Friday, July 24, 2020
News at Tan
In our constant quest to bring diversity to these pages, Stilton's Place has again solicited opinions on topical stories from a variety of women, including women of color. Toasty brown color.
And who can argue with their trenchant insights? For instance, it's actually 100% true that the "Washington Redskins" have officially changed their name to the "Washington Football Team." Although this represents a new low in sheer gutlessness, we think that the name is still offensive - and not just because of the reference to A) a dead white slaveowner and/or B) a filthy corruption-filled swamp.
Did the owners (and how offensive is that term?!) give any consideration to the fact that the rest of the world says that "football" means "soccer?" Isn't it time for us to adopt the global standard and call our sport something else entirely? And can we really tolerate the word "team," which is a blatant homophone for "teem" - as in "the wretched refuse of your teeming shore"? Why is anyone still calling immigrants "wretched refuse"?! Seriously, the whole name needs a complete do-over. And while they're at it, ditch the religiously offensive "pigskin."
And speaking of pigs (we are masters of the deft segue), how about the "Wall of Moms" who linked arms in Portland to guard their precious little protest-fascists against the big bad police? These "Moms" claim unwavering and unthinking allegiance to Black leaders, none of whom seem to turn up in pictures of the event.
"If [Black leaders] want one wall of moms, they get one!" said one of the petulant, blindingly-white middle-aged women. "If they want two, they get two! If they tell us to jump, we jump. And if they tell us to leave, we leave." Which we'll bet happens a lot.
And rounding out (rather fetchingly) today's trio of stories, Donald Trump has finally been seen wearing a Covid-19 suppressing face mask. He has additionally tweeted that "in our effort to defeat the Invisible China Virus...it is patriotic to wear a face mask." That's not quite declaring that he backs the science, but hopefully people who have been reluctant to wear masks in public will now do so in order to keep Donald Trump from thinking that they're anti-American assholes.
BONUS: DON'T JUDGE A BOOK BY IT'S COVER, DAMMIT!
IN MEMORIAM: OL' REMUS & THE WOODPILE REPORT
We're sad to report that Ol' Remus, the host of the popular conservative blog "The Woodpile Report" has passed away. The blog was a reliable source of wit, information, and analysis. It will be missed.
Posted by Stilton Jarlsberg at 12:01 AM
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It could just as easily have been at the video store:
"I'm sorry, you can't rent Gone With the Wind with a member card. You need a race card, too!"
According to one local on the scene, the "Wall of Moms" was just the Antifa broads who were there the day before, but with a change of wardrobe. Presto chango, instant immunity from criticism!
Loved the cartoon!
Are these women here to day to make prog heads explode? (have always wondered if progs look in on this blog).
The second one hits the spot for me.....Antifa, pop-tarts, basements...
It's all fun, until someone gets their eye put out. I see that coming...and worse... and the Moms won't be able to blame it on the lawnmower.
Antifa broads in mom T-shirts + water cannon = impromptu wet T-shirt contest.
I'm just sayin'. :D
(incidentally, Stilton, your link buttons at the bottom of the post for Fecesbook, etc. have vanished again...)
Are these the new office assistants? I can understand that Ms Ross has far more work than she can do. Hopefully we can see even more of these lovely additions to your staff.(Though if they removed any more this might be NSFW.)
As far as a "Wall of Moms" I can think of a few other names for them. Also NSFW.
I think that the former "Redskins" should be renamed the Potomac Swamp Weasels. They could use a likeness of Scheemer or Pelousi on their helmets. Maybe one on each side. That would keep the opposing team retching in their helmets. Not that it matters to me. Professional sports won't appear on my TV. I refuse to support a bunch of spoiled millionaires denigrate our country, especially the ones pandering to the Chinese communists. The rest of my comments are NSFW as well.
Sorry Mam or Sir.
OK, then while we're at it, was anyone aware that over half of the 50 states are named for Indians? Or if you are politically correct, Native Americans. It's all right here; https://www.mentalfloss.com/article/31100/how-all-50-states-got-their-names. And furthermore, About half of the cities in California are named for Catholic saints. And they were named by occupying forces working for the Spanish conquerors. And last but not least, North, South, and Central America were all named after an Italian map maker. Oh, the shame. So, let's get to it folks and start changing the names of everything to something that is politically correct.
It seems so obvious to me....The Washington Foreskins. Nuff said on that.
As a former Colorado Rockies season ticket holder and big, big baseball fan, it truly grieves me to say that I will not watch or listen to a MLB game this season. Apparently ALL members of both teams took the knee during the national anthem at the season opener. They should all take a knee in the nads, three times a day until they agree to play baseball and not proselytize for the BLM thugs that now own them. Criminy.
