Monday, March 23, 2020

Tick Tock Tic-Tacs

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, coronavirus, tic-tacs

The cartoon above represents the kind of wild, out-of-the-box ideas that ordinary Americans can come up with during these trying times to help make sure that our investment in Tic-Tacs stock doesn't tank any further.

Moreover, using Tic-Tacs can improve what few social interactions we have left...

donners, donner party, quarantine, self-isolation, coronavirus, covid-19, jokes, repopulate, sex

On a less comical note, we'd like to call your attention to a valuable resource from a singularly good source of information we've been paying attention to: the Peak Prosperity Home Lockdown Survival Guide.

Note that to read the whole report (which contains many useful links) you need to sign up for an account, but it's easy-peasy and doesn't cost anything. Or if you prefer to get your information in an audio/video way, here's an overall review of the survival guide from Peak Prosperity's excellent Youtube channel:

Okay, enough of that for now. We'll close today by sharing a video which we much enjoyed (granted, we have unusual tastes). What if all of the little white lies that parents tell their children in order to make them behave turned out to be true...?


JustaJeepGuy said...

I had to watch the "Making Of" video for that short. I hadn't picked up on the "If you stay in the bath too long you"ll turn into a prune" so I couldn't quite tell what was wrong with that guy. Also a "seed" being called a "pip" in England took me a second to get. Good story though.

M. Mitchell Marmel said...

Just plain tic-tac-y, Stilt! ;-) In any event, I'm more of a Werther's Original man, myself.

An entire planet populated by Donners. You know, that WOULD explain a few things.

I'll pass on the "Survival Guide". As a confirmed self-quarantiner anyway, I figure I'm an expert on the subject already. :)

Will have to sit down and view "Cautionary Tales" later, though, looks to be face-freezing good! :D

Fritzchen said...

As the Donners prove, the family that preys together, slays together.

Rod said...

Not in the mood for prepper & sales this early AM; maybe later. But thanks; well-intended.

Church tried live-streaming a service with not over ten worship leaders, all properly separated in an empty sanctuary. But that live-stream system had tech problems & died.

I've already called Personal Care Physician's office to see what they will do IF I get sick and call them as directed. The answer is not a damned thing. That's a true fact.

We're retired but have no worries about the financial market nor healthcare; no sir, not one bit. Because politicians from President to Mayor just told us yesterday (on Sunday even) that income replacement checks for everyone would soon be coming. All we will need to do is disinfect them and we're good. They might even arrive before the COVID19 tests.

CAN YA'LL BELIEVE THE EXTENT OF ALL THIS BULLSHIT ? I'm trying to learn sign language by closely watching that person, while they keep on blowing gas.

REM1875 said...

While I am sure some may turn to incest during the shut in phase I believe for most just meeting members of their own family will be a bigger shock ...... Like finding out you have a brother living in the same home for the past ten years who you vaguely remember from late in the last century, say may 1998....... Catching up on weddings, funeral, divorces, births, jobs that we have missed in the last few self absorbed decades? Surprises like new nephews and nieces.... new sons and daughters ..... and grand-kids. Pretty sure meeting the wife or husband will be the highlight these new opportunities. That should take a few beers and occupy a few commercial during marathon TV viewing.

Pretty sure the demonRats will be issuing their ever popular Holiday advice about confronting relatives about their wrongheaded political beliefs..... Posting gun free zone signs around the home will only encourage them ..... Pay close attention to liberal relatives who none will miss and start think about just how long they will take in the smoker or on the grill should the emergency last too long.......... The Donners would approve ......

Pay close attention to new business opportunities ......For instance I am going to combine exercise and business by walking around the neighborhood pushing my cart while ringing a bell and shouting "Bring out your dead !!!" ......... Pretty sure such an unselfish civic minded duty will bring plenty of recognition !!! Probably meet all sorts of people, just as long as we keep our distance .......

I think I may actual enjoy this time period ???

Jim Irre said...

For this week, wife and I will be self-quarantined in our travel trailer at an undisclosed state park in Virginia. No tv and barely any phone service.

Anonymous said...

I got no response from the Peak Prosperity site. I gave them all my personal info. My first born is living outside the home so I can't offer that. Is there something special I need to do like goat sacrifice or maybe just a chicken to get a response?

NaCly Dog said...

