Vine Flies When You're Having Fun

Multiple wars are raging, nuclear sabers are being rattled, Washington is awash in corruption, inflation is out of control, and the "new" Beatles song was a disappointment. But as the old saying goes, "When the going gets tough, the tough go shopping." Or in my case, I go Vine-ing.

As I've mentioned in previous posts, the Amazon Vine program offers a huge array of free items to a select group of people (like me!) in return for our honest online reviews of the products. A lot of them are great products - but not all of them. Some are just bizarre, baffling, or in horrible taste. And since those are the ones I find amusing, those are the ones I'm going to share with you just for fun.

While browsing Vine today, I found too many odd items to cram in here so I've decided to make this a theme week with fresh posts on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday (which I haven't done in quite a while). Should other news be important enough or funny enough, I'll probably throw that in too. But for now, warm up your holiday shopping engines and join me for another edition of "Capitalism Gone Wild!"

Dim Some, Anyone?

Doing its best imitation of Doc Brown from "Back to the Future," our wild-eyed government once again declared that all of our clocks had to accelerate to 88 miles per hour in order to travel backward in time by one hour so that we can experience what it's like for Biff to squeeze us into unconsciousness with a choking headlock.

There is a group of people who claim that the "Fall back" half of the Daylight Saving Time nightmare is the better of the two annual time changes, some of whom actually claim to like this one because they think it gives them an "extra hour of sleep" These are the same people who think they get "extra spending money" every time they move a five-dollar bill from one pocket to another.

Meanwhile, the clock is ticking and - since it's noon when I'm writing this - I only have about five hours of daylight left to try to accomplish anything. It usually takes me that long just to decide what I'd like to try to accomplish. Because once the world turns black outside my windows, I've already dropped that day into a shallow grave, said a few unprintable words as I pat the dirt into a mound, then returned to my house for coffee or liquor or heroin or whatever the hell can sustain me until morning - assuming that morning will ever come again (no sure thing, now that it's in the hands of the bureaucrats).

FROM THE VAULT

Change her mind.

Hollow Weenie

And there was a little something for Ukraine, too

In the interest of journalistic integrity, not that many other news sources find journalistic integrity interesting, I have to admit that this is a file photo of Biden from last Halloween. Because this year even Joe's PR team realizes that he needs to pretend to be more interested in world crises than using candy to lure potential child-sniffing victims.

Not that costumed kids will be missing out on much. Thanks to Bidenomics, nobody can really afford to be handing out candy except in those microscopic cubes oxymoronically called "fun-size" bites. Which may also explain why the White House is encouraging cash-strapped peons to buy "fun-size" houses, cars, and groceries while using only "fun-size" amounts of energy and medical services so as not to deplete their suddenly "fun-size" savings accounts and retirement portfolios.

Here at stately Jarlsberg Manor, I usually like to decorate my yard for Halloween with a bunch of inflatables, lights, sound effects, and a video projector or two. However, we've had rain for days and I haven't been able to set anything up yet. And there's more rain and the first freeze of the season in the forecast for North Texas. So I'm not sure if I'll be able to properly honor the holiday or if I'll be stuck with 300 teeny-tiny fun-size Milky Ways, Snickers, Twix bars, and M&Ms. 

Which my not-so-fun-size waistline definitely doesn't need. In any event, Happy Halloween to all!

FROM THE CRYPT

To help fill out the page, here is one of my very first "Hope n' Change" cartoons from way back in 2009, before I knew what the webcomic would actually be. It seems Halloween-appropriate and I've taken the liberty of colorizing the black & white original because I could use that for an excuse to put off housework a bit longer.

SCROTUS

At least try not to spend so much time scratching them

We are living in sad and dangerous times. And inexplicably bizarre times; how else to explain that in the aftermath of Hamas's attack on Israel that killed and maimed thousands including women, children, and Americans, Joe Biden has just rubberstamped $100 million in aid to the Palestinians who elected Hamas and keep them in power? And this while Hamas is holding American hostages?!

I found news of this to be so unbelievable that I had to look it up myself. And sadly, it's true - but in researching the story, I found myself getting distracted by an interview conducted on Air Force One that reveals that Joe Biden has suddenly grown chin testicles.

Fortunately, he appears to be waxing them, but they're still pretty disturbing to see wobbling back and forth. And it begs the question of what's going on here? A quick Google search of "Biden" and "balls on chin" only brought up an AARP Magazine article in which Jill Biden was reminiscing about fellatio.

Are chin-balls yet another unforeseen side effect of the Covid mRNA non-vaccines? Or is this an entirely new Fauci-funded surprise from the Wuhan Institute of Virology and Bat Ball Science? Then again, maybe it simply evolved on its own in one of China's infamous open-air wet ball markets.

But wherever it came from, it's not a good look - and I can't imagine the N95 "Uncle Joe Jockstraps" we'll soon need to wear on our faces will be much of an improvement.

GENERAL BITCHEN

• I've been a bit more out of touch recently because I've developed some pretty significant hip pain and am having to learn how to cope with it both physically and mentally. Initial x-rays show severe degeneration of my left hip (which, in fairness, is the kind of hip you'd expect to find in a degenerate) which makes walking painful and frequently necessitates the use of a cane. And not a cool cane topped with a silver skull that twists to release the hidden poison-tipped sword within. No, I'm using the Walmart adjustable special and hoping it doesn't suddenly "adjust" mid-step.

