Controversy erupted Sunday when the results of the Super Bowl, which was widely expected to be over and done with by now, were declared illegitimate by the San Francisco 49ers.
“Our team presented an unbeatable case for the offense,” sniffed 49ers quarterback Jimmy Garoppolo, “and the defense presented by the Chiefs was completely meaningless and, frankly, an insult to the good people watching these historic proceedings on television."
"But what really did us in," Garoppolo continued, "Was the Chiefs' insistence that the game be decided with only our standard number of players on the field when we, and the American people, wanted to call additional players onto the field to help make our case for victory!”
Chiefs' quarterback Patrick Mahomes said that the case for letting the opposing team call for additional players on the field was unnecessary and a waste of everyone’s time. “Look, everyone already knew what the outcome would be,” stated Mahomes. “Why stretch things out with additional players who have absolutely nothing new to offer?”
Further tainting the results were accusations of misconduct by one referee. “That whistleblower was totally on their side,” accused Mahomes, “but Garoppolo claims he doesn’t know who the whistleblower is and never even met him! Give me a (bleep)-ing break.”
|There is no joy in San Francisco.|