Stilton Jarlsberg

Thank you for replenishing the National Humor Depository. Stay safe. We will need your skills in the days ahead.

I'm practicing social distancing at home. But enough's enough. Let Me In The House!

Duke of URL VFM#391 said...

That video was very boring. I actually watched it all the way through, because I wondered what was the point. The only thing good I can say about it is that the actors spoke clearly and understandably. None of it made any sense; I presume that's why you had to post sort-of-explanatory notes at the end, although they're obscure - I mean, what is supposed to be a "curse" about eating bread?

Bobo the Hobo said...

With grocery shelves stripped of bread, it’s amazing how few people comment on their gluten allergies

Pat Cummings said...

A buddy in a critical services industry tells me that their sales of VPN services are through the roof, what with people trying to work from home while their kiddies are doing online schooling. A local cabling company is going ahead full-steam to install fiber cable in our end of town, and they have also had amazing numbers of installment orders as people discover how the traditional cable or satellite service slows with the vastly increased demand. (And how I wish they'd made it to our place before now!)

OTOH, spouse and I are even more self-isolated now, with both of us having a dry cough. While I doubt it's Wuhan Fru, I don't feel comfortable going out and about until our digital thermometer arrives from Amazon. (It's been delayed twice now—I hope it isn't coming from China...)

@M. Mitchell Marmel: I don't think Werthers would suit the pupose Stilton proposed. Butterscotch is so subtle a scent, you can get a lot closer than 6 feet before it is perceived!

@Bobo the Hobo: My guess would be that more people are eating rice and potatoes for starch with bread in "short supply." Meanwhile, as long as they are still on shelves, I continue to be amused by "gluten free" labels on vegetables, cooking oil, potato chip bags, and hand lotion. No kidding!

TrickyRicky said...

Thanks for helping us all keep our sense of humor during these crazy and confusing days. May we all come out the other side of this Twilight Zone episode none the worse for wear.

American Cowboy said...

I know "men" are not supposed to, but many decades ago my parents taught me to be self-sufficient to the extent possible, and so bread shelves in grocery stores are something that I have very little use for personally. I have yeast, flour, water, and a little milk, and homemade bread is something I believe anyone can master if one is willing to take the time, and it would seem that time is something all of us will have plenty of for the near future.

While I am not what may be termed a prepper, I am a person who doesn't like lots of people or towns so I have plenty set aside, and even enough to share with others if the need arises.

We WILL get through this if we can avoid letting ourselves be drawn into the almost hysterical panic that the talking heads seem to want to foment.

M. Mitchell Marmel said...

A little heartwarming note: I left a note on Nextdoor enquiring if anyone knew any stores in the area with rice for sale before I went out looking. Got several good leads, and one nice lady one block over (a perfect stranger in every sense of the word!) offered some of hers!

American Cowboy is right. We WILL get through this!

Edam Wensleydale said...

Democrats block coronavirus relief bill in Senate

Just when you think Schumer and Company can't POSSIBLY get any scummier, they say "Hold mah beer!"


Rod said...

FYI: While under stay-at-home request I completed & submitted the 2020 Census form for us. Simple, short, 11 min, on-line taking my time. Not so nosey after all. Final screen "Save / Print" button did nothing; but I screen-captured confirmation #, saved a file & printed.

NVRick said...

About that census survey, the question of race was proudly answered: Other--American.
btw, we were sent two census forms. One was addressed to "(name of street)". The other was addressed to S (name of street).
It said I had to fill them out and I didn't want to disappoint.
Hopefully this will increase the federal funding sent to our semi-rural town.

Rod said...

Everyone's tired; Everyone's stressed. Depending a lot upon where you live someone might have become confused and thought they were sending Voter Registration forms.

Old Cannonballs said...

Here in California, where the governor has imposed a sort of martial law in a velvet glove (for now), quite a few businesses have gone under; the death rate of businesses from SARS-CoV-2 is much higher than for humans or pets.

Anyone willing to take a hard look at the entire picture is going to find a lot of evidence supporting the very real possibility that the media are deliberately crippling as many people as possible with fear, that the true mortality rate is similar to and possibly less than the seasonal flu, and that the virus was deliberately released, probably by Red China working under the auspices of our good friends at the New World Order, and then blown out of proportion to use it as a pretext to collapse the world economy and put all the world's means of production into the hands of governments, transnational banks, and huge multi-national corporations. The whole world (except for China, Cuba, Venezuela and a few other like-minded countries) is essentially under lockdown. The #%$@&*^!!s are in the process of rolling out the enslavement of the world, and this is how they are doing it.