To date, the x-rays have only caused my gerontologist (sigh...) to note "that probably hurts a lot" and then give me a referral for a hip specialist to see in late November. I know hip replacements are popular these days, but I have a horror of hospitals and surgery. SOooo it's been worrisome. Hip pain advice will be warmly welcomed in the comments. Although I can't legally get medicinal marijuana in Texas despite having (wait for it!) joint pain.  

• And just to round out this page and give everyone something to look at, here's a picture related to a project I'm kinda sorta maybe working on...

As I've mentioned here before, I have a deep and abiding love and fascination for the bygone world of sideshows (and yes, freakshows). So I'm currently researching long-forgotten sideshow acts which showcased unusual talents and physiognomies. Where that research will take me I'm not sure, but from the mists, "Roderick the Riddle Revealer" has suggested that it will be "no place where you make a profit."

War in Israel

 Don't look away...

This is what's happening in Israel...

Note: this is the actual scene, but I joined it together imperfectly from two vertical video shots.

It started on a Holy Day in Israel. 5,000 incoming missiles, assaults from land, sea, and air, over 600 killed, and over 2,000 wounded. Palestinians have taken Israeli hostages (and non-Israelis who happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time), some of whom have already been raped, killed, and paraded through the streets for the delight of cheering throngs of savages.

I lack the insights and language to describe either the history or the horror that is taking place before our eyes, but it takes no special perspective to recognize pure evil when it presents itself. There is no difficult choice about which side is right and which is wrong.

A very good friend of mine in Israel is in the heart of this nightmare. I fear for his life and the lives of his family and friends. Indeed, for all of the people of Israel. He shared this post from a friend on Facebook and it's important to read...

"Biden gave Iran access to frozen money, most recently $6 billion that had been frozen in South Korean banks. Since the administration came into office, it has been pouring money into Gaza aid projects knowing well that Iran’s client terrorist group, Hamas, is fully in control of the territory and would benefit from the help. In fact, Biden officials put in writing, in recently leaked documents, that they knew Hamas would benefit from the money they were sending. They sent it anyway."
---
"As the day of horror ends in the United States and a new day dawns in Israel, the lasting images of the day need to be assimilated. Yes, this was a shocking terrorist attack on a scale which justifies the 9-11 analogy, but with the added aspect of deliberate, individual cruelty on the part of the Hamas animals against Israeli civilians:

"-- The Israeli children -- aged 5, 6, 7 -- kidnapped into Gaza and tortured on video.

"-- The Israeli women raped, kidnapped, and paraded before jeering mobs in Gaza.

"-- The German tourist murdered at a music festival whose stripped body was paraded before jeering mobs in Gaza (in the mistaken belief that she was Jew).

"-- The elderly woman, clearly senile, dragged away uncomprehendingly by vicious animals.

"-- The teenager grabbed from the same music festival, screaming in terror, as her boyfriend is grabbed by terrorists helpless to assist.

"-- The family with a small girl and boy -- a third, older sister having just been murdered -- filmed as terrorists taunt them while the children weep in horror.

"-- The Hamas drone footage of the deliberate and targeted destruction of an ambulance.

"And on and on.

"The usual clowns will look for openings to condemn Israel for a "lack of proportionality" in its response. NO -- after a horror like this, the response MUST be disproportionate. It must be so severe and decisive that it is understood loudly and clearly that this will never again be tolerated.

"It will be a hard week to come, maybe longer. But one thing will be clear: We will know at the end who our friends are and who are not. And that will also be remembered."

- From a friend who prefers to remain anonymous.

As my friend accurately pointed out, more than "thoughts and prayers" are needed from all of us (although they, too, should be included in your support). Rather, we need to be in touch with our legislative representatives to demand appropriate actions to bring this violence to a halt - and hopefully make it impossible to happen again. In my opinion, any American response that the world doesn't scream is "too much" is not enough.

Here's a good place to begin: Mercury One, which is a totally legit charitable/humanitarian organization, is collecting money for medical supplies - because Israel's stockpile, intended to last for years, was used up in a single day. You can make a donation at this link, and I hope you will. 

F the B.I.

Greetings fellow radicals and anarchists! Did everyone remember to bring their molotov cocktails, surface-to-air missiles, super-duper-automatic machine guns that never run out of ammo, and a healthy snack?

Question: after reading the statement above, how many of you know that I'm joking? All of you?! Wow, that's great - because nobody at the FBI is in on the joke at all.

An article in Newsweek, which I frankly didn't know still existed, is detailing the FBI's new definitions of potential terrorists who absolutely deserve the agency's highest attention (and detention) for espousing the "wrong" socio-political views. Hint: if you ever voted for Donald Trump, you're already a terrorist! Aloha Snackbar!

So what, other than blatant corruption and a craze for power that would make the SS blush, has got the FBI's knickers in such a twist? Let's hear from some of the people supposedly holding the agency's leash:

"Donald Trump and MAGA Republicans are a threat to the very soul of this country," according to Hunter Biden's mentally deteriorating meal ticket.

Homeland Security Advisor Liz Sherwood-Randall proclaims "the use of violence to pursue political ends is a profound threat to our public safety and national security. It is a threat to our national identity, our values, our norms, our rule of law - our democracy." And are MAGA Republicans using such violence? Can we get examples? Hmm? Shut up, terrorist, and don't ask questions.

Supreme Court washout and current lickspittle Attorney General Merrick Garland states "attacks by domestic terrorists are attacks on all of us collectively, aimed at rending the fabric of our democratic society and driving us apart." Again, Garland seems to be skipping the part where we've actually been besieged with attacks by domestic terrorists. Well, other than BLM, Antifa, and Occupy Wallstreet.

