My hip replacement surgery on Tuesday went fine and was relatively pain free until the spinal block wore off when I returned home (the same day!). Using this method, hospitals cleverly avoid scaring off potential patients who get nervous when hearing screams of agony.
Okay, "agony" is overstating the case, but "hurts like a sumbitch" hits it right on the nose. Of course, the hospital sent me home with lovely parting gifts, including a variety of narcotics. And they also sent me home with one really awful piece of advice; post-surgery I asked the discharge nurse if I needed to be on a liquid diet afterwards, and she assured me that I could eat whatever I wanted. And, like a moron, I did.
Interesting factoid: significant anesthesia tells your bowels to stop working, and follow-up narcotics remind them not to come back online. Which means after several days, you've got a rock hard loaf of pumpernickel where you really, really don't want it. But no problem - if you can't get things moving yourself, you can go to an emergency room (which I haven't!) where they can open things up with fire hoses and barbecue tongs and perhaps a ferret who has lost all self-respect.
So I'm definitely behind schedule but at least have modified my diet, hydrating, and doing other things to lighten my load, as it were. Plus, my physical therapist today gave me the ultimate solution: one half cup of prune juice, one half cup of sprite, microwave for 45 seconds, then squat atop a Harris/Walz campaign sign. Okay, I threw in that last part, but I'm definitely trying that cocktail as soon as my prune juice gets delivered. Although in keeping with the season, I suppose I should also add some pumpkin spice.
But wait! While impressive, that wasn't my biggest moron move! In reviewing my pain status a few hours ago (I scored a 7 while the goal is 5 or less) the therapist discovered that the list of my pain medications was not moron-proof. I had never taken any of my primary anti-inflammatory medication, which is why my stupid leg feels like it's filled with cobra venom. Oh, I was taking the narcotics to reduce pain and bathroom motility, but the main pain killer? Naaaah!
But assuming I haven't done anything else stupid (which I don't assume) the next few days should be better than those I've experienced to date. I'm able to get around with a walker, albeit not quickly, and spend a little time at the computer even though it's not an optimal position for me to be in. And daughter Jarlsberg is taking excellent care of me, including giving me looks of consternation for screwing up my meds.
On the plus side, I'm getting a handicapped placard but for some reason they want me to keep it as close to my brain as possible.
CORRUPTION WITH ALL THE FIXIN'S
And this just in: Joe Biden has given his son, Hunter, a blanket pardon for any and all crimes he's committed in the past ten years. Including, we well know, being "The Big Guy's" drug-addicted, sex trafficking, international front man and pimp when collecting bribes for Joe to sell out our country's interests.
Sickening? Yes. Surprising? Not in the least.
Trump's inauguration can't come soon enough.
43 comments:
May all your ferrets be self respecting this holiday season, Stilt!
There's no more exciting time for mixing up meds than when you've been sent home with a mess of pain and discomfort galore.
Try a shot of olive oil in the morning. Works for me
I have felt your pain Stilt! In fact, exactly as you described "everything". I cannot take NSAIDs so narc was the only choice! Giving birth to a ROCK is incredibly difficult! In 2018 I had BOTH hips completely replaced. First the right then 6 weeks later the left. My orthopaedic surgeon had me in physical therapy the NEXT day after surgery for the right hip. I was back to work in two weeks. Four weeks it was great! Left side not so good. I could not get scheduled into PT for a month so I did it my self the way the therapist did it. The left does not have the full range of "lift" as the right has. PT is extremely important! The sooner you do it the better! Six years later, I have no pain but cannot lift my left leg higher than 12". That is from lack of proper PT.
Good Luck!
Mixing up your own meds is forgivable,BUT.When my wife had work on a torn bowel all went well and she went to recovery.For four days she asked the nurse about the pain level and was told there shouldn't be any.Fitted with a device to regularly inject painkiller was not having any effect which she told the nurse.On the fifth day he trainee nurse turned on the pain killer.Things improved.