Look up Event 201. It was conducted in New York about a month or two before the first recorded cases of covid-19 and was sponsored by the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation, the World Economic Forum and Johns Hopkins. All the world's major players got together and worked out how they would coordinate with each other when dealing with an imaginary coronavirus that attacked the respiratory system and was being spread worldwide from "South America." They acknowledged publicly that what they "had to do" would crash the world economy, but that the only way to deal with it would be to essentially impose martial law, keep everyone in lockdown, and "solve" the problems thereby created through the imposition of globalism -- a defect one world government.

Old Cannonballs said...

Blankety blank auto-"correct"... meant a de facto one world government.

M. Mitchell Marmel said...

I think it's accurate either way.

Dan said...

The word goes over the airways and cable programs:
We need hospital beds!
We need respirators/ventilators!
We need masks!
We need face/eye shields!
We need x, y, z.!

OK, how many do you have now?
How many are not in use?
How many in your warehouses?
How many have you ordered that are in the pipeline?

Seems that there are a lot of politicians claiming they need stuff, but are not indicating how badly they need that stuff. Neither are they saying how much they have now or what unused capacity they have now.

Future requirements are based on what prediction models?

DougM said...

'Fraid y'missed it, Stilt:
Tic-Tac tactics

capt fast said...

should people take the time to read between the lines of the whole home lockdown scenario and then read what is available about KungFlu and it's lethality and ability to walk thru solid walls-Heh-you would come to the conclusion that home lockdown is really all about dying comfortably.
retired and in the ultimate high risk group, I really don't care what is happening. as for all the democrat governors taking on powers not enumerated in their state constitutions, what did you expect. dems heads are exploding left and right with their desire to not let this disaster go to waste. Stalin would be proud of them. just look at the bullshit Nancy put into the relief bill she wants to send to the senate. what is the two trillion dollars for? well, hell son, you'll have to vote for it to find out.

JustaJeepGuy said...

The MSM's angle on the Wuhan flu is simply the latest coup attempt to take down President Trump. Nothing more, nothing less. Nothing would be said if the president were a Demo_Rat. If Barack Hussein were still president and did exactly what President Trump is doing, the MSM would be praising the exact same response to the heavens. How I loathe the Demo_Rats!

JustaJeepGuy said...

That was supposed to read "Nothing BAD would be said if the president were a Demo_Rat". Speedy fingers, pokey brain...

Joseph ET said...

Reading through postings of a local Facebook Chit Chat group is very entertaining. Seems most of them are totally hysterical and paranoid over this virus. One saw three teens smoking a joint. “THEY WERE SHARING IT!” “OMG, OMG!”
Another said; “As she was getting out of the car, some others kids in her complex were outside playing and came over to her kid to invite him into the game.” “OMG, OMG!” “My kid has an underlining condition and for sure will die if he gets this virus.” If anyone try’s to calm them down the get totally brutal in their remarks and they pile on too. A local Barber Shop was trying to stay open. They said: “They’re going to pass the virus around, it will go all over the place.” “What’s essential about a haircut?”
I think our government will release everyone to resume normal actives very soon. Our economy will not survive this level of inactivity long and they know it. It will be interesting to see how they unwind the panic they started.

Elbarto said...

President Trump calls for calm; Democrats call for panic.

Pat Cummings said...

I'll repeat a great line from last week: Pandemic or Dem-panic?

It is essential to your health not to panic—but do take a reasoned approach to avoiding infection. Meanwhile, keep your eyes open; the Demns are handing out 2020 campaign talking points right and left! (Okay, mostly left...)

Some good things have already come out of this pandemic, actually. Transparency from the White House shows mostly good, reasoned response; semi-transparency from the House nevertheless reveals the ghastly truth about a Demn-led body.

We can only hope that a line-item veto might be the eventual result of this stalemate over the "relief aid" collapse. (Wouldn't that be nice? Visualize Trump signing the relief bill after crossing through the worst no-health, non-recovery elements of the existing bill? How does $600M for the National Endowment for the arts help recovery from the Wuhan Fru shutdown? How can imposing carbon restrictions on airlines assist in that industry's recovery?)

