Tomorrow (Tues 11/26) is the big day that I go to the hospital to have them rip my leg open, snap my hip out of its socket, chainsaw the bone, ream a new socket into my pelvis, then use a shiny hammer to pound a big titanium spike into the exposed marrow of my recently decapitated bone, wedge everything into place, and then say "Wait - we were supposed to do his left hip?!"
At the ripe old age of 72, this will be my first surgical experience though, sadly, not my first hospital experience. If you know, you know - but I'm still getting weekly PTSD treatments because of what my late wife, Kathy, went through. But I'm also sick of hobbling around like an old man and, even worse, starting to think of myself as an old man. So this will hopefully be a good thing and an opportunity to get more material for Johnny Optimism.
And what better time to be incapacitated than on the cusp of World War III? Seriously, could Biden's puppet masters be trying any harder to get Putin to lob a hypersonic nuke in our direction? As I've speculated before, the only logic I can see for it is to provoke a declaration of martial law under which there won't be a transfer of power to Trump. Sure, it sounds far-fetched - but not as far-fetched as the swampy power-mongers saying "well, we lost the election fair and square so we won't do anything about it."
Not that everything will magically be better under Trump (though I'm hopeful that big, positive changes are coming). Most recently, I'm pained to see Trumps nomination of Dr. Janette Nesheiwat to be Surgeon General. Dr. Nesheiwat believes the Covid (not quite) vaccine was "a gift from God." This is squarely at odds with my personal desire to see everyone involved with the virus and the "vaccine" lined up against a wall and getting a mandatory shot, if you take my drift. No boosters will be required.
But in positive medical news, Planned Parenthood is reporting a 1200% spike in vasectomy appointments, no doubt because Leftist ladies deprived of casual abortions have told the (ahem) "men" in their lives "No Snip, No Snatch." Which would actually make a darn good bumper sticker. I wonder if Planned Parenthood is buying? And should Planned Parenthood release a Christmas song called "Sliver Balls?" I tell you, there's money to be had here.
As I fully expect to be on heavy narcotics for the rest of the week, let me take this opportunity to wish everyone a wonderful Thanksgiving. I am genuinely thankful for each and every one of you. Your friendship and kindness mean more to me than you can know.
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| A little heavy on the stuffing there, big fellow. |
13 comments:
Good luck with the surgery!
@Stilt, at least the medical field has many years of experience with hip replacement surgery. Just imagine if you were the first hip replacement guinea pig!
As for the rise in vasectomy procedure appointments at the baby murder place, I have to wonder who those guys were poking before and who they expect to poke now, and why didn't they get snipped before? Something doesn't match up here.
Best wishes for a smooth and speedy recovery.
Hey I just had surgeons saw open my ribcage, stop my heart from beating for several hours, cut my heart open, and sew on an artificial heart valve. I was released from the hospital four days later. Modern medicine is amazing.
After my wife's hip replacement her Crossfit times got better and she started doing triathlons and multi day adventure races - I left out the part where she was half your age when she got it though! Happy healing!
Wishing you a quick recovery. Physical therapy is your friend, even though it will not seem like it for the first couple of weeks. So is tramadol. I had both shoulders replaced also, (one at a time) and it was an....interesting...experience. Have someone around the first couple of weeks. I speak from an old farts experience.
Best of luck, Stilt
Don't forget to gather some new punch lines for Johnny
Hippie!
All the best for a speedy recovery, Stilt. Randy S is right. Physical therapy is tough at first, but you’re in it for the long run (no pun intended) and it will all be worth it.
Magic Marker can be great accident preventive: Correct hip / Wrong hip. Or maybe: This hip / Not this hip. Right hip / Wrong hip may not work so well.
This joke is from a true story of one who did not trust them very much; your team should be better,.. but that WAS in Texas and it worked for him. Good Luck. [grinning]
Medicare???
You better remind the doctors that you're entitled to anesthesia (before the surgery) and free birth control pills (after the surgery)
Get some stool softener now so it's ready after the first couple of doses of pain meds. Don't wait until it's needed.
I did a hip a couple of years back and except for the foam wedge you get strapped betwwen your legs post op the whole thing wasn't bad.
My wife just had that same surgery. No pain medication after the surgery, just icing it. And walking better within a week.
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