I hope Busty isn't too jealous, but I really want to go "beachcombing" with the maskless lass in panel three. Just don't expect me to social distance.
Actually some have said they think the Washington team owner my be telling the league to stick it in their ear by using the announced name. I know the team has said they are still working on a new name but the announced name will be what they go by for this year. It would be great if at least one owner stood up to the rabble.
Mask use by the general public is not only unnecessary, they are counterproductive. Why do so many people hate science?
The epidemic, such as it was, is over. Why do so many people hate science and math?
It may be sexist, and I don't want to get cut off, but I join Tricky Ricky in my vote for the "Washington Foreskins." Of course, such a name would surely get some cutting remarks from the knee-draggers for any reason that popped into their heads....but to me, it's just another slice of life.
Mohel jokes in 3...2...1...
"It seems so obvious to me....The Washington Foreskins."
Perhaps. Although one would have to have the appendage that a foreskin is attached to first. And they obviously do not have that, or what hangs below! IMO.
OK, as long as we're throwing out suggestions... Howz about replacing the Indian Head with an image of Dick Durbin. Hence be known as the "Dickheads". A game against the Bears would be the Bears vs the Dicks.
News at Tan: If only the real alphabet network news broadcasts followed this format...
Washington Football Team: I'm having a hard time caring anymore. The NFL has already allowed their brand to be destroyed by this insanity. Even if they have a season this year, I doubt most people will care, especially now that we have a cadre of semi-literate players more interesting in educating us instead of playing the damn game.
Sports was one of the few things in society that all kinds of people regardless class, race, or personal ideology could enjoy together. When fans watch a game, nobody asks if the guy sitting next to them voted for Hillary or Trump. They're just fans enjoying the game together. Now they're working overtime to destroy that. When these wealthy social justice warriors finally kill their golden goose, what will they do? The market for second acts like Kaepernick isn't as big as these guys think, especially in the wake of destroying the sport that makes them marketable in the first place.
Wall of Morons: I've found myself in the minority in conservative circles on this, but I think that Trump should withdraw from Portland. By repeatedly re-electing the morons who gleefully engendered anarchy, the denizens of Portland have made it quite clear that they are fully on board with their city being overtaken by Progressive insanity. Let Portland, like Seattle, become smoking hole examples of what the Progressives have in mind for the rest of us. And then vote accordingly.
Oh, and might as well add New York City to the list.
And remember, this is exactly how Germany got the real Hitler; anarchy, malfeasance, debauchery at unimaginable levels until the masses said "Enough!" and gleefully elected somebody to clean up the mess with a willingness not to care exactly how he did it.
Masks: I hate them as much as anybody, but it's the reality for the time being.
"The Washington Football Team," how original. Washington Carpetbaggers would have been a better name.
Potomac Swamp Weasels (my fave so far)
Washington Foreskins (a moniker that has been bandied about for years)
Washington Carpetbaggers (second fave)
... any others?
Since their stadium is in Maryland and their training facilities are in Virginia, maybe the "Beltway Commuters" is appropriate ...
best librarian pun I've seen all day
Re: The Washington Football Team. If they would opt for 'Foreskins', imagine what the logo on the helmet would look like? Dad would have to sit little Billy down to explain that one.
Also, the NBA, MLB and NFL are in the perfect space for them to spew their social justice nonsense. No fans in the stands as of now. Owners/teams/leagues/players can do as they please with significantly less repercussions. Cardboard cutouts can't throw batteries and soda!
@George: Cardboard cutouts can't walk out, either.
Fortunately it wasn't Clan McGregor!
The Washington #$$#$$#$#$ will never see a dime from me. Nor will the NFA in general, As for the NBA. They can hope China supports them. I sure as hell won't.
For some good news; I read that Ol' Remus' family will make the archive available.
That was supposed to say NFL. Freudian slip?
The rest of the world calls soccer "Football"?
Until now, I thought it was called "Frootball".
re: referring to the rioters.
I always say something is funny until someone (a rioter) gets hurt.
Then it's hilarious.
Especially when they set themselves on fire.
Speaking of Trader Joe's, from a job board.
July 23rd 2020
Monrovia, CA, USA
Diversity and Inclusion Manager
Location: #0 - 800 South Shamrock Ave., Monrovia, California 91016
Job Type: Office
Career Level: Mid-Level
Pay Range: Based on experience and qualifications
Education: Bachelor's Degree
Who are we?
Trader Joe's is your favorite neighborhood grocery store! With over 500 stores nationwide (and growing), we are the place to be. Looking for something delicious and a friendly conversation? At Trader Joe's, you can find both. We love being your first and favorite place to shop.
What are we looking for?
