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Wednesday, February 28, 2018

One Good Term Deserves Another

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, trump, second term, hillary, jaws
And a fresh pair of Depends.
Donald Trump has finally ended the suspense, not that any had actually developed yet, and officially announced that he'll be running for President again in 2020.

This sets a new official record of early declaration for the office, but fails to surpass the unofficial record which was set when baby Hillary spoke her first words.

Trump has named a digital whiz to be his campaign manager and is currently assembling a team of creative writers to come up with catchy new hat slogans like "Keep America Trump Again" or "Eight is Great," as well as penning insulting schoolyard nicknames for potential opponents like "Oprah Lose-frey," "Braindead" Biden, and "Burned Out" Sanders.

Of course, one other highly-touted potential candidate is out there, and she's just announced a brand new book which will come out in (surprise!) November...

Because "Obama Sutra" was already taken by some asshole.
We're just kidding about the whole "sex manual" thing (probably) and don't actually know a whole lot about the upcoming book other than that Michelle is splitting a $60 million payday with Barry for her literary efforts.

Lest that seem like gross overpayment, the Obamas have been quick to point out that they will donate "an undisclosed but significant portion of their earnings to charity, including (wait for it!) the Obama Foundation." Once again, the left pocket won't let the right pocket go hungry.

The book is being called a "memoir" (which is French for "ghost-written) and will detail how Michelle became the woman she is today. We don't know if any of the chapters will involve hormone therapy or surgical procedures, and we're too high-minded to speculate.

An audiobook version will also be available, read by the former first lady herself, and is expected to finally wring the last useful information out of Guantanamo detainees who are forced to listen to it.

30 comments:

John the Econ said...

Trump already working on his second term? Hardly a surprise. Shouldn't be too difficult if the economy keeps chugging along and the Democrats stick with their current agenda, which seems to be selling communism, gun control, and to keep falling for Trump's tweet-storms.

Oh, and as predicted, a formal purging of the Clintons:

‘The View’ Savages The Clintons: Bill ‘Abusive’ To Women, Hillary A ‘Virus’ To Democrats

Yeah, even the more dense of Democrats are starting to figure out that Trump's misogyny is pretty untouchable as long as they allow the Clintons to hang around. When you've lost "I'd rather vote for a rapist" Joy Behar...

Even Monica is jumping on the #MeToo bandwagon.

Fortunately, we'll have the Internet to remind everybody.

Michelle's book: Seriously, "at a certain point you've made enough money..."

rickn8or said...

John the Econ, you forgot the most important part of the traditional Democrat platform: Undo any tax cuts passed by Republicans.

Section147 said...

I'll be brief(s). Mooch has a penis.

Geoff King said...

Considering the grade school level of talent displayed in Michael's official portrait, I'm envisioning her memoir book as having lots of pictures and few words over two syllables.

James Daily said...


Ah, if she just wrote a travel book about her vacations and friends she took, it would be a four volume set. We knew the President was going to run if only to gig the democrats whom he has their number. Only thing they haven't accused him of is cannibalism (unless I missed it) and cannibalism may not be illegal but with them that is a mute point. President Trump has already fulfilled over 60% of his commitments to the voters with two more coming, a wall and solution to the DACA mess. When those two are finished, he is a shoo in. The best I read is that when a democrat listens to Rush, he changes his political stance. Now that is funny and mind boggling and irritates the old geezers running that party to no end.

Mike aka Proof said...

Nice Jaws reference. Though Hillary would never be in any danger from a shark because of professional courtesy.

TrickyRicky said...

"We don't know if any of the chapters will involve hormone therapy or surgical procedures, and we're too high-minded to speculate." I see what you did there, well played!

BTW, I noted the Depends references in both strips today, I sincerely hope that your diet hasn't taken a bad turn!

Jason Anyone said...

"Once again, the left pocket won't let the right pocket go hungry."

Stilts! Stilts! Come on, now. You're talking about people who would rather take 3 lefts than a right. Like they did with God, I'm pretty sure they removed any and all references to the word "right" from the Democrap platform.

"Once again, the left pocket won't let the other left pocket go hungry."

All better, now. :-)

Emmentaler Limburger said...

The left pocket won't let the lefter pocket go hungry? Leftest?

Anyway, John the Econ nails it when he pulls the "at a certain point you've made enough money..." rabbit out of the YouTube hat. The only defense that can be made of Barack "You Didn't Build That" Ƙbama's and his, erm... "partner" Moochelle's current and apparent riding of the gravy train is that he did say "you've"; not "I've". Notably, socialists only use the first person singular when speaking of alleged accomplishments; NEVER when complaining about wealth.

I, personally, will wait for the movie - and then skip it.