Wish me luck. I have to go out today and Thursday for essential shopping: today for groceries and medicine, Thursday for the one day this month that Culvers has Devils Food Cake Frozen Custard. I'll be buying as many pints of it as they'll allow (or as many as I have room for in the crowded freezer.)

Not that I'm hoarding, or anything... It's critical to my sanity, and essential for my spouse's continued tolerance of my binge-watching TV movies, NewsMax broadcasts, and CuriosityStream documentaries.

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@JustaJeepGuy- Until the end credits, the video doesn't quite make it clear that these are adults who, as kids, didn't listen to their parents' warnings. Still, a nice little story, great makeup, and just enough darkness to be tasty.

@M. Mitchell Marmel- One of life's simple pleasures is to put a Werther's Original in your mouth while drinking coffee. Don't doubt me on this. I haven't tried it with scotch yet, but the day is still young.

@Fritzchen- That belongs on a needlepoint design!

@Rod- I won't be going overboard on prepper stuff here (it's not like it's hard to find). I just thought that was a good "one stop shop" link for any who might be interested. Rather, I'm going to keep trying to lighten the mood a bit - I think that's better for all of us!

@REM1875- I like your business idea! And in the same spirit, I'm tempted to create a t-shirt saying "I don't want to go on the cart - I'm happeeee...!"

@Jim Irre- That actually sounds wonderful. This is a good time for the healing properties of scenery!

@Anonymous- Well that's odd. When I signed up, I didn't need to give any personal info or buy anything. I think you can sign up as a "member" for free, while they have a "premier" tier that costs money. It sounds like their system may just be a bit screwy - sorry!

@NaCly Dog- I'm going to be trying to emphasize the funny for however long we're in this. Even though it's important, I've had it up to here (hand lofted above my head) with coronavirus news. Yes, we need to hear it, but no, I don't need to overemphasize that here.

@Duke of URL VFM#391- Mrs. J didn't much care for the video either, so I guess it's pretty hit and miss. I don't know the deal with bread crusts either, but assume it's another little white lie that parents tell in England. If I share any other videos, I'll try to make sure they're not quite this obscure.

@Bobo the Hobo- Every dark cloud has a silver lining.

@Pat Cummings- Good luck with that dry cough, especially since both of you have it at the same time. And good on you for being socially responsible enough not to go anywhere until you've figured it out.

@TrickRicky- Truth be told, the trickiest thing for me right now is figuring out the right tone for Johnny Optimism cartoons. I've kinda sorta acknowledged the current situation, but need to keep things focused on the individual characters and their usual eccentricities. Regarding reality, we WILL get to the other side of this, but I think it will be different than it used to be. That will have downsides and upsides, but life in our new normal will still be better than anywhere else in the world, and all of history.

@American Cowboy- Hey, there's nothing unmanly about knowing how to cook! Or in this case, bake. The pleasures of fresh, hot bread can hardly be overstated. And I completely agree that panic has no place in the national dialogue or mindset right now. I don't even want to talk politics because I think it's important to turn the heat down on everything right now and chill a bit.

@M. Mitchell Marmel- As Mr. Rogers said, when scary things are happening then look at all the helpers. Situations like this bring out the best in a lot of people, and that's what tells me that however rough the ride, we're going to be okay.

@Edam Wensleydale- I haven't written Wednesday blog post yet, and am debating whether or not to talk about the Democrats' obscene cash grab in a time of crisis. I think I may mention it, but I don't want to dwell on it. It's depressing and, sadly, it's not exactly "news."

@Rod- I'm so bored I might fill out the census again.

Colby Muenster said...

I just read a (most likely partial) list of the shit that Pelosi et al stuffed into the already monstrous stimulus bill. Sorry Nan, bailing out the friggin post office, subsidizing solar panels, or jamming early voting down taxpayer's throats is NOT going to help families that can't buy food or pay their mortgages. The more I read, the more angry I got.

I've not heard the latest on the stimulus, but it seems inevitable to happen, so I pray it ONLY contains help for the regular folks, not unions, politicians, and tree hugging fanatics.

I hope Pelosi somehow pays bigtime for her shenanigans in some way, shape or form.

@Pat Cummings,
Line item veto would be wonderful right now, but eventually there will be (shudder) another Democrat president, and it just might be somebody with the same moral compass as Nan Pelosi or the same political views as Bernie. A two edged sword that might be.