A couple of episodes of the View should get the old colon express lane working in short order.
I've been on both sides of the knife for Orthopedic surgery and can assure you that you are not alone with this dilemma. When treating constipation it's easy to get carried away so this is a useful phrase: "Be careful what you wish for!"
See you still have your usual funny as hell,and sharp sense of humor, both personal and political. Surprised you were not advised do take a stool softener along with the pain meds you've been given.
As to Joe le Petomane, is there any outrage he is not capable of? Is this how far we have gone down the slippery slope? Is this what this country has become?
If there ever is an Exhibit A, that there is justice for you and I, and justice for The Swamp creatures, this is it. While with little more than a month to go before he is shown the door, Joe le Petone should be impeached by the House and convicted in the Senate over this. This is another reason why we have President Trump again and why The Swamp needs a thorough draining
One might argue this last (hopefully) act of outrage is Joe Le Petomane's final middle finger salute to those in the democratic party, who forced him to drop his bid for another four years to wreak havoc and disaster both domestically and internationally.
I've said this elsewhere that the historical judgment on Joe Le Petomane's "presidency" will be harsh. After reading news of the pardon for his convicted felon son, I will amend this statement. Not only will the historical judgment on Joe le Petomane's time in office be harsh, it will be withering and harsh. At least James Buchanan will finally have some company.
I haven’t had orthopedic surgery yet but I have experienced a robot-assisted, laparoscopic, radical prostatectomy. Into the hospital Thursday morning, out Friday afternoon. Back in the hospital Monday afternoon for urgent surgery to repair the internal sutures that had pulled apart. That led to a week-long stay in the same hospital where being “backed up” was avoided by food that was so utterly un-eatable that, had it been fed to prisoners of war, would have violated some part of the Geneva Convention.
The days of “First, do no harm” are gone. Now it’s “Cure a patient, lose a customer”. I swear the four other surgeries I had to compensate for the “side effects” of the first were the result of deliberate malpractice. Try proving that in court. Lawyers wouldn’t touch it. But, hey, the cancer is gone so it’s all KOSHER, right?
Fish, regarding Slow Joe's judgment by history, there is nothing I would love more than to be able to agree with you 100%. However, I am constantly reminded that history is written by winners, and with a fawning press corps / media standing by to perform their sworn democrat duty, I predict a raft of Biden hagiography heading our way.
@edinupstateny: No doubt we'll see such waste of paper and ink at some point, but wouldn't such be classified as fiction?
Stilt,
Appreciate your comments, as always. Love the humor, sarcasm, wit, and wisdom.
Many prayers bud.
NWPa Ray
Stilt, you are a jewel . . . no one else can make me laugh out loud like you can. My sincere wishes for your peace and health.
Be there, done that. In a month you will be so much better and forget all the pain you went through.
BTW, I'm surprised they didn't make you spend time in rehab. I spent a couple of weeks there.
Or it could cause everything to come back up from where it came in from!!!!
Stilt, don't feel bad about messing up the meds. When I had my knee replaced I had to cross-ref two different sets of instructions so I could figure out what pills to take and when! One had how many I need to take. The other had the "when". Half the meds had TWO names on the bottles. You guessed it, each set of instructions did not consistently name the meds!
Such fun to do this right after surgery. There are computers that could give a patient a nice, easy to follow list. Like Theodoric of York (Steve Martin as the medieval "doctor") would say, "NAH!"
Prayers for a quick recovery, buddy.
Hunter: I'll take "Things we all knew would happen before January 20th" for $500, Alex!
I'm looking forward for all of the video compilations of Biden, his spokeholes, and sycophants denying that this was going to happen. And then keeping them on file for the next time any of these frauds wish to challenge us with the "truth". They should all by scurrying away forever, and yet they won't.
Stilton, I enjoyed reading your latest post and you gave me some ideas on how to handle my upcoming "hippopotamus" surgery.
I say this even though I haven't seen my doctor yet but the hip pain tells me that.