Dr. Roger Harris said...

BTW, from this week's "This is True" by Randy Cassingham: Stilton Cheese Rolling Competition Cancelled Due to ‘Disappointing Lack of Enthusiasm’
National Post Canada headline...OH NOOOOOšŸ˜µ

joe jetson said...

I thought the title of Moochelle's book was "Why I Wasn't Proud of America".

McChuck said...

The future of Obama's America, in the news today: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-5443599/White-South-African-farmers-removed-land.html

jlw said...

remember, obama said that at a certain point YOU'VE made enough money.

never said that HE'D made enough.

Anonymous said...

Could it be that the Clintons and the Obamas have been advised to place their funds in a 'Charitable Remainder Trust'... their foundations? The rules for such trusts provide a lot of latitude when it comes to spending. I'm not quite up to speed anymore about that type of trust, but the idea came to mind as you mentioned M's book proceeds finding their way into the Obama Foundation.

FlyBoy said...

I see that Barry is pursuing a career as a comedian. Re: in his latest (top secret) speech to a room full of sports nerds at MIT he said that his administration didn't have a single "major scandal". He just cracks me up when he makes jokes like that!

John the Econ: The only reason the hags on the View are throwing the Clintons under the bus is to clear the deck for Oprah or the wookee to run. (or their dream ticket: Oprah & wookee as co-presidents.)

Bill from Wood-Ridge said...

Stiltonian,

Spit out my morning java when I saw the Jaws themed cartoon. May need new keyboard...

rickn8or said...

Dr. Roger Harris, to be honest, Olympic curling does suck all the oxygen out of a sports world waiting on March Madness.

Gee M said...

@ Bill from Wood-Ridge

Seriously...! That perfectly placed cigarette and the shaggy look/pained expression...priceless!

rickn8or said...

A comedian who has his speeches sealed? What did he talk about that he didn't want the rest of the country to know what he said?

Colby Muenster said...

Let's see.... Michelle hates America, hates people who eat meat, hates people who own guns, and hates white people. You'd think she would like to sell book to everybody, but like most liberals, she will have to be satisfied with less than half. Hear that, CNN?

@Geoff King,
When I was a first grader, we had the Dick and Jane books. "Run, Dick, Run. See Dick run?" How about, "Scowl, Michelle, scowl. See Michelle scowl?"

Igor said...

SUCH a good picture of The Old Crone of Washington, Mr. Jarlsberg!!

Gonna be an interesting next 3 years, huh?

Regnad Kcin said...

Moochelle certainly took advantage of the taxpayer's dime during duhbama's 8-year reign of terror. In addition to having her hips and ass scraped, the rhino, lipo, cheek plants, and brow injections were all store bought by us at Walter Reed while vets in need of care were put on the back burner. It's good to be the queen......

Sortahwitte said...

The pix of hur-ruhr at the back of the boat with a butt in her mouth is putzler prize worthy.

Judi King said...

How M became the woman she is today????????? How about.....how she became a woman period? Becoming is the perfect name for her autobiography.

sergio said...

As Sam & Dave sang it, "Hold on I Becoming"

Maybe Hill will get a sex change, then she can't blame her inevitable loss on misogyny

John the Econ said...

@rickn8or, by all means I hope that is part of their platform. Let American taxpayers decide what was a better deal for them; the $2,500-a-year savings from ObamaCare that never happened or what they actually got after Trump's tax reform. Also, think of all the millennials who are just now discovery that actual jobs pay better than welfare ever could.

@Emmentaler Limburger, if there's one consistent thing about Progressives, it's the use of "you've" vs the "I've". Most recent example is Bill Gates echoing fellow billionaire Warren Buffet and his Dad arguing that others like himself (the "you've")the need to pay more income taxes. And yet, the vast majority of his estate (the "I've") will never be taxed.

@McChuck, because doing that worked so well for Zimbabwe. Progressives always doubling-down on abject failure. Maybe twice as many people will starve this time.

@FlyBoy, no "major scandal" that the sycophantic media would cover, anyway. Over time, it will be up to more objective historians to come to a more definitive opinion on that.

And as I've said many times especially since Donna Brazile's book last year, after the dust of November 2016 settled, those who are passing for adults at the DNC knew that the party is dead in the water as long as the Clintons remain around with their stench which ultimately attaches itself to everyone in their orbit. It's also ironic to @FlyBoy's point, that much of Obama's legacy is ultimately going to go down in flames because of Bill & Hillary's antics while she was Secretary of State. Obama was smart enough to "Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer", but he wasn't smart enough to keep those enemies under control. "Hope & Change" were no match for the Clinton sleaze machine.

REM1875 said...

