By now, everyone has heard about the Netflix film "Cuties," which attempts to answer the burning societal question "can an 11-year-old Muslim girl find happiness by turning her back on family, joining a gang of misfit young girls, learning to twerk, and then grinding her pubic region on the floor in front of an audience while pretending to give a handjob?"
And the answer is no - it doesn't make her happy, although it does teach her how to jump higher than she could before when playing jump rope. No, really.
Many people are outraged that the filmmakers had actual 11-year-old actresses doing things that, in the words of prestigious film critic Mrs. J, "make you want to puke." But Netflix (under the guidance of luminaries like Barack and Michelle Obama) is defending the film by pointing out that its real message is that sexualizing pre-teen children for media consumption leads to nothing good for those girls if you don't count them getting into the movie business. Where, if they act quickly, they might catch the attention of Roman Polanski.
Seriously, the film is a disjointed mess of largely unconnected and nonsensical scenes, interspersed with wildly inappropriate sexual content (at one point, the lead character goes into a frenzied pelvic-grinding, floor-humping trance state from which she can't be awakened...much to the dismay of a visiting imam).
Whether or not this is child pornography is a subject for the courts. But it's unquestionably bad for kids and bad for what little remains of our culture. And we can't wait to hear the highly-paid Obamas say so.
The scientists involved have based their speculation on the discovery of phosphine gas in the atmosphere of Venus. A gas which is usually associated only with microbial activity (think "itty bitty farts") or human industrial activity (think much larger farts and unions).
Should further research prove definitively that there is life on Venus, the next step will involve bringing a sample of the bio-organism back to Earth to study in a high-security site with impeccable containment capabilities and controls. Assuming, of course, that Joe Biden isn't still using it to broadcast from.