Still, all of these entirely fictitious accusations have been justification enough for the FBI to put you and me in their crosshairs officially. And I, for one, am pretty pissed off about it.  We're not only being personally targeted for hatred and government-sanctioned persecution (for instance, Hillary Clinton is suggesting "formal deprogramming" of MAGA sympathizers), we're also being pushed away from being able to participate in real elections (hint: if The State puts your candidate in jail for purely political reasons, you aren't voting in a real election).

I wish I had a good way to wrap this up, but I don't. I just have a metric assload of anger and I'm going to have to spend some time thinking about what to do with it.

Picket Whines

On Tuesday, Joe Biden was flown to Michigan, lifted from a coffin containing soil from his native land, then propped up in a UAW picket line to show his support for hard-working voters who would like to work less hard and for a lot more money.

Specifically, old Joe is supporting the idea that the American auto industry should be shut down unless (ahem) "workers" get a 46% pay increase (specifically to help deal with Biden's inflation) AND have their 40-hour work week cut down to 32 hours over a 4-day work week. Mind you, they'd still get paid for 40 hours because the UAW likes round numbers.

It's interesting to note Joe's enthusiasm for a strike to shut down an important national industry at the same time he's claiming that it's an act of treason for Republicans to go "on strike" and potentially shut down our government rather than approve preposterous and unaffordable spending increases being pushed by Democrats.

Then again, the only consistency Joe really cares about is making sure his ice cream hasn't completely melted by the time he's loaded back aboard Air Force One.

Unfettered

I take no pleasure in making brain damage jokes, at least when it's an actual medical condition and not just a political philosophy. But I also take no pleasure in trying to pretend there's not something significantly wrong with Charles Schumer completely abandoning the Senate dress code just so John Fetterman's keepers will find it easy to change him when he has little "accidents" below the Beltway (so to speak).

I've not heard any speculation (which is weird in itself), but can there be any reason other than absolute necessity that Fetterman wears flopsy fastener-free clothing that only takes toddler-level skills to put on and take off? And if this is indeed the case, isn't the brain-damaged elephant in the room the likelihood that Fetterman is too impaired to serve?

Then again, considering the mental states of our president and vice-president, maybe I'm just setting the bar too high. 

HALF THE MAN HE USED TO BE

Speaking of guys who don't wear traditional pants, this gentleman appears annually at the State Fair of Texas to tell people about the many fun attractions and activities while barely containing his bitterness about all the carnival rides with signs that say "you must be this tall to ride."

Okay, I'm lying about that because, appearances notwithstanding, this is an ordinary man of ordinary height and the usual number of appendages. Unlike bandleader and movie star Johnny Eck, who was the real deal (yes, I'm a fan). What we're seeing here is a classic sideshow illusion of a type that I've always wanted to build for use at Halloween (genuinely), which means if I'm going to do it I should get started soon. 

Then again, if the project runs long I guess I could still sit in my front yard dressed as a half-Santa Claus. It would be worth it just to see the look on children's faces when I'd say "Chimney accident."

9/11 Again

It's mourning in America. At least it is in my heart and home and I'm sure for many others on this September 11th anniversary. Although sadly, it's a virtual certainty that the media will be talking much more today about January 6th than September 11th. 

Who can forget where they were when they heard the news that terrorists in Washington had broken several windows, rattled some fences, waved American flags, and strolled through government buildings taking selfies before walking away peacefully hoping to arrive in time for Early Bird dinner specials in nearby restaurants.

It is an obscenity for anyone to compare the two events, let alone to have media outlets reporting stories suggesting "9/11 Was Nothing Compared To January 6th."  

There is no one here on this site who believes that statement to be true. Which is why, on this always-hard day of remembrance, I'm grateful to be in the company of patriots.

FROM THE VAULT: SEPT 11, 2016

I can't believe the events of 9/11 happened 15 years ago. It feels no longer than a heartbeat. And despite the admonition to "never forget," too many have. They've forgotten the spirit of unity that Americans shared for a brief time. A spirit that transcended race, class, or political parties.

I apologize for even briefly mentioning politics today, but I believe that the beginning of the end of that unity occurred when newly-elected Senator Hillary Clinton took to the floor of the Senate, held up a tabloid newspaper headline, and declared "BUSH KNEW" an attack was likely and didn't stop it.

Years later, as Secretary of State, for purely political reasons Hillary Clinton claimed not to know that September 11th was a day of special meaning to terrorists and a day when security should be at its very highest level. And four Americans serving in Benghazi paid the ultimate price for her recklessness and folly. This detestable woman must not become our next president.

But enough about that. This should be a day of reflection and contemplation. And to that end, I want to remind readers of heroic firefighter David M. Weiss, the brother-in-law of Jim Hlavac, a frequent commenter here on Hope n' Change. (2023 Note: sadly, Jim Hlavac died a few years ago.)

Here's how the New York Times described him:

David Martin Weiss, a New York City firefighter, was built like a fireplug. He stood 5-foot-9 and weighed 225 pounds. He was all muscle, with biceps as big as the thigh of a medium-build woman.

He was bulldozer-strong. He looked as tough as he sounded. His head was shaved and his body was covered in tattoos. He drove Harleys.

He was an ironworker before he became a firefighter 13 years ago. He blended both experiences to become a member of the Fire Department's elite force. He joined Rescue Company 1 in Times Square about six years ago after receiving a medal for a rescue attempt: a man's car careened off Franklin D. Roosevelt Drive and plunged into the East River. Mr. Weiss, off duty, stopped his car, climbed down the iron trestles of the elevated highway and jumped into the river to rescue the driver, whose heart had given out.