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Old Cannonballs- It's hard to know these days what was "planning" and what was "plotting." I'm not a big conspiracy guy, but neither do I completely discount the possibility.

@M. Mitchell Marmel- True that.

@Dan- Right now, some numbers are being pulled, warm and toasty, out of peoples' asses. Others, like the expected number of medical supplies needed, can actually be calculated based on what's been learned from other diseases and the rate of spread of this one. As always, I reserve the right to be wrong.

@DougM- DAMN! That's brilliant! Now I'm going to be sulking all day...

@capt fast- I agree that there's no lack of nonsense out there related to self-isolating at home, and further agree that the Dems aren't seeing this as an emergency but rather as an opportunity - likely the biggest they've ever dreamed of. Maggots.

@JustaJeepGuy- There's no question in my mind that if Barry was president right now and doing exactly what Trump has done, the media would be shouting accolades and throwing rose petals into the air wherever that jug-eared asshole walked. Which reminds me, yesterday Barry tweeted about how wonderful Obamacare is, and how awful that Trump would be threatening it. Note to Barry: Obamacare isn't doing jack shit to help this situation.

@Joseph ET- Trump is clearly signaling that he wants normal activities to resume sooner rather than later, and there's a very legitimate debate to be had about balancing health needs with keeping the country going. I'm guessing that a decision will be made to accept a certain amount of "burn through" deaths (and not a small number) in order to get things moving again. It's sort of a Sophie's Choice moment.

@jpb252- Succinctly put.

@Pat Cummings- Wow, a line-item veto sounds very sweet right now! And speaking of sweet, Attorney General Barr has said the government is going to be looking for hoarders, although he didn't specifically mention Devils Food Cake Frozen Custard. Which, by the way, sounds awesome!

Rod said...

I meant to say earlier on that video I didn't get some of the damming parental lies when I should have. Prune man and Pulled mouth, pretty easy. Might watch it again but I'm pretty sure they missed the big one in my youth: Cross your eyes & they will stick. Other than that, Tooth Fairy & Santa Claus for a while there, Mom & Dad were straight with me.

I'm thinking Writers/Producers are thin-skinned or should mind their own business... but this stuff wins awards now. The most obvious morale was: Go to meetings; you might get lucky"

DougM said...

Glad that, once in a great while, this ol' retired AF guy
has the cultural background to entertain a saintly healer
and master of the 3-panel joke

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Rod- And let's not forget the guy who went blind from, well, over indulgence. I laughed at the way he stroked his white cane. Then again, I'm not entirely well.

@DougM- You're able to entertain me every time you post (here and at Sondrakistan)! It's not at all unusual for me to read your stuff and think "Dang, I wish I'd thought of that!"

Pat Cummings said...

Oh, yeah, Stilton, it's a good thing all my purchases right now are available from the drive-through!

It would be worth the fine for hoarding to get pints of dark-chocolate custard mixed with devils food cake cubes and dark chocolate bits, all frozen and scooped into pints. When I first encountered the Culvers Frozen Custard, I wasn't sure what the big deal was—until they had their Flavor of the Day set to this treat. Then for a while, I couldn't see why anyone would eat it hard-frozen rather than fresh, firmly frozen and melting.

But remember Fudgsicles? When you were young, with a Fudgsicle in your fist, it was transportive! They tasted like nothing else in the world, even other chocolate things. Now they're flat and bland, but you can get that same taste again from this frozen custard flavor, just by leaving it in the freezer until it's hard. It only takes a few hard-scraped spoonsfull to satisfy, too!

Yeah, I'm addicted. G

Rod said...

2 trillion in instant appropriations. Election year. Should be enough to suit all Politicians; but somehow I doubt this will be the end of it. Plus I think there's also been ~4 trillion already moved about in other manipulations. Maybe THIS is what the entire panic is all about.

With a couple of key issues addressed here; I have to self-isolate myself to another place, alone, for a day or two to get some things done. Y'all be safe and keep laughing.

JustaJeepGuy said...

I have a feeling the DNC is privately sorry (and maybe not that privately) that Wuhan flu hasn't killed more people. They have been expecting more Republicans to die from it, and it would lead to a successful conclusion to their latest coup attempt--or so they think. Yes, I do believe the worst of the Demo_Rats. So sue me.