Wednesday, June 5, 2019

Film at Eleavenworth

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Because Hollywood wasn't already sickening enough, Hillary Clinton and daughter Chelsea have just announced their intention to create a new production company which will "plan to focus on stories by and about women." Including, we presume, those many unfortunate women born with tallywhackers.

The duo are following in the footsteps of other political figures who have recently struck big development deals, including Barack and Michelle Obama, Valerie Jarrett, and Susan Rice - all of whom will bring a rich diversity of socio-political voices to an industry which was starving for politically correct Progressive content.

The company being formed by Hillary and Chelsea (who are already involved in aggressive fundraising) is intended to capture the nation's hearts and minds from the very start...

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Impressively, Bleachbitch Productions already has a full slate of films in the works (none of which will be shot in Georgia owing to an expected shortage of dead babies) which will appeal to fans of every film genre. To date, the projects announced include:

THE STOLEN THRONE (Historical Drama) - On the eve of the coronation of a new Queen, an evil court jester seizes power with help from scheming cossacks and deplorable peasants.

OH, WHAT A TANGLED WEBB (Comedy) - A young socialite is stunned to realize that she's the spitting image of her mother's ham-faced goofball former law partner.

GLOW (Action Thriller) - Cancer-stricken Russian orphans will die without radiation treatments. With time running out, one woman risks everything to get them a life-saving supply of U.S. uranium.

HONEY, I ERASED YOUR WEDDING (Comedy) - The wedding of the century is put at risk when the bride's mother accidentally erases a computer hard drive containing all the plans.

DEVIL WITH THE BLUE DRESS (Horror) - A family's personal and professional lives become a living Hell when they're haunted by a vengeful spirit in a stained dress.

IT'S A LIVING! (Romantic Comedy) - She's young, in love, and a con-artist who skims donations from third world dysentery victims. Now she'll take any job to keep her boyfriend from finding out!

ARKANCIDE (Suspense) - One by one, a powerful woman's enemies are dying in strange ways. To clear her name, she must find the real killer with the help of a dangerously violent former football player.

They all sound great and they're all coming soon to a theater, or federal prison, near you!


Unknown said...

Stilt, you knocked it out of the park with this one!

M. Mitchell Marmel said...

THE LAW, SHANKED, REDUMPTION: (Drama) Two corrupt politicians bond over a number of years, never finding solace and eventual redemption because they wouldn't know common decency if it bit them in the ass.

O FOSTER, WHERE ART THOU? (Comedy) When an attorney finds evidence of corruption, a wacky chase ensues.

THE MAN WITH THE CROOKED GUN: (Spy Thriller) Licenced to spill.

She’s A Beauty said...

Wow Stilt...standing O. We knew you were talented, but Jesus H, man!

james daily said...

This is really hilarious. If there was ever a business that was doomed before it started, this one is it. Two of the most incompetent people on the planet think that Hollywood is going to roll over play dead and let these two nitwits in on the money machine? I think what happened here is that when she was raising money in HW, she believed these people actually liked her. Uh, no. They just hated Donald Trump more.

Fish Out of Water said...

Flims by women for woemen?....Don't suppose I should hold my breath waiting for a film dealing with serial sexual predators in high places?

Fish Out of Water said...

While off topic, The Little Sisters of the Poor will be in one of the increasingly menacing State of Assorted Nut's petri dishes for typhus and other highly communicable diseases, aka San Francisco, to defend their religious rights against a progressive onslaught joined sadly, by officials in my state, the Commonwealth of Virginia.

Wahoo said...

Perhaps it's time for a probe into whether Chelsea was admitted to Stanford on a rowing scholarship.

Fred Ciampi said...

Here's a title for them; 'How to clean a septic tank' (stolen from Charlie W.).

But seriously, would anybody actually back a movie made by these two? Would anyone actually see it?

Kerry Soileau said...

How about the name United Con Artists?

Jim Irre said...

Bwahahahaha! Perfect!

Stan da Man said...

BleachBitch is hysterical...
"Harvey" - Movie Mogul's friends all disappear when beautiful young women actually complain about being treated as objects of desire.
"Hairy Palm" the sequel, where women are forced to watch, as he gets intimate w/ the shrubbery

Wahoo - it was an equestrian scholarship, but which half of the team is redacted...

Kent Whitehead said...

Bravo, sir! Your best yet!!

RDB said...

Be careful not to drop the mic on your foot!!!

Well played Sir!

KellyfromWI said...

One of the best posts in a long time !!!! Too funny

Sortahwitte said...

Choke and puke funny! That's a compliment. And how very sad that the head bitch and her spawn and co-conspirators aren't cooling their heals in the "Big L".

Mark E McKinney said...

LEAVING THE WHITE HOUSE (Documentary) – A woman, who claims that she and her husband are broke, steals furniture, dishes, paintings and other valuable furnishings from the White House.