"He just jumped, knowing that he was the person's only hope," said Thor Johannessen, a firefighter.

Mr. Weiss, 41, of Maybrook, N.Y., had a mean sense of humor. "If he saw a thread, he knew how to pull it to unravel the whole shirt," said Joel Kanasky, another firefighter. "He was the king of that."  

On 9/11, along with other members of the elite "Rescue 1" group, David raced into a burning tower of the World Trade Center to help as many people as possible. He was last seen on the 31st floor of Tower Two, climbing stairs and rushing towards the danger, when the building fell.

The image below is from a commemorative t-shirt which is a prized possession of mine. A remembrance of both the tragedy and remarkable heroism seen on that day.



Let today be a day when we step back from the petty distractions and noise of the media, and think about more important things. About what this country is. About who we are. About what we've lost, and what we each need to do every day to live up to a legacy forged by our best and bravest.

Above all, let's remember the many heroes - living and dead - who have made this a country worth celebrating and defending.

Sniffing Little Grills

In the interest of journalistic integrity, I should point out that the photo above is from a few years ago when Uncle Joe's handlers would still allow him to get close to open flames, sharp utensils, and people who could ask questions.

Still, Labor Day is a fine occasion for gatherings of family and friends, cookouts, and taking time to reflect on how our nation's proud labor unions have paved the way for foreign forced labor camps and the transitioning of our remaining jobs to AI.

There are no special plans for Labor Day weekend here at stately Jarlsberg Manor, even though this weekend will see the birthday of my aging twin brother (still called "the cute one" by those who know both of us). 

Unfortunately, that same day represents the 2-year anniversary of the blood test that stunned us with the news that Kathy had acute leukemia. So that puts a damper on any kind of celebratory mood. For symmetry's sake, I'd like to donate blood that day, but we've already established that my veins just won't cooperate. So I'll probably observe Labor Day in the traditional way by scowling about the lack of mail. Although my seniors' exercise class at the YMCA has also been canceled, so I can at least enjoy that.

That birthday will also mark the expiration of my driver's license meaning I'll be under house arrest here until I can go in for my renewal appointment (which I scheduled two months ago) the following Friday. So no grocery shopping, library trips, or doctor visits for most of a week because of bureaucracy at its worst. How bad is it? If I were to try to make an appointment to renew my Texas Driver's License today, the soonest appointment they could give me would be in mid-January of next year. Even by government standards, that's pretty damn lame...and perhaps a hint that the Texas DMV might want to spend Labor Day contemplating why their laborers aren't even within months of catching up with the needs (and mandatory responsibilities) of the citizenry.

Still, I hope that all of you, dear friends, can find some special pleasures and diversions during this extended weekend! Enjoy!

FROM THE VAULT: LABOR DAY 2016

As Labor Day statistics go, things were pretty pitiful again last month except for the "shovel ready" jobs noted above. There are now over 94 million people in the United States who aren't in the workforce and can't find jobs, which is one of the reasons that "violent crime" is such a popular career choice in Democrat-run Chicago.

You would think those numbers would constitute domestic terror on their face, but apparently the Left doesn't consider it terror as long as you A) spread the body count over a few days and B) mostly kill black people, including kids and young mothers. And nobody appears to give a rat's ass about changing this except, encouragingly, Donald Trump.

But despite the above, Labor Day Weekend remains a festive time in American culture - perfect for cookouts, beach outings, and huge, stinking document dumps. Like the odoriferous release of new FBI records which not only list more criminal activity by Hillary Clinton, but document that her excuse for nearly everything is her claim to have been brain damaged by a fall...

Oops, we just thought of another joke...

Don't worry, Bill, you will.

BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE...

Happy Millenial Wake-Up Day!

  

 Have a great, safe Labor Day everyone!

Biden's Problem With Stares

The Leftist Media (redundant, I know) got what they think they wanted yesterday when President Trump had to "surrender" to police in Georgia (state motto: "If you hear banjos, keep rowing") and get a mug shot taken. Hopes were high in liberal circles that Trump would be forced to wear an orange jumpsuit, pose in front of height bars, and take one picture head-on, and a second picture in which he's told to turn his head and cough because the Democrats have him by the balls.

Only that's not quite how it worked out. Trump was allowed to wear his suit, and the chilling glare he gave the camera was, in a word, murderous. Trump clearly signaled that he wasn't beaten and was, in fact, ready to rain Hell down on the mendacious bastards who have been railroading him. And he has a lot of people on his side (most certainly including me). Politics aside, we can't continue to believe that we, as citizens, have freedom and justice in this country unless we defend Trump at this point. 

At such time as the jackals are thrown out of Washington and Trump gets back the Oval Office, I'd like to suggest that he quickly sign an executive order giving the state of Georgia to Australia. What the state lacks in kangaroos, it makes up for in kangaroo courts.

A SAD LOSS

It is with a genuinely heavy heart that I have to share news of the passing of Paul Donohue, a wise and funny voice in the comments section who became a good friend of mine in the past months. Here is the notice, written by Paul himself, that I received yesterday:

Hello and good-bye.

If you have received this email I have moved on to a better place.  Checking out of Hotel California, so to speak. Many of you know that I have been in Hospice for C.O.P.D. and several other things since May 2022.  Well, the end finally arrived today, 08/24/23 at 11:12 a.m.

Thanks for your friendship.  I am grateful that you were a part of my life. There will be no wake, no funeral and no obituary.  I am merely slipping away to a new and better place where I hope that we meet again. Until then.

