Okay, we'll admit that the cartoon above - while entirely accurate - was more or less thrown together under time pressure after we visited the eye doctor today (and wore the contraption shown above) because it had been a few years since we last updated our eyeglass prescription, and apparently we're supposed to be able to read actual words on street signs. Who knew?
Because we have a wretchedly expensive Obamacare policy which covers our non-existent ovaries but not our actual eyeballs, we went to the optometrist at Sam's Club (who is genuinely excellent) and got everything checked out for $60 cash. And we left with prescriptions for glasses (distance and reading) which we'll fill online at Zenni.com for about $25 a pair. This is called "the free market."
Of course, the visit had its moments of drama. Our eyeballs were diagnosed with "map-dot fingerprint dystrophy," which sounds like we should get disability payments, handicapped parking, and perhaps be the subject of a tear-jerking TV movie.
Not that the Internet is going to help with any of that, what with them describing our heartrending affliction as one which "usually resolves completely with no loss of vision and in fact, many cases are not severe enough for the patient to recognize that there is something wrong. No treatment is typically necessary."
On the other hand, the doctor did casually mention that if we rub our peepers too hard when feeling sleepy, we could literally rip the skin off the front of our eyes, exposing raw nerves and causing excruciating pain. Which is why we'll be sleeping while wearing boxing gloves from now on.
Getting back to the mainstream media (if indeed we were ever there), the distortion and lies we're hearing about Trump just make it impossible to mount much of a cogent commentary here. We think Trump did fine on his overseas trip - and if Angela Merkel is huffily declaring that Germany and Europe may now need to show some self-sufficiency, we say "well done, Mr. President!"
We also thought he honored Memorial Day appropriately, which was a nice change from the previous 8 years. Seriously, we always felt that the hallowed grounds of Arlington Cemetery were defiled by Obama's presence.
And along those lines, here's a little something we posted on Facebook on Memorial Day...
|Obama, of course, laid a wreath at the Bathroom of the Unknown Gender
Nice, huh? Alleged "comedian" Kathy Griffin (best known for being an angry, unfunny skag who has never even accidentally made an audience laugh) holding up Donald Trump's bloody, severed head. We're not sure what her message is, other than some sort of obscene endorsement of ISIS.
Perhaps she should actually visit an ISIS training camp to entertain the troops, like some sort of Bizarro-world America-hating Bob Hope from Hell.
And if she does, we'd like to be there - to sell throwing-rocks to the audience.