We are looking for an experienced Diversity and Inclusion Manager who has experience implementing change in a large, decentralized organization. If you have experience in change management, HR, diversity and inclusion, and love food and people this may be the role of a lifetime for you!
The qualified Diversity and Inclusion Manager has at least 5 -10 years of work experience with an emphasis on inclusion and diversity. A Bachelor's Degree in Human Resources or a related area is strongly preferred. This role is based in our office in Monrovia, CA.
The Diversity and Inclusion Manager is responsible for:
Advising and partaking in identifying diversity and inclusion issues.
Creating programs and training to address inclusion issues.
Running training on how to hire, manage, evaluate, and mentor diverse crew members.
Supporting and guiding the recruitment team to help create a brand that appeals to diverse applicants and removes bias in the hiring process.
Developing training programs to boost crew members' communication abilities and skills needed to succeed in a diverse workplace.
Reviewing policies and procedures for inclusivity.
Measuring and forecasting diversity metrics.
Working collaboratively with other departments.
The Diversity and Inclusion Manager is:
Fluent in the cultural and psychological issues around diversity.
Adept in implementing change in a large organization.
Knowledgeable in labor and human rights legislation including equal opportunity and anti-discrimination.
A strong communicator and team player.
We get a lot of resumes; so to help us get to know you better, please submit your resume and cover letter. When creating your cover letter, please answer these questions:
What is your interest in working for Trader Joe's?
What makes you uniquely qualified for this position?
What is my interest in working for Trader Joe's? Making a $#!tload of money doing nothing to help Trader Joe's make the money they'll pay me.
What makes me uniquely qualified for this position? I can sling the bull$#!t and catchphrases with the best of 'em.
Do I get the job?
I went into a Trader Joe's once. I didn't see a single thing worth paying my hard-earned money for.
OK, @MMM: About the mohel who circumcised elephants. "The pay wasn't much, but the tips were big." ...I'll just see myself out. Thank you very much. Ringgo1 has left the building.
Oh, I almost forgot. Regarding the new name for the Washington Redskins: Either keep the name the same and substitute a redskin potato for the logo, or rename them the "Washington Homeless Crackheads", as it reflects the characteristics of the citizens. Eh, "Mas vale tarde de nunca!" Are we all have this clear? Carry on.
@Readers- Well, I'm running behind again. Reading and enjoying all the comments, but I only have time to comment on a few...
@Fred Ciampi- Good points. I think everything is offensive to someone these days, so this renaming thing is going to get old and complicated pretty darn fast.
@McChuck- We're going to have to agree to disagree. The science I follow (yes, science) is quite clear about the positive effects of mask wearing - not so much in keeping viral particles out, as keeping them IN when someone is infectious. Meanwhile, the epidemic (pandemic, actually) is a long way from over. We can both cite articles endlessly...I'll just say that I believe the medical information that I've been following for months now, which has been accurate about everything.
@John the Econ- I'll admit that the "News at Tan" format comes out when I'm stuck for how to make the day's news palatable. It's more or less what Mary Poppins preached with "a spoonful of sugar." Regarding sports, I never did really follow them - but now I actively loathe them. Seeing Fauci throw a wildly errant pitch from a "Black Lives Matter" mound in front of a deserted stadium was a perfect (and perfectly sad) representation of where we are today.
@DougM- Dewey have any others in contention?
@Anonymous- Oh, the humanity...
@NSF- I'm glad that Ol' Remus' stuff will still be out there. Historians will need it someday.
@Fish Out of Water & JustaJeepGuy- Don't know if you saw, but Trader Joe's is in trouble for using cultural variations of their name on their own products. Ha!
@ringgo1- Excellent elephant circumcision joke!
For the usually opening COVID update; I think ABC's David Muir or his stand-ins read the exact same script for the evening news every night; they just update the COVID numbers. Someone should explain that a cumulative number is always going to be a new record. A least we know he can count; he reminds me of the "Count" on Sesame Street but with a much more panicked presentation. SS's "Count" is cool.
I start that broadcast or a regular basis to see if perhaps a comet is about to hit Earth, but rarely make it to the end.
The running "Cumulative COVID Case Count" report is a stark example of H. Thomas Johnson's "darker side of metrics—the principle that "Whatever you measure, that is what you will get, and get more of."
It would be more instructive if they reported "Current Hospitalizations for COVID," and subtracted death and discharge counts day by day. This would give us a more realistic view of the impact of the virus, but is not as useful for spinning the narrative in either direction...
GOOD NEWS !!! It appears tomorrow 27 JULY is national SCOTCH DAY !!! Pretty sure Klan MacgreyGore is loosely defined as Scotch ..... So rejoice and celebrate your butt off !!!
@Stilt, here's some news about Trader Jose, uh, I mean Trader Joe's:
I don't know how to make it a link here...
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