My wonderful Annie is sending this message at my request. She means everything to me.

Paul Donohue

Paul and I had an instant bond because we were both dealing with death. In my case, the loss of my beloved Kathy and in his case, an untreatable terminal illness with time running out. That doesn't mean our correspondence was depressing, because it wasn't. Rather, it meant that we were both inclined to dispense with trivial matters and communicate with a comfort and honesty that would normally have taken years to establish. His good humor lifted me when I needed it and, according to Paul, my humor (and Johnny Optimism, and Kathy's "Skin of a Hen's Teeth" book) did the same for him.

I miss him already but I can say that he struck me as a man who had made his peace with his situation and faced the inevitable without fear. 

So hoist a glass in his honor and say a prayer for this good man and his family. Paul, it was an honor and a pleasure knowing you.

Nose For News

Not.

With writers and actors in Hollywood walking picket lines, people who write about showbiz news have got pretty slim pickings lately. Which is why they've decided to pick a nose, so to speak, to get agitated about.

Specifically, they're in a dither about the upcoming biopic about conductor/composer Leonard Bernstein which stars Bradley Cooper in the starring role. Well, Bradley Cooper and a prosthetic nose which some people are calling an anti-semitic insult because unlike Bernstein, Cooper isn't Jewish and should therefore never appear on film with an artificially augmented sniffer. 

Cooper is being accused of wearing "Jewface," although Bernstein's family says that he looks fine and a careful examination of historical documents shows that Bernstein actually had a pretty big beak (which looked good on him), especially in his senior years.

The trailer for the film looks like what it is: glitzy, high-dollar, Oscar bait with an impressive cast and a compelling story. Which makes it pretty darn hard to believe that anti-semitism has played any part in establishing Mr. Cooper's look for the film. Still, those who want to be offended are enjoying being offended and insisting that no one who isn't Jewish should ever again portray a Jew on film. Unless the actor is Black, Hispanic, Asian, or sexually ambiguous.

=======

HORSE SH... UM... MEDICINE

I'll try not to write too much about Covid here because everyone is sick of hearing about it. But I will tell you that I'm experiencing a lot of rage as truths leak out about how the American people (and world) were lied to, betrayed, robbed, and victimized.

Rather than subject everyone to a rant that could go on for days, I want to direct your attention to a short Youtube video from Dr. John Campbell, who is far and away the most accurate source of information about all of this that I'm aware of. Unless you're watching him (and I have been, for years), you don't really know what's happened and what is still happening.

In this video, Dr. Campbell shares the interesting news that the FDA has just, in the words of Elmer Fudd, "vewwy, vewwy quietwy" issued a notice that it's perfectly okay for doctors to prescribe Ivermectin to treat Covid despite the fact that the FDA prevented that during the height of Covid while advancing the lie that Ivermectin was only horse medicine (the FDA still features a picture of a horse on their page about Ivermectin) rather than one of the most-used human medications on the planet (winning a Nobel Prize in 2015) with over 4.5 billion doses administered to humans.

Subtle, FDA. Very subtle.

For those who don't want to watch the 15-minute video, here's the quick version: Ivermectin was known to be cheap, available, and at least possibly effective for the treatment of Covid. BUT at about 10¢ a pill, nobody was going to make any money. Big Pharma wanted to push their untested (and unsafe and ineffective) vaccines, but they could only do so if they got an emergency waiver to bypass standard safety measures. And the only way to get an emergency waiver is to show that there's no other effective treatment available. So money changed hands - a lot of money - and suddenly Ivermectin was being officially described as only fit for horses and cows, potentially poisonous, and doctors were forbidden from prescribing it. Studies into the efficacy of Ivermectin went unfunded and independent studies showing beneficial effects were ridiculed by (formerly) respectable medical journals.

Big Pharma made billions of dollars (including profits on the "miracle" drug Remdesivir that doesn't actually reduce the mortality rate for Covid patients), insane numbers of people died, doctors who complained were persecuted, and everyone got jabbed with some damn thing that doesn't keep you from getting Covid or spreading it, but may give you myocarditis, blood clots, a stroke, or just kill you outright. Interesting trivia note: according to Dr. Campbell (who always carefully cites the official studies and reports) only 2% of negative vaccine reactions were officially reported. Wow. And long-term effects? Well, I guess we'll all find out, won't we?

So, who has been punished for the Covid-19 plague? No one. Who got fabulously wealthy from it? Big Pharma, political enablers, and (most likely) the people who funded the creation of the virus in the first place. And nobody seems to give a damn.

Meanwhile, the head of the Proud Boys is looking at 33 years in the slammer for his alleged role in the January 6th "insurrection that never happened" despite his not even being present on the big day.

The juxtaposition of these two examples of "justice" sadly tells me much more about the current state of our country than I ever wanted to know.

Ash Not What Your Country Can Do For You

Mainstream media pundits were recently taken aback when it became utterly and finally clear that President Joe Biden has now reached mental depths so low that he can't even respond to the easiest questions imaginable.

As a case in point, a reporter asked Biden for remarks about the holocaust-style wildfire in Maui that incinerated at least 99 innocent victims with over 1000 people still missing and 75% of the burned-out ruins unsearched.

Even a brain-injured sloth would have said something like "my heart goes out to the victims and their families" or "As a people, all of America feels this pain and all of us will work to rebuild these homes and lives" or "I will do everything in my power to bring comfort and relief to all who were affected by this tragedy."  Or if he wasn't feeling voluble, how about "it's very sad" or "terrible, just terrible."

