My hip replacement surgery on Tuesday went fine and was relatively pain free until the spinal block wore off when I returned home (the same day!). Using this method, hospitals cleverly avoid scaring off potential patients who get nervous when hearing screams of agony.
Okay, "agony" is overstating the case, but "hurts like a sumbitch" hits it right on the nose. Of course, the hospital sent me home with lovely parting gifts, including a variety of narcotics. And they all sent me home with one really awful piece of advice; post-surgery I asked the discharge nurse if I needed to be on a liquid diet afterwards, and she assured me that I could eat whatever I wanted. And, like a moron, I did.
Interesting factoid: significant anesthesia tells your bowels to stop working, and follow-up narcotics remind them not to come back online. Which means after several days, you've got a rock hard loaf of pumpernickel where you really, really don't want it. But no problem - if you can't get things moving yourself, you can go to an emergency room (which I haven't!) where they can open things up with fire hoses and barbecue tongs and perhaps a ferret who has lost all self-respect.
So I'm definitely behind schedule but at least have modified my diet, hydrating, and doing other things to lighten my load, as it were. Plus, my physical therapist today gave me the ultimate solution: one half cup of prune juice, one half cup of sprite, microwave for 45 seconds, then squat atop a Harris/Walz campaign sign. Okay, I threw in that last part, but I'm definitely trying that cocktail as soon as my prune juice gets delivered. Although in keeping with the season, I suppose I should also add some pumpkin spice.
But wait! While impressive, that wasn't my biggest moron move! In reviewing my pain status a few hours ago (I scored a 7 while the goal is 5 or less) the therapist discovered that the list of my pain medications was not moron-proof. I had never taken any of my primary anti-inflammatory medication, which is why my stupid leg feels like it's filled with cobra venom. Oh, I was taking the narcotics to reduce pain and bathroom motility, but the main pain killer? Naaaah!
But assuming I haven't done anything else stupid (which I don't assume) the next few days should be better than those I've experienced to date. I'm able to get around with a walker, albeit not quickly, and spend a little time at the computer even though it's not an optimal position for me to be in. And daughter Jarlsberg is taking excellent care of me, including giving me looks of consternation for screwing up my meds.
On the plus side, I'm getting a handicapped placard but for some reason they want me to keep it as close to my brain as possible.
CORRUPTION WITH ALL THE FIXIN'S
And this just in: Joe Biden has given his son, Hunter, a blanket pardon for any and all crimes he's committed in the past ten years. Including, we well know, being "The Big Guy's" drug-addicted, sex trafficking, international front man and pimp when collecting bribes for Joe to sell out our country's interests.
Sickening? Yes. Surprising? Not in the least.
Trump's inauguration can't come soon enough.
9 comments:
May all your ferrets be self respecting this holiday season, Stilt!
There's no more exciting time for mixing up meds than when you've been sent home with a mess of pain and discomfort galore.
Try a shot of olive oil in the morning. Works for me
I have felt your pain Stilt! In fact, exactly as you described "everything". I cannot take NSAIDs so narc was the only choice! Giving birth to a ROCK is incredibly difficult! In 2018 I had BOTH hips completely replaced. First the right then 6 weeks later the left. My orthopaedic surgeon had me in physical therapy the NEXT day after surgery for the right hip. I was back to work in two weeks. Four weeks it was great! Left side not so good. I could not get scheduled into PT for a month so I did it my self the way the therapist did it. The left does not have the full range of "lift" as the right has. PT is extremely important! The sooner you do it the better! Six years later, I have no pain but cannot lift my left leg higher than 12". That is from lack of proper PT.
Good Luck!
Mixing up your own meds is forgivable,BUT.When my wife had work on a torn bowel all went well and she went to recovery.For four days she asked the nurse about the pain level and was told there shouldn't be any.Fitted with a device to regularly inject painkiller was not having any effect which she told the nurse.On the fifth day he trainee nurse turned on the pain killer.Things improved.
A couple of episodes of the View should get the old colon express lane working in short order.
I've been on both sides of the knife for Orthopedic surgery and can assure you that you are not alone with this dilemma. When treating constipation it's easy to get carried away so this is a useful phrase: "Be careful what you wish for!"
See you still have your usual funny as hell,and sharp sense of humor, both personal and political. Surprised you were not advised do take a stool softener along with the pain meds you've been given.
As to Joe le Petomane, is there any outrage he is not capable of? Is this how far we have gone down the slippery slope? Is this what this country has become?
If there ever is an Exhibit A, that there is justice for you and I, and justice for The Swamp creatures, this is it. While with little more than a month to go before he is shown the door, Joe le Petone should be impeached by the House and convicted in the Senate over this. This is another reason why we have President Trump again and why The Swamp needs a thorough draining
One might argue this last (hopefully) act of outrage is Joe Le Petomane's final middle finger salute to those in the democratic party, who forced him to drop his bid for another four years to wreak havoc and disaster both domestically and internationally.
I've said this elsewhere that the historical judgment on Joe Le Petomane's "presidency" will be harsh. After reading news of the pardon for his convicted felon son, I will amend this statement. Not only will the historical judgment on Joe le Petomane's time in office be harsh, it will be withering and harsh. At least James Buchanan will finally have some company.
I haven’t had orthopedic surgery yet but I have experienced a robot-assisted, laparoscopic, radical prostatectomy. Into the hospital Thursday morning, out Friday afternoon. Back in the hospital Monday afternoon for urgent surgery to repair the internal sutures that had pulled apart. That led to a week-long stay in the same hospital where being “backed up” was avoided by food that was so utterly un-eatable that, had it been fed to prisoners of war, would have violated some part of the Geneva Convention.
The days of “First, do no harm” are gone. Now it’s “Cure a patient, lose a customer”. I swear the four other surgeries I had to compensate for the “side effects” of the first were the result of deliberate malpractice. Try proving that in court. Lawyers wouldn’t touch it. But, hey, the cancer is gone so it’s all KOSHER, right?
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