"An audiobook version will also be available, read by the former first lady herself, "

A handy deal considering most of her minions can not read ............

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@John the Econ- I'm enjoying seeing the Clintons finally going under the wheels of the liberal bus (as you've so correctly predicted). Regarding Monica, I read her piece and am still wildly unimpressed with her declaration of victimhood. And on Michelle's book, I'm not sure if this is just a scheme to funnel money to the Obama foundation or if the book's primary intent is to tee her up for a run for office. More likely both.

@rickn8or- You've got that right.

@Section147- Wow, that WAS brief!

@Geoff King- Her college "thesis" was complete crap, so I'm guessing this book will be ghostwritten end to end.

@James Daily- I agree that Trump probably declared early just to further anger and depress liberals. And it IS interesting that those who tune in to Rush expecting him to be a buffoon are sometimes turned into conservatives. Does that EVER happen with liberal talking heads?

@Mike aka Proof- You make an excellent point.

@TrickyRicky- The twin "Depends" references are both based on my desire to provide absorbing content.

@Jason Anyone- You make a good point. I stand corrected.

@Emmentaler Limburger- It's hard to pinpoint any one thing said by Obama that I could rank as the "most annoying," but the "you didn't build that" comment would be in my top ten. And Barry was never shy about using "I, me, and my" in descriptions of things he'd allegedly built.

@Dr. Roger Harris- You can imagine how disappointed I am, after spending so much money on dramamine.

@joe jetson- I think it's implied.

@McChuck- The parallels are significant.

@jlw- Remember when Obama categorized those with $250k as "millionaires and billionaires?" For someone with such limited math skills, he's doing alright for himself.

@Anonymous- I'm not up on the details of financial jiggery-pokery (to use the Latin), but I'm sure that the Obamas' money will be sheltered in a lot of ways to A) avoid paying their "fair share," and B) be handy for political expenditures. In much the same way the Clintons have hung on like a recurrent herpes infection, I fear we'll be dealing with the Obamas for a long time.

@Flyboy- When you parse his words, Barry is right- he didn't have a "single" major scandal...he had dozens.

@Bill from Wood-Ridge- Sorry about the keyboard, but glad you liked the cartoon. I was pretty happy with Hillary's stunned Roy Scheider look.

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@rickn8or- I remember a previous occasion when Barry didn't want to be recorded and was caught making his sneering references to those in flyover country who cling to their guns and bibles. Does that sound like something a Christian would say?

@Colby Muenster- Plus, she hates tasty school lunches. And I like your idea for new childrens' readers featuring the Mooch.

@Igor- Hillary helped with the picture a lot by offering up a multitude of stupid-looking faces to choose from on the Internet. And yes, the next 3 years WILL be exciting. Trump still scares the heck out of me most days, but it's almost worth it just to see the pain and suffering of the Lefties.

@Regnad Kcin- Maybe some of Michelle's "vacations" were spent recovering from cosmetic surgeries.

@Sortahwitte- I'm glad you appreciate the detail of Hillary having the cigarette in her mouth. The REAL hassle was putting Roy Scheider's glasses on her, but it had to be done.

@Judi King- And they can never make a TV show based on the book, because another series is already labeled "Chopped."

@sergio- And what a great song it was! (Seriously, I love the original). And I doubt that Hillary will seek further sex change surgery- last time she ended up needing prism glasses because they only made her cockeyed.

@John the Econ- fine points, all.

@REM1875- Good point. And let me get out ahead of the pack and predict that she'll win a Grammy for "Best Spoken Word" performance. Call me psychic.

John the Econ said...

I came across this today, which relates to a discussion we were having last week about the Democrats who were comparing Russia's Facebook ad-buy to "Pearl Harbor":

TRUMP’S WIN IS THE REICHSTAG FIRE OF INTERNET CENSORSHIP

"Manufacture a crisis and eliminate free speech."

"It’s no coincidence that the central conspiracy theory surrounding the 2016 election involves free speech or that the solution is internet censorship. The claim that Russian trolls and bots rigged the election has zero actual evidence behind it. But it’s a convenient tool for not only delegitimizing Trump, but the very idea of a free and open internet where anyone can say anything they choose.

Senator Ben Cardin, Rep. Jerry Nadler and other members of Congress compared the election influence conspiracy to Pearl Harbor. Rep. Jim Himes went even further, suggesting that it had eclipsed 9/11 by claiming that it, “is up there with Pearl Harbor in terms of its seriousness as a challenge to this country."

What they’re really saying is that Democrats losing an election is worse than the murder of 3,000 people.

And what did this greatest attack since Pearl Harbor consist of? Speech. On the internet."


You've been warned.