But instead, Joe only fired back "No comment!" and flashed a disturbing grin before wandering off aimlessly. 

Following this same strategy, condolence card makers like Hallmark are now well-positioned to save rivers of ink when the front of a card says "On the passing of your Mother..." and the inside just says "No Comment."

What a corrupt brain-dead POS jerkoff this ancient sack of malfeasance is.

Trump Indictments

There's not a lot I can say about the latest round of Trump indictments, because I think my unvarnished thoughts would likely make me the target of a federal probe if not a flat-out assassination attempt. So I'll just gently suggest that we seem to have moved beyond even the pretense that "the law" or anything like it is being used to persecute Trump, but rather it is a blatant use of (im)pure political power by the Democrats to destroy opposition, make sure no honest election can ever again take place, and instill fear into anyone who would dare to ask for proof that elections have been conducted fairly. 

So I'm feeling pretty damn strongly at the moment that it's about time for actions to happen that can help show those in power the error of their ways. Although let me be very clear that I'm not encouraging another January 6th-style insurrection in which unarmed people saunter around public buildings taking selfies. 

Nope, I can't endorse the idea of unarmed people at all.

State of Disaster

The wildfire that destroyed the scenic town of Lahaina on Maui was nothing short of horrific. The death count keeps rising and it's my sad suspicion that what's been reported to date will likely be a fraction of the final tally. 

I've visited Hawaii many times, having family there, and so have strong feelings about what happened - and the likelihood that it didn't have to happen, or at least not with the tragic severity we've seen.

The problem, as illustrated in the "from the vault" posts below, is that Hawaii creates such a laid-back attitude in people that important things fall between the cracks and don't get done. There's always tomorrow and, if it's a beautiful day, well, there will be another tomorrow after that. This creates enormous inefficiency and ineptitude in all government-managed services including, sadly, emergency services. Case in point: some years ago, a study showed that Lahaina was at huge risk from wildfires. But nobody got around to fixing it. The weather was too nice.

On a visit to Oahu some years ago, I was startled one morning when my parents' home started shaking around me - hard. It was a modest earthquake with a magnitude of about six. Not big enough to level structures, but enough to make for a pretty terrifying wake-up call. But when the shaking stopped, there was still a significant worry: would there be a tsunami? And were my family and I on high-enough ground?

A lot depended on the strength of the earthquake (which we still didn't know) and where it was centered (which we also didn't know). Turning on the radio, we searched the dial for any news at all but found none. So we loaded into a car and drove higher into the mountains.

We eventually parked at an altitude that seemed safe-ish and continued to listen for radio updates. But it was a Sunday and there was no live programming at all. Just pre-recorded programs about investing, real estate, and getting right with God. And we never did get a damn update from any officials. We just waited until we thought it was safe to go home - encouraged by someone in the neighborhood who said that they were going to call the cops on us for looking "suspicious." Maybe they thought I'd kidnapped my 80-year-old mother. The bastards.

But my point here (and below) is that while Hawaii is a nice place to visit, you wouldn't want to live there. Liberal politics and an almost inescapable laissez-faire culture have made it unsafe.

From the Vault: 1/15/2018

The Aloha State of panic.

On Saturday, palm trees swayed in tropical breezes, warm surf washed pristine beaches, and tourists in Hawaii wept, screamed, cowered in fear, and stuffed their children into storm drains because of an "oopsy" alert (delivered to phones, radio stations, and wailing sirens) saying the island paradise was about to be vaporized by incoming nuclear missiles.

We single out "tourists" as being terrified rather than actual citizens of Hawaii, because those who have lived there for longer than a week already know the Aloha State's ill-kept secret: local government officials screw up pretty much everything they touch, so the odds of a false alarm were (as Trump might say) yuge.

We have plenty of personal experience with Hawaii from which to draw this conclusion. The state, which is almost psychedelically beautiful, has several factors working against it. The first is that it's essentially a jungle, with rainwater, vines, lizards, and highly aggressive insect colonies attacking every manmade bit of infrastructure on a non-stop basis.

The second is that all government functions are run by aloha-shirted Democrats and can't-be-fired civil servants, all of whom have a uniquely Hawaiian year-around "Spring fever" which keeps them from really committing to work when the weather is nice. As in, "daily."

While overt public terror is nothing to laugh at, except from the mainland, things could have been a lot worse: imagine what was going through the minds of our military personnel who were wondering if they should quickly launch a counterattack before going out in a Slim Pickens-style blaze of glory.

Theoretically, all of this was caused by one person "pushing the wrong button." Arguably the worst mistake made by a Hawaiian government official since Department of Health official Loretta Fuddy stated that she (and she alone) had looked at Obama's birth certificate and sent him a copy.

Shortly after which, she became the only fatality in a plane crash. Oopsy.

From the Vault: 8/24/2018

A lot of people might get lei'd to rest...

Within the next few hours, we'll know if Hawaii has been devastated by its worst hurricane in decades or if the fates have smiled once again on the islands and steered Hurricane Lane back out to sea.

If disaster is avoided, however, it certainly won't be because of anything the local government and emergency preparedness agencies have done (specifically on the island of Oahu, the home to Honolulu, Waikiki, and Pearl Harbor). To put it delicately, the officials' preparations would feel right at home on a pupu platter...because those plans are pupu from top to bottom.

A quick bit of back story: for many years, Stilton's parents lived on Oahu (a sibling still does), and so we were frequent visitors. The island is unquestionably spectacularly beautiful, but anything government has touched has gone straight to hell. Pretty much nothing works right in Hawaii, in part because the island's culture encourages a lackadaisical attitude toward anything like efficiency, responsibility, and basic competence. When visiting, our day-to-day mantra was "Nothing is easy in Hawaii."