Walter L. Stafford said...

Turning to reality...IF Hillary the Harlot could be indicted, tried, convicted and incarcerated...oh hell, there I am back in fantasy land again!

TrickyRicky said...

Ma Barker and spawn churning out Hollywood tripe? Wake me for the final credits.

Great Post Stilton!

rickn8or said...

My first thought was that they're acting out Gene Wilder and "The Producers". Perhaps it will have the same ending.

And these movie titles and plots are truly snort-worthy.

John the Econ said...

Every week or so Mrs. Econ and I peruse what's available to watch at our local theater, on Netflix or at the Redbox. Every time after doing so, we say the exact same thing: "It's simply astounding the sheer volume of content that Hollywood spews out that is of absolutely no interest to us whatsoever."

I can't imagine the addition of Hillary & Chelsea to the mix improving this situation one iota.

Chelsea is the quintessential "white privilege" poster child; bouncing through life blissfully unaware of her utter lack of awareness of who she is, where she is and why. (She doesn't care about money, so there's no need to actually "work", right) But she has worked in the past. Do recall that NBC once hired her for a high-six-figure sum and all they got to show for the expenditure was a few minutes of her with Kermit the Frog.

And where's Bill in all of this? I'd assume that he'd be there for manning the casting couch. Or is it that he has little reason to leave Jeffrey Epstein's "Orgy Island" anymore?

Since the better part of the Obama Administration ended up at Netflix, there was certainly no room for the Clintons there. So perhaps after the collapse of the Clinton Foundation will this be their new money laundering mechanism.

Colby Muenster said...

Oh my! So much coffee and too few keyboards! Well done Doctor J!

How about:
The Capital Hillbillies (comedy) about a family of three, backwoods grifters from Arkansas moving to a mansion in the nation's capital to bilk millions from taxpayers and foreign entities. Episode 1: Banker Drysdale learns the hard way to not expose the Hillbillies' hilarious hacking of his own bank account. Followed by: Episode 2: For her birthday present, Chelsea Mae gets to arrange her very first "hit."

And has anybody noticed that Netflix's prices have steadily risen since they hired O'Liar and his USA hating spouse? Didn't see THAT coming!

Anonymous said...

What a great way to start the day. Lucky for me the coffee is still dripping.

Joseph ET said...

Off topic, but I want to remind everyone that It's National Moonshine Day

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Unknown- The trick is to picture Hillary's face on the ball...

@M. Mitchell Marmel- You should be pitching these in Hollywood!

@Section147- Aw, shucks.

@james daily- I don't think Hollywood will be threatened by the offerings from Hillary and Chelsea, as they surely won't be targeted to actual mass audiences. Rather, I think the films will be for art houses and streaming services like Netflix, which can't seem to get its fill of Progressive content.

@Fish Out of Water- We might get that film. After all, when the Lewinsky scandal broke, the Left praised her actions as "female empowerment."

Regarding the Little Sisters of the Poor, I wish them luck in their mission.

@Wahoo- It's possible that she was on a rowing team. There are reports that her Dad was overheard coaching her and shouting "Stroke! Stroke! Stroke!"

@Fred Ciampi- I think their films will be relatively cheap to produce, and nobody is better about raising money (legally or not) than Hillary. As far as who would watch the films, I'm sure liberals will eat them up.

@Kerry Soileau- Boom! Wish I'd thought of that!

@Jim Irre- I think there's a little extra spark in my work when I'm discussing someone I absolutely loathe.

@Stan da Man- Great titles, and great horse-face joke!

@Kent Whitehead- Thanks!

@RDB- It's not the mic on my foot I worry about, but Hillary's hit man standing behind me.

@KellyfromWI- Maybe I should just mock Hillary every day. It would be possible, you know!

Fred Ciampi said...

Oh, NO! I didn't know it was National Moonshine Day. I better go and fire up some stills. I still have some vintage (3+ day's old) left over from last week.

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

Sortahwitte- I should check to see if is available as a domain name (grin). And yes, every day that Hillary isn't in jail is a day too long.

Mark E McKinney- Your movie suggestion makes me imagine a dissheveled Hillary leaving the White House the way Steve Martin left his home in "The Jerk," grabbing things as he shuffles toward the door: "Well I’m gonna to go then. And I don’t need any of this. I don’t need this stuff, and I don’t need you. I don’t need anything excep tthe paddle game, and the chair, and the remote control, and the matches, for sure. And this. And that’s all I need. The ashtray, the remote control, the paddle game, this magazine and the chair.

@Walter L. Stafford- Yeah, but as fantasies go, it's a great one!

@TrickyRicky- I wonder if Hillary and Chelsea will generate confusion by calling their biography of Bill "Coming Attractions."

