The First 100 Daze

Tonight Joe Biden will finally make a speech to Congress and the American people, talking about the many accomplishments of his first 100 days in office. These would include the bold, groundbreaking strides he's made in continuing Donald Trump's national vaccination campaign, presiding over a significant upswing in mass shootings and racial discord, and a complete dismantling of our nation's border security.

Joe has additionally popularized the use of the word "trillion" in casual conversation, as in "Hey, you know what else could use a trillion dollars? Some kind of family bill thingamajig!" And we're sure he'll take time to explain that every one of his trillion-dollar boondoggles will be fully funded by increasing taxes on the evil rich (those vile bastards). Granted, most financial experts agree that dramatically raising capital gains taxes to the level Biden wants will significantly decrease the amount of money coming into federal coffers, but it will at least cause tremendous pain to anyone who dared to invest in America - and isn't that what counts most?

Of course, we won't be watching Joe's speech - it's not good for our blood pressure to get that angry for so long and for so many reasons. Besides, based on his first 100 days, we feel pretty confident about our ability to accurately predict exactly what he's going to say: all we have to do is assume the worst possible logic being used to justify the policies most hateful and destructive to our nation. Peppered, of course, with a lot of long pauses, sentence fragments, imaginary words, and good old-fashioned malarkey.

On The Tip Of My Tongs

Well, here we go again. There were a lot of chores to handle over the weekend and the news is still stupid and depressing. So here's some pointless foolishness!

Knife Knowing You

"And while I'm here, let me sign you up to vote!"

A recent string of police-related shootings reminds us all too forcefully that not only do Black Lives Matter, but also Black Hobbies Matter - apparently including things like committing assault with a deadly weapon. 

According to detailed reports from Pulitzer prize-winning journalistic institutions, a white cop in Columbus, Ohio arrived at a home where some black children were engaged in playful banter, and the cop repeatedly shot one unarmed child (a girl with a beautiful soul) for no effing reason whatsoever outside of his being a racist white Nazi asshole who, according to black multi-millionaire basketball player LeBron James, should be thrown to the BLM mobs for retribution.

Oh sure, there are a few racist news sources which would have you believe that the teenaged "child," who sure looked like a full-grown adult in berzerker mode, was attacking other people with a knife and was milliseconds away from plunging it into a trapped victim (another black girl, whose life, oddly, doesn't seem to matter) when the officer opened fire. Video from multiple angles confirms that this is exactly what happened, although for some reason, Leftists seem to place a lot less importance on this video than the video of George Floyd.

But the officer who responded to a frantic 911 call for help and potentially saved one or more lives has now been damned by the Left (including Joe Biden) for failing to "just break up the fight," "use a taser" (which might not work), or - our personal favorite - "just shoot the knife out of her hand." And then there's BLM activist Bree Newsome, who said "teenagers have been having fights including fights with knives for eons. We do not need police to address these situations by showing up to the scene and using a weapon against one of the teenagers."

Despite the reality of what actually happened (and what appears to be exemplary police work), this sad incident is being used to further ramp up enthusiasm for a race war - which seems to be the wettest of all possible dreams for Joe Biden, Kamala Harris, Maxine Waters, AOC, and all of the other full-time America-loathing folks in politics, media, and the race-hustling business. Or are we being redundant?

At the moment, it would seem like the only satisfactory way to end the "systemic racism" which Biden claims is embedded in the DNA of every cop, no matter their race, is to have police stop responding to calls for help if there's any chance at all that anyone involved or on the scene might be black.

And if people die at the hands of criminals and lunatics (as always happens when police are forced to pull back their efforts), well, it's a small price to pay for the kind of Progressive racial harmony already enjoyed in the backstreets of Chicago.

CAUTION: CHILDREN AT PLAY

BONUS: EARTH DAY  / CALL OF DOOTY (2013)

Special guest appearance by Joe Bite'em