It's among our most socialist states, with almost everyone getting some kind of handout from the government. It has the highest per capita homeless population of any state. Prices for everything are sky-high. Their medical system has been described as that of a "third world country" owing to doctors fleeing the state because of unsustainably small payments from Medicare and Medicaid (a canary in the coal mine that we on the mainland had better pay attention to). And for many years, building standards were so lax (and builders so casually inept) that a significant percentage of homes offer no protection at all in case of emergency conditions. Frankly, Gilligan's Island had a way better model of sustainability.

Which now brings us to Hurricane Lane. Considering hurricanes are pretty much a known threat to Hawaii, you'd think they'd have emergency plans out the wazoo. But no, their plans remain firmly in their wazoos along with the residue of a lot of macaroni salad and Spam.

Residents are being warned to head to shelters for safety, but there are a few little problems with that. For one thing, no bureaucrats have bothered to keep a list of official shelters. In reviewing the shelters they can find, it seems that exactly none of them have been hardened to stand up to even a Category One hurricane (the weakest and most cuddly sized). But having the roof collapse on their heads may be the least of people's problems because many of the shelters are located in flood zones. Apparently, the emergency preparedness folks never considered the likelihood that a hurricane just might be bringing along a buttload of rain.

If people do go to one of these unsafe shelters (and there's only room for about one-fifth of the population), they're being told they'll have to survive in a 3-foot by 3-foot space for up to two weeks, they need to bring their own bedding and anything else important, and - oh yeah! - bring their own food. Because it never dawned on Hawaiian officials that people in shelters might actually need to eat. Although it being Hawaii, there's a fairly good chance that the waves crashing though the shelter doors will bring fresh fish, and coconuts will regularly be exploding through windows at 100 mph. So there are some benefits to living in Paradise.

We're obviously hoping the best for the people of Hawaii, but think this should serve as a graphic (and hopefully not deadly) reminder that there's a great danger in putting too much faith in government bureaucrats to watch after your safety, welfare, and future.

Which is, of course, exactly what those on the Left are shooting for. And if they get their way, we'll all be saying "Aloha" to our very way of life.

Summery Judgement

I'm back from my travels and once again experiencing being kiln-fired in Texas. Today's actual high is predicted to be 105° with a heat index of "lawyer's section of Hell." And that's hot.

I'm glad to say my family-related trip was a great success and gave me a much-needed emotional boost. Although I got off to a rough start when I flew into Indianapolis, the city of my birth, and then needed to drive a rental car to Mishawaka, Indiana about 150 miles away. I entered the destination into my GPS and set off confidently, enjoying the rolling scenery of the Hoosier state and the abundant corn fields.

A little too abundant.

After about a half hour, it started to strike me as odd that I was still only driving zig-zag patterns on back roads between fields so close I could have brushed my fingertips on cornstalks. I suspected a problem with my GPS but the roads were so small that there was no berm and no place to pull off to play with my phone. And I mean no place - no restaurants, gas stations, or rest areas. So I kept driving for almost five hours before reaching my destination - a Holiday Inn Conference Center in the middle of nowhere.

Only it wasn't "nowhere," of course - it just looked that way because it turned out a hidden setting in Google Maps had helpfully defaulted to "avoid highways" when using GPS and it had done the job flawlessly. 

AI is not going to even break a sweat destroying me.

RANDOM THOUGHTS

• I'm still not following news in any kind of meaningful way, but I've heard enough about Trump's most recent BS indictments to be highly pissed off. Didn't we recently have hearings in Washington that failed to prove there even was any insurrection-type event or planning for same? Meanwhile, Adam "Googly Eyes" Schiff is pushing for Trump's trial(s) to be televised in the name of "transparency." Yeah, Adam, that would be transparent alright. 

• I'm embarking on a much-needed weight-loss program with no enthusiasm whatsoever. To kick things off, I finally stepped on the scale yesterday and the readout said "Hey, one at a time." After which I took a saucy "Before" photo in my skivvies and no, you will never see it here or anywhere else. I look like I should be holding a chain attached to slave girl Carrie Fisher.

I've considered bariatric surgery but it still sounds too extreme and potentially hazardous. And I've heard about "Ozempic" and similar classes of drugs, but don't know anyone who's had firsthand experience with them (plus, they cost a metric assload). So for now, I'm doing it old school: calorie counting and exercise. Wish me luck.

• I see that Joe Biden has now officially passed the "one year of vacation since taking office" mark. That means that he's been on vacation for 40% of his presidency, for which we should be grateful considering the damage he causes the other 60% of the time.

"Jill, what's a four-letter word for woman ending in U-N-T?" "Aunt." "Um...got an eraser?"

• Speaking of vacations, it looks like I won't be going to any exotic locations for, oh, the rest of my life. Because I was just starting the process of filing for a passport (my old one expired) and they've got a typical governmental Catch-22. My application (along with my photo and proof of citizenship) has to be filed in person at the post office and this can only be done by appointment.  If you click on the government's link to schedule such an appointment, you will theoretically be shown appointments available for the next four weeks. Only there aren't any. At any post office within 20 miles of here. And as a special touch, the website just gives the message "there are no appointments available at this location in the next four weeks. Please try another location."

In other words, you can't just shrug and schedule an appointment for 6 weeks out, or 12 weeks out, or any OTHER time beyond 4 weeks...but there are also no appointments available anywhere in that 4-week window. Which effectively ends the process with the government saying "screw you and go away." Although obviously, I can't go far away.