@rickn8or- I don't doubt that Hillary admired the scheme behind "The Producers," and may be trying to re-enact it.

@John the Econ- I agree that there's little new theatrical content out there to appeal to folks such as ourselves. Which is why, when I recently needed to renegotiate my cable TV package, I slashed every "premium" movie channel but insisted on keeping Turner Classic Movies.

You're right that Chelsea is the poster child for not only white privilege but wealth privilege. And for anyone who didn't immediately get it (like Mrs. J), my movie description about the young woman skimming funds from dysentery victims was referring to Chelsea. At the Clinton Foundation, dysentery and diarrhea were her specialty areas. No, really!

As far as Bill goes, I think he was in talks to make a movie with Stormy Daniels, but negotiations fell apart when the deal's broker, Michael Avenatti, was indicted.

@Colby Muenster- I like your Capital Hillbillies idea. I can just see Granny Hillary laughing as she pushes an enemy wearing see-ment shoes into the see-ment pond.

Regarding Netflix, I really like the service but I've about had it with their sucking up to the Obamas and creating Left wing content.

@Anonymous- That was a close call!

@Joseph ET- Now THAT'S a worthwhile holiday!

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Fred Ciampi- DO fire up those stills! On this day, of all days, people should be able to enjoy the really fresh stuff rather than shine that's been sitting around for days.

Stan da Man said...

Stilt - Bill and Stormy >> working titles of "Naked Truth" and 'Blown Away'
"Close but No Cigar" didn't make the cut...

Anonymous said...

It wasn't a "rowing" scholarship ... but it rhymed with rowing.

cintaroja said...

A remake of "High School Madness?"

John the Econ said...

@Colby Muenster, the "Capitol Hillbillies" is something I definitely would watch.

@Stilton, we dropped cable TV nearly 5 years ago for streaming and never looked back. (Got tired of paying for hundreds of channels of crap, and the idea that we were directly subsidizing the Kardashians and Honey Boo Boo even though we never watched their insipid shows) TCM is one of the few channels we currently don't have access to and do miss.

Chelsea Clinton: Don't you wish somebody could take her aside and tell her, "Hon, you're an idiot. Nobody cares what you think. But you are an incredibly fortunate idiot. Do yourself and the country a favor and just disappear into the background noise of society and enjoy your tens-of-millions of unearned dollars and stop trying to convince people that you are anything more than what you are or that you actually earned anything you have. Take your winnings and go. We really don't need you."

Bill & Stormy: It's my understanding that Bill only likes-em young, and Stormy's getting a little long in the tooth.

Unrelated - More proof that Trump Derangement Syndrome is in fact mental illness:

Woman Told Cops She Stabbed Herself Three Times Because, "I'm Tired Of Living In Trump's Country"

When asked what was wrong, the woman lifted her shirt to reveal “three stab wounds on [her] stomach that were still bleeding.” She then told the patrolman she had “stabbed herself because she does not want to live in Trump’s country.”

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Stan da Man- How about "Sax Maniacs?"

@Anonymous- Chelsea does mowing?! I thought that was a job Americans wouldn't do anymore. (Kidding, I knew what you meant!)

@citaroja- Sounds entertaining to me!

@John the Econ- Regarding cable TV, I really only need about 4 channels. No idea what's happening on those other hundred channels and don't care. And we watch a lot of Amazon Prime and Netflix streaming shows.

Regarding Chelsea, YES I wish someone would speak to her in those very words. But being raised by megalomaniacs, it's not surprising that she thinks she's the chosen one.

Bill & Stormy: Sure, she's getting older...but he can still close his eyes and think of the Olsen twins.

Woman stabs self: Frankly, I applaud her initiative and hope it spreads.

John the Econ said...

@Stilton, remember Hillary's "Politics of Meaning" from the '90s, where in middle age she suddenly came to the realization that all people, even those who clean her toilets deserve dignity and respect as human beings? This was such a revelation to her that she had to lecture us about it because since she and Bill were the "woke" ones among us, she assumed that none of us were aware of something that most of us were taught shortly after becoming toddlers. This is the world that Chelsea grew up in. Considering the density of the bubble she lives in, it's entirely possible that she actually believes that she's the chosen one.

Anonymous said...

And still more...
Not Home Alone (Documentary) - how Los Angeles' elite helped solve the homeless crisis by moving people en masse to the McMansions that aren't selling despite repeated price cuts.

High Noon (Western) - the law finally catches up with a gang of accomplished crooks, and the lady whose career started in Little Rock is sentenced to spend a long time smashing big rocks into little rocks.

Navyvet said...

Here's the scam this time. Swillery and her donkey will con a few saps to invest heavily in some bullshit made up movie which has only a title and no screenplay. Then they will take the money and slither away. The saps will look dismayed and say, "Damn! She got me again."