That happens on 12/5 and I'm certain he will determine that's what I'll need. I've had chats with friends who have gone through this and I haven't talked with anyone who said they don't feel much better. I'm happy to hear you're doing well and I look forward to the same outcome. Now go ahead and enjoy a Merry Christmas and a Happy & Healthy New Year.
Best wishes for a speedy recovery Stilt. I know a bit about what you are going through although for different reasons. Years of rough stock rodeo competition followed by decades of breaking my own horses left me with three missing cervical disks and four of the vertebrae fused and back surgery. As others have commented, PT is a great recovery tool. And pain meds will definitely plug up rear plumbing. A stool softener and lots of water seem to help that issue.
As for the Dementia-Jo fiasco pardoning his spawn, we all knew THAT would happen. I still would not be surprised in the least if he resigned and let Kamel-ho take the reins for the remainder of his term. Nor would it surprise me if that were to happen if the left decided that Trump in fact had been duly elected in 2020 and then pull the 22nd amendment on him.
Yep, prune juice is a magic elixir. The wife had 2 surgeries in 2 days a few months ago and was quite plugged up. Miralax and Rxs had no effect but the prune juice did the trick - and surprisingly quickly.. If it only worked on the blood clots. Eliquis is working on that. I hope you don't have to suffer/worry with those.
I'm so happy you did well. I know that pain intimately and it is excruciating. I can't believe they sent you home the same day. I had to stay two nights. Pay close attention to the incision. I had one place, right in the bend of your leg, which would not heal and required two months of daily wound care. I hope you are spared that. Once you are all healed and the pain subsides, you will be so happy to have it behind you.
I'm ahead of you by about 3 weeks on the hip-replacement-recovery path. Two things helped me out with the 'giving birth to a rock' thing.
1. A daily dose of a stool softener (Colace or Ducolax).
2. An as-needed shot of Milk of Magnesia (in place of the prune juice cocktail).
Hang in there. It does get better - albeit slowly and unevenly.
P.S. - if the stool softener and Milk of Magnesia don't work, maybe you can get Slow Joe to pardon your bowels...
And if THOSE don't work, there's always Milk of Amnesia (old SCTV reference).
I've been expecting the Demo_Rats to pull the 22nd Amendment scam for 8 months now. There's still time! They might hold out until Jan. 19th...
If all else fails, try about a quarter bottle of the stuff they give you before a colonoscopy.
As a side effect, it induces time travel...you'll be able to tell what you're going to have for supper three days from now because it'll be coming out today.
best to stay 'low residue' for awhile too, Jello and Puddings are a good start, just watch out for bill cosby, as well as clear liquids like soup or pop (soda for y'all), milk/cheese reacts differently for differentr people, if you're lactose intolerant go for it ;) same for coffee, next colonoscopy I'm skipping the purgative and having two extra large double-doubles, some sugar-free candy goes off like a bomb for me, particularly Russel Stover's...I could only eat that if I was already in the bathroom.
White bread
Pasta
White Rice
Potatoes (remove skin)
Canned veggies with no peel or seeds
Canned fruit with no peel or skin
Chicken breasts
Sliced turkey
Fish
Eggs
Ice cream
Congrats on surviving the surgery, Stilt! If the other blockage remedies don’t work, you can go nuclear and chug some castor oil! This is not advice from a medical professional, but I’ve seen things happen..
My brides grandmother had a pacemaker installed at age 90. Grandma asked the nurse for some coffee the following day and at the same time complained of constipation. The nurse said the hospital had a sure cure for post surgery constipation called “The Bomb Coctail”.
Awhile later the nurse brought grandma what see thought to be coffee. Instead, it was the warm Bomb Cocktail. Grandma took a big swig of the “cocktail” thinking it was the coffee and blurted out “ that’s the worst tasting coffee I’ve ever had.
Grandma was married to a cowboy rancher and had tasted cowboy coffee for years upon years. She said she NEVER had a drink of anything worst tasting than the “Bomb”.