Bastards.

The Wind Between My Cheeks

Look! Up in the sky! It's a bird! It's a plane! No, it's...oh wait, it is a plane - with me white-knuckling it to my final destination, which hopefully has an airport waiting. 

And actually, I'm not traveling yet, but will be in a few days. So I wanted to warn everyone that I'll probably be absent from this space for a couple of weeks (although I'll try to visit the comments section if and when I can) and let you know you shouldn't worry about it.  Because I'm more than capable of doing all the worrying myself.

Mind you, I don't worry at all about flying. It's CRASHING that I worry about. A lot. True fact: I have never dosed on an airplane, even on a long flight, because I know in my soul that if I let my guard down the jet's wings will fall off. 

But even apart from that, I can now also worry about catching whatever mutant strain of Fauci's covid is currently making the rounds or encountering some of the crazies who have recently been disrupting flights while having psychotic breaks or violent hallucinations. Mind you, I have those same conditions but I at least keep my seatbelt on and my mouth shut.

And truthfully, I've got more anxiety than usual about traveling because I've become a pathological social recluse since losing my wife, Kathy. Social interactions are hard for me now, and I'm embarking on a week of them. Which my therapist considers brave, but she may just be saying that because I'll return home needing another year of PTSD therapy.

Plus, Kathy was always the person who handled details and organization flawlessly when preparing for a trip. On my own, thick fog fills my brain and I find myself struggling to decide whether or not to pack those whatchamacallits...hang on...it's on the tip of my tongue...oh, yeah - clothes. And medications. And 17 different kinds of USB cables. And a white noise machine. And...and... no, I think that's everything I need, right?

Gulp.

RANDOM THOUGHTS

• "Try That In A Small Town" song - I like it and screw anyone who says it's racist.

• AI Czar Kamala Harris recently clarified this complex and ever-changing technology by explaining that "AI is two letters." I'm so relieved that she's representing mankind at this critical moment.

• I currently need to renew my driver's license in person which is now done only by appointment here in Texas ("Avoiding long lines by not letting you in at all!"). I tried to get an appointment two months before my license will expire and none were available - the best I could do was a week later and 18 miles away. Which I'm assuming I shouldn't drive to without a license, so I'll need to ask someone for a ride. I tried calling the license bureau for help, but their phone message says to use the online service. The online service offers no help but lets you send an email which they'll respond to in 3-5 business days. Currently, it's been over two weeks with no word back. This is unbelievably annoying and would be unthinkable customer abuse if practiced by any business which wanted to avoid bankruptcy. If I ever get far enough in the process to get a new license picture taken, you can bet your *ss that I'll be scowling and, if I get away with it, giving the finger.

Nice Snowing You

Yes, this is real

Our nation has recently been rocked with the twin tragedies of a Hollywood writers' strike and, as of last week, a Hollywood actors' strike. Fortunately, this seems unlikely to impact Disney Studios' latest live-action remake of a classic film, because we see no hint that either writers or actual actors will be involved.

"Snow White" has gone before the cameras, albeit with a Hispanic heroine and no potentially offensive dwarves. Rather, in this version Snow White will be shacking up with one height-challenged individual and six beautifully-diverse homeless drug addicts who were enticed to join the production when offered clean needles and unblemished sidewalks to sh*t on. 

Seriously, this looks more like a production of Snow White Meets the Manson Family, which suddenly is a project I want to seriously think about making after seeing the recent success of the slasher film "Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey."

And you can forget all of that Sleepy, Sneezy, Doc, Dopey, Comet, Blitzen, and Garfunkel nonsense. No, this outfit is Mr. Big, Rolando, They/Them, Pud, Glory Hole, LaQueefa, and Flatline. The jolly songs practically write themselves! And it seems way more likely that they'll be mining for crystal meth instead of diamonds.

While I wish Disney every success for this very, very socially responsible updating of a bigoted fairytale that cruelly stereotyped Little People as hardworking heroes with big hearts, I can't help but worry that the box office may be negatively impacted by the impending Hollywood audience strike scheduled for opening day.

UPDATE: After receiving considerable backlash online, Disney issued a statement that the cast photo seen above is "fake." They wish. They have since had to admit that the photo is 100% accurate, but that its release wasn't official.

SERVICING SECRETS

• So the Secret Service has announced that they've ended their investigation into the cocaine found at the White House because there are no clues other than video footage, sign-in logs, a multitude of guards executing tight security protocols, access to unlimited forensic technology, and the presence of at least one notable drug addict in the mix.

The Secret Service miraculously brought the list of suspects down to 500 people, but decided it wasn't worth the time and effort of interviewing anyone because the amount of cocaine would only be a misdemeanor offense anyway. Which I find hard to believe.

Would it have been a misdemeanor for someone who is currently not in jail only because of his last name and a sworn oath to a judge to keep his nose clean (literally)? Is it really just a misdemeanor to bring controlled substances into the frickin' White House? Does the Secret Service have no concerns about one or more of their agents being high on cocaine on the job? Should no one be worried about White House staffers with pinpoint pupils and powdered nostrils in close proximity to a fragile 80-year-old president?

Sadly, it now appears that the only purpose of the Secret Service is to protect the secrets of the corrupt.

WOULD YOU LIKE FAVA BEANS WITH THAT?

• There's certainly nothing wrong with Joe Biden lasciviously nibbling on a terrified tot before going in for a grandfatherly French kiss, right? Right...?