no surprise: Catholic. I asked her jokingly was her mother ever NOT pregnant. She said not much; but Mama had taken a year off after the twins. One could not write this stuff.
A number of years ago we were in Mexico City having dinner with a number of physicians. The department head happened to be sitting across the table from me. While we had never met before that evening we were getting along as if we were old friends. (Perhaps this was because the two of us were sipping top shelf anejo tequilas, while most of the others were drinking beer or margaritas. The fact that, unlike the others from the US, I spoke some Spanish might have helped.) During our conversations he mentioned that he was the 13th of 17 children in his family, and that his father was 73 at the time he was born. My only comment was "¡Qué hombre!" He simply smiled and nodded. No, these things simply write themselves.
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