Bobo
I have a choice to make. I think after reading your account of the surgery, I will opt for driving an hour to the city every day for two months for the radiation regimen.
Glad to hear you are home and recovering nicely. There have been plenty of recommendation above to address the opioid obstructionism, so I won't add my 2 cents worth....
As for the Biden crime family, this is only the first of many blanket pardons to be issued. There are plenty of crooks to be considered.
I thought the Democrats loved to say no one was above the law
Oh my God, that is funny but not, thank goodness for the trainee who wasn't jaded by being an overworked nurse! I had a hernia repair done early this year and couldn't figure out why I was in so much pain, the first one I had done was pretty mild. It finally occurred to me after three days I hadn't asked for any pain meds. And when I did, they tried to give me something I really should not take, bad reactions will ensue. Just gave up and pushed for early release so I could go home and take some Ibuprofen and sleep in a comfortable bed.
Yes, but did it work?
Glad to hear you are back and feeling somewhat better. Be kind to your lovely daughter, she may decide to slip you a "bomb cocktail" otherwise, lol! And let us know if the prune drink works, just in case, you know, in case my left hip decides it's had enough of the stairs at my son's house and decides to go.
It's getting kind of serious around here. The castor oil reminded me of an old cowboy years ago. He called the vet and asked about what to do for a sick calf. The vet recommended giving it a quart of castor oil and he'd call back the next morning to see how things were going. Next morning rolls around and the vet called the cowboy and asked how his sick calf was doing. Cowboy exclaimed, "CALF? I said CAT!"
Vet asks, "So what about your cat. How did it take the castor oil?"
Cowboy replies, "Hell if I know! Last time I saw it, it was running over the hill with nine other cats! Three were digging, three were covering, and three were scouting new territory!"
Thanks folks, and don't forget to tip your server.
Wait for it...if he doesn't do it himself after this, then he'll abdicate at 11AM on the 20th and have roundheels sworn in by the same people waiting to swear in Trump so she can be the first 'sort of black, maybe', female President for less than an hour, and her only official 'duty' will be to sign the pre-written pardons for bye-then, pelosi, shiff, fauci, cheney, schumer, herself and all the rest of the culpable dems, relieving them of all accountability for any crimes past or future.
Imagine the pure joy when the dam bursts, to coin a phrase. I'm sure the many and various pieces of advice will all help. Seriously though, any problems with the tradesman's entrance are always a bummer.
Meanwhile I'm looking forwards to Peter Doocy take KJP though all the "Let me be clear, the answer is no" episodes.
The 'joy' though is tempered by sharp pain as all things 'pass'
I had the surgery over a dozen years ago, no significant side effects at all, but it was very aggressive and had spread a little farther than thought so a tiny bit was missed and a couple of years later it re-appeared so off to radiation...that was a nightmare and although the cancer hasn't re-appeared yet, nothing worked properly afterward. Radiation does a good job but it kills everything it touches...at least I'll never have to worry about Stilt's problem with things backed up.
You might want to forego the odd shot of MacGregor's for one of vodka and prune juice...the piledriver...wait though, you shouldn't be straining or sitting on a hard toilet seat for too long until everything heals. ;)
Dr. Jarlsberg, here's hoping for a quick path to being pain (and boulder in the butt) free. I'd suggest, to help the pain, listening to Tower of Power's "What is Hip."
Regarding the totally shocking, unexpected pardon of Crack Boy, I see a lot of libtards gloating on X about how butt hurt us MAGAs are. Au contraire, dumbasses! I'm pretty happy Joe did that for two reasons. It showed the entire world what a class A, pick of the litter, championship winning, compulsive liar he is, AND now the libs can't really say much when Trump start pardoning Jan 6ers (not that this will stop them from trying).
Yesterday I saw about 20 clips in a row of people (all Demo_Rats) swearing "Nobody is above the law!" Haven't heard any of the same people saying anything yet...
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